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Dr. Phil Valentine Special

#1: Interview with Adam & Eve

Announcer: (off stage) Welcome to a special Valentine edition of Dr. Phil. Today Dr. Phil will be talking with famous couples from the Bible who are having marital issues. And now here’s Dr. Phil!

Dr. Phil: Hello, I’m Dr. Phil. Our first couple today comes to us from the Garden of Eden. Let’s welcome Adam & Eve.

(A&E enter wearing leaves; Eve has plate of dessert)

Dr. Phil: Welcome to the Dr. Phil Show. What seems to be the problem?

(Eve keeps trying to feed Adam while he’s talking)

Adam: Well, for one thing, she keeps trying to get me to eat things that aren’t good for me!

Eve: Well, that’s the only way I can get any attention since we started wearing clothes!

Dr. Phil looks perplexed

Announcer: The Dr. Phil Show will be right back after this short break.

(all exit)

#2: Interview with Jacob & Leah

Announcer: We now return to Dr. Phil’s Valentine Special.

Dr. Phil: Let me introduce you to our next couple. Please welcome Jacob & Leah.

J & L enter civilly but not warmly.

Dr. Phil: Jacob, Leah, what seems to be the problem?

Leah: Jacob just doesn’t seem to love me and never has.

Jacob: We have quite a few kids. I don’t see what the problem is.

(enter Rachel, Jacob stands to meet her with full interest)

Leah: I see the problem.

Dr. Phil: And who is this?

Leah: This is my sister Rachel.

Dr. Phil: And why is she a problem?

Jacob: She’s also my wife.

Dr. Phil: Oh, man. I think we need to go to a commercial.

Announcer: The Dr. Phil Show will return after this message from our sponsors.

(all exit)

#3: Interview with David & Bathsheba

Announcer: We return now to Dr. Phil’s Valentine Special.

Dr. Phil: That last couple had real issues. Let’s hope we can help this next one. Please welcome David and Bathsheba.

(enter D & B; B is wearing robe, shower cap, etc.)

Dr. Phil: What seems to be the problem?

David: Can’t you see? She’s obsessed with cleanliness. All her bathing is driving me crazy!

Bathsheba: It didn’t seem to bother you when we first met.

(Dr. Phil just shrugs)

Announcer: The Dr. Phil Show will be right back.

(all exit)

#4: Interview with Ananias & Sapphirah

Announcer: Welcome back to Dr. Phil’s Valentine Special.

Dr. Phil: This next couple is not quite as famous as some of the others, but maybe their problems won’t be quite so odd. Please welcome, all the way from Acts chapter 5, Ananias & Sapphirah.

(A&P enter obviously angry at one another; poking, scowling; maybe even fight over who sits in what seat)

Dr. Phil: (interrupting their fighting) Well, what seems to be YOUR problem?

Ananias: We don’t have any problems.

Sapphirah: Our marriage is perfect!

(both fall over dead; Dr. Phil shakes his head)

Announcer: The Dr. Phil show will return after a short break.

Dr. Phil: Is there a doctor in the house?

#5: Interview with King Solomon

Announcer: We now return to the Dr. Phil Show.

Dr. Phil: I’m very excited about our next guest. It is the first time we’ve ever had royalty on our show. Please welcome King Solomon and his wife.

(enter Solomon only)

Dr. Phil: Welcome, Solomon. Where is your wife?

Solomon: The bus is still trying to find a parking space.

Dr. Phil: What do you mean?

Solomon: Well, as you can imagine, it’s hard to get anywhere on time when you have 300 women fighting over the mirror.

Dr. Phil: You have 300 wives!?!

Solomon: Yeah, but that’s not my problem.

Dr. Phil: Really? Then what is your problem?

Solomon: It’s all those mother-in-laws!

Dr. Phil: (pause) You know, I think it’s about time for me to retire.

(all exit)

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