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Jewish Interfaith Familiesby Amy ConquistMy topic is on Jewish interfaith families. I chose this topic because my dad was raised Catholic and my mom was raised Jewish.? We have Hanukkah ornaments on our Christmas tree, and play dreidel with our Catholic cousins each year. I never questioned it, as it was just the way we did it year after year, and I had never really seen these holidays celebrated any differently. As I got older, I began to realize that our family traditions are sometimes very different from other interfaith families. I found it very interesting. Although you may think that the idea of intermarriages began in the late 1960s, it actually dates back to colonial times. Jews in the American Colonies often intermarried Christians. The first recorded intermarriage was the marriage of Jewish and Dutch-born Solomon Pietersen to a Christian woman in 1656. Her mother was very upset and excluded the couple from the rest of the family. Jewish intermarriages were also relatively common in the Young Republic era, which spanned from 1789 to 1814 in the few decades after the American Revolution. During this time period, about 20% of marriages were interfaith ones. In only twelve of these marriages it is recorded that the non- Jewish spouse converted to Judaism, which, according to Jewish law, is the only acceptable solution to interfaith marriage. Interfaith marriages grew enough during this time that Jewish leaders considered it a serious issue for the ongoing existence of the Jewish community. Many faiths have different views regarding interfaith marriages. For example, while many religions such as Christianity ban it in some churches, the Bahá'í faith allows all intermarriage. Muslims may marry outside of the religion as long as the spouse is from the People of the Book, either Christian or Jewish, and the children are raised Muslim. Many different branches of Judaism are divided on the issue, too. Orthodox Judaism completely prohibits all intermarriage. Conservative Judaism does not encourage intermarriages, but encourages that the non- Jewish spouse be accepted in the family, in hopes that they will convert to Judaism. On the other hand, Reform, Progressive, and Secular Judaism tend to be more accepting of marrying outside of the faith but a few try to persuade intermarried couples to raise their children following Jewish religion and culture.? According to a 2010 study of 2,500 people, “Jews are the most likely to marry out and Mormons are the least likely. Muslims, Catholics and Protestants fall somewhere in the middle. As many as 1 in 5 Muslims marries someone of another faith” (Riley).There are many challenges that interfaith families face. One of these challenges is dealing with the views of their religions toward intermarriage. In some cases, couples are excluded from one or even both side of the family because they married outside the faith.Many couples in interfaith marriages have struggles when deciding which religion to raise their child. Many of the religions say that the children must be brought up that religion, but this can create conflicts if one religion is completely ignored. Some couples choose to non- religiously celebrate the important holidays of each. Often, they choose to teach them about what the two religions have in common, instead of their differences, and focus on overall values instead of just religious values. Some couples even take their child to more than one place of worship, one for each religion, for example, a church and a temple. Others choose one religion and teach the child about the beliefs and traditions of that religion. The number of intermarriages has increased drastically over time. Intermarriage was comparatively uncommon in the late 19th century. However, since the 20th century began, rates of Jewish interfaith marriages has gone up remarkably, and between 1996 and 2001, 47% of Jewish marriage in the U.S. is to a non- Jewish spouse. Intermarriage in the U.S. has gone up 20% since the 1960s. After doing hours of research trying to find personal stories of people’s experiences and struggles with interfaith families, I wanted to find out more. I decided to create my own small survey. I wanted to find people in Jewish interfaith families and find out if all families do it like mine. We realized that we know a lot of these people and many were happy to share their experiences. We asked a small handful of people five questions about the way in which the cultures conflict and blend together. I also thought it would be important to ask about how their families reacted initially and over time about the idea of their intermarriage.When I received the results of the survey, I noticed some overall trends. I noticed that most respondents answered that they have decided to raise their children Jewish, but that they also celebrate Christmas and Easter without any religion. I thought this was interesting because it is very similar to my family in some ways, but it is sometimes different.? I found it very surprising that there wasn’t much conflict mentioned about deciding which parts of the religions and cultures to adopt. What I found the most interesting was that most respondents said that their family wanted them to marry into their own religion. While there were no conflicts in their house, there were some conflicts with their extended family when they married someone outside their religion. Of these respondents, though, all of them said that once their family got to know the spouse, they liked them as a person. They ?grew more accepting over time of their interfaith marriage and the conflicts that go with it.? Some respondents also added that even though their religion is the one being adopted for their family, their marriage to someone of a different faith has caused them to become less religious, or they raise their children with a mixed or less religious background.? This sometimes can result in conflicts with other family members. It is not always easier to be in an interfaith family. The divorce rate is 3 times higher in interfaith families than in same- faith families. This is mostly because when adults are in their 20s and 30s, they are in the most secular time of their lives, when they don't think of themselves as religious.? More than half of interfaith couples don’t talk about how they will raise kids before they get married. Later, when they get older and get married and have kids, religion comes back to them. If they change their mind about how to raise their kids, it can cause arguments between them. Studies show that people who marry someone of a different faith usually end up having a more positive view of that faith over time. According to a study by Naomi Schaefer Riley, author of a book about interfaith marriages, “A quarter of couples in same-faith marriages actually started off in different faith ones. This suggests not only that religion in America is remarkably fluid, but also that spouses can have a powerful influence over one's spiritual choices.” Now, we not only embrace interfaith families as part of today’s culture, but we are surrounded by it all the time, especially around the holidays. There are many things that affect our lifestyle. You may know someone who celebrates both Hanukkah and Christmas, maybe you have seen it on tv, or maybe you even celebrate them yourself. Tv has changed tremendously with the increase of ?different holidays being celebrated in the world today. Many childrens tv shows have more winter themed tv shows instead of just Christmas, in which the characters and the viewers learn about many holidays, such as Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanzaa. So far, no tv show or movie has put two holidays together, except for the television show The OC. Four episodes popularized the idea of Chrismukkah, described by character Seth as “eight days of presents, followed by one day of many presents.” Companies have used this made- up holiday to create merchandise to sell around the holiday season. There are many Hanukkah and Christmas blends out there, such as the menorah Christmas tree, the Star of David tree topper, and, funniest of all, the yamaclaus, a hilarious cross between a Santa hat and a yarmulke. There are even childrens books published discussing the topics of celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas at the same time. Eight Candles and a Tree by Simone Bloom Nathan is an example of one of these children’s books. It is about two kids who celebrate different holidays coming together and sharing their traditions with each other.As a child living in a family where we celebrate a mix of cultures and traditions, I know that my life would not be the same if I was not part of an interfaith family. My family is Jewish and adopts some of the holidays from my dad’s Catholic side of the family. It is something that is a part of me and that I experience every day. Throughout my research, I learned many things about interfaith families that I know I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I didn’t know there were so many families like mine, but also in many ways different. ................
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