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This identity project has really made me step out of my comfort zone and go back to a place that I wanted to forget about, which is memory lane. Memories that I wish I could forget about and wish that would have never happened. Memories that I have that have hurt people close to me as well as hurt me. But without all of these experiences that I have gone through I wouldn’t be the person that I am today. I recently moved back to my mom’s house where I am still unpacking boxes. The boxes that still remain full are the boxes that contain my most treasured memories as well as those not so happy memories that have shaped me into the person that I have become.(So I was supposed to do my presentation in class last Thursday and I was going to have 3 different boxes with the items below in them, the boxes were going to be inside each other, so pretend I am pulling these items out of a box! ) First box-family/personal:This is the last family picture that I will ever have of us all together. This photo was taken in 2003 a month before my parents told us about the divorce. Looking at this picture now knowing that this is the last picture that I will ever have with all of them saddens me. It brings back memories of my family that I wish I still could have. If only I would have known the real intentions of this photo. My parents knew they were splitting and wanted just one more picture. To this day when I walk by this picture it brings me a lot of anger towards my parents for not telling us sooner. This is a picture of my family now. After my parent’s divorce my dad walked out on us. He moved to Australia to be with his girlfriend (now wife). We don’t talk much, and when we do its just “how are you”, or “how’s school”, he doesn’t really know me and he never will. He recently moved to Florida with his wife and they want to start their own family. The pain I felt when he told me that he wanted to adopt a child is indescribable. How the hell can you possibly want another child when you f@*ked up with the four that you have already? I can’t let these feelings go, it has made our relationship so much worse. I finally told myself I need to stop caring and beating myself up about not having a father figure in my life. This is a picture of my father and his wife. So many different thoughts run in my head when I look at this, this picture I would rather keep boxed up forever. It’s a picture of the women who took my father from me, it’s the women who broke my family up, it’s the women who changed my life. I hurt when I see this picture, it just doesn’t seem right. This is a picture of my brother Joseph. When he was 15 he was diagnosed with Chron’s disease. This disease has caused my brother to have many ups and downs in his life that have had a huge impact on our family. About a year ago he got very very sick; he lost a lot of blood and ended up in the hospital and needed 2 blood transfusions. This experience really brought our family closer, we all realized how important the little things are in life and much we need each other. That feeling slowly faded, our family never seems to stay strong. Metz says: “Center your learning in the Tao, and difficulties will have no power. Not that there won’t be difficulties, but you’ll be able to step out of their way. Give difficulties nothing to confront, and they will disappear by themselves.” (1994, pg. 121)Metz says: “First, realize that you are ignorant; then, you can begin to know. The student is his own healer. When he knows that he does not know, then he is able to learn.” (1994, pg. 143) Second box-community/educational:I can’t even count the number of tickets that I got in high school, it’s very sad. From speeding tickets, to wreck less driving, to DUI, to restraining orders, to MIP’s, my life was tumbling down and I couldn’t control it. It was one thing after another until I ended up in juvenile detention. My life suddenly stopped as I was lying on the cell bed, where the hell was I? What am I doing? I am better than this. I couldn’t even believe it. I have disappointed everyone around me, my friends, and my family. It was one of the hardest times of my life; my mom didn’t know what to do with me. Finally she cracked and put me on the At Risk Youth (ARY) program. I couldn’t believe it, I am 16 years old with a probation officer, I finally hit rock bottom. When I look at this sash I think about all the hell my mom went through to get me to graduate from high school. I remember finding out the day before graduation that I was able to walk. I didn’t care about school, I wanted to do my own thing, I liked to go out and party every night. I never came home and started getting in trouble. I got suspended multiple times and was even kicked out of one of my classes. I was told many times if I didn’t clean up my act I wouldn’t graduate, I didn’t care though. I wanted to have fun; I didn’t think it was important. I remember my mom crying to the principal bagging her to give me a chance; she told me that I had one last chance to show that I wanted to graduate. Looking back I realize how