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Tips for Parenting Children with AnxietyTry to establish consistency and routine in your family’s schedule. Consistency and routine helps your child know what to expect and it helps reduce the child’s anxiety about what comes next.For younger children, create a feelings poster that she can use to identify her emotions and express to you how she’s feeling. Use this to help her express what she’s feeling worried or nervous about.Create a coping skills poster with ways to cope – to have a visual tool that she can use to help her remember the copings skills she can choose fromCreate a “coping corner” or space for coping in your home, where the child can go to engage in using her coping skillsWorry brain vs calm brain – help her process what her “worry brain” is saying, and then instead of just getting stuck in worry brain, discuss how to engage her calm brain, what would her calm brain say to her, talk her through it, help her process what she needs to do to get to calm brainHelp your child understand that sometimes we make things out to be worse in our mind than they will actually be in reality. Help your child remember a time when he was scared about something, and in the end, it turned out much better than expected.Help engage your child in problem solving – ask them, “What do you think we need to do?” “What will help make this situation better?” “What do you need me to do to help?” “What can I do to help you feel better?” Help your child remember their victories, even the really small ones – times when they figured something out, times when they succeeded, when they persevered even when something was tough. Recognize those skills, praise those skills, remind them that they can use those same skills as they face upcoming challenges. Don’t just tell you child to use coping skills – model this for your child and engage them to help them experience how they feel during and after using coping skills. It will take time to help them experience how engaging in coping skills helps to calm their mind and body, to help them feel more in control, and learn that they can manage difficult emotions and stressful situations. For example, don’t just say, “Use your belly breathing.” Actually sit and practice belly breathing with them. Model this for your child. Explain to them, “When I am stressed I use my belly breathing to help me calm down. Let’s practice some belly breaths. Will you do them with me?”Practice coping skills when the child is calm. None of us are in the best frame of mind to learn a new skill when we’re anxious or stressed. When your child is calm, engage them in activities that they can use for coping. Talk with them about how it makes them feel when they engage in those coping activities. For example, “How does it make you feel when you color?” Explain, “It can help us to feel calm and relaxed when we color. This is one of our coping skills. When we are stressed or upset, we can color to help us calm down. “ Have a code word that you use with your child when they are feeling overwhelmed and they need a break. For example, the child could say “Cucumber” when she needs to walk outside for a few minutes to calm down. I had one patient who felt overwhelmed by family holiday gatherings and she would say “Cucumber” to let her caregiver know that they needed to walk outside to the car for a few minutes to help her calm down, and then they were able to return to the holiday gathering.Plan in advance to let your child know how she can cope – where can she go, what can she do, who can she talk to, plan how will she cope. Helping her prepare in advance will help her to feel more equipped and confident that she can handle it. Remind your child that it’s okay for her to speak up for herself and say things like, “I need a break…. I need to go for a walk…. I need some time outside. I need to see a friend.” Talk with your child about what you do for your own self-care, model self-care for her, and encourage her to practice activities that foster her own self-care.Recommendations from the Child Mind Institute, This info is from: goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety, but to help a child manage it. None of us wants to see a child unhappy, but the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to try to remove stressors that trigger it. It’s to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. And as a byproduct of that, the anxiety will decrease or fall away over time.Don’t avoid things just because they make a child anxious. Helping children avoid the things they are afraid of will make them feel better in the short term, but it reinforces the anxiety over the long run. If a child in an uncomfortable situation gets upset, starts to cry—not to be manipulative, but just because that’s how she feels—and her parents whisk her out of there, or remove the thing she’s afraid of, she’s learned that coping mechanism, and that cycle has the potential to repeat itself.Respect her feelings, but don’t empower them – validation doesn’t mean agreement. It’s important to understand that validation doesn’t always mean agreement. So if a child is terrified about going to the doctor because she’s due for a shot, you don’t want to belittle her fears, but you also don’t want to amplify them. You want to listen and be empathetic, help her understand what she’s anxious about, and encourage her to feel that she can face her fears. The message you want to send is, “I know you’re scared, and that’s okay, and I’m here, and I’m going to help you get through this.”Express