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Jain Mentoring Program

Mentor Training Handbook

I. Mentor Training

“With increasing pressure on everyone, the use of mentoring has become more widespread and mentors are now regarded as one of the most important sources of support and advice.

Whether you are new to mentoring or you are an experienced mentor hoping to refresh your skills and learn some new tips, this manual will help develop your ability and confidence in effectively mentoring others. Importantly, we will help you to recognize that when you are unable to assist your mentee you should encourage them to seek other sources of support. The manual is required reading for every mentor in the Jain Mentoring Program.”[1]

Content training for Mentors will focus on professional & career subjects. If a Mentee wishes to focus the conversation on personal topics, the Mentor will have to rely on his/her own personal experiences to provide a perspective to the Mentee. Mentor should not start the personal topic.

Qualities of Successful Mentors[2]

• Personal commitment to volunteer and be involved with another person for an extended time—generally, one year at minimum. Mentors have a genuine desire to be part of other people’s lives, to help them with tough decisions and to see them become the best they can be. They have to be invested in the mentoring relationship over the long haul to be there long enough to make a difference.

• Respect for individuals and for their abilities and their right to make their own choices in life. Mentors should not approach the mentee with the attitude that their own ways are better or that participants need to be rescued. Mentors who convey a sense of respect and equal dignity in the relationship win the trust of their mentees and the privilege of being advisors to them.

• Ability to listen and to accept different points of view and act as a sounding board. Most people can find someone who will give advice or express opinions. It’s much harder to find someone who will suspend his or her own judgment and really listen. Mentors often help simply by listening, asking thoughtful questions and giving mentees an opportunity to explore their own thoughts with a minimum of interference. When people feel accepted, they are more likely to ask for and respond to good ideas.

• Ability to empathize with another person’s struggles and earn their trust & confidence Effective mentors can feel with people without feeling pity for them. Even without having had the same life experiences, they can empathize with their mentee’s feelings and personal problems.

• Ability to see solutions and opportunities as well as barriers. Challenges assumptions. Effective mentors balance a realistic respect for the real and serious problems faced by their mentees with optimism about finding equally realistic solutions. They are able to make sense of a seeming jumble of issues and point out sensible alternatives.

• Flexibility and openness. Effective mentors recognize that relationships take time to develop and that communication is a two-way street. They are willing to take time to get to know their mentees, to learn new things that are important to their mentees (music, styles, philosophies, etc.), and even to be changed by their relationship.

What Makes A Good Mentor?[3]

Many people feel that being a mentor requires special skills, but mentors are simply people who have the qualities of good role models.

|Mentors listen. |They maintain eye contact and give mentees their full attention. |

|Mentors guide. |Mentors are there to help their mentees find life direction, never to push them. |

|Mentors are practical. |They give insights about keeping on task and setting goals and priorities. |

|Mentors educate. |Mentors educate about life and their own careers. |

|Mentors provide insight. |Mentors use their personal experience to help their mentees avoid mistakes and learn from good |

| |decisions. |

|Mentors are accessible. |Mentors are available as a resource and a sounding board. |

|Mentors criticize constructively. |When necessary, mentors point out areas that need improvement, always focusing on the mentee’s |

| |behavior, never his/her character. |

|Mentors are supportive. |No matter how painful the mentee’s experience, mentors continue to encourage them to learn and |

| |improve. |

|Mentors are specific. |Mentors give specific advice on what was done well or could be corrected, what was achieved and |

| |the benefits of various actions. |

|Mentors care. |Mentors care about their mentees’ progress in school and career planning, as well as their |

| |personal development. |

|Mentors succeed. |Mentors not only are successful themselves, but they also foster success in others. |

|Mentors are admirable. |Mentors are usually well respected in their organizations and in the community. |

The Five “MYs”[4]

One-on-one mentoring focuses on helping mentees manage the five aspects or “MYs” of their professional and personal lives: “My Style”, “My Career”, “My Craft”, “My Life”, “My World”

[pic]

Mentor Roles

Each mentor/mentee relationship is unique and requires the mentor to be flexible in her mentoring approach. Remember, the mentor’s focus is to help the mentee improve in her targeted “MY” areas. This will require you to play four different roles.