messed up my life would be if I didn’t get my diploma, I would be doing nothing with my life. I am so thankful that my principal and mom stuck by me. My Whatcom diploma! It was the beginning of the cleanup of my life. Whatcom was a choice, I was never forced to do it. I loved it! For once I was doing something for me, something to help better me. I was finally going somewhere in life, and this diploma led me to greater things, a better job and to Western. It was the perfect start. I never pictured myself going to Western; in fact I never pictured myself going to college. Having this t-shirt brings such joy to me. I feel so accomplished and I feel like I can finally start making a big difference. I don’t have very many memories of Western yet but I am so excited to see what it has in store for me. I am just so happy that I have gotten this far. This coloring book is from my work. I’ve worked with children for the last 5 and half years and finally found my passion. I want to help them and their families. Sometimes I feel like my job is the only thing that keeps me sane, I feel so good going to work knowing that I make a difference in those children’s lives. I am so happy that I found my calling. Briggs and Peat say: “As an idea, power is an important expression of the deep-seated human desire to have an impact on others and feel connected to them.” (1999, pg. 34)Third box-Global: Ahh…the adoption paperwork, oh how my emotions went crazy when my dad e-mailed me the “adult children reference form” for him to adopt a child. How did he really expect me to react? You can’t just one day pretend to call me because you “miss me” and throw in “oh, can you do me a favor?” Not going to happen. There is no way in hell I am filling these out, in fact these stupid papers can stay in the box with the stupid picture of him and his wife. One of my favorite memories is my Quincea?era, it’s a huge 15th birthday celebration for Hispanic girls. You get to wear this fancy dress and you receive all sorts of jewelry from your family. It’s a great time to have all of your family and friends around and celebrate the coming of “women hood”. I felt like a princess. I wish every birthday could be like it. This is the Venezuelan flag, it’s the home to my father’s side of the family. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, they all live down there and even though I may not see them or talk to them much I hold dearly all of the memories that I have with them. This flag brings tears to my eyes, knowing that I will never be as close with that side of my family as I wish I could be. We used to go every summer when my parents were married to go visit them, after the divorce I felt like I was cut off from everyone. I wish I could have them back. Yum, Paella! This is basically the best meal in the whole world! Both sides of my family are Hispanic, my mom’s side is Ecuadorian, and my dad’s Venezuelan and both of my grandparents always cook paella on big occasions. It’s the meal that gets everyone together. It is a rice seafood dish; it has clams, muscle, sausage, chicken, squid, shrimp, and a bunch of other foods! It’s really the most amazing thing ever! I can’t wait for Christmas when my grandmother makes it! Nemat says: “I tried not to think of happiness, of the way things used to be before the revolution, before terrible things happened, as if recalling the bright memories would make them fade like old pictures that are handled too many times.” (2007, pg. 121)You see, this identity project frustrated me, it made me cry, and it made me angry. When I have to think about my past and all of the horrible memories it makes me feel like a horrible person, I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without those memories but I just wish that I could go back in time and fix everything wrong I did. I want my parents to be proud of my high school years, not embarrassed, I want my family to be together; I want so much that isn’t possible and it hurts. Then I have to think about where I am today, my relationship with my mother is better than ever, I finally get along with my siblings and well as far as not having my dad that is something I am coming to accept. I just graduated at Whatcom with my Early Childhood Education degree, my AA degree, and my Paraprofessional Certificate; I have a great job, and only have 5 more quarters at Western (sounds better than 2 years!). Things are going great and I know that I wouldn’t be where I am today without all of the mistakes that I made, it’s what made me want to work with children and help them. I don’t ever want any child to feel the pain that I did when my parents split, I want to help them and their families. Reference PageBriggs, J., & Peat, D. (2000). Seven life lessons of chaos: Spiritual wisdom from the?science of change. New York,?NY: Harper.Metz, P. K. (1998).?The Tao of learning: Lao Tzu’s Tao te ching adapted for a new?age. Atlanta, GA: Humanics.Nemat, M. (2007). Prisonor of Tehran: one woman’s story of survival inside an Iranian prison. New York, NY: Marina Nemat. ................
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