Scooby-Doo



Scooby-Doo

Lights, Camera, Scooby?

By Scott Gross

PAGE 1

Panel 1: Wide shot, thin panel, silhouettes of four teens and their dog approaching a small single-story log cabin tucked away in the forest. The lighting / colors should reflect that Page 1 is a movie.

TODD: Well guys, this is it ― my Aunt Gloria’s summer house.

DINA: Uh…Todd? You said we were spending the weekend at a cabin in the woods. This looks more like a shack on a hill.

Panel 2: Medium shot of the kids holding their backpacks and bedrolls as they face the cabin. The teens are parodies of the of the Mystery Gang / horror genre archetypes and are costumed analogously:

Todd: The Athlete

Dina: The Beauty

Melva: The Brain

Gash: the Goof

Bootsy: the Dog

TODD: C’mon Dina, where’s your sense of adventure?

MELVA: Yeah, what happened to the spirit of the outdoors? We’re here to get in touch with nature.

DINA: You want to touch nature, Melva? Go kiss a bear.

GASH: Like, bears don’t scare me ― we have Bootsy to protect us.

BOOTSY: Bootsy bootsy boo!

Panel 3: Inside the wood cabin’s main living room. The kids are entering through the open front door and looking around the dark, shadowy interior full of rotten old furniture, cobwebs, and strange carvings / artwork.

MELVA: Congratulations Gash and Bootsy, there’s one spot on Earth more grotesque than your bedroom.

DINA: Aunt Gloria totally needs an IKEA catalog.

GASH: I’d say this place looks haunted, but like ― no ghost would be caught dead in here.

BOOTSY: Brreee―ewww!

Panel 4: Inside one of the bedrooms, Dina looks at herself in a dusty mirror above the dresser.

DINA 1: Mirror mirror on the wall, is this weekend gonna be lame?

DINA 2: I’ll so need a pedicure when we get home.

Panel 5: Dina spins around and shrieks in fright, cast in the shadow of a giant man roaring up behind her. In the mirror we see her back and some details of the zombified creature. The Director’s voice comes from OS.

MONSTER: RRAAAWWWWRRR!!!

DINA: AAAIIIIIGHHH!!!

DIRECTOR 1: …aaaaaannd CUT!!

DIRECTOR 2: All right people, that’s enough for today. Get some rest and I’ll see you back on set tomorrow, eight AM.

PAGE 2

Panel 1: Wide shot, the Mystery Gang drives through a winding stretch of road leading into the woods.

FRED: Who knew ― you drive 3 hours outside of Los Angeles and you’re in the middle of nowhere!

SHAGGY: Like, we’re somewhere all right ― somewhere far away from my next meal.

SCOOBY: Ret’s rurn around.

TITLE / CREDITS

Panel 2: Inside the Mystery Machine. Daphne struggles with a fold-out map covering up half the window as Fred tries to drive. Velma shakes her phone in frustration.

DAPHNE: We haven’t solved a case yet that was harder than getting one of these maps folded back up.

VELMA: Keep it open, Daph. My GPS isn’t getting any signal in these hills.

Panel 3: In the back of the van Scooby and Shaggy are goofing around. Shaggy holds up a Scooby Snack, about to toss it into Scooby’s waiting mouth.

SHAGGY 1: Here Scoob, I’ll give you the last Scooby Snack but you gotta dive for it.

SHAGGY 2: Fly ball! Deep center field…

Panel 4: The Mystery Machine careens off the road into a ditch, sending dust and gravel flying up in all directions.

MG: ZOINKS!

SFX 1: SCREEEECH! DONK!

SFX 2: bumpity―bumpity―bumpity―bumpity

Panel 5: Inside the van the gang is smushed together from the impact. Fred and the girls are pressed up against the dashboard with Shaggy and Scooby on top of them. The single Scooby Snack from P3 rests atop the steering wheel.

SFX: ppsssssst.

FRED: Guys, remind me to put two seatbelts on each of you next time we drive anywhere.

DAPHNE: And zip-tie their arms and legs. Look what you did!

SCOOBY: Ruuuss?

PAGE 3

Panel 1: Wide shot, the MG marches through the woods towards a clearing in the distance where the film shoot is taking place. The Director’s word bubble points to the set in the background.

