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Mom Regrets

Good Morning I55 Sisters:

My husband and I had the privilege this past weekend of attending a “Weekend to Remember” conference put on by Family Life Ministries. It was an excellent time of renewing our covenant commitment to one another and learning about the many resources that are available from Dennis Rainey and the Family Life team, headquartered in Little Rock, Arkansas. We came away with a firm belief that these guys know what they are doing, and that God is pleased with their efforts and is certainly blessing them.

Everything that is presented at this conference is both Biblically based and highly practical and engaging. There are sessions for newly engaged couples as well as the long-married, like us, and everyone in between. We laughed, and we cried, and we left with much to contemplate and work on in our own marriage. Now, having gone through thirty-five years with this husband of mine, knowing that we have weathered many storms together, I was confident that there were things that we would feel like we were, in fact, doing right. I was also sure, as in any close-knit relationship, that there were still things to learn about each other and work to make right, and both were true.

There was a section in the three-day seminar that I was really not looking forward to, and that was the Mom discussions. All four of our children are grown, or nearly so, and I many times feel like I could have done so much better with my children when they were all here under our roof. Why was I so fussy over insignificant things? Why did I, so often, discipline them in anger and not wait to cool off before I tackled difficulties? Why did I spend so much time insisting that we get the house cleaned up when maybe playing a game or chasing the kids in the yard would have been more worthwhile in the long run? (Our house continues to need cleaning, but the children are here no more . . . !)

My heart really started to bend down under the weight of what I might have done, but did not do well. I looked at the younger women in the room and thought, “Wake up! Appreciate the time you have with your children! Don’t let these years slip away without focusing on the important things in life!” But that is so much easier said than done when the clothes pile up and the dishes are not done and it seems like potty training will never be a reality in my house.

Then it hit me. God never expected that I would be a perfect Mom. Where in Scripture is that written??? The idea that I would get everything right all the time, every time is a myth, and, really, a lie straight from the pit of hell to my heart. STOP!

Father, bring to my mind healing and forgiveness and let my heart rest from this agony of unrealistic expectation. Do our children know that we love them? Yes. Do they know that we are seeking to follow after You, Father, and relying on You to guide our little family in the right way? Yes. Do they know that we spend time each day in prayer, for each other, for each of them, and for the needs of others? Yes. Have we tried to model in our own lives what we expect from our children? Yes. Have we done any of this perfectly well? No.

Do our children understand from us that this life is a process, directed by Your Holy Spirit, Father, and that each of us is learning and growing as long as we have breath in us? Yes. Have our children seen us model a seeking of forgiveness when we have wronged them or wronged others? Yes.

Father God, may I remember that my priorities, wherever I am on the continuum of life, are that I seek Your face first, that I honor my husband, that I then love and care for my children, and that, lastly, I meet the needs, as I am able, of others and work diligently at whatever my hand finds to do. May my communication with You, Father, be as continuous as I can make it and the first thing I think of to do when trouble finds me or any of my children.

May the Father bring to your mind this day the things that you have done, my sister, to honor Him in your home and with your children. May He give you and me the strength to change our attitudes toward this life and our role as Moms in it, wherever change needs to come, and may He give us peace for the future as we continue to pray for these precious sons and daughters of ours and thank Him for all He is going to do in their lives.

Proverbs outlines for us a wise woman of faith and integrity:

“Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

‘Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excellest them all.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.”

(Proverbs 31: 25 – 31)

In Him,

Dianne

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