FHS 1958 Reunion



FHS 1958 Reunion

The Rev. Dr. Roger David Aus

Sperberstr. 18

13505 Berlin

Germany

roger.aus@

July 12, 2008

LOOKING FORWARD TO THE NEXT DECADES

Dear fellow Fargo High School classmates of 1958, dear spouses, dear live-in wives and husbands, "significant others," and all those of possible other combinations.

The tendency at such a reunion - and many of us haven't seen each other for 50 years - is to reminisce about "the good old days": about favorite teachers, other pot-luck members, cruising Broadway, having luscious chocolate sundaes at the Dutch Maid after a good Saturday night movie, walking home from school in the late afternoon in crunching January snow at 30 degrees below zero, and many other fond memories. Yesterday evening plenty of such reminiscing took place, and I'm sure it will continue tonight too.

Yet I would now like you to join me in looking forward to the next decades. You heard me right, "decades." The American Association of Retired People (AARP), being a member of which can get you many good discounts, was founded the year we graduated: 1958. It has calculated that if one had reached the age of 50 in the U.S.A. in 1958, chances were that one's life expectancy was on an average 74.9 or almost 75 years. For this year, 2008, it's 85.2 years ("AARP Bulletin," January-February 2008). That is, it has increased an amazing 10 years since our graduation. And since we've clearly made it beyond the age of 50, what are the next 17 or even more years going to bring, if everything goes well and the roof of the Plains Art Museum by some quirk of fate doesn't cave in on all of us tonight?

First we should ask if we all really want to turn 100. A 68-year-old man once asked his family physician at the Fargo Clinic: "Do you think I'll live to the age of 100?" The doctor asked him: "Do you smoke, drink or use drugs?" "I don't," the man answered proudly. "Do you spend too much money, drive fast cars, or have sex with a lot of women?" asked the doctor. "No, no, I've never done any of those things either." "Well," said the physician, "why do you want to live to be 100 then?"

Maybe our goal should not be to turn 100 at all costs, even under very poor mental or physical conditions, but to age gracefully, finding deep personal fulfillment in the next decades. Here are five factors which can aid us in doing so.

1. Sex.

I thought I would start with this to wake up those who had a number of pre-dinner drinks and are now almost dozing off.

When we were 17 or 18 at high school graduation, there was always a danger for you girls to get pregnant at an unwanted time. That, of course, wasn't very conducive to having enjoyable sex. Now - at least I assume - you're certainly through all those hot flashes and menopause, and that thought alone can make doing "it" much more satisfying.

Another doctor story: A 68-year-old lady went to her gynecologist and asked for birth control pills. Taken aback, the physician asked: "Why do you want birth control pills at your age?" "They help me sleep better," replied the lady. "How come?" he queried. "Well, doctor, I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice, and I sleep better at night."

Some people think sex is only really meant for young people, whose hormones are churning mightily, or only for reproductive purposes. A well-dressed man once entered an exclusive Manhattan bar and took a seat. The bartender asked the man what he'd like to drink. The man replied: "Nothing, thank you. I tried alcohol once, but I didn't like it, and I haven't drunk it since." The bartender was a bit confused, but being a friendly sort he pulled out some cigarettes from his pocket, flipped open the top of the pack, and offered one to the man. Yet the man refused, saying: "I tried smoking once, didn't like it, and I have never smoked since. Actually, I wouldn't be here at all except that I'm waiting for my son. We arranged to meet here." To which the bartender said: "Your only child, I presume?" (Think about that for a while.)

Yet many of us are still very grateful that God took the effort to create us male and female. In part thanks to Viagra, Cialis and Levitra, we - and not only we men - can have a satisfying, fulfilling sex life even at an advanced age. That is, if no negative factor enters in. A 99-year-old man was once sitting on a park bench sobbing. A young fellow who came by asked him what was wrong. "I'm in love with a 21-year-old girl," wailed the old man. "She's stunningly beautiful, kind, considerate, a great cook, and we have the most fantastic sex three times a week." "So why are you crying?" asked the young man. "I've forgotten where we live."

