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PRINTER FRIENDLY VERSION:

WELCOME TO THE SHOW!

I do hereby solemnly promise to be entertaining and informative. I do not guarantee, however, to make sense.  If you're gonna insist that I make sense, then just forget about it.

I have had some extremely vivid dreams the last few nights. Sadly, none of them have included chocolate.

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

"And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." --Matthew 21:22

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? --1 John 3:17

May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all. — 2 Corinthians 13:14

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always. — 1 Chronicles 16:11

Thought: After restoring the presence of God to his people through the Ark of the Covenant, David and Asaph gave them these verses as a song to perpetually remind them of the importance of seeking God because ... our strength is found in him ... our grace is from his loving presence ... and our hope is in seeing him face to face and knowing him even as we are known by him. We must look to the Lord and not seek our own way or follow our own path.

Prayer: O Lord, I know you created me uniquely as you fashioned me in my mother's womb. Yet I know I can never have the freedom or creativity in my life that you long for me to discover, unless I first seek you and your strength. Please bless me with the assurance of your nearness as I seek you with all of my heart and use my abilities in creative ways to bring you glory. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@.

“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

Hebrews 9:28 NIV = so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many people; and he will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for him.

TODAY IS MONDAY – SEPTEMBER 28, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!

THERE ARE ONLY 88 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is WORLD EGG DAY.  ***MARLAR: Now, if you see “egg” as a verb rather than a noun, you might just need a lawyer.

Today is NATIONAL BRING YOUR TEDDY BEAR TO WORK AND SCHOOL DAY, a day to recognize the value of Teddy bears as stress relievers.  ***MARLAR: Studies have shown that one in five single men still sleep with a teddy bear.

Today is NATIONAL FLUFFERNUTTER DAY. ***MARLAR: Part of a balanced breakfast!

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Family Day – Be Involved, Stay Involved

Fish Tank Floorshow Night

National Drink Beer Day

National Good Neighbor Day

International Right to Know Day

World Heart Day

World Rabies Day

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 29

MAGS Day

Mutation Day

National Biscotti Day

National Attend Your Grandchild’s Birth Day

International Coffee Day

VFW Day

WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30

Ask a Stupid Question Day

Banned Websites Awareness Day

Blasphemy Day

International Translation Day

National Mulled Cider Day

National Women’s Health & Fitness Day

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 01

CD Player Day

Fire Pup Day

International Day of Older Persons

International Music Day

Model T Day

National Book It! Day

National Lace Day

World Vegetarian Day

National Walk Your Dog Day

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 02

Weird Darkness Day

Guardian Angels Day

International Day of Non-Violence

National Custodial Workers Day

Phileas Fogg’s Wager Day

World Farm Animals Day

Lee’s National Denim Day

National Diversity Day

World Smile Day

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 03

Cephalopod Awareness Day

Inter-American Water Day

World Card Making Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 04

Blessing of The Animals Day (Blessing of the Pets Day/World Pet Day)

Improve Your Office Day

Kanelbullens Dog

National Taco Day

National Shop in a Bottle Day

Ten-Four Day

Vodka Day

World Animal Day

International Blessings of the Fishing Fleet Day

Change a Light Day

Country Inn Bed & Breakfast Day

Intergeneration Day

International African Diaspora Day

World Communion Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 05

Child Health Day

Day of Unity

International Day of No Prostitution

Techie’s Day

World Day of Architecture

World Day of Bullying Prevention / Blue Shirt Day

World Habitat Day

World Teachers Day

ON THIS DAY

1906: Hairdresser Karl Nessler introduced the "permanent wave" at his salon in London.  ***MARLAR: Today it’s usually called simply a “permanent” – while a permanent wave is reserved for beauty queens in Thanksgiving parades.

1960: In his last major-league at bat, Red Sox legend Ted Williams hit a 420-foot home run.

 

1968: Anson, Texas, secretary Jeannie C. Riley hit #1 on the Billboard Country Music Chart with "Harper Valley P.T.A." The Tom T. Hall song became the top single of 1968.

 

1988: The U.S. issued a patent (#4,777,680) to Lirida Paz of Elizabeth, New Jersey, for the Musical Potty Chair, a device that automatically plays music when a child-trainee successfully utilizes it.  ***MARLAR: It never really caught on though, as children became conditioned to it, and would suddenly need to use the bathroom every time someone turned on the radio.

1991: A llama conference in Hagerstown, Maryland, included a seminar entitled "Till Death Us Do Part," offering tips on how to handle the loss of a beloved llama. More than 200 llama lovers attended the conference.

 

1991: Ropin' the Wind by Garth Brooks became the first country music album to debut at #1 on Billboard's pop album chart.

