What makes a good focused paragraph - Highline College
What makes a good focused paragraph?
Read the following three paragraphs and discuss in your group:
• Which paragraph had the best focus (provides a clear main point and sticks to it)?
• Which paragraph contains the best support (details that develop and expand the main point)?
• Which paragraph seems to be organized in the best order?
A. I will always remember my friend Juan’s room. First, it was the messiest room that I have every seen. There were dictionaries, novels, comic books, and newspapers scattered everywhere. His bed was never made; in fact, you couldn’t see the bed because it was piled high with legos, superhero action figures, matchbox cars, and old donuts. Despite the messiness of his room, he had this fishtank that he kept really clean. He really loved those fish, I guess because he kept the fish way above the mess of the room in a large glass tank. The sound of the gentle bubbles was really soothing. The fish were bright purple, pink and gold, the water was always crystal clear. He spent all of his allowance on “toys” for the fish: little castles and fake divers that rested against the bright blue rocks on the bottom.
B. Solana has always wanted to work in broadcast journalism. Since she was a child, she stood in front of the mirror and practiced giving news reports on her siblings’ fights. She enjoys taking writing classes because she feels it will prepare her for her career. As she told me, “Beginning reporters have to write and edit their own stories, so writing is a big part of what I’ll have to do.” When she took Writing 91 last year, she wrote a story about a little boy she met on a missionary trip, and it was eventually published in a local newspaper. She gave copies of her article to all of her teachers and friends. When she was around ten years old, she started watching the news with her parents. There was one female newscaster, Wanda Smith, whom she idolized.
C. I remember in the school where I was a student, nobody liked the algebra teacher Mr. Smith. His course was hard, and he treated all the students in the class in a very mean way. Many of my friends were scared. All the students struggled.
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