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[pic]Process Partner

|About the Role |Tips for Being Effective |

|Manages the mechanics of one-on-one meetings |Ask these questions to capture feedback and emphasize the |

|Ensures mentorship agreement is created and agreed upon |importance of applying learnings: |

|If necessary, modifies agreement to reflect changes in the |“What have you learned from today’s discussion?” |

|relationship |“What did I do as your mentor to help you learn?” |

|Collaborates with mentee and agrees on action steps between |Schedule one-on-one meetings at least two weeks in advance |

|meetings |On a monthly basis, do a brief “check-in” with your mentee (phone|

|Holds the mentee accountable for achieving agreed upon action |call, coffee, etc.) |

|steps |Check-in with your mentee to encourage her attendance at mentor |

|Participates in mentorship measurement and feedback efforts |circles and learning events |

|Participates in mentoring circles and learning events | |

[pic]Capability Developer

| | |

|Assists mentee with converting feedback into action |Provide feed-forward that is empowering, actionable and prepares |

|Looks for “developmental moments” and provides feed-forward |your mentee for “the next time”: |

|Enables mentee to discover “remedies” to improve performance and |Focus the conversation on how to be/do “right” in the future |

|continue development |versus proving how they were “wrong” in the past |

|Seeks growth opportunities for mentee and self |Share your positive suggestions and reframe issues as |

| |opportunities |

| |Ask your mentee why she agrees with your thinking to ensure that |

| |she is engaged and not going through the motions |

[pic]Capability Developer continued

|Additional Tips for Being Effective |

|During a discussion with your mentee ask “check-in” questions: |

|“How are you progressing on your development?” |

|“What leads you to believe you are making progress?” |

|“What obstacles hinder your progress?” |

|“Are these obstacles due to others, yourself or both?” |

|“Is there anything new that you are doing that requires additional practice?” |

[pic]Thought Partner

|About the Role |Tips for Being Effective |

|Serves as the mentee’s sounding board |Ask questions to assist your mentee with self-awareness: |

|Challenges mentee to avoid old and unproductive mindsets |“Share with me feedback themes that you have received over the |

|Fosters increased self-awareness and uncovers “blind spots” |last year” |

|Asks questions to discover options and potential solutions |“Do you agree with this feedback?” |

|Shifts conversation from presenting issues to real/below the |“What obstacles hinder your development?” |

|surface issues |“Are these obstacles due to others, yourself or both?” |

|Shares new insights, experiences and ideas with mentee |“When have you experienced “rapid learning”?” |

| |Find balance between: |

| |Advocacy or sharing -- “here’s my opinion…” |

| |Inquiry or exploring -- “what are your thoughts?” |

[pic]Supporter

|About the Role |Tips for Being Effective |

|Creates a “safe and trusting” relationship |Avoid the temptation to assist your mentee by assuming an |

|Assists mentee with feeling comfortable in branching out and |intermediary role |

|meeting others to expand her professional network |Assist your mentee with developing problem solving and |

|Listens to mentee and provides encouragement |relationships skills |

| |Celebrate successes and reinforce the use of new approaches, |

| |skills, etc. |

| |From time to time ask your mentee questions that demonstrate your|

| |support: |

| |“How can I help?” |

| |“What suggestions do you have for me?” |

| |“What should we be doing more of or differently?” |

[pic]Supporter continued

|Additional Tips for Being Effective |

|Encourage your mentee to establish a personal board of directors to share ideas, review career plans, etc. The board of directors |

|typically includes external individuals with whom the mentee has already established a relationship: |

|Local business and/or community leader |

|Trusted friend |

|Former colleague/classmate |

First Meeting Tips for Mentors[5]

Conversation Topics

The first meeting with your mentee is your chance to build her excitement around the possibilities of the relationship and your willingness to explore them. Consider using some of the questions below to help guide your conversation.

