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Those Old Romantic Love SongsI would bet that, just like me, there are millions of women driving around performing their duties of daily life, who find that when the first few notes of a certain love song come on the radio, it catches her complete attention, and she is immediately transporting back in time to another place, another life long ago. As the song continues, it reminds her of something so special that 20, 30, or 40 years later, it floods her heart and mind with crystal clear memories shared only with a certain “someone.” It may have only been a weekend, or a torrid Rhett and Scarlet relationship that didn’t last, perhaps just a one night stand, or maybe only a “what if,” but there must have been a reason these people crossed our paths, touched our lives, then disappeared like the night at dawn. For a time they gave us pleasure; they made us laugh, love and feel something that no one else had before….or would again. Scintillating forbidden lust and living out those passions during a secret rendezvous gave our life excitement and intrigue. We remember sitting by the phone waiting for him to call and when he did, we felt our hearts take wing and fly, only today they only fly on the words of an old romantic song. The tingles and joy often gave way to tears and sad farewells, or perhaps they just faded away like fog under the burning sun. No matter how brief the sight, scent and touch of those lost loves was, they became as ingrained in us as reading the alphabet or riding a bicycle. No matter how sinful or sweet, how furtive or open our meetings, those special people will always be a part of us. Though together for only a snippet in time, there was talk of forever and of plans for what the future would bring. As with any great romantic tragedy, there were obstacles that could not be overcome keeping the two star-crossed lovers from being together as they so desperately longed to be. Other times we knew before it began that our relationship was only a brief snapshot in time, but it created a photograph that we would carry in our hearts forever. Some may have been older, others were younger, and some may even have been well known to us but we were never privy to their true, innermost feelings about us until Fate stepped in and altered our courses. Some were faces across a crowded room, or someone we knew and had admired from afar. For a time at least, each one was a face we longed to see, lips that set our hearts afire, eyes that drank in our thoughts, and intimacy unlike any other. There were those who may have lacquered the relationship with lies, and those whose sincerity we unfairly misjudged until it was too late. At times we may have even wanted what was bad for us, causing us to turn our back on a really good thing. As the saying goes, we must be careful what we wish for because we just might get it. Ultimately, we parted ways never to cross paths again as time and tide rolled on, but though they may all be gone from our lives, they are not forgotten. They will never be completely gone, because there will always be those words in a song to haunt us. Words that were lovingly whispered in our ear during a slow dance, were playing on the radio on a special moonlit night, or became “our song”. The words and melody will continue to bring their faces to our mind, the feel of their lips on ours, and make us long once more for that special feeling we shared with only them. Closing our eyes, time and distance, age and events are removed and we are once again as we were then--young and in love. I would also bet all the tea in China, if I owned all the tea in China, that those arms and lips and face do not belong to the man you wake up beside every morning, whose streaky underwear you launder, or whose paycheck you use to pay the bills. I think that must be part of the Great Plan of our lives. We have those special people and special times for only a short while, yet they remain a part of us forever. Part of what may make them so special is that we cannot, and do not want to imagine those paramours taking out the garbage, snoring beside us every night, or lying on the couch in their boxers. Our mind has the wonderful capacity to keep those special memories frozen in time, preserving those precious faces and those magical times exactly as they were then, no matter how many years have passed. Those old romantic love songs will often call up from the tomes of our minds, images safely stored where the effects of time and gravity cannot corrupt, and we can close our eyes and smile at the young couple we see so clearly. The young woman in our dreamy days of long ago only vaguely resembles the person we see when we look into the mirror today. She is firm, slender and sensuous, without any of the wrinkles, sags and bags that are evidence of what an enemy Time can be to many of us. As the familiar scenes play in our minds like an old movie reel, we can hear a certain voice speaking clearly the words that are as real and as fresh as if he were here right now. It may be just a phrase, a snatch of conversation, a phone call, a whispered word while dancing cheek to cheek or a long ago promise made and not kept. Perhaps, even a goodbye. Regardless, our heartstrings are played like a harp and we are moved again and again, no matter how many times we hear those magical tunes and lyrics. Bittersweet is how memories are often described, for as sweet as it is to remember, it can often be just as painful. You may wonder where “he” is right now. You wonder what events have filled the time between ‘then’ and now. You wonder “what if?” A craving almost always creeps over you that you wish you could see him, speak to him, just reconnect in some way with your vision of yesteryear. You long to hear that voice, see that smile, and look into those windows to his soul just once more with no intention to harm, and no consequences to pay. You wish you could just innocently say, “I still think of you”, nothing more, and there just let it lie. You