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TABLE OF CONTENTS 24 Hours If Angels Didn’t Have a Halo or Wings 100 % Natural Life’s GoalsA Eulogy to an AddictA Full Blown Drunk Modern Day LeprechaunA Love Letter from Prison Mon Beurre (My Butter)A Place of Comfort Mother EarthA Rose for the Lonely MotherAdopted Mr. G-QAgnolo’s la Picturra Bella d’amore My AdviceAmbrosiaMy Mother’s Mother’s MotherBetter Things to ComeMy SpiritBlack Eyed SuzieMy Sweetheart My ValentineBlack Proud and FreeNot Just AnyoneChristmas TimeOur New HomeCountry Livin’Prisons and InstitutionsExperiencesRelationshipsFood Stamps and Government ChecksReva’s HarvestFree KateriScotts LetterFull GrownSeducedGiving ThanksSeek and Yee Shall FindGrowing OlderSisterly LovePage #Someplace We’ve Never BeenStarting OverSweetThe Creeper and the HemlockThe Defense of One’s SelfThe Changing of the SeasonsThe Fate of Daddy’s HandThe Good WordThe Love Between FriendsThe Magician The MessengerThe Song of FertilityThe Power of God’s LoveThe Pieces of My Broken HeartThunderbirdWaiting for FreedomWhat I DreamtWhen We’re ApartWhite Earth ReservationWings So I can FlyWishes for a New Year24 HoursThe morning finds me standingalonebeneath sunbeamsthat beat upon my tethered and worn skin.Dew drop kisses cover my lips;The perspiration of mother earth’s hard work.I can’t see the earth on its axis, but the proof exists as daybreak descendson nightfall;A palette filled with illuminating stars which surround a moon;Creating shadows in the trees andon hillsides where owls hoot and wolves howl.Once again the creator watches as light turns to darkness;The end of a new day.100 % NaturalLike fruit from a seedLike water from a crystal clear creekLike the gentle touch of a handor like wrinkles that show thetrue beauty of knowledge and wisdom that runs bone deepLike the kind of love which makes a person feel wholeno matter how different they might beLike flowers that blossom in springtimeor like pine needles that bud on a treeYou're 100% natural and no matter how old your spirit or age may bethey will always run ramped and always be free but there might be a time whenyou feel like you're stuck between a rock andsomething that's hard to conceive.This is when it's important to ask yourself,"how long will this feeling last or when will itfinally leave?"For as you mature on your life's journey try to play it like a cello; slowly and smoothlyor like a set of bongo drums that sometimessound like a heartbeat,because as you grow older you become morelike a fine wine with tannins that taste so sweetso try to savior the moments when you're alone and take a birthday tip from me;stop to smell the roses and look closely and what you seethen try to enjoy the calmness,of nature's gentle breeze.A Eulogy to an AddictGod had a way of testing your faithAnd the devil caused you to fumble withTemptationAs each dealer, each bartender, each liquor storeSold you their drugs so you could get high;Your remedies for your withdrawals wereLike candies are to a diabetic;One piece wasn’t enough to cure the cravings andI’m sure some days you wanted to die,And although you paid the ultimate price;Your death instead of a future on earth orYour chance to hold someone tightI can honestly say that if you had recovered fromYour addiction you’d have been an inspirationAnd would have helped others to see the light.As for those of us who knew you most,We burn a candle and thank the lord that you’reWatching over us tonightAnd we’ll always know with-in ourHearts and soulsThat you made it to the other side;That you passed God’s final test andSo He granted you wings so you could fly…For he made you an angel in heaven;Giving you a place to residewhile granting you the greatest gift of all,The gift of eternal life.A Full Blown DrunkToday I look at myself as someone in recoveryBut I once was a full blown drunk;Now I’ve come to realize,That honesty has been helping me to overcomeThe reason I drank so freelyLike my bottles of beer and rumFor it was because of the drinker within meThat I lost my connection with the Father and His sonSo now I pray to my higher powerIn order for me to becomefilled with something more than emptinesswhile remembering where it is that I came fromfor it’s when we lose track of the important things in lifethat we start to realize that our drinking was no longer funso if you need a way to help you quitremember what the fellowship has done;not just for me,but for many who have admitted to being a full blown drunk.A Love Letter from PrisonThese days I think of himand the way we use to be.My body still yearns for his passion;As much as I pray to be free.I’ve often thought about where he isAnd I’ve asked God the question whyIf we were meant to be togetherDid we have to say goodbyeEvery moment we shared was romantic,Like when he got down on bended knee.I felt like a queen in his presenceFor all the world to see.Each night I’m unable to sleep,I wonder if he still cares,For the love and devotion I have for him,Is more than I can bare,And although I know I can’t go backMy heart is out on a limbFor I truly wish that I could change my lifebecause of the chaos I was living in.A Place of ComfortI wish to live in the lap of luxury;Larger than Carnegie Hall. I dream of traveling to far off places where I can see mountains over a thousand feet tall.I wish I could walk in the forests of New York when the leaves on the trees turn the color of fall.My wish is to someday own a little cabin, that’s surrounded by a stonewall. I wish to feel the heat of the sun;It’s light, leaving me, in a state of awe.I wish I could live in a comfortable placeThan I could sleep from dusk ‘til dawn .Most of all, I wish I could make humanity realize, that there is more to life than a telephone call.A Rose for the LonelyThere may come a day when you and I might receive a rose,and if we should have such luck,we mustn’t forget to thank the person who cared enough to remember uswhen we were all alone;‘cause a rose can be givenfor many reasons,for instance; when someone suffers from a lonely heart;proving that the person who gave it was thinking of love and compassionfrom the very startso for those of us who represent the lonelyfear not; let us seek comfort from our pain,and let not our teardrops fall,or our hearts beat in vain.AdoptedMy heartache started when I was bornbecause I was given away, but as I’ve grown olderI’ve come to understand why my biological parentschose their addictions over me and left me in a world of dismaybut as the years have gone byeI’ve become more and more bitterAs I struggle with issues of abandonment even todayleaving me with a feeling of lonelinessso I all can do is hope and praythat God’s angles are watching over me helping me to make it throughanother day.Agnolo’s la Pittura Bella d’amoreVoi sono stato il pittore d’amore(you were the painter of love)Your brushes creating a master of detailed configuration As your embraced Venus poses;Her hand loosely gripingThe golden apple of myth.Pittore d’amore, (painter of love,)Amo tuo de Venus; la