 

1996: During their wedding at Spokane’s First Presbyterian Church, Craig and Jill Looper’s vow-sealing kiss set off the fire alarm. Or maybe it was an electrical problem. None of the 350 guests was injured, but the wedding cake was ruined. The couple signed their license on the hood of a fire truck.

 

1996: Baltimore Oriole Roberto Alomar was suspended five games for spitting in the face of umpire John Hirschbeck during an argument over a called third strike.

 

1999: The so-called "Iron Police Chief" known for commanding Albania’s toughest local police force was ordered back to school for failing a Police Academy exam. Chief Edmond Koseni said he’d been too busy cleaning up Elbasan to cram for the test.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1704: A statute was enacted by the colony of Maryland, giving ministers the right to impose divorce on "unholy couples."

 

1774: Anglican clergyman and hymn writer John Newton wrote in a letter: 'We are always equally in danger in ourselves and always equally safe under the shadow of His wings.'

 

1808: Andover Theological Seminary first opened in Massachusetts, under sponsorship of the Congregational Church.

 

1895: At a convention in Atlanta, three Baptist groups merged to form the National Baptist Convention. It is today the largest African-American denomination in America and the world.

 

1934: The first issue of "The Sword of the Lord" was published. Founded by Baptist evangelist John R. Rice, 39, it became the largest independent Christian weekly for years, and was recognized by liberals as the "voice of fundamentalism."

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

o actress (“Lizzy McGuire,” A Cinderella Story) Hilary Duff  28 (audio clip)

o actress (Sliding Doors, Shakespeare in Love, Shallow Hal, Iron Man) Gwyneth Paltrow 43

o actress (Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion, Mimic, Gods & Generals) Mira Sorvino 48

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From )

1902 : Ed Sullivan

1930 : Tommy Collins

1938 : Ben E. King

1943 : Nick St. Nicholas (Steppenwolf)

1946 : Helen Shapiro

1953 : Keni Burke (The Five Stairsteps)

1955 : George Lynch (Dokken)

1959 : Alannah Currie (Thompson Twins)

1960 : Jennifer Rush

1983 : Les Claypool (Primus)

1987 : Hilary Duff

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

Where do mosquitoes hang out, and what do they do when they're not biting you?

Who knows where the bloody things hang out? Maybe at the Type O Club, where old proofreaders also go to get away from it all. Ok, I did the research. Typically, mosquitoes put the bite on you at night or, if they're crepuscular (sounds like someone who doesn't blow his nose, doesn't it?), at twilight. They hate sunlight, but you probably already guessed that. During the day, they're likely to be in the grass, on a tree, under a bridge or in a house on a wall away from light. And what are they doing when not drinking your blood or mating? Not much of anything. Well are they just hanging out or asleep? We're not sure. If you have an itch to know, put your ear next to one and tell me if it's snoring.

Source: DO PENGUINS HAVE KNEES? By David Feldman

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at !

Third Day’s Mac Powell was celebrating Throw Back Thursday this week. He shared a picture of he and his wife when they were much younger. 



Matthew West was looking for the input of his fans. He shared a picture of a CD on twitter and asked: Heard of this guy? Is his music any good? I just don't know if I should buy this or a giant bag of snickers. The CD: The Matthew West Collection!

David Crowder was showing off his Red neck ingenuity. He tweeted a picture warming up left over pizza using an iron and a hair dryer.



Love and the Outcome member Jodi tweeted that she shopped in the maternity section of Target for the first time ever. She added: belly band here we come This is getting real.

Mercyme's Bart Millard says west coast baseball games are killing him. He is a big Rangers fan and they are playing on the west coast right now. He said night games that start late are killing him, especially when the band has an early wake up call the next morning.

Rhett Walker was playing the roll of a proud father this week. He tweeted: My boy just got his 1st strikeout! He did great under the pressure! I did not.

A rough day for Christian artist Kari Jobe. She shared online this week: Yesterday morning my sweet sister had to give birth to her stillborn baby, James Ivy Laymon. She was 31 weeks. I've never experienced or been a part of a more painful or grievous loss. Some things in life make no sense. Thank you for all the love and prayers you've given us already- this is harder than words can explain. My tears are mostly for my sister-I'm heartbroken for her. And that James and my baby won't get to be newborns together.

Jamie Grace normally wears Cowboy boots. However, on the rare occasion when she is not in boots, she says she is probably in the shoes Whoopi Goldberg gave her. She recently shared a picture sporting the shoes. 