Learn about your mentee and her mindset

1. I was very pleased to hear that we would be working together. Would you please tell me a bit more about yourself? – in turn, you should share a bit about yourself

2. What is your short-term aspiration? Long-term aspiration?

3. What are two to three things you want to accomplish this year?

4. What do you hope to get out of our mentorship relationship?

Gauge her self-awareness and development needs

5. Are you comfortable sharing feedback themes you have received over the last year?

6. Do you agree with this feedback?

7. Do you view the mentorship initiative as a potential way to close some of these gaps?

8. What’s working and what’s not working with respect to your…(My Style, My Career, My Life, My Craft, and My World)?

Offer yourself as an ally in her development

9. As a mentor, how can I make the greatest possible impact for you?

10. How will we know that mentoring is providing value?

Pay attention to the quality of the communication and use your judgment to pace the conversation. Your goal in the first meeting is to connect and start building trust and rapport, not to “power through” all of the questions

Delivering Feedback[6]

Being Heard

Feedback is less about what is said and more about what is heard. Mentoring is not a one-way street. Delivering feedback goes both ways. Your feedback will only be heard if you have built adequate trust with your mentor/mentee over time and if you find the right developmental moment. See ‘Building a Productive Relationship’ for more tips on building trust. Information around developmental moments is discussed below.

Testing for developmental moments

• Ask your mentor/mentee what she thinks or thought about a situation, conversation, etc.

• Ask directly: “Do you mind if I share with you some feedback?”

Signs that it is probably not a developmental moment:

• Defensive body language (e.g., arms folded, no eye contact)

• Expressions of anger, disgust or exasperation

• Preoccupation with some other activity

• Indications of impatience or a need to move on to some activity (i.e., getting on the elevator, preparing to leave for the day)

The Feedback Framework©[7]

Delivering effective feedback messages is a learned skill that takes time and practice to perfect. Use the four-step feedback framework to structure your feedback messages with your mentor, regardless of whether you are delivering a positive or constructive message.

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Common Mentorship Pitfalls[8]

It is natural and expected for mentoring relationships to experience set-backs from time to time. Do your best to avoid or minimize these setbacks by being aware of the common mentorship pitfalls.

1. Having unrealistic expectations for the relationship and focusing on too much, too soon. Be realistic about what the relationship can accomplish in six months to one year. Make sure that you clarify goals and expectations at the onset of the relationship and capture your thinking in the mentorship agreement.

2. Getting sidetracked by personal stuff. The primary focus of your mentorship relationship is for you to develop your professional self. With that said, discussing personal information is not completely off limits. Asking your mentor/mentee about her weekend or a recent vacation or sharing similar information about yourself can be an effective step towards building rapport. Use your judgment – if you think that your conversations are veering down the wrong track, quickly refocus the conversation back to development areas.

3. Expecting a mentor to provide with all of the answers. Good mentors ask the right questions to help their mentee’s uncover solutions and approaches that work for them.

4. Being too nice or patient to the point that you are not saying what needs to be said. One of the four pillars to productive mentoring relationships is the ability to act with courage when necessary. Failing to act with courage and deliver needed feedback to your mentor/mentee has the potential to damage your relationship. Remember, mentoring is a two-way street; each mentor has agreed to participate in this Program because she is looking for development, too. Review the Feedback Framework© to help you organize your thoughts and summon your courage to deliver necessary feedback messages.

5. Wanting to move too quickly through trust building. Trust is one of the four “pillars” to building an effective and productive mentoring relationship. Don’t let the pressure to move quickly into tackling development areas cause you to bypass this critical step. See ‘Building a Productive Relationship’ for steps you can take to build a trusting relationship with one another.

6. Allowing yourself to get overly frustrated over the lack of progress made. Mentoring is an on-going development process for both the mentee and mentor. There will be periods of significant progress and periods where development stalls. Avoid the feelings of frustration by scheduling regular “check-ins”: Let one another know how the relationship is going. Seek feedback about how the relationship is going. Refer back to the mentorship agreement and make changes, as needed.

7. Being friends with your mentor/mentee at the expense of true development. The strongest mentoring relationships occur when two people have a rapport and respect for one another. From this rapport and respect, friendships develop and mentoring relationships grow stronger. Be careful not to let the friendship get in the way of your ability to appreciate one another’s objective and direct developmental feedback and advice.