dea d’amore; (your love of Venus, the goddess of love)You have not defined with shame,Although you’ve blushed the cheeks of herOff-white complexionFrom jaw-bone to ear –lobe,With a soft crimson tint.Pittore d’amore, (painter of love)Were you lustfulwhile viewing the sweetness of your canvas, orcould it have been love your heart desired;As you filled- the- tounge betweenYour goddesses’ gently parted lips?Pittore d’amore(painter of love)How often did your strokes touch the smoothnessOf her hips and thighs?I wonder Pittore d’amore, (painter of love)Had you tampered with the ideaof painting the Goddess of Love; her breastbeneath Cupid’s hand?Did your visions cause you to cringe and clutch your head;like your portrait of a man,crazed by his jealousy?How vicious your were Pittore d’amore (painter of love)To have given the other bella donna; (beautiful lady)A stone cold hand attached to a body of scales;Your strategy completely distinct.Even a buffoon could see the look of envyyou stamped across her face.How appropriate Pittore d’amore, (painter of love)To have displayed the eventsof Time’s influence on Love and Old Age.Time; tenacious, receding, wrinkled and gray;Tugging on the cloak of Old Age; colored in a deeper shade of blue.Creative you were pittore d’amore, (painter of love)to have fabricated the image of innocenceas a young boy with curls of fiery flames androse clustered fingersthat matches the hues of his burgundy stained dimplessmiling out and upward from his chin to his nose.Agnolo,Voi sono stato (you were)il Pittore (the painter)d’amore! (of love)AmbrosiaHer hair resembled the color of sable;Which matched her sultry eyes.Her body;A sculptor’s masterpiece;As she fed herself grapes While revealing her hips and thighs.Her breasts were round;Like mandarin oranges,But voluptuous in shape in size.From a distance I watched her;Capturing the curves of her mouthAs she devoured ingredients of every kind;Chunks of pineapple that compliment pieces of coconut;Marshmallows married in whip cream;A medley of flavors piled high.Her lips, and cheeksAs red as mar chino cherries;Their features completely defined.The image of a GoddessGently molded beneath his ravenous hands;Where both beauty and art collide.Better Things to ComeIsn’t it disturbing that the atmosphere is full ofbig billowy clouds of whitelined in puffy shades of graycaused by the air pollutionthat passes byalmost every single day?!Can you see like methe devastation of our forests?Please tell me that you care!That there's trees being chopped downin order to build a housefor someone somewhere.Don't you think it's shamefulhow our animals are going extinctbecause they have nowhere to call home?Ever since man invaded their space a long long time ago.The end result is thatwe realize now how we've helped to destroy mother earth's land,due to the tragedies we've caused which are difficult to fix with the help of human hands,and even though time flies by quickly it's still crucial that we try to make a differenceregardless of the damage that's been done,for we can only hope and praythat in the future there's better things to come! Black Eyed SuzieHe loves me, he loves me not,That’s what Black Eyed Suzie saysWhenever she talks about her fat lipand her blackened eye.Nowadays she doesn’t know what to thinkshe’s been knocked around so many times.If you were to ask her if he loves herBlack Eyed Suzie has been known to reply,“He loves me, He loves me not”,but she doesn’t really know the reason why,because he’s picked her self-esteem awayslowly;One petal at a time;Leaving her devastated,and ruining her pride.Next she began to exhibit untreated symptomscaused by insomnia;Her remedy?A bottle of wine.Then there were the Holidaysspent abused and bruised;Unable to hide her fat lip and her blackened eye;It wasn’t until Christmas Eve,when he’d nearly broken her neckthat she began to realize;That he’d done nothing,but beat and cheat on heruntil all she could do was cry.Finally she came to the conclusion,that her life was one big mistake,she had been living a lie.She began to ask herself questions, like,“Why does he insult my intelligence?along with my mind?”Then there were other timesWhen she was seen leaving her jobOn campus,sobbing,with her fat lip and her blackened eye.There was nothing that her friends could say or doexcept sit idly by;As he destroyed her lifeWith a blink of her blackened eye.It was when she finally decided to leavethat he revealed his rabid side;By following her all over the city;Wherever he thought she might reside.It was then that Black Eyed Suzieasked the police for help,in them she knew she could confide.She explained to them and the judge,“He’s been stalking me and that’s a crime!”“This time sorry doesn’t cut it,”she told the authorities asshe signed the restraining orders on the dotted line.“I’m sick and tired of his countless apologiesbecause I’ve learned that they’re just another one of hispathological lies.”“I know he says he loves me,”she told the Police Officer,“But his rap sheet proves that he’s the abusive kind.”Unable to escape the fact that he was following herShe decided to return to New Yorkwith an angel by her side.She left the bright lights of Denver behind herbut as for her hopes and her dreamsshe brought them along for the ride.Thirteen-hundred miles she droveIn a moving truckuntil she reached her mother’s housewhere she parked by the roadside.Safe and sound she thought,but the damage had already been done to her mind.Many years later…After she’d finally received treatment,She decided the moment had arrived,For her to share her courage,about how she had survived.She wrote her story down,In detail;Each sentence using reasonalong with rhyme.It was if God was sending her a message,an omen;Yes He was giving her a sign.A sign that things will get better,but until then,She’ll kiss it up to God,And leave it all behind.Black, Proud and FreeIt’s no secret that the times are changing For those who are black proud and free.Especially since it’s an important time in American history.Nowadays it doesn’t matter whether you’re African, Jamaican, or even part Hispanic orCherokee.What’s important are the things that you struggle to achieve,for instance, in the black community many have become doctors and lawyersas well as politicians that are making changes globally,making it even more important for those who have been able to succeed,to hold their head up high,for the whole world to see,that they’ve never been more proud of their heritageor felt so free.As for today,It is not only about the color of a person’s skin,It’s also about humanity,and unity,for both you and me!So I say to all of you who represent the black community,that there is no doubt,that when times get tough,you may be reminded of your past triumphs and defeats,along with the tragedies of your ancestry,but what I’d like you to keep in mind,is that the future holds the key to both hope and prosperity,so that you can overcome the past,with a sense of dignity,by striving to be,black, proud and free.Christmas TimeIt’s