WEIRD & WACKY

|Girl suspended from school for wearing wrong shade of green  |

|SICKLERVILLE, N.J. (AP) — An 8-year-old girl received a one-day suspension from her southern New Jersey public elementary school for wearing a shirt that |

|was the wrong shade of green. HASH(0x1401380) The school's dress code specifies that shirts and blouses may only be white, dark green or... |

|Seminary puts pope-inspired beer on tap for Francis' stay    photo |

|PHILADELPHIA (AP) — It started out as a lark inspired by the frenzy over Pope Francis' visit to Philadelphia: a limited-run beer for the local bars with a |

|playful name and a label showing the pontiff raising a gold-hued goblet of the stuff. Holy Wooder, a powerful Belgian-style tripel, was... |

|Giant pumpkin stolen from South Dakota yard in 'brazen' move  |

|SPEARFISH, S.D. (AP) — Matthew Murraine wants to know who swiped his 100-pound pumpkin. Murraine has been growing a type of large pumpkin at his home in |

|Spearfish, South Dakota, this summer. Last Friday, someone stole the largest one in a heist Murraine believes was carefully planned.... |

|Escaped tarantula grounds plane near Baltimore  |

|LINTHICUM, Md. (AP) — A tarantula that escaped in the cargo hold of a passenger flight from Maryland's BWI airport to Atlanta grounded the plane and sent |

|passengers onto another flight. Brian Kruse, spokesman for Delta Air Lines, tells The Baltimore Sun () that baggage... |

|Weather service accidentally sends Connecticut tsunami alert  |

|HARTFORD, Conn. (AP) — The Connecticut shoreline was briefly under a tsunami warning before the National Weather Service disclosed the alert had been sent |

|by mistake during a routine monthly test. The Weather Service's office in New York sent the warning Thursday morning to its radio and... |

|Sheriff apologizes to lawyers asked to remove bras at jail  |

|PORTLAND, Maine (AP) — A sheriff apologized Thursday to a pair of female lawyers who were told they needed to take off their underwire bras at jail to avoid|

|setting off the metal detector if they wanted to talk to their incarcerated clients. Cumberland County Sheriff Kevin Joyce said he... |

|Iranian in UK tries to get sent home but is in UK legally  |

|LONDON (AP) — Tens of thousands of people fleeing warfare and poverty are trying to enter Europe but at least one Iranian man who has made his home in |

|Britain seems desperate to leave. Manchester Police say Arash Aria turned himself in Monday, claiming to be in Britain illegally, but after... |

|Man feared dead on eastern Pennsylvania highway was napping  |

|WIND GAP, Pa. (AP) — State police say a man feared dead along an eastern Pennsylvania highway was just napping. HASH(0x140f660) But troopers who responded |

|say they found the man was homeless and merely sleeping. They woke him up and he left the area without incident. Police say the man was... |

|University mascot sends recovering official back to hospital  |

|TEMPE, Ariz. (AP) — Arizona State University's Sun Devils mascot doesn't always know when he's being devilish. HASH(0x13d25c0) The university apologized for|

|its mascot's "excessive exuberance" and offered to help pay medical expenses related to his delayed recovery. Schapira says his wife was... |

|Prisoner uses bed sheets in escape, falls when knot slips  |

|LOUISVILLE, Ky. (AP) — Two inmates at a Louisville, Kentucky, jail could have used a course in knot-tying when authorities say they plotted an escape using |

|bed sheets. Officials say the men escaped to the roof of a minimum-security building Monday night and used a rope made of bed sheets to... |

|Pennsylvania reporter working story finds missing boys  |

|STATE COLLEGE, Pa. (AP) — A newspaper reporter found two missing boys — who it turns out were just skipping school — after he was sent to cover their |

|disappearance in central Pennsylvania. Centre Daily Times reporter Shawn Annarelli says the brothers, age 7 and 9, were supposed to... |

HEALTH & FITNESS

|American doctor cured of Ebola continues his work in Liberia    photo |

|WORCESTER, Mass. (AP) — This time last year, Dr. Rick Sacra was given a second chance at life. On Sept. 25, 2014, the 52-year-old Massachusetts physician |

|had just been discharged from an Omaha, Nebraska, hospital after being treated and cured of Ebola. Sacra had contracted the deadly virus... |

|UN summit to approve 15-year blueprint to eradicate poverty    photo |

|UNITED NATIONS (AP) — World leaders open a summit Friday to formally approve an ambitious and costly 15-year blueprint to eradicate extreme poverty, combat |

|climate change and address more than a dozen other major global issues. Implementing the new development goals — expected to cost... |

|Kansas doctor, wife sentenced to prison in overdose deaths    photo |

|WICHITA, Kan. (AP) — A Kansas doctor and his wife were given decades-long prison sentences Thursday for their convictions in a moneymaking conspiracy linked|

