Fly In The Buttermilk — Duplicitous Ads in Personals Services
Not As They Seem –
The Presence and Consequence of Fake Ads in Online Dating
Jennifer King
Summary
This position paper suggests new directions for research in the world of online dating services based upon the analysis of the effects of fake ads on personals sites, derived from my first-hand experience working at one of the largest personals sites on the Internet. While all the information presented in this paper is a result of my experience in the industry, none of it is specific to any single dating site, and throughout I suggest methods for independently verifying my assertions (hence the characterization of this paper as positional and not research-based).
The Promise of Online Dating
Most mainstream personals services market themselves as matchmakers focused upon helping their users ultimately achieve the pinnacle of romantic love — marriage. These sites urge their users to “be themselves,” to complete out their online profiles, or ads, earnestly and honestly, and to include a real but flattering photo. The assumption driving these guidelines is that the user’s sincerity is the key in attracting a mate, and that attempts at embellishment will inevitably backfire.
However, beneath the veneer of blissful matchmaking lies an unseemly reality, characterized by both gender stereotypes and sexual desire, an element suppressed by most mainstream dating services. What few online personals users realize is that in their quest to find their perfect match, they are often competing against fictional ads that expertly address both of these issues. Capitalizing on the subtext of sex that exists in all dating sites, pornography companies have created businesses around posting fake ads on personals sites that lure users into contacting these chimerical daters, returning their earnest messages with spam for porn sites. The result — fewer successful matches for both men and women — alienates unsuccessful users and undermines the promise of online dating generally.
Men Hunt, Women Are Hunted
The framework for this parasitic business is based upon stereotypical notions of heterosexual male and female behavior. Within the context of heterosexual users, men and women tend to follow prescribed searching behavior on personals sites — men “hunt” and attempt to contact as many women as possible within a limited set of criteria. Women, in contrast, allow themselves to be hunted, responding to a greater number of male inquiries than they usually initiate. When women do initiate an inquiry, they tend to be very selective and spend time analyzing a man’s profile before deciding to initiate contact.
Pornography companies, with their expertise at understanding what attracts their predominantly male customers, use this insight to create a catalogue of fake female ads that they plant on mainstream dating sites to attract male customers (although I have, through the course of my work, found a small amount of fake ads directed at women). The general criteria for female ads is as follows:
• An highly feminized name (Brianna, Vicki, Angel)
• A photograph of “above-average” attractiveness, often with a sexual subtext (tight clothing, suggestive cleavage)
• Narrow age range, typically 18-25 but occasionally higher
• Generic profile (Hi, I’m Brianna, I like puppies and walks in the park. I’m looking for a man who can make me laugh!”)
• Extremely open match criteria (wide age range, income level, geographic area) to increase chances of showing up in searches
Depending upon a site’s specific mechanics, the typical usage pattern is for the porn company to post as many variations on this basic theme as possible (and in many cases, paying subscription fees to do so), taking advantage of the male user’s propensity to hunt for and contact attractive women. Rarely do porn companies take the proactive step of attempting to establish contact. The porn purveyor then returns the unsuspecting male user’s message, typically with a generic greeting (although some have gotten clever and have written scripts that alternate portions of the content) that either includes a URL advertising a porn site (often disguised as a “dating service”), or an email address (e.g. brianna123@), exhorting the user to either “come view my pics,” “try a different dating site,” or to email “Brianna” directly. The additional risk of emailing “Brianna” is that the porn purveyor captures the user’s email address, inevitably making that user a target for additional spam.
While no company will confirm that this practice exists, some simple but controlled experimentation can prove it empirically. One method would be to place two ads with identical profiles but with different photos (one of a user of “average” attractiveness, one of “above-average” attractiveness) on the same service to track responses. Another would be to create a male user account on a dating service and act as a “hunter,” specifically searching for and contacting female ads fitting the fake ad criteria to ascertain what percentage of responses are solicitations. It is important to note that on occasion some porn companies were stealing legitimate photos and ads and posting them on competitors’ sites (“Her Picture Became A Porn Ad,” MSNBC, ) in an attempt to deceive male users who have learned to spot fake ads.
Everyone’s A Victim
What is compelling about this practice is the effect it has on legitimate users, both male and female. Ironically enough, the male user who scans ads looking for as many attractive women to mail as possible tends to contact a greater proportion of these fake ads, leaving them with the perception that dating sites contain a higher number of fake ads than is truly the case. While it’s possible that this may lead him to change his searching criteria (he may become more skeptical of “too good to be true” ads, or to spend more time analyzing an ad before contacting the poster), the more typical consequence is that he will become frustrated with the lack of legitimate responses and cancel his subscription. Whether or not he merely tries a different service, or becomes frustrated with online dating in general and abandons the process is open to research.
For women who are not “above-average” in attractiveness or do not include a photograph that is sexually provocative, the effects are deleterious. Since these women are competing with attractive, sexy, yet fictional women, the net result is that they receive fewer responses than if they were not in competition with the fictional ads (another assertion that can be tested empirically). While one could conjecture that the type of male who would merely judge an ad by its photo is not the type of man most women would want to date, the uncomfortable reality of the situation is that the presence of the highly-attractive but fake ads skews the expectations of the male audience. While not all men fall prey to this type of seduction, many do, feeding a sense of frustration for both men and women. Men who otherwise might have contacted a female ad poster but didn’t because she wasn’t as attractive as most the other women on the site cheat themselves of an opportunity. Women who can’t or don’t try to conform to a narrow standard of visual attractiveness lose opportunities that could have resulted a connection.
This situation exposes some weaknesses in online dating. First and foremost, all dating sites are subject to being exploited, a fact which few, if any, directly share with their users. This damages the credibility of the industry, leaving users feeling exploited and untrusting of online personals. Surveying users of online personals could expose just how damaging these experiences are, and if they drive users to trying additional dating services or if they give up entirely.
Next, while dating services entreat their users to “just be themselves” when creating their ads, this experience directly challenges that notion. Arguably, if women want to receive as much response as possible to their ad, there are specific criteria they could follow that will ensure their ad gets as much attention as possible. While some users may naturally create ads that contain those characteristics, it is clear that understanding what these criteria are can enable someone to manipulate the system and receive far greater responses to their ads than the average. In truth, the best way to ensure success on online personals is not to be yourself but to sell yourself.
Finally, further research into this area can help guide future analysis in online dating, presenting a more informed view of the dynamics of what occurs in the process of creating, searching, and evaluating ads. By not accounting for the effects fake ads have on the larger system dynamics, researchers risk inaccurately attributing some of the failures of online dating to individuals or to product design. It may also assist in exposing many of the gender differences inherent in how men and women use dating sites to find matches.
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