DIRECTOR: Whaddya mean she’s ‘missing’ ?!!

FRED: I see some people in the clearing up ahead. Maybe they can help us pull the Mystery Machine out of that ditch.

Panel 2: The Director on-set in the middle of the forest surrounded by assistants and crew. He sits in a canvas high chair, one hand holding a megaphone, shouting into his telephone with the other.

DIRECTOR 1: I’m a director, not a detective! I need somebody to play Dina or we got no movie.

DIRECTOR 2: I can’t just stop shooting. We’re on a tight schedule here. I have a budget, rented equipment, lighting, cameras ―

DIRECTOR 3: I got craft services making 32 pounds of crabmeat salad for lunch. Do you know how expensive it is to keep that sort of thing properly chilled?!!

Panel 3: The MG wander onto the set, parting the crowd towards the Director.

DAPHNE: Pardon me, sir. We broke down―

Panel 4: CU Director

DIRECTOR: You’re hired!

PAGE 4

Panel 1: Wide shot, the Director takes the MG on a tour of the film set with his golf cart. Behind them are indications of lighting rigs, cameras, trailers and crew.

DAPHNE: Jinkies! It’s so exciting to be on the set of a real-live movie shoot. Thanks Mr. Director, sir.

DIRECTOR 1: Yeah, well get the stars out of your eyes, kid. It ain’t all glitz and glamour behind the silver screen.

DIRECTOR 2: This production has been cursed from Day One. I’m ready to go back to making cell phone commercials.

Panel 2: The Director continues motoring but now Fred waves to the gang from atop the dolly camera hovering above the scene.

DIRECTOR 1: These actors are all prima donnas ― always fighting with each other over who’s the biggest star.

DIRECTOR 2: We’re three days into shooting and now one of them goes AWOL!

Panel 3: Daphne stands outside the costume trailer beside a rack of hanging garments. She holds a costume in each arm, one mermaid and one Viking princess. The Director rides along in silhouette in the bkg.

DIRECTOR: One trip through our costume trailer and Daphne will look just like Dina in the movie.

DAPHNE 1: Wow! Hollywood really is the land where dreams come true.

DAPHNE 2: All it takes is the right outfit.

Panel 4: The golf cart comes to a stop in front of Gus, the hulking zombified gas station attendant who ends up being the kidnapper in the film. The Director looks calm but the MG jump in fright at the sight of him.

MG: ZOINKS!!!

DIRECTOR 1: This is Gus. He plays the gas station attendant who gives the kids directions in the beginning of the film. Then he turns into a zombie and eats them all.

DIRECTOR 2: Relax, he’s a nice guy. It’s called acting.

Panel 5: The Director shouts into his megaphone at the cast and crew. As he does, an assistant whispers something into his ear.

DIRECTOR 1: OK people, let’s get organized here. We got an important scene ―

ASSISTANT: whisper…whisper…whisper…

DIRECTOR 2: Another one? You gotta be kidding me!

PAGE 5

Panel 1: The MG huddle together.

VELMA: Jeepers, gang. Now both Todd and Dina are missing. The actors are disappearing just like the characters in the film.

SHAGGY: Like, talk about life imitating art. Totally meta, huh Scoob?

SCOOBY: Reah, reta!

FRED: You guys have watched every Saturday night Cable TV horror flick ever. What usually happens next?

Panel 2: Medium shot Shaggy and Scooby.

SHAGGY 1: Well, like if this was a movie the first thing we know is that we’re being watched.

SCOOBY 1: Rrreah, ratched!

SHAGGY 2: Second, whoever is kidnapping the actors would have planted clues.

SCOOBY 2: Rrreah, rrues!

Panel 3: The MG turn their pockets inside out. Shaggy holds up a slip of paper.

VELMA: Everybody check your pockets. Maybe there’s a note with instructions or a cassette tape.

SHAGGY: Hey, I found something. It says L U N C H T I M E.

SCOOBY: Rystery rolved!

Panel 4: The MG walks through the set. In the foreground Scooby reaches for a bowl of snacks on the craft services table. A loop of string beneath the bowl trails OS like a tripwire.

VELMA: Typically the characters in a film get into trouble because of each other’s vices ― things like Envy, Pride, Gluttony and Greed.

