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Yasmin: Coming out as Asexual I feel like I came out, like a billion times, technically. Well I’m asexual and I worked out that I had this absence of sexual and romantic attraction around the same time as everyone else I knew started to notice that they did have it but I didn’t realise there was a word for it until I was about 15. Kind of ended up having to try to explain asexuality to people without having the word so I feel like I probably came out like a billion times technically. Well the way coming outs always been like presented on TV and online it’s always kind of supposed to be like this one big moment. You’re gonna have to do it a lot which I think is something people don’t usually mention to people when they’re coming out. That this isn’t like a one-time big thing it’s gonna be something you’re gonna have to talk about a lot. People don’t know what asexuality is so it doesn’t get that like “oh right” reaction at the same time even though people don’t know what it is they still have a lot of opinions on it. You’ve done this so that can’t count or you haven’t done this so this doesn’t count or you’re so young you can’t possibly know and it was people’s constant reactions and trying to explain myself to me that made it more complicated. Going on YouTube and just like hearing what other asexual people had to say and hearing the similarities and their experiences and mine, it kind of confirmed to me that it must be the same thing. There’s often a pressure to feel like you have to be the one to make other people understand. Unless I feel like the person actually looking to be educated, I just leave them to it and continue what I’m doing. How other people react to it doesn’t change who you are or how you have to live. I actually remember having a ChildLine account on the website and I found that to be really helpful, it’s a great place to go if you need support either from a counsellor or just to talk to other people your own age about your experiences and their experiences. Amelia talks to Michael about being Asexual. MichaelHi, I’m Michael.Amelia Hi, I’m Amelia Michael And today we’re talking about asexuality. MichaelAsexuality is something that’s misunderstood by a lot of people so we’re here today to ask Amelia about what it is and what it means to peopleAmeliaIn really simple terms Asexuality is defined by not experiencing sexual attraction and sexual attraction is the desire to have sex with someone based on appearance or voice or any other of the many factors that affect your attraction, and asexual people don’t have that..MichaelBut they do have romantic relationships with people sometimes?Amelia Some people still have romantic relationships, some people still have sexual relationships, for a variety of reasons. No-one’s experience with asexuality is exactly the same. MichaelThere are lots of myths about asexuality, so I think maybe the question is, what isn’t it?Amelia It’s not the same as abstinence or celibacy because those are choices and being asexual isn’t a choice. It’s also not not being able to find a partner and it’s not anything to do with gender. MichaelSo, just because you don’t necessarily feel sexual attraction to someone that doesn’t mean you can’t also feel romantic attraction to someone?Amelia Just like we have heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, there is the same thing but with romantic orientation , so heteroromantic, homoromantic , biromantic, and these are very similar to like the sexual orientation versions but they are just about romantic feelings and who you’d want to date and have as a partner. There are also aromantic people, who are people who are people who don’t want necessarily to have a romantic relationship. I might they might still, for whatever reason, but it means that they don’t experience romantic attractionMichael So, we’ve talked about nobody’s experience necessarily being the same and so obviously there’s lots of variations, but we’ve got this thing called ace umbrella. Can you tell us a little bit more about what that is? Amelia So, asexuality like a lot of things to do with gender and sexuality, is something of a spectrum. Asexual is an identity on it’s own, but it’s also an umbrella term or, erm, like a spectrum term for a wider group who have similar experiences. There’s demisexuality and grey-asexuality or greysexuality, and these are both identities that fall under the asexual umbrella. Demisexuality is somebody who doesn’t experience sexual attraction until there’s a strong emotional bond formed. And this isn’t the same thing as like waiting till marriage or something. It’s about not feeling sexual attraction until you are entirely comfortable with someone.Michael(during this speech interjects with ) err, Ok, umm.Amelia continues Grey asexuality or grey-sexuality is a lot harder to define and that’s deliberate. Michael AhmmAmeliaBecause it’s for people who feel they fit under the asexual umbrella because they experience sexual attraction so rarely, or when they do it’s so weak. Or because they feel absolutely no desire to act on it and that makes them feel more asexual than not Michael More than one percent of the population defines as asexual, but not a lot of people seem to know about it or at least they don’t understand it. Amelia yeahMichael It must be so difficult coming out as asexual and so, can you offer any tips to any young people watching Amelia I think the main thing to know is that it’s like coming out anyway with an identity it’s gonna be tricky but there’s the whole added level of the fact that the person you’re coming out to may never have heard the term before, or have all these ideas about what it means that aren’t correct. So you have to be patient and it might be really really frustrating because you feel like you’ve explained it and they’re just not understanding, but you just have to just let people ask questions, talk it over- obviously if someone was asking questions you’re not comfortable answering you don’t have to. And if you think it’s easier to show them a video and say this is what it is then that works too. Michael This video being a really good example of that. Well thanks for coming down and giving us a really, really helpful advice there; I’m sure everyone will appreciate it. Amelia Thank you. bye. ................
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