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Things I wish Icould unseeWhy teachers drinkMy first day in the classroom includedMy favorite part of MayA memorable gift from a studentTeachers onFridays be like…Parents: But my daughter is an angel at home.Me:The perfect Sunday looks like ...Things I try to avoid on a full moon:My classroom mantra:Hand sanitizer is the only way I survived _____When I retire, Isure won’t miss _____They should tell every new teacher aboutAhhh! Not another _____Coffee first. _____ later.The class they should have taught in teacher collegeHow do I feel when I have to call a parent?What you do when you run into a student at the grocery storeWhat’s the secret to not peeing your pants while you teach?Biggest teacher nightmareI always keep _____ in my teacher tote.A teacher’s dream come trueHow I feel when someone says, “Well, at least you get summers off.”This year’s holiday fundraiser is _____At least I don’t teach _____I have the best job at my school because ...Stressed, blessed, & ____ obsesssedThis teacher runs on coffee & __________ is every teacher’s best friendMy Friday night plansTestingseason got me likeWhen will I ever be done lesson planning?When willI retire?Lies we tell ourselves every single yearWhat’s my teaching super power?Oh hey, it’s Monday. That means …You get a gold star for _____Story time was totally ruined by _____If only I had an anchor chart for _____Things I’ve seen my students eatWhat I’m 99% sure I will find on my sub reportWhy I can’t sleep at nightThe best way for teachers to unwindWhat I’d rather be doing instead of this IEP meetingWhen all else fails, try _____Why is this homework sticky?The most Instagrammable part of my classroomWhat are you giving me at the facultyWhite Elephant exchange?My favorite part of back to schoolThe rumors are true, I’m _____Comments on my last admin observationWhat should I do after the classroom Halloween party?What you say when your students ask you to repeat the instructions... again.What’s that smell?Head, shoulders, knees and _____Lunchables for teachers would includeMy favorite teaching momentI love it when ...My #1 pet peeve_____> teacher’s salaryPlease refrain from_____My Halloween costume next yearIt’s okay to cry when ...Once upon a time, it wasthe day before holiday break and ...My go-to afternoon snackMy beverage of choiceThe most objectionable item a colleague has wornI found in a locker checkI’ll be late to the faculty meeting because ...Supplies you need for an IEP meetingWhat I’m really doing during PDThings I’ve found in my desk at the end of the yearIf I could teach one subject,it would be _____I wish I could buy the school counselor _____I blow my teacher salary on _____What not to tell your student teacherWhen I becamea teacher, I didn’t think I’d haveto worry about _____Advice I’d give a new teacherWhat amI currently surviving on?Teaching is 95% _____Those who can, do; those who can’t _____My latestAmazon orderWhat I wish people understood about teachingWhat I’d liketo tell that one parentHow has the job changed since you started teaching?Kids today are so _____Why I don’t friend my students on FacebookWhat I would do for my teacher BFFWhere I finally found my teacher tribeThe reason I became a teacherWhat will be written on my tombstone?My newest bumpersticker will read_____Resume qualifications to work at our schoolThis should be illegalDon’t talk to me before _____What should I wear to this parent conference?Am I done grading yet?What I’d like to tell my principalIf I ran for office, my education platform would be _____I wish I could give every teacher _____My students would be most surprised to know about my_____I could respond to 99% of parent emails with _____Our schedule today can best be described as _____No Child LeftHow I feel about the Common Core108585037465TeacherLife00TeacherLifeCARD GAMEHow to Play1. Gather a group of fun-loving and awesome teachers. 2. Have each player draw ten answer cards.3. Decide who is the Teacher’s Pet. The Teacher’s Pet draws a question card and reads it out loud.4. All the other players choose the best answer card from their hand and pass it to the Teacher’s Pet face down.5. The Teacher’s Pet shuffles all the answer cards and then reads them out loud to the group.6. The Teacher’s Pet then chooses his or her favorite play, and whoever submitted it keeps the question card.7. Players pick another answer card, making sure they always have 10 (until they run out).8. The next person now becomes the Teacher’s Pet.“1, 2, 3, eyes on me.”“Are you really sick?”“Can I go to the bathroom?”“Can you tie my shoe?”“Did we do anything yesterday?”“Don’t smileuntil Christmas.”“I don’t get it.”“I wasn’t talking!”“Is this for a grade?”“Just Hang in There” cat poster“Keep your hands where I can see them.”“Listen, please, for the love of God.”