Christmas Time againso let’s dress ourselves up in our best attirewhile we enjoy the Holidays,by filling each other’s hearts with delight,and as we ring in the New Yearlet’s pray for peace, love and happinessfor one anotheras we shine together like starsthat twinkle so bright,but we must not forget the truemeaning of Christmas,which can get lostin the giving and receiving of giftsas well as the blinking of lightsand because we can lose track ofthe reason for the seasonwe must remind ourselvesto honor the King of the Jewswho was crowned many years agoon this Holy Night;this is why we thank the Lord abovefor mother Mary and her Son whosacrificed His own lifetherefore,we celebrate not onlythe birthbut also the deathof our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.Country Livin’What’s that you say?You’re from the country!Hey, well that’s O.K‘cause hay is for horses but I bet you already knewSo what’s it like in the middle of nowhere?Do you ever just wanna cut loose?It’s been said that country livin’is like being in a rodeo,it’s whole lotta fun,‘til you let gobut as for them city boys they don’t care for hay and rodeos the way us cowboys do.and in-case you didn’t know itcowboys are into cows and trucks and drink beers and suchall afternoon,while them city boys listen to rap we country boys sit on our front porch singin’those low down heartbroken blues,so if you city boys are wondering what us cowboys do,we like to spend all day long listening to country songswhile drinkin’ a beer or two,because if you’re gonna live in the countryyou should do as the cowboys do! ExperiencesExperiences they come and they go like the waves of an ocean as thoughts constantly drift in and out of my mind,affecting my emotions to the point that I feel like I’mlost and confused or sometimes just plain,lost.Then along comes a mighty force; many call him God;an entity that acts as a navigator for the future, constantly showing me clearly the places I’ve yet to go,but as I’ve grown older I’ve been able to look back on my younger years,and sporadically retrace my attempts in order to succeed at something new,as I boldly explored life’s ups and downs;my futures unfolding itself;blossoming; like roses in Juneconstantly reminding me of how important it is to be carefulthat the thorns of defeat do not prick me until I bleed, yet at the same time helping me to admit the nature of my wrongs;so that I can make better choices for myself in the future,and not have to learn the hard way;as I have in my past,but instead,allowing myself to try to take a different courseone that I’ve never taken before,for in the end,what I’ve learned in life, is that we can leave today’s waves of disastersin the ripples of yesterday’s dreams,but without the help from the Lord abovewe cannot overcome our challenges in life;big or small,unless we rely on Him,because there are no guarantees,if we will be able to overcome life’s unpredictable storms. Food Stamps and Government ChecksEvery first day of the monthIndividuals wait for their food stampsAnd their government checks to arrive;So they can shop ‘til they dropAt every dollar store that they can find.The money runs out thoughLeaving them only with a dime;And a bag full of empty soda cansWorth a nickel every time,But if they want to recycleTo get a little money backThey’ll have to wait on line.And then there are the benefitsOf SSD and SSI,That hardly cover the bills or the bare necessities of life.And if you are without a support networkor lack the money you need to surviveBlame it on the politicianswho don’t take time out to realize,that it’s because of all their budget cuts That people are losing their jobs and their lives.Free KateariYou looked for Kateari the other dayTo see if she had flownBut instead she blew away like the windAlong with dust and rubbleWhere flowers once had grownBut her spirits free nowAnd lined with a ring of goldAnd if you light a candle for herIt might warm the spot Within your heart That Kateari use to hold,But until that day comes Let the story be told,That she was taken from youOn that tragic dayInstead of growing old.Full-GrownA cub learns to adapt,Is taught to adapt and growOut side its cozy den,Learning lessons As it pounces And plays Of how to fight and win;The game of survival,To prey And feed On nature’s society of meager benefits,Gaining knowledge fromEach treeIt climbsEach enemy it encounters as itHides from the shadows of life’sUnexpected predators.From this the cub,No longer a cub,Bu now a full grown carnivore;Must bare it’s claws and teeth;Must choose a pack;To feast with, or,huntalone.Giving ThanksWhy do we give Thanks?For the most part, giving thanks comes from the heart;It is not something that is tangible,Nor is it something that expects a reward.Because of this, Giving Thanks is just one way that we can showLove and respect for each as God’s children,So that in return we can experience the power of God’s love for us,Therefore, giving thanks creates blessings;These blessings cannot be achieved solely by man’s prosperity,But rather, through things which touch the heart.This means that, Giving Thanks soothes the soul;It does not however, keep track of all the kind things we say and do,But instead, it focuses on the idea of being humble.Since Giving Thanks teaches us to pray graciously,It creates a closer relationship with God,who then provides us with the hopes for brighter days to come.Through our journey,We learn that Giving Thanks helps us to grow,As a result we gain a better understanding of the world around us;By realizing the role that God plays in our lives.In the end, we become aware that Giving ThanksAllows us to believe through our own faithThat God will answer our prayers when the time is right.Amen.Growing OlderAs we grow olderwe hope that we’re able to try our hardest to preparefor whatever life hands ussince there are many times when life is not so fair,especially when time slips awaytaking with it moments we could have shared for with every year that passes bywe become more and more awarethat time can disappear without a tracewhich can leave us lost or in despair,therefore, celebrate life and give to others then they’ll know you really care.Happiness is What We Believe InHappiness is important because it comes from deep within,and is what many of us would like to believe in.Unfortunately there will always be problems in life to solveFor man’s world is filled with war and chaos; something only God can resolve.Many of us would like to help save mankind but we must wait patiently for God to give us a sign. For our future is truly in His handshelping us to do His will whenever we canand as each day goes by and we grow oldlet us remind ourselves that happiness is good for the heart and soul.This is why as humans we must find a way to share our happiness each and everydaybecause happiness can be achieved, even in times of despairso take time out to show someone you care; for happiness is better than feeling down so if you can, try to smile instead of frown.HonestyWhen it comes to being honest I always thought it would be returnedbut you dragged my heart arounduntil I realized I was sick of being burned.It was years ago that we made an agreement that we’d always be the best of friends.Now I pity you andI wonder, “Do you CARE what you might lose in the end?”For the lack of honesty you have given meis nothing more than a sin,something we are all are guilty ofwhen we look deep within. Until then think about those you’ve hurt with the lies that you create;than figure out a way to tell the truth in order to be forgiven for sometimes it’s not too late.If Angels Didn’t Have a Halo or WingsWhat if God’s angels didn’t have a halo or wings so they could fly?Would their teardrops fall like rain from the sky? “What would it be like without their songs of peace, love and harmony?”Would heaven still be filled with tranquility?Can you imagine Angels without their halo or wings?Ask yourself, “would their songs be as joyous to sing?”