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TASK 2
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Television has destroyed communication among friends and family.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Many people think that television has affected in a negative way communication with relatives and friends. I agree with this statement for the following reasons.
First of all, watching television can be an activity that absorves attention for long time periods of people reducing the day time available to interact with their loved ones! Consequently this become a frecuent action that contributes to damage communication with family and friends. For example, hard working couples have the night when they arrive home to talk to each other about the days, but instead they spend that time watching TV ignoring themselves. Another example can be the relationships between parents and kids. Parents spend their time at night watching tv taking away the moments to spend with their children talking about school and problems they might have in life.
Secondly, television can alter in a violent mode the way people communicate with the ones they care, giving a wrong example on how communication should be. There fore, television incentivates aggressive communication some times making people to think that it is the normal way to do it. As an example we have the Simpsons. A cartoon that incentivate children and adults to behave and talk each other in a disrespectal way, Showing it like a normal behaviour of a USA family. Other example we have, are the gangsters series. These series show how gangsters talks each other with bad words, and children who watch those series think it is OK to talk their real life friends and family this way.
In conclusion, television has a ????? communication among friends and family in different ways. The best thing to do is reduce television time and increase communication time with the ones you care.
In-depth Task Feedback
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1 TASK ACHIEVEMENT
YOU HAVE AN INTRODUCTION yes
YOU PARAPHRASE THE QUESTION IN YOUR INTRODUCTION yes, but you could expand your introduction with a lead-in before you start paraphrasing the question
YOU EXPRESS A CLEAR POSITION yes
YOU HAVE SOME MAIN IDEAS yes, but they are not clearly expressed, due to your use of language and vocabulary your first main idea is not very clear. The second is much clearer
YOU DEVELOP YOUR MAIN IDEAS FULLY partially, as you try to develop your main ideas but your language and vocabulary make it hard to understand your development at times.
YOU EXTEND YOUR IDEAS FULLY partially, as you try to extend your main ideas but your language and vocabulary make it hard to understand your extension at times.
YOU SUPPORT YOUR IDEAS WITH EVIDENCE yes, you use examples to support your ideas
YOU USE ACADEMIC EXAMPLES partially, you could make your examples more academic. You also only need 1 good example for each main idea. No need to use 2 examples here.
YOU HAVE A CONCLUSION FOR EACH MAIN IDEA no, your main ideas do not have any conclusion
YOU DEVELOP YOUR POSITION FULLY yes but your issues with language and vocabulary make is sometimes hard to understand your development
YOU HAVE A CONCLUSION yes
YOU RESTATE WHAT THE ESSAY IS ABOUT yes, but you could paraphrase it again better
YOU HAVE SUGGESTIONS FOR THE FUTURE yes
YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION FULLY yes
YOU DON’T GO OFF TOPIC yes
YOU HAVE AT LEAST 250 WORDS yes
2
3 COHESION AND COHERENCE
YOU ORGANISE YOUR INFORMATION yes
YOU USE COHESIVE DEVICES yes, but you do make some mistakes here and there using them
YOU USE REFERENCING AND SUBSTITUTION partially, you could use more referencing and substitution to avoid repeating some vocabulary
YOU HAVE CLEARLY MARKED PARAGRAPHS yes
YOU HAVE ONE CLEAR CENTRAL IDEA PER PARAGRAPH partially, as mentioned above it is hard to understand your main idea for the first paragraph
YOU HAVE A TOPIC SENTENCE partially, your first topic sentence is very unclear at what you really want to say. Both topic sentences are too long and should be clearer and more concise
YOUR PARAGRAPHS ARE LOGICALLY STRUCTURED yes, but you miss an ending for your paragraphs as they do not have a conclusion.
YOU DON’T HAVE TOO LONG SENTENCES WITH TOO MANY CLAUSES yes
YOU DON’T HAVE TOO SHORT SENTENCES yes
YOU DON’T HAVE FRAGMENTED SENTENCE THAT DO NOT MAKE SENSE partially, because of your issues with your language and vocabulary
YOUR WORD ORDER IN SENTENCES IS GOOD partially, here and there your word order is not correct
4 LEXICAL RESOURCES
YOU USE A WIDE RANGE OF VOCABULARY FOR THE TASK you try to use a wide range but you have many issues with your word choices and constructions
YOU USE YOUR VOCABULARY FLUENTLY AND FLEXIBLY no, you have issue selecting the right vocabulary for the task and have many issues using it fluently and flexibly
YOU DON’T MAKE NOTICEABLE ERRORS IN SPELLING yes, you do make noticeable spelling mistakes, but only on more difficult vocabulary
YOU DON’T MAKE NOTICEABLE ERRORS IN WORD FORMATION yes you have issues with word formation and you can clearly notice them, and sometimes they make it hard to understand what you are saying
YOU DON’T MAKE NOTICEABLE ERRORS IN COLLOCATIONS yes and you should expand your range of collocations and natural language use
YOU DON’T MAKE NOTICEABLE ERRORS IN WORD CHOICE yes, you have many issues trying to find the right word to express what you would like to say
YOUR ERRORS DON’T CAUSE DIFFICULTY TO UNDERSTAND YOU partially, there are some issues here and there that make it a lot harder to understand what you are talking about
5 GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
YOU USE COMPLEX SENTENCES ACCURATELY you try to use complex sentences but you have some issues with them
YOU USE A WIDE RANGE OF GRAMMATICAL STRUCTURES FOR THE TASK partially, you can expand your grammatical range still a lot more
YOU DON’T MAKE NOTICEABLE ERRORS IN GRAMMAR partially, you do make some mistakes that are noticable
YOU DON’T MAKE NOTICEABLE ERRORS IN PUNCTUATION very little noticeable mistakes
YOUR ERRORS DON’T CAUSE DIFFICULTY TO UNDERSTAND YOU partially, but most of the errors are language related rather than grammatical
6 General feedback on Target Score
Target score 6.5 :
1 TASK ACHIEVEMENT:
You are close at reaching your goal here. What you need to work on is mostly language related to help you better express yourself, in turn making it easier to understand what you are trying to say. Try to work:
Adding a lead-in to your introduction
Expressing your main ideas more clearly (more a language issue)
Have 1 example instead of 2
Express your examples more academically
Work towards a conclusion in your paragraphs
2 COHESION AND COHERENCE:
You are very close at reaching your goal, still your language use makes it hard to understand what you are trying to say. Your overall structure is good, but you can still work on sentences level issues. What you need to work on
Small mistakes in using you cohesive devices
Referencing and substitution
Concise topic sentences
Sentence level issues on sentence construction due to word choices
Word order
3
4 LEXICAL RESOURCES:
You will need a lot of additional work on expanding your lexical range. What you need to work on:
Expanding your lexical range so you can be more flexible and precise at what you want to say, as now you struggle a lot with expressing your ideas in English
Synonyms: communication is used 7 times, talk 5 times
Word formation
Collocations: especially verbs and prepositions
Word choices
Spelling issues with less common vocabulary
5 GRAMMATICAL ACCURACY:
You will need more work on expanding your grammatical range. You need to work on:
Articles (basic mistakes)
Present simple subject verb agreement: they talk, this becomes (basic mistakes)
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