Aubrieann



Aubrie FlynnProfessor Harris-RamsbyEnglish 10101 Dec 2011Divorce: Affecting our nation’s futureStrike one, strike two, strike three, you’re out! Like baseball, marriage is a pastime in America. It has always been the dream of a little girl to walk down the aisle in their beautiful wedding gown and live happily ever after. So why does it seem that marriage always seems to strike out? Divorce rates are at a screaming high in America and many want to argue the fact that our nation’s future, our children, could be in extreme danger. Though separation has seemed to be a common occurrence in America’s homes, divorce rates have seemed to hit an all time high within the past few years. Let’s switch to the other side, for divorce to occur a marriage must take place. Sharon Jayson shares with us in her article posted in USA Today that marriage rates are also at an all time low. Jayson shares statistics that the U.S divorce rate stands at 17.7 per 1,000 women and since 1970 marriage rates have dropped 50 percent. Marriage rates moved from 76.5 per 1,000 women to 39.9 per 1,000.(Jayson) She brings the biased idea to the table of America’s “traditional” marriage. Jayson wants to have the idea aware that possibly it isn’t just divorce that we need to be worried about but also the fact that America has an increasingly high number of what we call “cohabitation” or live in relationships. Jayson has researched facts that show “Cohabiting couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples, and in the USA, 40% bring kids into these often-shaky live-in relationships.” Jayson is not the only one with the state of mind of the old fashioned trends in America, to most the standard family is a very important idea.Chris Garner of the Fortified Marriages Ministry brought in a very strong view with his discussion in “Divorce is Always Wrong!” Garner has a strong religious based opinion that married couples need to stay married. To make his point clear Garner argues his point in the name of God. “I could bring up the fact that God hates divorce; that the Bible says that whom God has brought together (in marriage), let man not separate and that God commands people not to separate or divorce.” Along with many, Garner has the opinion that divorce causes extreme distress on children. Garner shares with us that, “children of divorce endure serious mental, psychological or emotional problems at two and a half times the rate of the general populace, that women suffer financially and emotionally after divorce, that men tend to disengage from their children and that there is a tremendous cost to divorce.” Garner believes that children witnessing their parents forgoing a divorce are subject to believing that a promise under oath is something that can be broken. Garner shares with us an extremely religious opinion with facts that even the most recent statistics can back up. However, there needs to be a deeper understanding of what goes on when our traditional American family turns to destruction.Alison Clarke-Stewart brings to the table her book Divorce: Causes and Consequences and takes us on an inside tour of what happens to a divorced family. Stewart shares with us that fewer than 12 percent of fathers get rewarded custody of their children. Stewart states the reason for this is that in a traditional divorce fathers are usually the ones who end up moving out of the home. Wayne D Matthews wrote a piece Long-term Effects of Divorce on Children and connects to this fact by sharing that is it more difficult for boys to cope with divorce. Matthews says and I quote “Boys are more at risk than girls, primarily because mothers are awarded custody more often that fathers. It is difficult because the same-gender parent, the father, is no longer living in the home. The absence of the male role-model makes it more difficult for boys to adjust to divorce.” Stewart believes it is interesting that the mothers usually end up getting custody, the reason being that, it is traditionally the male in the family that has a higher and steady means of income. “Divorce has created a new poverty class in the United States: single moms and children. More than half of the poor families in the country are headed by single mothers.”(Stewart) Leaving us with the question, why is it that mothers are generally awarded custody of children? Children growing up in a single parented family suffer more consequences.Consequently, Matthew’s shares with us that, children of divorce experience not only short term, but also long term affects following the divorce. Matthews retrieved information following up after a five year study of divorced children saying that “during the course of the study children show persistent anger towards the parent that initiated the divorce, intensity of longing for the absent or erratically visiting parent, persistence of youngster’s wish to reconstitute the pre-divorce family, and that moderate to severe clinical depression in over one third of the original sample.” A ten year follow up was conducted with the same group of children showed that a dominant feeling of sorrow about their parent’s divorce still existed. He shares the children had thoughts including, their life would have been happier if their parents would not have divorced, as well as “divorce was better for them, but not for me, I lost my family.”(Matthews) Stewart mentions in her book that “They are more likely to get married or have a baby while they are still teenagers, they have lower levels of education (women only), and they are more likely to have a smoking or drinking problem. They are also more likely to divorce.” We need to understand the consequences that come over children that are experiencing a family divorce. Denise Mann wrote an article on behalf of WebMD Health News sharing the difficulties children for go during their parent’s divorce. “Difficulties along with feelings of anxiety, sadness, and low-self-esteem become evident once the divorce proceedings officially begin, not before” (Mann) Mann arguably says “Children of divorce tend to fall behind in their math and social skills and may not catch up with their peers” Mann states that marital conflict may lead to the child having to move schools. Consequently they mall fall behind in their studies, and have on-going troubles making friends. Mann continues to share a study composed stating