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WHY PARENTAL ALIENATION IS TROUBLESOME TO JUDGESHere are some reasons why these cases are so difficult, and why judges often have no love for them. Professionals or litigants who do not really understand the full definition and qualities of PA often misuse the concept in court. They do not differentiate, for example, between oppositional disorder, anxiety disorder, or even transitional anger at the parent versus actual PA. Judges often think that a parent may be claiming PA because they do not want to take responsibility for a breakdown of the parent-child relationship. In other words, the concept can be overused anytime parents are having difficulties with their relationships with their children. It often gets far too inclusive, and when it really exists, often gets blurred because of bative parents present conflicting stories of “he said, she said” and make it very difficult to determine who is telling the truth. Often and alienating parent comes to believe what he or she is saying, and his or her presentation seems authentic.When target parents present their side of the case, they are often angry and frustrated and defensive, even when telling the truth—and as a result, they do not present very well in court. Sometimes judges consider attitude as influential as what is said in court.The children often support the alienating parent by telling the judge, and their attorney, and mental health professionals of their dislike for the target parent and how they have been treated badly. The reasoning skills of alienated children are often compromised, as is their ability to choose freely.Alienated children often will not cooperate with traditional therapeutic intervention, and courts have difficulty enforcing these orders. Ultimately, judges like to believe that what they do work and that they have reached the right decision. When their decisions do not work, they often get exasperated with both parties.Some guidelines for court Parenting plan orders should be entered as soon as possible in a case. Oral agreements are not enforceable. Hoping to get cooperation from an alienating parent is not enough.I recommend the parents get a court order for parenting therapy as soon as possible. I tell parents you need to come to court, or you need to go right to mediation if there is a mediation requirement in your parenting order or state statute. Whatever mythology has been built against a parent, they will have a chance to respond to it in a neutral setting. In a family therapy context, the child has an opportunity to vent her or his misinformation and anger and resentment in a place where some healing, or confrontation by a therapist as to the truth of the child’s beliefs can take place.If orders are violated, go to court on a Rule to Show Cause for violation of the order as soon as possible. When they cannot afford an attorney I tell them to do this themselves. I encourage parents to write their own petition for a ruling for visitation violation, for family therapy, or for make-up visitation. Go online and find form petitions for your jurisdiction. Some jurisdictions call it a Rule to Show Cause, Order to Show Cause, Adjudication of Contempt, or a Violation of Court Order Petition. I know that is a terrifying thing to do, but if the alternative is to do nothing, you must educate yourself about how to get on the court calendar and how to file petitions. You might be surprised to find that many judges bend over backwards for an unrepresented parent who is not getting her or his visitations. Do not judge your experience in court as not worthwhile if you do not feel like you have “won.” Winning is a very difficult thing to gauge in family court, it is more of a process. Sometimes it is two steps forward and then one step back; your child needs to know that you at least filed a petition, even if you do not feel satisfied with the result. They will know over the years that you never gave up.I recommend that target parents create an alienation map or chart for the judge that shows him or her in five minutes what could not be said in five hours. This map should include a chart of all missed visits, and a list of all the denigrating phrases made by the alienating spouse to the children about the target parent, including statements to friends and /or extended family of the target parent (if they are admissible in evidence). Also a graph can show the increase in missed visits in a very compelling and impactful way. This may show the judge how the situation is deteriorating.Many judges are not warm to the phrase parental alienation syndrome. Instead, I tell parents to ask the judge to keep an eye open for visitation interference as the case progresses and describe the maligning behavior for the judge. Through education, judges are becoming more aware of the problem, but some still shut down when they hear the phrase PAS. I know things are getting better because I have been asked to speak on the topic to judges many times this year, and the seminars were very well-attended by enthusiastic judges.I also advise parents to keep a journal in detail. In their petitions they should itemize the interference. I tell them to be clear about itemizing the characteristics of alienation and showing the judge how it exists in their case. You may