II. Developing the Mentor-Mentee Relationship

Agree On Next Steps[9]

• Recapture the highlights/themes of your meeting

• Discuss what key action items the mentee wants to focus on for the next meeting

• Provide resources/support when appropriate

• Discuss who will connect with whom to set up the next meeting

S.M.A.R.T. Goals[10]

S.M.A.R.T. stands for: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound

Using the S.M.A.R.T. Goal format will help you create clear and measurable goals providing a better chance to reach a goal with excellence.

1. Specific

2. Measureable

3. Achievable

4. Relevant

5. Time-bound

Ideas for Topics[11]

1. Scholarly pursuits – discuss ways to develop and/or further your education.

2. “Defining Who You Want To Be”.

3. Inventory of experiences – assess the variety of roles you have had. Your life experiences and work experiences are the building blocks of your career.

4. Define priorities – focus on work and personal priorities.

5. Think strategically.

6. Act with integrity – evaluate your current level of integrity.

7. Importance of a network - how networked are you and where can you network?

8. Follow-up on previous training and development classes.

9. Review a book.

10. Review self assessment results.

Reading

Below are recommended books for mentors and mentees. A suggested activity for mentor-mentee sessions can be to review a specific chapter in any of these publications as a task to be completed by mentees. The pair can then have a discussion on the reading in the following session.

• What Color is my Parachute?, Richard Nelson Bolles

• The Leadership Challenge, 3rd Edition, James M. Kouzes, Barry Z. Posner

• Now, Discover your Strengths, Marcus Buckingham, Donald O. Clifton

• How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie

• The One Minute Manager, Kenneth H. Blanchard, Spencer Johnson

• Who Moved my Cheese? An Amazing Way to Deal with Change in your Work and in your Life, Kenneth H. Blanchard, and Spencer Johnson

• Leading Change, John P Kotter

• Monday Morning Leadership, David Cottrell

• Monday Morning Leadership for Women, Valerie Sokolosky

• The Ant and the Elephant, Vince Poscente

• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey

• The 8th Habit: From Effectiveness to Greatness, Stephen R. Covey

• Common Sense Mentoring, Larry Ambrose (General Mentoring)

• The Mentee’s Navigator, Larry Ambrose (General Mentoring)

• Active Listening: Improve Your Ability to Listen and Lead, Michael Hoppe (Communication)

• Questions That Work, Andrew Finlayson (Communication)

• Taking the Stress Out of Stressful Conversations*, Holly Weeks, Harvard Business Review, July 2001 (Communication)

• Now, Discover Your Strengths*, Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D. (Five “MYs”)

• The One Minute Manager Balances Work and Life, Ken Blanchard (Five “MYs”)

• Giving Feedback: Pocket Mentor Series, Harvard Business School (Feedback)

• The Decision to Trust*, Robert F. Hurley, Harvard Business Review, September 2006 (Trust)

• Defining Moments: When Managers Must Choose, Joseph L. Badaracco (Courage)

Stages of a Mentoring Relationship[12]

STAGE 1: DEVELOPING RAPPORT AND BUILDING TRUST

The “getting to know you” phase is the most critical stage of the relationship. Things to expect and work on during Stage 1 include:

• Predictability and consistency

During the first stage of the relationship, it is critical to be both predictable and consistent. If you schedule an appointment to meet your mentee at a certain time, it’s important to keep it. It is understandable that at times things come up and appointments cannot be kept. However, in order to speed up the trust-building process, consistency is necessary, even if the young person is not as consistent as you are.

• Testing

Young people generally do not trust adults. As a result, they use testing as a coping or defense mechanism to determine whether they can trust you. They will test to see if you really care about them. A mentee might test the mentor by not showing up for a scheduled meeting to see how the mentor will react.

• Establish confidentiality

During the first stage of the relationship, it’s important to establish confidentiality with your young person. This helps develop trust. The mentor should let the mentee know that whatever he or she wants to share with the mentor will remain confidential, as long as (and it’s important to stress this point) what the young person tells the mentor is not going to harm the young person or someone else. It’s helpful to stress this up front, within the first few meetings with the mentee. That way, later down the road, if a mentor needs to break the confidence because the information the mentee shared was going to harm him or her or someone else, the young person will not feel betrayed.