that “Of about 3,500 elementary school kids who were followed from kindergarten through fifth grade, children of divorce experienced setbacks in math and social skills and were more prone to feeling anxious, lonely, sad, or tended to have low-self-esteem, compared with their peers whose parents remained married.” Mann states that is it surprising these affects didn’t take place in pre-divorce stages they only occurred after the divorce was in action. Mann shares a similar study involving only children at elementary age stating that "Research on divorce suggests that the younger the child is when their parents' divorce, the greater the impact of the divorce," Kathleen O'Connell Corcoran wrote a piece Psychological and Emotional Aspects of Divorce and she was here to say that “Fifty percent of all children are children of divorce.” Socially and academically this many students could put out nation’s future into a bind. Being at school could be a home away from home for some children living in a divorced family; some can longer call this new place a home.Christine Webber brings a new topic into view, in her editorial Step Families. Webber introduces the fact that children may be very upset when one of their parents moves on to a new relationship. Webber states that most children get comfortable with the thought that this new girlfriend or boyfriend is a temporary situation. In this case they will never go out of their way to make things comfortable or to even like this new person. Webber brings up a live in situation when the other spouse also has children of their own. Webber mentions to us that children often disobey the new parent figure. “In fact, children often feel guilty if they have a good time with a step-parent – and just when you might think that progress has been made, they'll withdraw their smiles and their co-operation”(Webber) Indeed, it is a difficult adjustment for children to be introduced into a new family that also have children. This may result in them losing attention from their parent and losing their personal space. “In such a new family there is often trouble about territory. Sometimes the accommodation is crowded and there's not enough space for all the children to have their own room. But do try to make sure that they all at least have their own areas within a room, and that these areas are regarded as private to that individual.” (Webber) Webber mentions that it can take a step family up to ten years to adjust to this new living situation. Webber concludes with the statement that step families aren’t all bad. In fact, some children may even find connecting with their new parent figure may be easier than with their own parent. Webber introduces the broad statement, “it’s not all bad” we need to look into what parents can do to make these situations better. Corcoran mentions that there are several typical reactions from children of divorce including, “denial, abandonment, preoccupation with information, anger and hostility, depression, immaturity/hypermaturity, preoccupation with reconciliation, blame and guilt, acting out.” Corcoran also states that these behaviors may be swayed by a few things such as their relationship with their parent, the amount of conflict through the divorce and even how much attention the parent may give the child during this time. This introduces the idea that there are several things that parents can do to help their children through these rough times. Webber shares that “During any split between two co-habiting partners, there is often a lot of trauma and bad feeling. And sometimes the adults concerned are so busy with their own upset and grief, that they don't have much time for their children – or for explaining things to them”. Matthews mentions that “At least two general avenues to helping children process the divorce experience are available: outside help and parental effort.” Stewart shares with us that the quickness and completeness of a child’s recovery is based completely on the parents. Stewart mentions a few things that will sway the recovery process including “how well the custodial parent adjusts, whether the non-custodial parent remains involved in their lives, whether the two parents get along, and whether there are other recourses the child can draw upon.” Stewart also suggests that research shows “children have fewer adjustment problems if their custodial parent (usually their mother) experiences minimal disruption of income after the divorce.” Stewart mentions that children are better off with the most minimal amount of changes that can possibly take place.Webber will open up with an interesting point of view stating that “No matter how difficult life is for the grown-ups in all of this, they should take on board that it can be absolutely terrifying for the children – and mostly that the kids would give anything for the split not to have happened.” My research on the effects that children experience during divorce concludes that there are many effects that children are bound to experience while undergoing a divorce in their family, however the bases of these negative effects rest on the shoulders of their parents. Children are very dependent and need to be guided on how to handle situations. To conclude, Webber gives advice on handling this type of a situation “First of all, try to fully comprehend just how important you and your partner are to your children. You are by far their biggest source of love. And they depend on it. In fact they frequently feel that Mum and Dad are their whole world. So a split between the two of you is just about the most frightening thing they can imagine. And it's important not to make light of it”.Works CitedClarke-Stewart, Alison and Brentano, Cornelia. Divorce: Causes and Consequences. New Haven, CT. 2007. Web. 23 Nov. 2011Jayson, Sharon. “Divorce Declining but So is Marriage” USA Today. USA Today, 28 July. 2005. Web. 23 Nov. 2011Garner, Chris. “Divorce is Always Wrong!” Fortified Marriages Ministry. 2006. Web. 26 Nov. 2011Matthews D. Wayne. “Long Term Effects of Divorce on Children” N.C Cooperative Extension Server. 1998. Web. 26 Nov. 2011Mann, Denise. “Divorce Affects Kids Academic, Social Skills” WebMD Health News. 2 June. 2011. Web. 26 Nov. 2011Webber, Christine. “Step-Families” Netdoctor. 22 Aug. 2011. Web. 26 Nov. 2011 ................
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