. Do you ever think about how God’s angelsprotect us while we’re aliveor what they have in store for us after we die?Like many I’ve wondered,“How it is that angels received their halo and wings”?My guess is that it was God who gave them these twoprecious things,for angels need them both, in order to guide the waypast the Pearly Gates of heaven where I hope to be someday.Life's GoalsMine is a story I tellto remind myselfof the peaks and the valleysthat made my lifecrumble and unfold.Once a child long agowith long brown hair and eyes aglow;later an alcoholic,than addict,in a cityI didn't know.A studentwho put myself through collegeall on my own,which gained me some wisdom and knowledgethat made me a woman who had intellectually grown.Although a New YorkerI reflect on the days of Denver, CO.,A world filled with trauma,something I wish I'd never known.The only thing that matters noware my closest friends and family,plus Godwho is with me no matter where I go.Today my life consists ofworking on my program of recoveryin order to keep my ducks in a row,as I make plans for the futureknowing that there will be plenty of challenges down life's freeways and roads.Either way these challenges I foresee as life's big and little goals,which someday I hope to accomplish no matter where I roam;for if I can complete my goals in lifeI will finally realize the true meaning of what it is to feel wholeespecially if I can overcome my emotionswhich are sometimes hard to controlthis is why I pray to God that he'll help me to heal my heart and mend my broken soul for His love to me is worth more than anything even a pot of gold.Mamasita y JessiquitaMamasita,It’s me,Jessiquita,Please listen as I pray out loud.Forgive me mother For I made you join brotherBeyond heaven’s gates and clouds.God knows the kids and I need you,But you’re not anywhere to be found, And as for the family,I’ve hurt them deeply,But they’ll make it through without you,some waysomehow.Believe meI never meant to disappoint you,All I ever wanted to do was to make you proud,But it was the drugs and hallucinations;The same Old Merry Go Round.Today I felt your spirit,Your presence was all around,But all I could do was pray to God‘cause you’re in His hands now,And there isn’t a day that I don’t thank Godbecause you instilled in me What life was all about.Just like you always used to say,“God will forgive us and carry us through”this I believe more than ever,beyond the shadow of a doubt.Modern Day LeprechaunLet us consider the modern day leprechaun.Is he all about cell phones, laptops, and credit cards?Tell me,where has the world's economy gone?Can it be that it’s in the hands of he who hoards his money all the way to the grave?Or is it due to the fact thathe never gives even one single cointo the debtthat we've made?And wouldn’t it be nice if he would reconsiderhiding his pot of gold?So he could spend a lot more of his money buying things on-line where all kinds of stuff is sold;for example , E-Bay and Amazonjust to name a few,‘cause I wonder if he wasn’t so greedy would he share his luck on the internet the same way the rest of us do!Mon Beurre (My Butter )Mon Beurre,I starred at youand as I didyou melted under my gaze.When I touched you,you were smoothon my finger tips then I tasted your saltinesson my lipsand fell in love.Mother EarthMy heart beats a rhythm of emotions;Randomly,Beneath a pale blue sky;Where the Green House Effect has been etchedIn the face of God’s creations,where seagulls were known to fly.My teardrops fall as the sight of air pollutionBegins to burn the corneas of my eyes;Chemicals that sting like a freshly cut wound,Have made me realize;The damage of so many generations,Created by what they’ve left behindThe remains of their neglect;Exposed,in the midst of an ecological lie.Where is the respect for mother earth?In the remnants of rubblethat have been mind and refined or in the cities where skyscrapers exist,some,a hundred stories high.What does God think when he sees man’s inventions?Does He hang His head and cry?Shedding His own tears in order to wash away the filth of mankind.Then just when I thought that mother earth had had enough,the sun began to shine;Unleashing the unset of Global Warming by melting away the ice which threatens our coastlines;Nature’s habitat lost forever in a sea of destruction where bodies of water and land collide;The human race left to contemplate the future;Wondering will anything survive?MotherYou radiate like a rainbow;Beneath a clear blue sky,And you’re as soothing as a gentle breezeIn the month of July.You’re like the rain is to a desert;A blessing to the earth.Your spirit is like an Angel’s,And Gold is what you’re worth.You’re like a star that always twinkles,Or the sun when it shines;You’re one of God’s greatest creations,And His gift to mankind.Mr.G-QMy name is Mr. G-QI’m a boy in my youthStanding tall and straightin my business suit.I’m a pretentious motherfuckerFrom a nation an generationThat has so much to gain And nothing to looseSo… I’m letting you know That I don’t give a damn about opinions‘cause they’re a dime a dozenSpent on the Wall Street NewsTherefore…When you see me walking byIn my Ralph Lauren tie And my brand new shoesDon’t hesitate to say helloBut just remember to call Mr. G-Q.My AdviceI was just sitting here Thinking about my past,and wishing I’d never left home.Back than your were only a baby and I was just a kid myself;about seventeen or so.No words can express how sorry I amFor missing out on so muchSo I’m taking the time to let you knowThat I wish I could turn back the hands of time But I can’t,And that’s just the way things sometimes go.I’d like to share with you a thing or two about life however,And that is,If you let it, it can lead you down a rocky road,and remember there are no guarantees of your success,this is why It’s important for you cling to your dreams,even when you’re growing old.I’d also like to give you some advice,which is to think before you re-act,‘cause it’s the consequences that will keep you from reaching your goals,and try not to predict the futurefor tomorrow is