If the latter doesn't take us by surprise, we too - and we're relatively young at 68 - can still have a satisfying, fulfilling sex life with a loving partner characterized by quality, not necessarily quantity. Some doctors even say: "Use it or lose it."

2. Accepting Our Physical Appearance and Personal Limitations as They Are.

Because of menopause, many women at that stage of life gain some weight around their hips. Sometimes these are called "lifesaver rings." So what! It's a completely natural development, and we men can still see in you the lovely lasses we married so many years age. Of course, most of us men now have something of a tummy ourselves, even if we never drank one glass of beer. So what! I'm sure you ladies still generously see in us men the slim, athletic figure we had back in 1958, or when you married us. Right? Some medical studies even indicate that having a bit extra weight at our age helps to guard against heart attacks.

Learning to accept our present physical appearance and personal limitations is one way to move positively into the next decades. If one is kidded about being bald, for example, one can reply: "I just have a very wide part." Or: "I had a sudden growth spurt, and now I'm taller than my hair."

I myself have had to have two cataract operations, but now if necessary I can even read without glasses. Thank the Lord for medical progress, including lasering. Unfortunately I also inherited poor hearing from my father, who in turn inherited it from his own father. But I've learned to live with it, having started quite early in life to wear hearing aids. An elderly woman who hadn't heard well for decades finally went to a doctor and was fitted with two excellent new hearing aids. She returned two weeks later for a checkup, and the doctor remarked: "Your hearing is now perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The lady replied: "Oh, I haven't told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly, but now I can listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already!"

Yet some things can't be improved. One of my distant relatives in Valley City deeply regretted he had to give up dancing last year because of a hip problem. He's 99. I myself never could dance, even though I'm quite musical, play the saxophone and sing. But that ability stops abruptly at my ankles. I remember when our classmate Susan Siegal once asked me to be her partner at a dance held in the basement of the YWCA. I could hardly do the two-step all evening, something ostensibly quite simple - it was very humiliating. I didn't give up trying to learn, however. After college I taught English at a German school near Heidelberg, Germany, for a year. I joined my own pupils in taking a dancing course: foxtrot, waltz, tango, cha-cha-ha, etc. All went fine up to the grand ball at the end of the course. Yet when I woke up the next morning, I realized everything I had learned had suddenly disappeared - forever. I've tried again and again, but I simply can't dance. Any lovely lady who would now dare to dance with me has to sign three forms beforehand, attesting in writing that I am by no means responsible for any injuries sustained to her feet or elsewhere. But I will sit and watch you others dance this evening, and believe me, I will enjoy it. You might even see me thumping my foot or snapping my fingers.

Accepting our physical appearance and personal limitations can indeed help us in the decades to come.

3. Counting Our Blessings.

Even if some of our days aren't the best, it's good to remain optimistic and to remember how well off we are. Or would you like to be in Iraq or a similar place at the moment, with daily killing, plundering and rape? We often tend to think the glass is half empty when it's actually half full, and we can still drink from its contents.

On many occasions it's the little things in life which make us happy, and they're often connected to a good sense of humor. Several examples are the following.

In a 10th grade class at Fargo High, a young, handsome, male English teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." He asked Judith how she would correct the sentence. She walked up to the board, thought a while, took the chalk and wrote: "Get a new girlfriend." And her grade that day didn't suffer from the answer.

This morning I caught a cab on Broadway, told the driver the destination, and settled in for a nice ride. Since I haven't been back to Fargo in many years (Germany is a bit far away), I wanted to ask him a question and tapped him on his shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, ran over the sidewalk, and screeched to a halt just inches in front of a store window. For a second there was a dead silence in the cab. Then the driver turned around, looked at me and said: "Look, man, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" I apologized and said I didn't realize a little tap on the shoulder would scare him so much. He then replied: "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years."

This afternoon a single female member of our reunion class (I won't reveal her name) sat down on a bench in Island Park, where she hadn't been in 50 years. She glanced around, saw no one, and decided to stretch out her legs on the bench and just relax a bit, taking a trip down memory lane in her thoughts. After a while a tramp came up to her and said: "Hi, gorgeous, how's about us goin' for a little walk together?" "How dare you!" replied our classmate. "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!" "Well, then," said the tramp, "what are you doing on my bed?" That indeed was a gross misunderstanding, but seen retroactively, almost hilarious.