have to educate the court on what the red flags for alienation are. This is why target parents should really make the effort to itemize everything. Tell your lawyer to give you the assignment that you keep a journal so that it can be “work product” and not subject to discovery.You may ask the judge to help you protect the children. Let the judge know what the initial red flags are and how they correspond to the characteristics of alienation. Remember in some courts they are still adverse to the words parental alienation. You might say, “ I really need your help. I have a good relationship with my child. Give us a way to keep it. If you do not take this case under your wing there is a good chance that our relationship will be destroyed.”THE ALLEGATIONS OF SEXUAL ABUSEWhen a parent comes to court with accusations of sexual abuse, it rightfully frightens judges. Nine times out of ten the judge says “let’s suspend visitation until we get to the bottom of this.” Many times it is a grenade alienators throw into the courtroom. Everybody freezes and puts on their full metal vests. As judges, we must look at the context of the case. We must think about whether or not visitation has been obstructed in the past by the accusing parent. The lawyers must inform us of the prior pattern of visitation interference, because this goes to the accuser’s credibility. Yes, it is a bomb thrown into the courtroom, but we must look at the total picture with the help of an expert who agrees to take the case immediately and follow the evidentiary and medical protocol. These cases should be top priority.INTERVIEWING CHILDRENIf you do interview the children, you want to do it once alone and then again in the presence of the alienating parent. Notice if the children offer frivolous reasons for not wanting to see the target parent. Also look for commonality of phrasing that is similar to the alienating parent. The magic question that Brian Ludmer suggested and I have used is, “If the judge finds against you, what are you going to change about your parenting?” If they say nothing will change, you may be pretty sure you have made the right decision if you do transfer custody. Either way the alienating parent is not an appropriate trustee for the children’s right to have a relationship with the other parent.CHANGE OF CUSTODYWhen the circumstances warrant it or in some severe cases, changing custody may be the only effective option. Determining when it is warranted is the key. If the parent is just intractable, however, judges my order the children to live with the target parent. You will want to have evaluations to see what effect that transfer of custody may have on the child. You will also want to consult with an expert to find the most protective way to handle the transfer of custody. Sometimes, the grandparents can be a halfway house for a few weeks when the child positively refuses to go with the target parent.I had one case in which the son absolutely refused to see the father in a clear alienation case. I entered an order transferring custody to the father and stayed the order pending the son’s going on visits with the father. The son thought he was the mother’s hero by making sure custody wasn’t transferred. Eventually, he did repair his relationship with the father.JOINT PARENTING AND EXPANDED VISITATION TIMEI wrote visitation guidelines for the Cook County Courts in the early 1980’s. At that time I thought that the best practice was alternating weekends; I was caught in the mass-hypnosis groupthink about what was best for the children. I am guilty. The protocols we used in order were usually alternating weekends and Wednesdays for dinner, a week out of Christmas vacation, and two to four weeks of summer vacation. With these standard orders, studies found that the visiting parents often gets marginalized and cannot handle the marginalization and too often detaches from the child. The divorcing culture needs to explore the science behind why both parents’ active engagement with the children is crucial. Some judges will say if the parties cannot get along we cannot do a joint parenting order. I do not always agree with that. I think if the parties cannot get along, they may really need a joint parenting order. All the studies show that children of joint custody parental arrangements do much better than full arrangements.EXTERNAL MARKERS OF HIGH-CONFLICT SEPERATION OR DIVORCEPA typically occurs when a child is exposed to a pathogenic environment: a high degree of conflict between his or her parents. Although there may be variation in the manifestations of high-conflict separation or divorce, the following behaviors or external markers are commonly observed:Verbal acts, such as abusive language, threatening violencePhysical acts, such as slamming doors, throwing things, endangering each otherActual or alleged domestic violenceActual or alleged child abuseChild experiencing emotional endangermentA history of access denialFamily dysfunction, such as substance abuse, severe psychopathologyInvolvement of child welfare agencies in the disputeSeveral or frequent changes in attorneysThe unusual number of times the case goes to courtThe length of time it takes for the case to be settledThe large number of documents, such as diaries and affidavits that have been collected.This list based on