• Goal setting (transitions into Stage 2)

It’s helpful during Stage 1 to take the time to set at least one achievable goal together for the relationship.

What do the two of you want to get out of this relationship? It’s also good to help your mentee set personal goals. Young people often do not learn how to set goals, and this will provide them with the opportunity to set goals and work toward achieving them.

STAGE 2: THE MIDDLE—REACHING GOALS

Once trust has been established, the relationship moves into Stage 2. During this stage, the mentor and mentee can begin to start working toward the goals they set during the first stage of the relationship. Things to expect during Stage 2 include:

• Closeness

Generally, during the second stage the mentor and mentee can sense a genuine closeness in the relationship.

• Affirming the uniqueness of the relationship

Once the relationship has reached this stage, it’s helpful to do something special or different from what the mentor and mentee did during the first stage, which helps affirm the uniqueness of the relationship. For example, go to a museum, sporting event, special restaurant, etc.

• The relationship may be rocky or smooth

All relationships have their ups and downs. Once the relationship has reached the second stage, there will still be some rough periods. Mentors should be prepared and not assume that something is wrong with the relationship if this happens.

• Rely on staff support

STAGE 3: CLOSURE

If the rough period continues or if a mentor feels that the pair has not reached the second stage, he or she shouldn’t hesitate to seek support from the mentoring program coordinator. Sometimes two people, no matter how they look on paper, just don’t “click.” Some mentor/mentee pairs don’t need to worry about this stage until farther down the road. However, at some point all relationships will come to an end—whether it’s because the program is over, the mentor is moving or for some other reason. When this happens, it’s critical that the closure stage not be overlooked. Many young people today have already had adults come and go in their lives and are very rarely provided the opportunity to say a proper goodbye.

• Identify natural emotions, such as grief, denial and resentment

In order to help mentees express emotions about the relationship ending, mentors should model appropriate behavior. The mentor should first express his or her feelings and emotions about the end of the relationship and then let the mentee do the same.

• Provide opportunities for saying goodbye in a healthy, respectful and affirming way

Mentors shouldn’t wait for the very last meeting with their mentees to say goodbye. The mentor should slowly bring it up as soon as he or she becomes aware that the relationship will be coming to a close.

• Address appropriate situations for staying in touch

If mentors and mentees are mutually interested in continuing to meet after the program has concluded, they may do so, but the involvement of the Jain Mentoring Program is limited to only the official duration of the program.

Building a Productive Relationship[13]

The Four Pillars

Every interaction with your mentor/mentee presents an opportunity to either build or erode the mentoring relationship. A productive mentoring relationship is supported by four pillars: trust, confidentiality, communication and courage.

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Trust

|How To Build |Specific Actions You Can Take |

|Use plain-speaking, straight talk |Be open to discussing the following with your mentor at the onset|

|Be honest and open |of the relationship: |

|Demonstrate respect in all interactions |Personal and professional background |

|Practice accountability; do not blame others when something does |Thoughts about the mentorship initiative |

|not happen as discussed |Confirm expectations/measures of success |

|Be transparent and consistent; “what you see is what you get” |Collaboratively develop the mentorship agreement |

|Be flexible and accessible |Use self-disclosure; share your personal thoughts: |

|Keep commitments, as commitments build hope; delivering on hope |“I personally feel…” |

|builds trust |“What I don’t like …” |

|Base feedback on first-hand observation, whenever possible | |

Confidentiality

|How To Build |Specific Actions You Can Take |

|Agree on boundaries and do not cross them |Demonstrate your understanding of what is confidential by |

|Before agreeing to be in a mentorship relationship, be candid |clarifying what "is and is off the record" at the conclusion of |

|about confidentiality principles and boundaries |mentorship sessions |

|Be open to sharing and discussion that isn't directly tied to |Seek your mentor’s approval to share information with others |

