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0000 Beyond Emotional Eating: Making Peace with Food Steps to Emotional Connection: Listen to your body. Pay particular attention to your face, stomach, chest, arms, and throat. Ask, what am I feeling in my body? Let yourself feel the emotion. Welcome your emotional experience, allow it, and accept it (this does not necessarily mean express everything you feel to others, or act on what you feel, but rather acknowledge it to yourself.) Breathe in deeply. Accept your feelings as information about your values, judgments and as an opportunity to gather information about something important to your well-being. Be aware of how you interfere with, or interrupt your emotions rather than allowing yourself to experience them. How are you avoiding your feelings? Name the feeling. For example, “I feel so left out.” Find words to help you articulate what it is like inside. Identify your most basic feeling. Ask yourself, is there any other emotion underneath this one? Do I feel anything in addition to what I am most aware of feeling? Am I trying to accomplish something with this feeling? If yes to any of these, continue exploring to find your core feeling. For example, if you feel angry when your spouse says you’re unattentive, underneath that emotion, are you really feeling unappreciated? Ask yourself, what else? Evaluate whether your emotion is a healthy or unhealthy response to the current situation. Ask yourself, is this feeling helpful? If so, go to step 8. OR Is this feeling a response to other past experiences rather than mainly a response to what is happening now? Is there a pattern of recurrent bad feeling here? Is this a familiar, stuck feeling? If yes to any of these questions, it’s probably and unhealthy feeling. If the primary emotion is unhealthy, identify the negative voice and destructive thoughts associated with these emotions. First fully acknowledge the unhealthy emotion. Feel it and name it. Welcome it and accept it. If the feeling is intense and scary, soothe yourself and say, “It’s OK. I know you feel so ashamed, so angry. It’s all right. I’ll take care of you. You’re OK. As you pay attention to the sensations, put the thoughts associated with the emotions into words. Get at your core beliefs such as “I feel unworthy”, “I can’t survive on my own”, “I am not good enough.” Common healthy core emotions are fear – anxiety, shame, and rage. They are connected to three basic views of the self: a) feelings of worthlessness and a view of the self as a failure – a “bad me”, b) feeling fragile and insecure and viewing the self as “weak”, or c) viewing others negatively and distrustfully. In some cases fear, shame and anger can be healthy responses to situations, but when connected to these core beliefs, they are unhealthy. Put the hostile negative thoughts into “you” language. “You are worthless”; “You can’t survive on your own.” Find your healthy voice. Identify your healthy core feelings in response to the destructive criticisms. Figure out what the healthy feelings are telling you. The following are examples of healthy emotions: Anger tells you that you are being violated. Protect your boundary.Sadness tells you that you have lost something. Cry or withdraw.Fear tells you that you are in danger. Flee.Shame tells you that you are overexposed. Hide. Disgust tells you that what you are experiencing is bad for you. Expel. Pain tells you that your sense of yourself is being shattered. Live through it and learn that you will survive it. Accept the feeling and identify your need or goal. What is your most basic unmet need? Ask yourself when do I feel worthwhile, safe, competent, and more integrated? Here are some ideas: If you are angry, is it protection? If you are sad, is it contact and comfort? If you are afraid, is it safety and soothing? If you are ashamed, is it privacy or validation? If you are feeling disgust, is it to get rid of something bad? If you are feeling pain, do you need nurturing and healing? If the feeling is difficult or overwhelming, respond with compassion Exercise: Getting to Know Your EmotionsThis exercise will help increase your awareness of your emotions. Reflect on the last emotion you experienced. Address the following points: What is your name for the emotion? Was it more sudden onset emotion or a more enduring mood? How long did it last? Did you have body sensations with your emotion? Tensing of the body, jaw, fist? Trembling?Feeling sweaty or hot? Feeling cold?Heart beating noticeably? Other sensations. What were they? Did thoughts come into your mind? What were the thoughts? Were they about the past, the future, or the present? Did you act, or feel like doing something or expressing something? Move close or away from it?Make an aggressive move toward it? Make a facial expression?What brought on the emotion or mood? Describe the situation. Was it an internal event? What information is your emotion giving you? Is it telling you something about yourself? Is it telling you something about a relationship? Is it telling about your progress toward a goal? Reflect on your emotional response to your situation and try and make sense of what you are feeling. In addition, identify what it is telling you to decide. Should you follow the feeling? Should you get to what’s behind your feeling? Should you try to broaden your view to change your feeling? Ideally, three times a day write down the last emotion you experienced and describe ................
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