“Oh, noyou didn’t.”“Please, why don’t you tell me about my job?”“What page are we on again?”“When is recess?”“Will you come to my birthday?”“You know,if I were you, I’d try ...”#goals#sorrynotsorry#teacherlife#teacher problemsA bouquet of newly sharpened pencilsA brand-spankin’ new pack of Mr. Sketch markers, just for meA heart-felt thank-you noteA kid calling me“Mom”A lifetime supply of ibuprofenA lifetime supply of KleenexA mint I found at the bottom of my purseA much-needed mug of chamomile teaA perfect seating chartA pi?ata full of minibar bottlesA romperromper A soccer ball made of duct tapeA student swearing at you under their breathA turd that a proud kindergartener wanted me to come seeA wet mop and a bucketA wink, a hope, and a prayerActively monitoring a standardized testAggressively farting during a tornado drillAll day, every dayAll my hopes and dreamsAll the Diet CokeAn angry registrarAn artisanal gold staplerAn extra shot of espresso in your latteAnotherapple-themed giftAnother flippin’fidget spinnerAnother magazine saleArtBack talkBad attitudesBand-AidsBe kind, alwaysBecause it’s literally my jobBeing a unicorn Best bulletin board everBetsy DeVos Betsy Devos’s security detailBiggest teacher nightmareBird poops on you at recessBite my nails down to their nubsBlank stares Bless your heart Boxes and boxes of booksBrand new shiny law about teachingBreaking up a fight in the hallwaysBribing the school secretaryBureaucratic red tapeCan’t get out of bedCarefully rehearse every word I will sayChaperoning the school danceCheckingFacebookClassroom lice outbreakClassroom flu outbreakCold coffee is better than nothingCollapsing in a heap on my couchCollecting food for underpaid teachersColor-coded art suppliesCommon Core mathConfiscating a student’s cell phoneConga dance down the hallwaysCould have been an emailCounting bearsCoworker trying to sell you TupperwareCrippling student loan debtCross your fingers and hope for the bestDating a teacherDid someone say spring break?Differentiate, differentiate, differentiate!Dismantling the patriarchyDo it for the‘gramDocument. Document everything!Dominating the science fairDonald TrumpDonuts in the teacher’s loungeDoritos for breakfastDuck and coverEnglishEmails inall capsEpic faculty yearbook photoEvery teacher’s dreamExpired cafeteria milkFace palmFairy talesField day Field trip day Fifth grade Filling in for the gym teacherFire alarm during testingFirst grade Flair pens Flipping that water bottleForgetting to take attendanceForgetting your lunch at home and eating goldfish crackers insteadFourth grade Fri-yay Friday meetings Fuzzy slippersFull-size lockers Germ-infested bathroom passesGetting a good sub reportGetting my full pensionGetting my shit togetherGetting tenureGift cards, baby. Gift cards.Glue sticks with no caps on themGoing to work at a charter schoolGonna stop spending so much on my classroomIlluminateGood luck with thatGrading essays at 1 AMGrading on a curveGraduation, bitchesGroupprojectGuided readingHanding out detention slips like candyHave just one social encounter, like a totally normal personHaving to teach at allHazard payHelicopter momHide from all the peopleHigh schoolHistoryHitting snooze 100 timesHogging the faculty bathroomHolding your pee for hoursHyperventilating into a paper bagI get a paper written in Comic Sans size-24 font, triple-spacedI only get paid 9 months out of the yearI really don’t want to think about itI’m going to rock todayI’m teacher poorIllegal drugsIEP meetingIn the year 2057Indoor recess for the third day in a rowIt’s about the kids. It’s about the kids. It’s about the kids.Jeans dayKids smuggling treats at the bake saleKids using the desks for parkourKindergartenKindergarteners’ tearsLast call at happy hour before Thanksgiving breakLeVar BurtonLip-syncing to sad ‘90s rockLOLzLong divisionLooking my students in the eyeLunch dutyMad minute (and I’m not talking about math)Made a kid cry todayMaking me say what’s really on my mindMarry ateacherMathMaybe this group of parents will be reasonableMean girlsMiddle schoolMiddle school locker roomMissed my alarmMistaking aSharpie for adry-erase markerMmmm, okayMonday morning staff meetingsMovie dayMugs! So many teacher mugsMy classroom libraryMy non-existent bank accountMy obsession with laminating thingsMy patented“teacher look”My principal is observing in less than 5 minutesMy Target receiptMy teacherBFFMy teacherdeskMy wordwallNeeds more rigorNetflix & gradingNever drinking beverages of any kindNever-ending classroom chatterNever-ending staff meetingNever. The answer is never.No ChildLeft BehindNo line at the copierNo-name papersNot my circus, not my monkeysNot todayNotes I meant to send homeOMGOut of pencilsOutdated textbooksOutlook not so goodP.E.Packing up your classroom at the end of summerPajama