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AlanaBody image and what’s deemed attractive can vary in different communities and there’s a lot of pressure and stereotypes that a lot of LGBTQ people feel that they have to fit into. I wonder how you feel that affects people in the LGBTQ community?RolySo, it’s a hard one because so many people have different ideas of what you know they should look like and what they should doAlanaThere’s a lot of kind of images in magazines and videos and stuff, gay men where they’re sort of preened and perfect buff bodies and do you think that’s where that pressure comes from? RolyI think it’s a mix of things. I think from my personal story seeing these people wasn’t a bad thing because it was like that was attractive to me and that was what I liked . It was the community, as a whole, other people seeing it, and then thinking that’s what everyone else should look like. I’m realistic. I think I’ve never really been that kind of person that goes, you know, I’m gonna judge you basically on what you look like. It depends, other people’s views of seeing these bodies and stuff, it wasn’t necessarily mine that affected me so much. AlanaAnd that’s a lot of pressure to have all those worries on top of, you know, trying to accept yourself as a person. Because all young people growing up, regardless of their gender or their sexuality start to try and discover themselves and who they are as a person. And so you’ve got all of that on top of trying to work out what is your gender and what is your sexuality and do I fit in and I guess that’s the same for girls coming out. There maybe a gay woman who feels that she has to be a lipstick lesbian or a butch lesbian and so its very hard. RolyWithin the LGBT community we’ve got lots of different terminology, like twink, bear otter all these different things. So when I was younger because I wasn’t buff and I wasn’t you know muscular at all, I would be like, I have to be a twink. Because I was young. I had like blonde hair and it was like the perfect twink sort of body. Um but I had to stay skinny for it, that was the thing. You have to be skinny. So I did develop a quite bad eating disorder through that and that’s a very damaging thing for a lot of young people because it’s like, if you’re not within these different binaries it’s like I’m not right I’m not real I’m not accepted. So for a long time I did that. Luckily enough for me, now in my life that I’ve balanced it out very very well, but growing up it was very different. For me now I exercise because it keeps me on track not because I’m trying to be the ideal body. So, I’m lucky in that way. But for a lot of people if you don’t have that mindset o not everyone can look like this, like the most people don’t look like that. Fine! Its fine, you don’t have to be like UUURGGGHHH to be accepted. Alana You know when you’re telling me all this I can almost feel the pressure coming from everywhere but actually all of this pressure is about acceptance. But the biggest thing is accepting yourself. RolyI find it quite difficult to accept the fact that I am non-binary because I didn’t know any people, really when I was growing up, there was no one in my life who was like androgynous or anything like that. So , to me, I had to look androgynous in order to identify as non-binary. And now that I’m more open and I can realise that that’s not how it is, like I’m fine with the way I look. But when I came out as Gender Fluid it was a thing of people would look at me and be like but you look like a man. And so it was a long long time a long long journey for me to discover that . Because I didn’t know anyone who was well like me I didn’t there was no one. I went to YouTube so finding these people on YouTube and being to see all these other lives and people actually growing up and stuff that was very helpful to me and I think a lot of young people Alana We’ve been talking a lot about the perfect body and looking right and body image and making everything perfect and I think for trans people that could be even more difficult. RolyIt’s a very tricky thing and I think society was still we’re getting very good at rights and stuff but society is still very much instantly be like no you’re not passing, not passing. For people to be able to be able to be like. I’m this Gender but I don’t look it. I can’t imagine what that must feel like. So, yeah its more I think a lot of that comes from society’s idea of what male and female should look like and it’s just so unfair to some many people and it’s fine if you look like that and it’s perfectly good, but don’t just assume that everyone has to look like that. That’s the whole point. Who are you to tell someone else how to look just because your idea of what male looks like doesn’t fit with this one person, doesn’t mean they can’t identify as that. And people always think as well that you have to have like the full surgery to be able to identify as the other gender and its like well that’s completely, completely different thing. What goes on down there (points at crotch) is completely different from what goes on up here (points at head/brain) .Don’t think of it like that. Don’t think of what someone’s got downstairs, it’s got nothing to do with you. Like nothing at all. Alana That’s a really important pointAlana Um so I think that from everything that we’ve been talking about , we’re really trying to say try not to obsess too much about what you should look like and really be yourself and try to accept yourself and be as comfortable as you can be, and no matter what whoever you are, that’s ok. And don’t forget you can always talk to ChildLine about any of the issues that have come up. ................
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