Garrity and Baris (1994); Gilmour (2004); Johnston, Roseby, and Kuehnie (2009); and Stewart (2001).CRITERIA FOR THE DIAGNOSIS OF PARENTAL ALIENATIONFor the diagnosis of PA, the child must manifest the following two behaviors: Campaign of denigration against the target parent. The child often presents complaints in a litany, some trivial, many false or irrational. The child often denies ever having experienced good times with the target parent when that is clearly not the case. Alienated children are likely to eschew the potential for reconciliation.Frivolous rationalizations for the child’s criticism of the target parent. The child’s reactions of hatred or disdain are unjustified and disproportionate to the circumstances they describe. They may claim to be fearful, but they do so easily and without typical fear reactions.Also, the child must manifest two or more of the following six attitudes and behaviors: Lack of ambivalence. The child manifests all-or-none thinking, idealizing the alienating parent and devaluing the target parent. Independent-thinker phenomenon. The child proudly states the decision to reject the target parent is his or her own, not influenced by the alienating parent.Reflexive support of the alienating parent against the target parent. The child immediately and automatically takes the alienating parent’s side in a disagreement.Absence of guilt over exploitation and mistreatment of the target parent. The child may be oppositional, rude, disrespectful, and even violent toward the target parent and shows little or no remorse for those behaviors.Borrowed scenarios. The child makes rehearsed statements that are identical to those made by the alienating parent. Younger siblings may mimic what they have heard their older siblings say. They usually are unable to elaborate on the details of the events they allege.Spread of the child’s animosity toward the target parent’s extended family. Expressed feelings and hatred often include the extended family or friends of the target parent, even when the child has had little or no contact with them. Occasionally, the child’s hatred extends to pets of the target parent.Mild PA means that the child resists contact with the target parent but enjoys the relationship with that parent once parenting time is underway. A typical intervention for mild PA is strongly worded instruction or psychoeducation. For example, a judge might clearly order the parents to stop exposing their child to conflict and stop undermining the child’s relationship with the other parent, as well as instructing the child to cooperate with the parenting plan and follow the schedule that has been ordered. A parenting coordinator might meet with the parents regularly to help them communicate in a constructive manner and advise them regarding the child’s activities with the target parent.Moderate PA means that the child strongly resists contact and is persistently oppositional during parenting time with the target parent. The treatment of moderate PA usually focuses on changing the behavior of the parents, reducing the amount of conflict and improving communication, for example. A parenting coordinator works with the parents together and individual counseling is frequently arranged for the alienating parent (to help the parent stop indoctrinating the child against the target parent), the target parent (to help the parent be less frustrated and improve parenting skills, as needed) and the child ( to help the child avoid the parents’ battles and have a healthy relationship with both parents.Severe PA means that the child persistently and adamantly refuses contact and may hide or run away to avoid being with the target parent. When the child manifests a severe level of PA, the alienating parent is usually obsessed with the goal of destroying the child’s relationship with the target parent. The alienating parent has little or no insight and is convinced of the righteousness of his or her behavior. It is usually necessary to protect the child from the influence of the alienating parent by removing the child from his or her custody, greatly reducing the parenting time with that parent, and requiring the parenting time to be supervised.LEVELS OF SEVERITY OF ALIENATING BEHAVIORSMild degree of alienating behavior: Na?ve alienators make negative comments about the other parent of that parent’s household but without serious intentions of harming the child’s relationship with that parent. For example, a father might say, “if you get scared at Mommy’s house, call my cell phone. I’ll come pick you up.”Moderate degree of alienating behavior: Active alienators intentionally desire to criticize and undermine the target parent. They realize that what they are doing is wrong and potentially harmful to the child. For example, the father might say, “I don’t trust Mommy’s new boyfriend. When you visited them last weekend, did he look at you in the bathroom or try to touch your private parts?”Severe degree of alienating behavior: Obsessed alienators are determined to destroy the child’s relationship with the target parent. For example, a father might say, “I’m pretty sure that Mommy’s boyfriend is a sexual pervert. If he does anything that makes you uncomfortable, call 911 and say he molested you.” ................
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