a mysteryso take things nice and slow.What I’m trying to say is,Don’t hurry when making decisions‘cause trust me your mistakes are all your own,And if by chance you become confused Just remember to ask for help,‘cause you’re never really alone,and even though I can’t be there with you,I hope you get some comfort and relief via the words of this poem,when I tell you how proud I am of your accomplishments and how beautifullyyou have grown.My Mother’s, Mother’s, Mother As I sit in an old rocking chair I look out my window;My favorite place to ponder.Then gazing off into the daylight hours I thought about the few words my mother had taught me;Words passed down to her by her mother’s, who learned of them from her mother. I continued to look out my window,enjoying the billowy clouds high above the timberlines floating byand as they did I paid homage, just as my mother’s mother had, for the many things createdby the Great Spirit.I thought of all the creatures in the bodies of water including every ripple in ever river and every trickle of every stream.Looking to the sky I was overwhelmed by a cascade of colors;A miraculous scenery. Late in the evening I watched as the many faces of the moon caused the tides to ebb and flow. It became apparent to me,that only a great entity could have formed such breathtaking masterpieces, and would have the power to shape and mold, create and re-create the most incredible things ever known to man,due to a Generous Heart and Gentle Hands.My SorrowI didn’t even know you,Not even your full name,But I know the time has finally comeTo say I’m sorry you were the victimOf the racing thoughts within my scattered brain.By now you are aware of the factThat I have been defined,As dangerously mentally ill,‘cause I stabbed you from behind,What you might not know is that I have dealt with the stigmaThat ‘s attached to mental illness almost every single day,Because people who are ignorant Have nothing nice to say,But as this point let me gather my thoughtsSo I can help you understandThe reasons why things turned out like they did way back then. It all began when I fled Colorado,Because I feared for my life,After being stalked;Not only once, but twice.It wasn’t until I hit New York’s soilThat I became aware of how sick I really was,I couldn’t seem to stop talking about the past,It was like I was stuck in quick sand Or mud.I can still recall the terror I feltAs I kissed the ground beneath my mother’s feet,While my heart pounded out of controlWhich scared the hell out of me,In no way am I trying to justify my instant offense,I just wanted the chance to let you know That I too had become someone’s victimSo young and innocent,And if I could I‘d turn back the hands of time,In order to fix the things that I’ve done wrong‘cause God knows I’ve made my fare share of mistakes,but I realize now that it’s the tragedies in lifethat help to make us strong. My SpiritWhile I was dying I saw myself,Transcending,Into an eternal light.Then, as I took my last breadth my spirit was released,To a place far beyond the darkness that creates night.For it’s within the realms of heaven That true beauty shines so bright,And if you were here you’d see for yourselfThat my spirit is doing alright.Now you may not know it but,I’m like a feather,Floating,Freely in the windAnd if I could I’d manifest myself,So you could witness all the places that I’ve been;For I have followed God’s angelsTo my journey’s endWhere patiently I wait To be with you again.My Sweetheart, My Valentine Someday I hope to be by your side;battling love’s storms while we’re still alive, for love can be like an ocean tideand at other times it’s like a roller coaster ridemaking it crucial for us to realizethat the love we share is sanctified for love is something that you cannot findbut instead is a necessity in our livesthis is why I’m asking you to be minefor I believe the love between us is totally divineso if you feel the same please give me a sign that you want to be my sweetheart, my Valentine.Not Just AnyoneSomeone once whisperedWords of truth in my earsWords of incredible wisdomObtained throughout the yearsSomeone once taught meThat to love is to forgiveTaught me the importance Of what it means to liveSomeone once forewarned meOf trials and tribulations How they overcame each oneWith hope and determination.Someone once helped meAt a time when I was downLent their shoulder and advicePicked me up off the groundSomeone once gave meA chance to prove myself Respected me for who I am Not for being someone else.Our New HomeWe’ve moved again just off the highwayTo place that really feels likehomeA placed we’re proud to say,“Yes, we reside here,”A place we can call our own.It’s quaint and peacefulWith lots of room for loveIt provides us with a roof over our head and a reason, to thank the lord above.Prisons and InstitutionsHave you ever visited someone in a prison or an institution that you know?Or did you ever spend time just talking with them on the phone? If you haven’t, then ask yourself, “What do people in prisons and institutions do every day”?Do you realize it’s just another day for them to pray?Have you ever lived in such a horrible place?Hoping that someone would dry the tears running down your face?If you have then you know the pain I’ve felt all the time, because no one even cared enough to drop me a line.Think about it. How would you feel if all you wanted was to be free?You too would be like a mole, that’s too blind to see;Always looking for a hole where you can hide;While your ears focus on the sounds of the outside.Would you lie on your bed and weep?Hoping to fall asleep?Until you hear the sound of a voice; reminding you that you have no choicebut to rise and shine on commandfor your life consists of nothing but demandsleaving you wanting to rid yourself of the monkey on your backwhile wishing the doctors would cut you some slackfor in prisons and institutions there are major trials and tribulationsthat seem almost unbearable to overcome with hope and determination.And then there are the times when you feel like you can’t go on, But you have to remember that you have no choice but to be strongAnd when you feel like you’ve lost all your pridetake from me, never ever let them see you cry!RelationshipsForget not the days whenLove prospered with a simple Gift of flowers that Hung from a moonlit beam.That made my heartFlutter with the thought ofWhat love should and aught to be.Farwell to the momentsSpent sipping sparkling wineWith candlelit dinner and eyesthat glitter and shine.For love is not hereYet has gone;Many miles passed the seasI cannot see.Long live trustWithout doubt and The kiss of honesty.Reva’s HarvestIt’s harvest time againand Reva’s and selected The best of everything that you can buy.Every year she givesfresh fruits and vegetables to her friends and familyof every color, shape and size;Asparagus, green beans and bell peppers,sweet ripened tomatoes and earthy potatoes;Big and small;Crisp lettuce and cucumbers;All waiting to be made into salads,but that’s not all,people