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Care in the CommunityWith many of us struggling to keep ourselves entertained, the local community web forum has come into its own over the past year. Who can resist opening an email from a neighbour asking for help to find a lost pet or to recommend a Chinese takeaway? From the comfort of your own sofa anyone can become a pet detective, food critic, social commentator – or even one of those mythical self-styled “Community Leaders” we see on TV pontificating on crime and disorder issues on troubled council estates. Anti-social behaviour and bad parking are the hardy perennials, and strong opinions are traded between households with different philosophies. Whether you fancy yourself as a right-wing reactionary or a left-wing agitator, there will be a role for you on the community website of Central Twattinghamshire.Irreverent as I am, I’m trying not to be unduly critical here: after all, I’ve debated most of the following issues myself. Although I’m speaking of the small Bedfordshire town in which I live, other towns and cities are available.Is anyone experiencing digital TV/internet/phone problems?The digital signal is notoriously bad in my area (my Sky Arts music documentaries never seem to record properly). The digital TV signal goes in and out, and phone texts sometimes take hours to arrive. I’d think everyone would know that by now. Can anyone recommend a storage company?We’re a nation of hoarders. Everyone’s home’s too small to accommodate the piles of crap we’ve built up over the years, so folk are looking at storage options. I have half a shipping container on an industrial estate myself. At the end of the appropriate season I pretend to myself that it’d be easier to drive my firepit and plastic Christmas tree from site to site rather than drag them up into the loft. Why don’t I throw all those old vinyl records away? Well, one day I might buy a new turntable.Who does this van belong to?Bad parking often comes with an accompanying photo of the offending vehicle partially obstructing a driveway, or acting suspiciously parked outside someone’s house. The further away from London you live, the more people tend to consider the public road space directly outside their home as theirs. Having lived in London for much of my life I smile wryly at these unwritten social transgressions. Kids trying door handlesAnecdotally, anti-social behaviour seems to have increased considerably under lockdown. If you read every posting about marauding crims tying front doors, car doors and sheds, you’d think my small Bedfordshire town would benefit from advice from South Bronx Neighborhood Watch. Reading about a tsunami of crime makes you a paranoid android, but it’s a very real problem.Beware of this scamPeople are always getting suspicious messages on their phones (mobile phones, that is - does anyone apart from me still use a traditional telephone plugged into the wall?). Fake banks, delivery companies and internet providers are trying to extort money and harvest personal details all the time. I kind of feel I’m missing out as I get few texts from Nigerian fraudsters or Russian gangsters myself.Has anyone seen my cat?A very real and sad issue. The good news is that a lot of cats and dogs are also reported as found. It was this issue that drew me to join my local web community when my mostly-indoor house tiger went missing three years’ ago. The community supported me in my hour of need, and I thank my neighbours for that. It remains a mystery as to where Rocky spent two cold December nights. He’s keeping shtum on that one.Can anyone recommend a hairdresser/takeaway?An informal canvassing of opinion on the best hairdressers or takeaway food supplier is the staple of the community website. Particular attention is paid to food delivery times. People can’t wait for any length of time these days, and the younger the person the more demanding they are. If you can’t wait forty minutes for a tikka masala, cook it yourself.Kids on mopedsOur area is plagued by youngsters riding around on noisy mopeds, sometimes late at night. It’s noticeable because the area is very quiet (remember, I don’t live in Brixton or Camden Town). As we all know, kids on motorbikes are never up to any good. Commentators on community websites tend not to be youngsters. Still, as you get older you don’t want noise at your head and you’ll do anything to stop it.What was that bang?In a quiet area, any unusual sound causes concern. Did I hear gunshots? You watch too much TV, lady. Ask your neighbours if there are any mafia hitmen hanging around. If they don’t know, call the community police. If they’re not too busy looking for kids on mopeds.Can anyone hear that helicopter?Any helicopter activity is viewed with suspicion, and is worthy of conjecture. I always wonder if it’s the police landing in the KFC car park.Other issues bubbling underCriticism of the local police is common. When the Community Police Team promote their accessibility and effectiveness on web forums, some people imagine they spend all of their time on the interne drinking tea. Well, a picture of a copper typing data into a computer would be pretty boring. Road re-modelling isn’t just a London thing. Chicanes have recently been put in on a major road into town, and Leighton Buzzard High Street has been pedestrianised. The town centre bypass itself has speed humps. There’s a lot to complain about. Everywhere becomes like London in the end.RUNSEuston Station – Gordon Ramsay, SW3Goldsmith’s College – Quality Inn Hampstead ................
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