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Counseling Study in Pre-MarriageDr. Greg E. GiffordCase Study—John and Elizabeth:Counselee Data:Two individuals who were marginally involved in their churchWorking AdultsCommitted to Biblically Establishing Their RelationshipHad nobody to disciple them as they prepared for marriage,Didn’t know exactly what, but knew they wanted Pre-MaritalPremarital Counseling What Is It?“A Biblical Preparation for the Realities of Marriage”Not a Biblical Command! Benefits________________________The Church involves worship and ministry – Ephesians 4:11-12Marriage involves worship and ministry – Ephesians 5:22-33Premarital Counseling prepares for worship and ministry Important issues that need to be discussed and handledBiblical principles relating to the major areas of marriage Accurate view of each other and expectations Seriousness or marriagePreeminence of Christ and worshipProblems and conflicts they will haveTools to help in days and years aheadGood relational patterns are worked on and developedSeeking help from their pastor or discipler couple________________________Correction is needed in the Christian life – Ephesians 4:11-12 (cf. 2 Tim. 3:16-17)Premarital counseling provides an opportunity to correct: Personal problemsErroneous concepts Relationship problems________________________Pastors/elders are shepherds who are responsible to help guard and protect (Acts 20:28-31)Premarital counseling protects by: Preventing many ill-advised marriages from occurring. Preventing many divorces from occurring. Preventing many problems from becoming serious. Giving people the tools to use. Establishing a discipleship relationship with a godly couple who provide wisdom, encouragement, instruction, admonition, practical help. Content for Pre-Marital CounselingPurpose of MarriageGenesis 2:24: “Leave, Cleave, and One-Flesh”Character Traits (Col. 3:12-14)ForgivenessHumilityCompassionate HeartsPatienceBearing with One AnotherLoveRelational Skills (Col. 3:12-14)Communication SkillsConflict Resolution SkillsUnderstanding/Fulfilling Roles Time TogetherWorshipHonoring/ServingConclusion: ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Initial Questions to Ask in Premarital Counseling – (to get to know the couple and to start to understand the heart motives) Key thought: Try to discern whether they have realistic pictures of one another or a romanticized picture of one another and marriage.What were they famous for in their family?How did they come to Christ? What does the Lord mean to them now? What attracted you to each other? What do you like? What did you appreciate about the person? What are your fears about getting married – concerns/worries/anxieties? What have you struggled with in your relationship?Why this person and why now?How do you know the Lord wants you to marry this person?Why do you want to get married?What are some hobbies you enjoy? -220345-239395SEVERAL IMPORTANT QUESTIONS THAT EVERY COUNSELORSHOULD PRESENT TO A COUPLE AS THEY CONSIDER MARRIAGE:If they marry, will they be equally or unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14-16)?Is the couple expecting marriage to satisfy their deepest needs and desires (Philippians 1:21, 4:10-13; Jeremiah 17:5-8)? Will marriage be their source of joy and happiness?Does either have complicating entanglements from past marriages or relationships (1 Corinthians 7:10-16; Romans 7:2, 3)?Do both of them have the gift of marriage or has God given one or both of them the gift of singleness (Matthew 19:1-12; 1 Corinthians 7:1-9, 17-40)?Do each of the individuals wanting to get married have a track record of solving problems biblically?Do they know how to solve problems biblically? Have they learned basic biblical skills for resolving problems? Do they actually obey what the Bible teaches regarding solving problems biblically? What is their usual pattern for addressing problems? Do they both understand what biblical forgiveness involves and do they actually practice it in their relationship with other people?Are they aware of and realistic about their own weaknesses and the weaknesses of each other and are they committed to changing the areas of weakness in their life? Are both headed in the same direction in life? Are their philosophies of life compatible? Do they have similar goals and aspirations and purposes for living?Are both of them willing to leave their mothers and fathers? Do they agree on what their relationship with their parents after marriage will be? Do they have compatible lifestyles?Are their expectations for marriage and life compatible? Are their concepts of marriage compatible?Are they basically agreed in their theology?Are their desires for church involvement (kind and level) compatible?Do they agree on what the role of the husband and wife should be?What do mature godly people who are biblically wise about marriage and who know the couple well think of their relationship (Proverbs 15:22; Romans 15:14)? Does each candidate for marriage really want to marry this particular person? Are both willing and eager to marry each other just as they are? ................
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