have been known to drive for miles and milesjust to visit her in her home upstate,hoping to get a taste of what she’s grown;Summer squashes served with homemade honeymade by bees that pollinate the cherry treesthat are planted beyond a wall of stone.Welcome to Reva’s place;where generations are known to come and go;Leaving behind them her legacy;A story that will be passed onTo those she’ll never know.Scott’s LetterMom,because today was dad’s last dayof lying and dying in a hospital bedI decided to write this letterto thank youfor being there when he took his last breadth.But as for me?All I have are regrets;Regrets that I know I’ll have to live withnow that his gone.Isn’t it funnyhow tragedy can make us realize that time waits for no-one ,and life goes on.Now don’t get me wrong!It’s not that I don’t miss him,I’m just numb from being in prisonand by the way, you were right,“I just wouldn’t listen.”So now I’m paying for it,with the best years of my life;While missing out on opportunity after opportunity,but I’ll be alright.I just wanted to let you know that I’ve finally seen the light.I guess what I’m trying to sayis that the pain I’ve endured sometimes feels as if it’s more then I can bare,and it’s during these times that I find myself reciting the Serenity Prayer,but don’t worry Mom.I’m doing fine.I’ve been staring at these walls,and reading to pass the time;Hoping that one day I’ll be releasedso I can leave this place far behind.SeducedA web was spun The prey was caughtThreads of hunger woven in thoughtbitten off guard stung so deepstrands of passioncling so deepeyes that devourthe body and mindparalyzed by venoma victim in timea web was spunthe prey was caughtthreads of hunger now are sought.Seek and Yee Shall FindMany of us will experience dayswhen we feel lonely;As if we were a single leaf, shaken from its tree. This is when it’s important to believe in God’s love, for He will reward us greatly,as He lifts our spirits by setting us free;Listen closely, hear the beauty of God’s creations,as He controls the seasons and the galaxy;For He is, the Great Creator of night, the Maker of light;As well as the Provider for all mankind’s needs; For example, the animals that graze our holy lands which are planted with the tiniest of seeds.Let us never forget that we are God’s children, and that He sacrificed His only son for humanity. This is why it’s important to remember that although we may feel like that leaf,being shaken from a tree, God’s greatest purpose has always been to protect us while providing us with peace, love and serenity.Sisterly LoveEven though we’ve had our ups and downs,I’ll always be your biggest fan, for you can depend on me to be there for you whenever you need someone to hold your hand.Please know that I have plenty of faith in youand will do the best I can,to help you face life challenges by helping you make future plans.I believe our love is like an hourglass; with many grains of sand;its contents continuously flowingwith no beginning and no end.Someplace We’ve Never BeenYou were from the SouthA southern bell of proper hats and petticoatsAnd I from the East;A show- girl doused in sequence and silk dressesWe met one day on the island Palmasurrounded by the crystal waves of theWestern Mediterranean Sea.We learned that day how little it matterswhere a person is fromwhen we’re all from somewherethat someone else may not have been;whether it’s a cottage in New Hampshire or, a beach house in Cancun.Then there are those who vacation like you and Ito places near and sometimes far,where we became fascinated by what we experienced,but we’re always content to return to ourPink House someplace overlookingthe shady meadows of a green valley or taking a snooze inour castle in the sky.What about the people who travelOver-seas and through the air?Who bought a ticket to ridethe sunset by buggyor heard the whistle blowing?To leave for something new;better then what they knew before?Some movefrom one place to the nextin search of a new life;Like bees on a quest for nectarwhich turns to honey;what dreamers!Others are still searchingfor the hum of a different tune,that is pleasing to the ears andmakes the feet tap to a faster beatin some foreign city with blinking lightsand cars programmed with automatic horns.How many camefrom Alabama to Louisianaand were with or without a banjoplayed upon the knee?She and I decided some never went to Louisiana and are probablystill in Alabama!We discovered that,some places and yet others;are said to be the place to be.Most importantly we agreedthat,many people are form some placewhere;She and I have never been.Starting OverEvery time we start over it's like,chasing a dream,hoping to fly.It's like the feeling of loneliness;or the kind of freedomthat hasn't been felt for a very long time.It's like realizing the true meaning of being content; even though it’s hard to leave your past behind.It's like how the sun sets in order for it to rise.It’s the true meaning of happiness;that exist in our everyday lives.It’s like the beginning of a heartache That we’re able to survive.It’s like playing the lottery,Hoping you’ll win a prize.It’s the blessings we have been granted While we’re still alive,and the kind of peace that awaits uswhen we haveto say goodbye.SweetNever before have I met someone as dearSweet is your smile every time you appear.I think you’re pretty special, and your qualities are rare.Sweet as the scent of flowers blowing through the air.Your humor is a pleasure I enjoy very muchSweet is your thoughtfulness and gentle is your touchYou see things as they are and you’re sharp as a whistleSweet are your eyes, the way they sparkle like crystal.Knowing you has brought a ray of light I have longed to seeSweet are you and the kindness you’ve given me.The Creeper and the HemlockThe Creeper grew slowlyIt left no trace behindCovering all in its pathIts vine spread far and wideAs the Creeper Grew It spotted a place to restNestled between two trees The Creeper built its nestUpon the trunk of a Hemlock There its vine did laySoaking up all the sunlightThat shown throughout the dayThere that Creeper Grew Up and around and aroundWhen the Hemlock finally wokeIts roots they shook the ground!“Why do you bother me,” asked the Hemlock?“Do you not have any respect?”“Stealing my rays of sun”,“What else should I expect?”“I did not wish to offend you”,The Creeper then replied,Please except my apology,But I needed a place to lie.”