Actually, humor helps us to show how happy we are in life. As a man was walking past a table in a bar in West Fargo, he noticed two men and a dog playing poker. The dog was doing very well. "That's a very clever dog," the man said to the players. "He's not that clever," replied one of them. "Every time he gets a good hand, he starts to wag his tail!"

Do we, figuratively, wag our tails enough? Do we try to take things on a humorous note, and to count our blessings? That is going to be very helpful for the decades ahead of us.

4. Volunteering and Supporting Good Causes.

Almost all of us are now retired and have at least some spare time on our hands. It's very satisfying personally now to be able to help others who need that support, whether in a major or even a minor way.

During school days I worked on the weekends at Dahl's Super Value on south 13th Street, first as a carry-out boy at 14, then later in the fruit and vegetable department. One Friday evening when I was pricing bananas, a tearful little boy came up to me, looked up sadly and asked: "Are you my daddy?" Not having sired a child at 10, I soon was able to reunite him in the store with his real dad. It was a good feeling being able to help out such a little fellow.

But that's not always easy, especially in a much larger place. Once another little boy was attending a football game at NDSU (at that time it was still the "Agricultural College") and also somehow got lost. He went up to a police officer and said: "I've lost my daddy." "What's he like?" asked the policeman sympathetically. After thinking a bit, the boy replied: "Beer and women." Yet the policeman could nevertheless also eventually help to reunite him with his dad.

Even if our monthly retirement and Social Security checks aren't very high, we can still do valuable volunteering in needed areas. I know, for example, a number of retirees in Berlin who practice reading once a week in the afternoon with kids from their local elementary school who have a deficiency in this area. It's personally very rewarding, especially if they themselves have no grandchildren or, if so, these live far away.

Yet sometimes supporting a good cause can also mean doing so financially. One only has to want to do so. One Sunday morning at announcement time during the service a pastor said to her congregation: "Today I have good news for you, and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our direly needed new church roof." A loud cheer erupted from the entire congregation. "The bad news is," she continued, "it's still in your pockets."

Volunteering, but also supporting good causes financially by opening our billfold or purse, can be a very rewarding experience in the decades before us.

5. Being Ready for, and Open to, New Developments in Life.

As my last point I would like to call our attention to how valuable it is not to get "set in our ways," not to expect every day to pass exactly as the previous one did. Instead, being ready for, and open to, new developments keeps us interesting ourselves, and also makes us good conversation partners.

Once a man walked into a bar in northern Minnesota and saw a horse behind the bar serving drinks. The guy stared at the horse in disbelief, so the horse said: "Hey, buddy, what's the problem? Never see a horse serve drinks before?" The man replied: "No, it's not that. It's just that I never thought the bear would sell this place."

Changes may surprise us at times, but we're only 67 or 68 and still flexible enough to take them in stride and master them without being threatened by them. At the death of a spouse or at a divorce, why shouldn't we be open to a new companion, for example? None of us now expects a Clark Gable or a Marilyn Monroe - to use 50's imagery - to suddenly appear at our home or apartment, ringing the doorbell and wanting to meet us. But we can be open to meeting a new companion, or just a very good new friend, at a 4th of July picnic, in the cafe within the local bookstore, at church or synagogue, or even on a fishing trip. It's important at our age and in the decades to come to have good friends and, if at all possible, a loving companion too. But we have to be ready for, and open to, new positive developments in our lives.

* * *

In summary, we can look forward in a positive way to the next decades of our life by still having a satisfying, fulfilling sex life with a loving partner; by accepting our physical appearance and personal limitations as they are; by counting our blessings; by volunteering and supporting good causes; and by being ready for, and open to, new developments in life.

Dear fellow classmates, spouses and significant others. Even 50 years after our graduation from Fargo High School we can confidently say: "The best is yet to come." And I as a pastor would not be worthy of my calling if I didn't add: "Thanks to the 'Man Upstairs' for making this possible." I also thank you for listening, and now let's get on with the fun.

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