positive—but realistic—expectations. Don't promise a child that what she fears won't happen—that you know she won't fail the test—but do express confidence that she'll be able to manage whatever happens.You can’t promise a child that his fears are unrealistic—that he won’t fail a test, that he’ll have fun ice skating, or that another child won’t laugh at him during show & tell. But you can express confidence that he’s going to be okay, he will be able to manage it, and that, as he faces his fears, the anxiety level will drop over time. This gives him confidence that your expectations are realistic, and that you’re not going to ask him to do something he can’t handle.Let your child know that we all make mistakes, no one is perfect. They don’t have to get an A on every test. Remind them that you love them no matter whatThink things through with the child. - Sometimes it helps to talk through what would happen if a fear came true—how would she handle it? For some kids, having a plan can reduce the uncertainty in a healthy, effective way.Don't ask leading questions. - Encourage your child to talk about her feelings, but try not to ask leading questions: "Are you anxious about the big test?” Instead, ask open-ended questions: "How are you feeling about the science fair?"504 Plan recommendations for anxietyThis info is from: and adolescents diagnosed with anxiety disorders may be eligible for services, accommodations, or modifications under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act or Section 504 of the Vocational Rehabilitation Act of 1973.Given the wide range of symptoms experienced by children and adolescents with anxiety disorders, it’s important to meet with your treatment team to get a baseline on your child and establish accommodations and modifications specific to your child’s needs. The following list of suggested accommodations will help you get started:Extended time on assignmentsDesignate a quiet place in the school where the student can go to practice coping skills – the school library or another quiet environmentHave a list of coping skills that the student is allowed to use inside of the classroom – belly breathing, drawing or coloring, go stand in the back of class to stretch, go to a certain spot in the classroom, squeeze something, sit in a bean bag, use play do or a fidget, write about how he’s feelingAllow the student to leave class a few minutes early in order to avoid crowded hallways during class changeHave a code word or a flash card that the student can use with the teacher – to avoid a lengthy conversation in front of peersInstead of sending a child home from school, allow the child the take his work to a different location in the school buildingExtra time and warnings before transitionsPreferential seating (near the door, near the front of the room, near the teacher’s desk)Clearly stated and written expectations (behavioral and academic)Frequent check-ins for understandingNot requiring to read aloud or work at the board in front of the classVideo taped presentations or presenting in front of the teacher (instead of the whole class)Extended time for testsTests taken in a separate, quiet environment (to reduce performance pressure and distraction)Word banks and equation sheets: These are useful for children with test anxiety, who tend to “go blank” when taking a test. Using one notecard for important facts, dates, etc. can also be helpful.“Cool down passes” to take a break from the classroom. This should be clearly explained to the student. Examples might include a walk down the hallway, getting water, standing outside the classroom door for a few minutes, completing coloring pages in the back of the room, or using a mindfulness app with headphones.Breaking down assignments into smaller piecesModified tests and homeworkSet reasonable time limits for homeworkRecord class lectures or use a scribe for notesPreferential group (teacher or adult child knows well) for field tripsPreferential seating in large assemblies (near the back of the room)Identify one adult at school to seek help from when feeling anxious (school counselor, if available)Buddy system: Pair student with a peer to assist with transitions to lunch and recess (these less structured situations can trigger anxious feelings)Help after illness: Missed work can spike anxious feelings. Providing class notes and exempting students from missed homework can help.Substitute teachers: Letting the child or family know when a substitute will be in the classroom can help the child prepare.Children and adolescents with anxiety disorders don’t always ask for help. Many struggle through the day, only to experience tantrums and meltdowns at home. It’s essential to establish a positive relationship with the classroom teacher and have regular check-ins with the treatment team to evaluate what helps and what doesn’t. It can take time to develop the strategies that best help your child, but with a solid plan in place anxious children can thrive in the classroom setting and learn to manage their symptoms throughout the day.From: Info for Parents from the Child Mind Institute: Anxiety Leads to Disruptive Behavior for kids with anxiety: for children with anxietyScaredy squirrel booksApps that Teens can download and use on a phoneCalmHeadspaceMindshiftSuperbetterClear fearVirtual Hope BoxWhat’s Up – A Mental Health App (NOT WhatsApp)RootdVideos for Young ChildrenSesame Street – Caring for Each Other Breathing with Elmo Kids Full Body Stretch? Muscle Relaxation for kids? ................
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