“I shall forgive your intrusion,Your response shows much regret,Despite your thoughtlessness I’m glad that we have met.”From evening until light And through the break of dayThe two became acquaintedWith many things to sayThey talked of the forest Speaking highly of their viewsThe things they had in common They shared the whole day through.No mention from the Hemlock Of why it got upsetNo word from the CreeperThe shame it had weptAs time went slowly byThe two grew old as oneEnjoying each other’s companyBest friends they had become. The Defense of One’s SelfIf you only knew meyou’d understand my emotions,and my thoughts.about the world,about lifeand the sadness I’ve experienced or the happiness that I’ve feltwhich was somehow lostsomewhere in tomorrow’s unfulfilled dreams.If you only knew the days my heart sank, punctured,yet still beating,as you insulted my dignity and pride;leaving me slightly wounded whenever I would hear the poking and prodding of your degrading words that hurt like sliverson the surface of my skin;as your comments ridiculed,my looks,when I’d smile and say hello,my brain,as it offered an opinionormy figure that use to sway with self-esteem.Continuously you tried to break my spirit,but I wouldn’t surrender;I just couldn’t let you be the victor.I had to win!So I walked away,with my head held high,while listening to your countless insults;Dissipating;The sound of your voice,slowly coming to an end.The Changing of the SeasonsAs the leaves begin to change I listen to the rain drops tap on my window pain for what might be the last time before winter’s snowflakes glitter like diamonds as they fall to the ground.Over the years it’s become normal for me to sit and ponder about the things that I’ve missed out on;Like the special moments I wished I could have shared; the barbeques, the holidays, the graduations, the wedding ceremonies, the birthdays, and even the deaths. I thank God that the hands on the clock keep ticking as I seek out an inner peace that allows me to adjust in an atmosphere that is filled with so much chaos; an environment that scrambles my brain like an egg.At other times I snap like a tree that’s weathered a storm; my limbs broken like that of an ancient Sycamore. Let me relish the moments as they go by; adding up to the days that are like that of the Maple tree in the fall;the beauty of it’s existence found in the depths of it’s foliage, as its colorful leaves bleed into one making the season festive.I have come to realize that I too change as the seasons change. This is why I find the need to mention the New Year which I always hope will bring happiness to those who I hold dear. Let me never forget the coming of April and May;It’s Forget Me Knots and famous Jack in the Pulpits; their royalty being the first signs of spring.Spring; bringing with it it’s freshly made batches of nature’s sweet syrup, and the buzzing of beehives. Then there are the tulips that burst into bloom signifying that of a painters palette during summertime, the warmth of human bodies covered with tanning lotion; reflecting the rays of the sun.As I think back I begin to ponder about all that the seasons have given me; then I bow my head and prayto be given another chance to appreciate the glorious parts of mother nature; The greatest gift that God ever gave.The Fate of Daddy’s HandDaddy’s Fate Line is brokenin two placesthe first break occurs just before the headline, the line of mental health.The second break appears only inches from his life line,long but jagged.I can sometimes picture him in my mind,clenching his fists together trying to crush the fate of his hands as he sits sober for the first time in 35 years,behind the cold bars of a New York Penitentiary.if only he had studied palmistryhe might have made his choices differently,without the drunken nights spent wasted and wasting precious time,but it’s to late now for a wife or a family,time has altered his life line as it has grown deeper with old age.I wonder if he sits on a cot barely large enough to fit a man whose six foot three,rubbing his palms sore with guilt while he tries to erase he drunk- knuckled stupidity,an illness gone bad;the veins of his backhand bulging,gripping the thought of being free. The Good WordTwo Love-birds sat discussing the Good WordOn a tree limb,One said to the other,“Have you ever committed sin?”The other then replied with a smile As it turned and looked away,“Why yes, of course I have,In each and every way.”Then along came a squirrelWho gathered nuts all day.He knew the Good Word,But didn’t have much to say.“What’s the Good Word, “asked the Love-bird to the passer-by?”He responded, “I love you and accept you,”Then he said, “Goodbye.”The Love-bird pondered over the Good WordAnd the passer- bySo…He went to the wise old owlAnd asked with an inquisitive sigh…“What’s the Good Word, and why do we live in sin?”The wise old Owl hooted once and lifted up his chin.He explained, “because we are not perfect,there’s lots of room for sin,,but if you want to know the Good WordIt must come from deep within!” The Love Between Friends When we were just kids you and I were like two peas in a pod, at times we were envious of one another not understanding, that we were all children of God. Then there were the teenage years, which were hard for us all; our little lives filled with our first obstacles; some big and some small, yet our friendship continued to grow until each of us went our separate ways, taking with us the memories that each of us hoped would never fade, then came the years of experience; that some of us will often regret and yet others will never forget, but now that we’re older and wiser let us come together so we can rekindle the love that exists between friends not only now but in the future, forever and ever, AMEN.The MagicianAmongst the gray and black my fiery spark appearsPulling potions from my sack I chase away your fearsSoon the black changes to silverwith a chant of my magic spellI smile and look awaywith thoughts of a wishing wellFinally the sun lights upthe early morning skyYour feelings of emptiness I have replaced with an evening sighAll that you have wished for I will try to make come true,for I am your magician and you are one of few. The MessengerDeer Heart,take heed,for mother nature’s dance with winter is upon us so run like the wind through the clouds,and let the leaves on the trees be a sign of death and destructionas each one falls to the ground;Because your days on earth will be numbered,so use them wisely,by turning your life around;for the mistakes you make todaycan affect the generations of tomorrow,that is why it’s so important that you learn from them now,for this will please the Creator;the one who determines your fate,something you must never doubt,because if you don’t believe in the one who created youyou will be condemned to the house of the tormentor,forever,with no way out,so I encourage you to think about the consequences in lifeand realize that it’s the decisions that you make in life today,that really count!The Song of FertilityThere may come a day when women,will bare their hearts and souls,giving birth to a story,of what the future has to hold.For ours is a secret that is not only playedbut is also sung,in hopes that the next generationswill preserve,the wisdom of their ancestor’s tongues;and since we are able to createthe most sacred of harmonieswe will continue to singand danceto the songof fertility. The Power of God’s LoveWouldn’t it be nice if wishes could rid the world of war, famine and disease?This way we could not only live, in peace but also in harmony.Many of us wish that the human race