|your goals |Immediately share if confidentiality has be inadvertently broken |

|Demonstrate your belief in confidentiality by acting with |Clarify when a topic seems to be headed in a direction where |

|integrity with all information that is confidential, regardless |confidentiality may not be able to be protected |

|of the relationship | |

Communication

|How To Build |Specific Actions You Can Take |

|Be present and attentive to your mentor/mentee |Prepare for one-on-one meetings: |

|Be timely with your questions, thoughts, and opinions |Identify 2 to 3 key discussion topics |

|Look for the unspoken message |Review agreements from prior meetings |

|Use non-verbal signals to invite dialogue and demonstrate that |Apply active listening skills: |

|you are listening and understand (e.g., sitting forward, eye |Repeat back (paraphrase) what you heard |

|contact, nodding head) |Ask follow-up questions |

|Provide thoughtful responses to your mentor’s questions; avoid |Share your point of view |

|“yes/no” responses that close the door |Ask for clarification/confirmation |

| |Empathize with your mentor/mentee: |

| |Listen to understand versus protecting your position/opinion |

| |Express appreciation for meeting with you |

Courage

|How To Build |Specific Actions You Can Take |

|Mentees ask clarifying questions to understand your mentor’s |When faced with tough issues or challenges, ask yourself the |

|advice, suggestions, etc. |following questions to ensure you face the situations with |

|Seek permission to provide feedback, remember that feedback is a |courage: |

|gift and your mentor seeks development from this relationship, |“What could be a great outcome?” |

|too |“What results do I hope to achieve?” |

|Provide specific, actionable feedback to your mentor/mentee |“What is likely to happen if I do not address this issue?” |

|around the relationship, your needs, etc. |“What makes this a difficult issue for me to address?” |

| |“Is the value of change greater than the pain to remain the |

| |same?” |

| |“What would the most courageous Qualcomm leader do to resolve |

| |this issue?” |

Courage continued

|Additional Specific Actions You Can Take |

|Learn the STOP-START-CONTINUE framework as a way to share observations and facts with your mentor/mentee or others in a |

|non-threatening manner. |

| |

|STOP-START-CONTINUE |

|Identify the area in which you want to provide feedback and then clearly state your thoughts: |

|“I would like you to do less _________ because it ________.” |

|“I would like you to do more ________ because it ________.” |

|“I would like you to keep doing ______ because it ________.” |

Optional Page

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[1] IET Mentoring

[2] Courtesy of MENTOR/National Mentoring Partnership.

[3] Courtesy of The Connecticut Mentoring Partnership and the Business and Legal Reports, Inc.—Best Practices in HR, Issue 653, September 30, 1999.

[4] Source: Qualcomm Mentoring Program

[5] Qualcomm Mentoring Program

[6] Qualcomm Mentoring Program

[7] Qualcomm Mentoring Program

[8]

[9] Stanley Black and Decker Mentoring Program

[10] Stanley Black and Decker Mentoring Program

[11] Stanley Black and Decker Mentoring Program

[12]

[13] Source: Qualcomm Mentoring Program

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performance

of continued

possible effects

Known or

CONSEQUENCES

set of observations

or evaluations of a

interpretations

Personal

ASSESSMENTS

• Personal judgments about an individual’s observed performance

• Not the “truth” (observable facts), but are always shaped by personal background and expectations - personal perspective

• Focus on the individual’s performance (the “what” and the “how”) - not on who she is or her worth as an individual

• Known or possible effects of continuing to perform with no change in behavior or outcomes

• Can be positive or negative and should focus on the impact on others

• Explain what performance should “look like”

• Identify the expected results and required behaviors of an individual’s performance

• Can be explicit or implicit:

• Explicit expectations are stated goals, competencies, performance standards, etc.

• Implicit expectations are the “assumed” expectations (e.g., you will show up to work)

• Based on what you have seen someone do or have heard other people describe that they have done

• Should be similar for everyone viewing the situation - the plain facts, unfiltered by personal experience or assessment

• Should be specific and fact-based, not generalities

occurrences

Neutral facts or

OBSERVATIONS

required behaviors

Expected results and

EXPECTATIONS

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