dayPaper jam at the copy machineParent-teacher conferencesPassive- aggressive emails from parentsPastePeople who say, “I’m not a teacher, but ...”Pinkeye, ringworm, & licePinning all the thingsPinterest failsPlay-DohPlaying the ultimate April Fools’ joke on my studentsPre-teen hormonesPreschoolProfessional development day extended another 3 hoursProjectile vomitingPubertyPulling my hair out, literallyPut on my boss pants like the awesome teacher I amQuitting in a blaze of gloryR-E-S-P-E-C-TRandom compliment about your classReadingReading your favorite book from childhoodRecess dutyRedistrictingRock-paper- scissorsRippedleggingsSalisburysteak day inthelunchroomSammy the Iguana, our class petSchooldancesSchoollunchSchoolpicture daySchooluniformsScienceScraps of paper on the floorSecond gradeSecret chocolate stashSelfiesSelling off teachers’ soulsSetting up your classroom at the beginning of the yearSex edShuffling around papers but not really grading themSips coffeeSips wineSlipping some whisky in your morning coffeeSlowly eliminating any time and space for creativitySmelly gym uniformsSmuggling cell phones in teddy bearsSnot on library booksSo much wineSocial studiesSomeone fainting during the school playSomething used and stickySpilled coffeeSpilling wine on your pile of essays to gradeSpirit weekStain removerStandardized testStare in the mirror and say, “You’re amazing.”Stayed up too late watching televisionStep increasesStickersStock photos of teachers in high heelsStop. Collaborate. And listen.Story timeStraight AsStudents making out in conspicuous placesStudents scrambling to work with their friendsStudents who breathe loudlyStudents with big dreamsSugar highsSunday scariesSweat in a cornerSweet teacher discountsTacos. Always tacos.Take a shotTakeout and lesson planningTarget runTeacher appreciation dayTeacher fuelTeacher of the yearTeacher shamingTeachersPay TeachersTeaching is my superpowerTeaching my kids how to fill in bubble testsTeaching while pregnantTell a bad joke10 pounds of chocolateTequilaTGIFThanks, ObamaThat conversation I’ve been avoidingThat lightbulb momentThat student who lives and breathes Harry PotterThe black licoriceMr. Sketch markerThe black-market slime tradeThe blood- borne pathogen video you have to watch every yearThe cheesiest holiday sweater known to manThe dead animal your student brought in for show-and-tellThe directionsI just gaveThe district budgetThe end is nearThe Erin Condren planner of your dreamsThe 5 minutes before the last bell on the last day before breakThe football coachThe girls’bathroomThe gum underneath every damn deskThe headache you get from 4th grade recordersThe hot mess expressThe Hungry LittleCaterpillarThe kid that makes your dayThe Little Engine That CouldThe middle school boys’ bathroomThe music roomThe Oxford commaThe parent who wants to ban every book in your classroom libraryThe parent who won’t stop trying to friend me on FacebookThe principal’sofficeThe school board member who has never taught in their lifeThe school busThe slow and inevitable decline of civilizationThe spring choir concertThe stale granola bar in my desk drawerThe stench after your students have been playing flag football at recessThe substitute canceled at the last minuteThe superintendentThe sweet, sweet smell of the laminatorThe TwitterThe untimely death of a classroom petThe world’s most perfect anchor chartThe world’s tallest pile of essays on The Grapes of WrathThe world’s tiniest pencil stubThird gradeThis lesson is going totally wellThose glorious 3 months known as June, July, & AugustSPED modificationsThose Pinterest-perfect glitter projectsTomorrow is another dayTrying to find asub on a FridayUnconventional teaching styleUnexpected snow dayUsing toilet paper instead of Kleenex because you ran outUsing your teacher voiceVictory lap around the school trackWe can do hard thingsWet shoelacesWhat really happens in the teacher’s loungeWhen a kid has a full-throttle meltdown on observation dayWhen a student falls on the playgroundWhen a student Snapchats you with puppydog earsWhen the copier breaks 2 minutes before classWinter break dance partyWork I never gave back to studentsWorld’s best teacher awardWorried about my studentsWriters’workshopWriting your objective on the boardWTFYou’re making me stabbyYou’ve got thisYour favorite lesson all yearYour favorite red penYour most passive- aggressive colleagueYour one millionth student volleyball gameYour spouse helping you cut out a million paper starsYour state board of educationYour teacher BFF delivering you a latteAccidentally texting a parent instead of your roommateRunning into a parent at the liquor storePulling slime out of the classroom rugFighting overfidget spinnersPretending the floor is lava ................
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