Panel 5: Overhead shot, Velma walking. An axe hangs precariously above her in the scaffolding framing the dark foreground, suspended from the other end of the string in P4.

VELMA: Only the ones who resist temptation make it through in one piece.

Panel 6: Velma calls to Scooby from OS and he spins around, leaving the bowl of snacks untouched.

SFX: zip.

VELMA: Scooby! That food is for the crew ― paws off!

PAGE 6

Panel 1: The MG along with Melva, Gash and Bootsy, smiling nose-to-nose with Scooby.

FRED: The actors are being kidnapped in the same order as the characters in the story. That means the culprit must know the script.

MELVA: So he’s here among us? On the set??

GASH: Maybe show business isn’t my thing after all. Bootsy, think we can get our old jobs back at the pizza shop?

BOOTSY AND SCOOBY: Rextra rauce, rouble reese!

SHAGGY: Dude, I’m on board. Like, lead the way.

Panel 2: Wide shot of Gus’s trailer. The kids are clumsily approaching from the rear, trying to be stealthy. There appears to be activity within. Fred points to Gash, Melva and Bootsy.

VELMA: In the screenplay it’s the grizzly gas station attendant who’s behind everything.

DAPHNE: This is his trailer, and I hear voices inside. They must be the missing actors!

FRED: You guys stay outside and keep watch.

Panel 3: Interior of Gus’s trailer. The MG burst in but find Gus alone, out of costume / make-up, reading a script with the TV on.

TV: Tired of coffee and tea stains making your dress shirt look like a dishrag?

SFX: BURST!

FRED: Hold it right there, gas station goon!

GUS 1: What’s going on?! Are you from the union?

GUS 2: I’m just reading lines for a laundry detergent commercial.

GUS 3: C’mon guys, gimme a break. A guy’s gotta make a living.

Panel 4: The MG regroup outside the trailer. Melva, Gash, and Bootsy are gone.

VELMA: Well that was embarrassing.

DAPHNE: Wait a minute, what happened to the other actors?

PAGE 7

Panel 1: The MG cluster around the Director in his high chair holding a bright red old-fashioned Bell Telephone trailing a long cord.

DIRECTOR 1: Nobody’s seen Melva, Gash or the dog anywhere. Mystery Gang, now you have to help me!

DIRECTOR 2: You see this red phone? This line comes in direct from upstairs. If they get word that my entire cast is missing they’ll pull the plug on this whole production!

Panel 2: Assistants crowd around the MG holding up measuring tape, wigs, and the outfits of the film’s original cast. The Director beams at the suggestion.

VELMA 1: We could fill-in for your captured cast and shoot the remaining scenes, Mr. Director sir.

DIRECTOR 1: Please, call my Sydney.

VELMA 2: From inside the movie maybe we can finally get to the bottom of things.

DIRECTOR 2: Yeah yeah ― that too, of course.

Panel 3: Same set-up as P1, except depicted from overhead on surveillance camera footage projected onto an enormous screen. The MG and Director are being watched by a large crowd inside a high-tech control room or trading floor, not in the woods. Running tickers / icons / lighting / colors can be used to illustrate this. In the foreground hands wave in the air making signals and holding money. Cash changes hands. A bursting word bubble can be used to distinguish the VO from ‘regular’ dialog.

VO 1: OK people, place your bets!

VO 2: Who’s gonna disappear next in this parody of a horror comedy parody?

Panel 4: Hands with chalk scribble / erase furiously on an old-fashioned betting board displaying the odds for each of the MG to vanish.

VELMA: 20 - 1

FRED: 10 - 1

DAPHNE: 5 - 1

SHAGGY: 3 - 1

SCOOBY: 2 - 1

SFX: chalk chalk chalk

VO: I got the dumb brown dog at 2-1. Who wants a piece of that action?!

PAGE 8

Panel 1: Wide shot, the MG on camera inside the cabin dressed as the original teens from Pg 1. Like Pg 1, the panels on Pgs 8 / 9 are scenes on film. Make the costumes / wigs look ill-fitting and obvious and the acting stiff and awkward. They stand around the center of the living room looking at an open trapdoor in the floor.

DIRECTOR (OS): ….aaand ACTION!

MELVA: That trapdoor must lead to the cellar. Should we go down there and satisfy our reckless teenage curiosities?

