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Is Forgiveness Required?Yom Kippur, October 9, 2019 - 10 Tishrei, 5780Sarajane GartenHashiveinu Adonai, eilècha, v’nashùva.Turn us to you God, and we shall return.Eternal God, what can we say in Your presence? How can we account for our sins?On this Yom Kippur, on this Shabbat of Shabbats, on this day when we pray; dressed in the white of purity, we are asked to repent and forgive; to ask God’s forgiveness for our sins against God. To ask others to forgive us if we have behaved badly towards them. We make an accounting of our soul; a Cheshbon ha-Nefesh, reviewing the year past; as we consider changes to be made in our behavior during the year ahead.On this Yom Kippur we concern ourselves with teshuvah, turning; turning from ignorance to truth, from darkness to light, from evil to good. From our intellect to our heart. From the world of knowledge to the world of faith.Rami Shapiro has written that this turning is in the natural order of things, holding the key to our survival by returning us to holiness. But I ask is returning to holiness natural for any of us? I ask each of you to consider where you are – Ayeka on this path to holiness this Yom Kippur?But I also ask you, how do we return to holiness in a time of evil and anger and hate? How do we return to holiness in a time of fear?Movie theaters are not safe. Schools are not safe. Parking lots are not safe. And sadly, we can no longer assume that synagogues are safe, not after Pittsburgh and not after Poway. Not after the shooting in Halle, Germany today.How, I ask you, can we offer forgiveness, to those that kill? To those that create or perpetuate an environment that supports hate? Does patronage carry the same weight of sin as action? Is propaganda, in and of itself, a sin? Can it be forgiven?Archbishop Desmond Tutu says that forgiveness is an absolute necessity for continued human existence. Forgiveness and reconciliation, he says, are not ethereal, spiritual, other-worldly activities. They have to do with the real world. They are realpolitik, because in a very real sense, without forgiveness, there is no future.I ask you, once again, ayeka; where are you?How do we; how do you come to this sanctuary, this place of prayerful silence, and leave your hearts and perhaps your activism at the door? How do we return to God on this Yom Kippur?Judaism is not always an easy faith, not an easy way to holiness. Our Torah portion this morning reminds us that our covenant with Adonai is not as difficult as it would appear. It is not in the unreachable heavens; it is in our hearts and minds. our path is within reach, but that does not mean it is an easy way of life. Certainly, forgiveness is not easy.Yom Kippur is a holy day, not only because of its pull to our hearts, not only because of its call to our souls, but because its core essence is difficult. C. S. Lewis wrote that we all agree that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have to practice it.So, I ask, are we required to forgive? We are not required to forgive, but we are encouraged to try as hard as we can, because it is good for us.Forgiveness does not require forgetting. But it can cleanse a wounded heart. It can bring peace to us as we no longer hold on to the rage, the anger, the hurt, that we have experienced.I struggle with the intellectual construct of forgiveness. I forgive my friends and relatives. But I struggle with the intersection of the personal and the political.In this era of increasing anti-Semitism, in this era of increasingly visible racism, in these years of the me-too movement, I suggest that we need not forgive individuals whose political or social positions are hateful, are hurtful.Last week I watched the brother of a murdered man embrace and forgive his murderer. One person forgiving another. I also watched as crowds of people, angry at what they considered a short jail sentence for the murderer, protested.Forgiving a person that hurts us is very different than forgiving social injustice. Forgiving an individual whose behavior haunts our past is different than thinking we must forgive people that institute policy we do not believe in.Rabbi Lord Jonathan Saks, former Chief Rabbi of Great Britain, calls forgiveness “the most compelling testimony to human freedom. It is the action that is not reaction. It is the refusal to be defined by circumstance.In the world of Harry Potter there are actually unforgiveable sins. Those that use these curses against another can never be redeemed. The first is the Cruciatus curse, which causes such pain and suffering it can lead to insanity. The next? The Imperio curse, imposing your will upon another and finally, the Avada Kadavra curse, leading to the death of another.Are there unforgivable sins in our world? In your world? What can you forgive? What can you not forgive?We have lots of choices to make in our lives, and learning how to make these choices is critical.We can always choose to be happy, or not.We can choose to identify as Jewish, or not.We can choose to be vegetarian, to be single, or not.And, of course, we can choose to be forgiving, or not.Forgiveness must be a choice; it takes practice and sometimes it takes time. This is not the “sorry” forced out of you by your mother when you misbehaved as a child.This is learning to forgive deep hurt. After thirty-plus years I finally came to forgive my long-dead ex-husband. He stole from me; leaving me in debt that took years to resolve. He said hurtful things; things that scarred my heart.My journey from rage to anger to forgiveness was not easy. It was baby-step by step. It was difficult. It was made easier by choosing to do it. By choosing to make the process conscious; by realizing that forgiving him was also forgiving myself. By realizing I could take my pain and release it from my deepest self.Our confessionals during these High Holy Days are said in the plural. But forgiveness is personal. So, the question I ask you to consider this Yom Kippur morning is Ayeka, where are you?Hashiveini Adonai, eilècha, v’ashùva.Turn me to you God, and I shall returnAs we lose some of our strength through fasting, let us consider the words of Mahatma Gandhi, who said the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.How can I find that strength? Every time I touch and kiss the mezuzah on the door of my house I am strengthened. Every time I look at my wedding ring, the only piece of jewelry I never remove, I am strengthened. These outward reminders of vows I have made are simply that. External reminders. So are the special days on our religious calendars. We should be forgiving others throughout the year. We should be behaving in ways that reduce the harm we cause through our behavior.Yom Kippur is an annual reminder to do our best; an opportunity to be both retrospective and prospective. A look back; a look ahead.To open ourselves to Adonai, our God. To look around this sanctuary and see others of our community and realize that forgiveness is not something that happens without effort.How do we forgive past hurts? The lying politician? The rapist? The unkind parent? The betrayal of a friend? How do we find a path towards a cleaned soul on this Yom Kippur? Rabbi Saks has also written that religious ritual is a way of structuring time so that we, not others are in control. Let’s consider this liturgy our own personal Yellow Brick Road. As we pray, we should not simply be reciting words. Each of us is called to bring these words into ourselves. A prayer that is nothing more than recitation is worth less that a wordless prayer said with intent.Challenge yourself today to learn how to forgive, so your heart is cleansed. Forgiveness is a powerful weapon; it liberates the soul. It removes fear. Nelson Mandela is beloved for the example he set for everyone as an elder. But let us not forget he was an angry revolutionary in his youth. His leadership was always visible, but in his radical youth would he have forgiven those who persecuted him, those that imprisoned him for 27 years? None of us are the same at 78 as we were at 40-something, let alone 20-something. He forgave all, and lead his country through a period of reconciliation that serves as a beacon to others should they choose to follow. Like Moses, the words of Nitzavim are those of a man closer to his death than his birth. He saw the essential choice we are all faced with as Jews. Do we embrace our faith, L’Dor Va’dor, one generation to the next, or do we choose to die in solitude, cut off from our community?Ayeka? Where are you? Can you sit here and choose this one day, one 24-hour period, to consider your heart, your personal life without concerning yourself with the externals that surround us all?I invite you to delve into the words of Torah we will read shortly, and to consider how you will move forward so that the year ahead is one during which your ability to forgive is what helps define you as Jewish, rather than the recitation of words without meaning.These choices face each of us every day. They are not far above us in the heavens. They are here, for us to grasp; in our hearts, and minds and souls. So, choose forgiveness, this day; as it will heal the pains in your soul more than any other choice you face in your life.May you be sealed in the Book of Life for a good year. ................
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