can while away many happy moments remembering, and fritter away many more in frustration wondering what path your ‘someone’ has taken since you parted. In memories, they will always remain as they once were, young, virile, desirable and besotted with you. The mind is very merciful in that it keeps them exactly as we remember them, not having gotten gray, gone bald or grown a paunch. We would probably suffer even more if we knew how cruelly time or misfortune had treated them, how unrecognizable they may have become, or perhaps even worse, how blissfully happy they are with their current life. Deep inside we always secretly hope that there was a part of them, no matter how small, that always belonged to us, a part of their heart that no one else could fill. During those secret trysts, passionate nights, or fun filled days we only saw the good side, the side they wanted us to see to keep us wanting more. Life reserves the best for the files in our memory banks. If we had gotten to know them better, we would have found flaws and faults, but never having gotten to know them too well, they remain untarnished, untouchable, and unequalled in our sweet reverie. Memories can actually improve with time like fine wine. The more time that passes, the more special those old lovers from the past become, almost idols to us of a better time, a better person, a better love, but ……..Would you really trade even one of those lost loves for the steadfast love and understanding of your mate? The one, who has nursed you through colds and cramps, celebrated new life with you and consoled you during death; shared private jokes and plumbing disasters, carved a lot of turkeys, and handled any crisis. This is the same one who has remembered birthdays and anniversaries for all these years, the one who forgave you for messing up the checkbook, or burning dinner. Here is the one who fixes broken faucets and broken dreams, the one who brings you tissues and hot tea when you can’t get out of bed. He is here for graduations, weddings, holidays and funerals. We gladly traded the thrill of the chase, the uncertainty of “will he call?” and the tenuous bonds of lust and infatuation, for the comfort and security of a loving relationship with this dear one with whom you share Life’s minor and major events on a daily basis. You have moved along the continuum from scintillating tease to tried and true. Together you face mortgages and mortality. You endure sleepless nights of his snoring and he tolerates your monthly mood swings. The two of you have shared teething and tricycles, amusement parks and emergency rooms, fractures and first dates, diapers and driving lessons, and so much more. This is the one who loves you just as you are and understands you as well as anyone can. This is the one who ages along with you, and whose good and bad sides you have seen, and accepted as a part of the package that is the man you chose to love and cherish til death do you part. Through the good and bad times and all the ones in between, you know he will be there today and tomorrow, and as long as he lives and breathes. He is not a flash in the pan, a secret fling, a whirlwind romance or the one that got away. He is the genuine article. He is the present, not a memory. He is true, not a fantasy. He is imperfect, yet he is who you wanted and believed you could not live without. He has loved you through morning breath, morning sickness, menopause and the flu. You have loved him through football season, baseball season, basketball season and golf. You have put up with his relatives and he has put up with yours. However, through this daily grind of give and take, true love does not wear down like wood to sandpaper. Instead the friction of living daily with someone you love smoothes the rough edges of a new relationship, and over time it becomes a polished gem. Your love has evolved from the butterflies in your stomach when you knew you were about to see him again, to that warm fuzzy feeling when you hear his voice on the phone during the trials of a busy day. He’s the first one you want to tell when the doctor gives you good news, and the first one you want beside you when the news is not good. He’s the one you bounce ideas off of for important decisions such as what color to paint the house or what to name the baby. He is there to lend advice regarding the purchase of a car, a dress, or a washing machine. He is your lover; he is your best friend. You know what turns him on and what ticks him off. He is the ying to your yang.Suddenly, or perhaps slowly, you realize that those you thought you wanted to reach out and touch again, even if just a voice over the phone, are not really that important to you. They are special memories, but they are just that…..memories. They are a part of your past, a shimmering moment in time that we will always treasure. Like many old treasures, however, they need to be kept tucked secretly away in the far corner of your mind; not thrown away but not close at hand either. These old loves passed through our lives for a reason; some to give joy, others provided heartache, but from all of them we learned lessons. The lessons that would help us choose the father of our children, the one whose face will greet us each new day, the one we lean on, learn from and love dearly. The circumstances and events that formed the memories we carry with us helped to make us what we are today. Without them, we would not be the person that made our mate fall in love with us. We would not be the one our beloved chose to share with, love with, and live with, all the days of our lives. So, go ahead and look back for the duration of that three-minute love song, but don’t spend so much time looking back that you miss the gift of today, or more importantly what lies ahead. For that is the direction we are all going….. forward. None of us can go back and reclaim those magical moments, or our youth and innocence, but…would we really want to?By Rebecca Matthews ................
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