TODD: I say yes, even though it contradicts everything Gash and Bootsy have ever shouted out loud during a horror movie.

BOOTSY: Rrrrootsy Roo?

Panel 2: The teens descend into the dark basement, illuminated only by the light from the ceiling trapdoor and ancient candles. Cobwebs and dark corners crowd the scene. Tabletops are filled with oddities and curios in dusty glass jars, old photos, music boxes and dolls. Melva holds up a ‘Fred’ action figure with a dangling price tag.

TODD: Whoa ― Aunt Gloria never told me about any of this. Is that a baby crocodile in a mayonnaise jar?

GASH: This basement would actually be less creepy if it had wood paneling and a shag carpet.

DINA: Which thing here is the most ‘none of my business’? That’s what I’m going to touch first.

MELVA: Can you believe how much they want for these dolls? The Mystery Machine playset must cost a fortune.

Panel 3: Gash and Bootys point to a Bullwinkle-esque stuffed moose head hanging on the wall.

GASH: Hey Dina, I dare you to come over here and kiss this moose.

BOOTSY (giggling): Bre-Bre-Bre-Bre

Panel 4: The moose snarls ― Gash and Bootsy screech in fright. Dina’s voice comes from OS.

SFX: GGRRRR!!!

GASH & BOOTSY: GOINKS!!!

DINA (OS): Hey look, a diary.

PAGE 9

Panel 1: The teens huddle around Dina, who picks up the diary but does not open it.

MELVA: Is it written in Latin, Esperanto, or ancient Sumerian?

DINA: We won’t know until we open it.

GASH: Like, I can live without knowing. Let’s go upstairs and make smores.

Panel 2: CU diary. The old leather binding is cracked and well-thumbed. A satin ribbon is tied around the book with a bow, holding it closed.

DINA: Guys there’s something sacred about keeping a diary. It’s just not right to read someone else’s.

TODD: Remember what Velma….er Melva said about that sort of thing coming back to bite us.

Panel 3: Cut to the same scene as P7:3, with the setup from P1 projected on the screen and the same furious betting in the FG.

SFX: chalk chalk chalk

VO: OK ― Do they open the diary? ‘Yes’ pays five on ten. Anybody?!

Panel 4: Dina pulls open the satin bow and the diary glows with light, illuminating her and the gang in a mystical vapor. Bootsy’s howl comes from the dark behind them.

DINA: Well, like they say in every movie whose title ends in ‘Massacre’: let’s see what happens.

SFX 1 (bow): slip.

SFX 2: knock. knock.

BOOTSY: Boooosty boooo…..

Panel 5: The diary stops glowing. The MG break character and turn to each other, confused.

DAPHNE: Wait….was that in the script?

SCOOBY: Rootsy roo?

SFX: knock. knock.

BOOTSY: Boooosty boooo…..

PAGE 10

Panel 1: The basement is now well-lit. The MG stand before a fake wall panel, thrown to the side to reveal a hidden chamber in the wall containing the missing actors. Todd, Gash, and Bootsy are tied-up, gagged, and bound together. Dina stands over them looking morose.

DAPHNE: Jinkies! It’s the missing actors and Bootsy!

BOOTSY: Bootsy bootsy boo!

Panel 2: The MG start to unbind Todd, Melva and Gash and remove their gags.

TODD 1: It was Dina! She grabbed us and tied us up.

TODD 2: My hair and makeup are totally ruined!

Panel 3: CU homely Melva

MELVA 1: Why’d you do it, Dina…err…Susan? They gave you a huge part, a trailer for your ‘bffs’, your own eyebrow stylist…

MELVA 2: Look at me ― I’m not even on the movie poster.

Panel 4: CU Dina, bitter, on the verge of tears.

DINA 1: Because they killed me off too early! I was the first to go!

DINA 2: I barely get five lines before they feed me to a zombie.

DINA 3: It’s called ‘screen time’ ― you wouldn’t understand that, Melva. And if I’m not getting any I want this film dead and buried.

Panel 5: Wide overhead shot of the movie set, the actors, the MG and the crew.

DINA: And I would have gotten away with it, if not for you meddling kids.

DIRECTOR: …aaaand CUT. All right people, that’s a rap.

THE END.

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