could be without the horrible illnesses that plague humanity,but remember that wishes are not the same as miracles because they are something we rarely receive,however,let us not lose hope or forget the true meaning of compassion so we can help those who are in need;while reminding ourselves that we too are growing closer to deathmaking it more and more important for us to believethat the power of God’s love for usis greater than any wish could ever be! The Pieces of My Broken Heart As the days goes bythe pieces of myBrok-en Heart,cry out for mercy; as it beats a pattern that makes my mind go insane;it’s rhythm, pulsatingwhile my memories keep recalling, the joys of my yesterdays;making my Brok-en Heart pound even faster,while my teardrops fall like rain; my spirit leaving my body,as my soul does the same hoping that future generations will tell the story,about how I was ordained;a person,with a Brok-en Heart,once filled with so much pain.ThunderbirdThe Thunderbird’s wings spread far and wideAs it soaredHigh above treesSending a message of dangerThat a flood was coming for sure.It was then that the Thunderbird Struck the earth With a boom and a crackAs it showed its authority Without mercy or favor.That I looked out my bedroom windowAnd started to shakeAs the thunderbird made it pour.It wasn’t until I saw a rainbow That I poked my head out my door.I stood and stared in awe at its colorsAs if I’d never seen one before.I thought to myselfIf I was an angel I’d be in heaven with the Thunderbirdcreating the eye of the storm,then together we’d fly over the desertuntil we reached the ocean shore,where together we could walk along beachescovered with creatures which once swam on the ocean floor.This is also where our ancestors were knownTo reveal their stories Along with so much moreLike how they navigated the seasThat took many years to explore.Then there are the volcanoes which eruptedFrom inside mother earth’s core.But no one knows except the Great Creator,What the future has in storeBut whatever happensI’m sure That we can overcome What our ancestors once endured. Waiting for FreedomI see them all waiting, and waiting, and waitingfor the van to take them away.I really don’t mind I guess,after all, what can I say?Except, that I wish I could join everyone in the chaos and fun,but, for now, I’m left here to sit and wait, and wait, and waitas I pray that one day, I too will get to feel the rays of the sun.I am only one of many, who have never been granted a pass,for the process, is a far cry from being fast,and just to get a ride in a cute little “magic bus”,I’ve been made to wait, and wait and wait,hoping my brain doesn’t turn to dust.I can only hope for the opportunitybefore I get too oldto be granted permission to take a walkeven in the bitter cold;If only you could comprehend the situation,when it comes to my fear,I wonder, will they ever set me free,after all these God forsaken years.The situation in itself, makes me feel like I’m never going to leave,thanks to an overabundance of strict policies. I’d like to go to a group home but, the fact is, there are no available beds;Leaving me to wonder if I die here,will anyone care if I’m dead?This is why I use my time wisely, in hopes that I’ll make an impact on the human race,for as far as I’m concerned,haste, only makes waste,especially in a world that is filled with chaos, with no remedy to cure my pain, leaving me to come to the conclusion, that I’m not the only one whose insane.I try not worry though,for I know I’ll be O.K., as long as I’m able sit and wait, and wait, and wait to be set free, someday.What I DreamtThere was a time when many came to this continent,in search of resources, such as gold.For some natives maize was the closest thing they had,at least that’s the story I’ve been told.I dreamt about my ancestors being hungryand how they were left without any shelter during a freezing cold storm.Judging by what I saw,it was one of the last of many wars.I could barely make out what I saw next, but,there it was, a narrow trail,as far as the eagle’s eye could see.It was along this trail that my ancestor’s bodies laid, starving; covered in blankets infected with small pox, a horrible disease.Then I noticed the eyes,of many a grief-stricken face,teardrops streaming down their cheeks,until they disappeared quickly without a trace.Shortly after I awokethan looked to the Great Spirit in the sky.I asked him if He would please help me understandthe reasons for genocide.With intent ears I listened to Him as the wind began to blow,He began to speak to me, and, as He did,He let out a long and painful moan.He told me, “ there were many to blame,mainly the soldiers,for they had no shame;as they raped your daughters for fun,and killed your people’s ancestorswith their horrifying guns.”I thought about what I’d dreamtand pondered over the messagethe Great Spirit had sent.I decided that my troubles in life were minisculewhen compared,for what my ancestors had to endureno race,should ever have to bare.When We’re ApartEven though you’re thereAnd I’m hereNothing can tear us apart,For God created us asSoul-mates Since the very start,therefore,you never have to doubt my intentionsfor you truly have my heart,which beats rapidlywhenever I’m near you,but aches while we’re apart.White Earth ReservationWhite Earth, Minnesotarequires tough skin in winter.Soft Skin and throats and slanted eyesbruise red and become swollen asharsh blizzards bite ears and noseswith sharp stings from icy cool winds.When the cold weather hits, seek shelterfrom snow-filled clouds, high above Indian lakes and trees. While doingwork, wear leather coats, lined with peltsof muskrat fur and gloves to match fingers that wiggle and curve to fit.Wings So I Can Fly The doctor gave me some good news today.He said, " Even though you're dangerously mentally ill you're getting better with the help of therapy and the right combination of pills." My recovery hasn't been easy though,instead it's been full of ups and downs.Never the less,I can honestly say that God has given me both the courage and the strength to turn my life around, and even though most days I feel like I've been institutionalized,or that my life is a living hell;I still keep wishing and hoping that the doctors will release me,since I'm finally doing well.As for the future?I pray that the day will finally arrive,when my teardrops will no longer fall from the corners of my weary eyes,and that if I keep the faith,someday God will grant me wings so I can fly.Wishes for a New YearMy wish is for the New Year to be… as precious as a baby’s first breath,as wise as the oldest owl,as peaceful as a white winged dove,as nurturing as a mother’s touch,as pleasant as a best friend’s company,as giving and loving as the kindest of hearts,as faithful and as committed as a husband and wife,as innocent as a child’s imagination,as lavish as the richest Kings,as wild as the liveliest of parties,and as big as the most unimaginable dreams. ................
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