|to 68 drug overdose deaths, with the judge saying the couple was motivated purely by greed. Dr. Stephen Schneider and his wife, Linda,... |

|Experts question safety of Essure device linked to pain    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — A 13-year-old birth control implant came under new scrutiny Thursday as federal health experts discussed a host of problems reported by |

|women implanted with the metallic device, including chronic pain, bleeding and fatigue. The Essure implant from German manufacturer Bayer... |

|1 1/2-pound baby born on cruise ship beats odds to survive    photo |

|SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — A Utah woman who unexpectedly gave birth on a cruise ship months before her due date says she wrapped towels around the 1 1/2-pound |

|boy and, with the help of medical staff, managed to keep him alive until the ship reached port. Emily Morgan, of Ogden, said Thursday that... |

|Singapore shuts schools, distributes free masks for haze    photo |

|SINGAPORE (AP) — Singapore shut schools Friday and began distributing free anti-pollution masks to the elderly and other vulnerable people as a thick smoky |

|haze cast covered the island-nation with pollution reaching its worst level this year. The haze — a pall of grayness that resembles... |

|Clinton aims to tackle out-of-pocket health care costs    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — Hillary Rodham Clinton proposed a series of steps on Wednesday to lessen the burden of out-of-pocket medical bills for Americans covered |

|by President Barack Obama's health care law. The Democratic presidential candidate said she would require plans to provide three sick... |

|Company says will cut price of drug after accused gouging  |

|SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — The company that sparked an angry backlash after it raised the price of a drug for treating a deadly parasitic infection by more than |

|5,000 percent says it will roll back some of the increase. Turing Pharmaceuticals CEO Martin Shkreli told ABC News on Tuesday that the new... |

|UN Ebola response now planned to continue into 2016  |

|DAKAR, Senegal (AP) — The United Nations is now planning for its Ebola response to last into mid-2016, suggesting the battle against the virus that has |

|killed more than 11,000 people won't be over by year-end, according to a report Wednesday. The news comes as health officials struggle to... |

|Spain court backs ruling for German firm in thalidomide case  |

|MADRID (AP) — Spain's Supreme Court has upheld a lower court ruling that a German pharmaceutical company does not have to pay compensation to 22 Spaniards |

|who blame their disabilities on the drug thalidomide. The court said Wednesday that it upheld a Madrid provincial tribunal's acceptance... |

|Study: Diagnosis wrong too often, urgent improvement needed    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — Most people will experience at least one wrong or delayed diagnosis at some point in their lives, a blind spot in modern medicine that can|

|have devastating consequences, says a new report that calls for urgent changes across health care. Getting the right diagnosis, at the... |

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

When is a bottle of ketchup not a bottle of ketchup? Evidently, when it's in the promised land. According to an Israeli newspaper, Heinz Ketchup, arguably the most recognizable brand of ketchup in the world, must be labeled "tomato seasoning" in Israel because it doesn't contain enough tomato paste to earn the ketchup title.  ***And they won’t even discuss allowing Cap’N Crunch’s “Crunchberries” into the country.  

It’s been discovered that mosquitoes can pick their victims by scent and can sniff out an attractive human target as far away as forty miles.  ***Meanwhile, there’s always a Walmart within 40 miles, so you might want to pick up a can of OFF just to be ready.  

An Arizona man arrested on alleged possession of meth apparently enjoyed his stay in jail so much that he didn't want to leave. David Spurlock was released for the drug charges, but caused trouble when he refused to vacate the premises. Sheriff Joe Arpaio says officers had to forcibly escort Spurlock away from the lock-up.  ***But that meant he was resisting officers, so they immediately brought him back in. 

A veteran stock car driver died after suffering a medical emergency during a victory lap at Devil's Bowl Speedway in West Haven, Vermont, track officials said. 63 year old Leon Gonyo of Chazy, New York, won the speedway's final asphalt NASCAR Whelen All-American Series Modified race of the season last Saturday night — but never got to collect the checkered flag. Officials say "Mr. Gonyo appeared to suffer a medical event while driving his race car around the speedway during a ceremonial victory lap.”  ***But man… what a way to go. 

A new Obama executive order requires using psychological data to get more people signed up for government programs.  ***Because America isn’t going broke fast enough, and Obama is determined to fix that problem. 

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

 And you thought your city was a dangerous place to drive?  As you head out for your commute, be thankful you don't live in St. Louis, which has, according to Men's Health, the most dangerous drivers. The magazine tabulated the rate of fatal crashes; the percentage of fatalities involving alcohol, speeding, or hit and run; and the rate of seatbelt use. Then it factored in the average number of years between accidents and laws on cellphone use while driving.  The safest city according to the study is St. Paul, Minnesota.  ***MARLAR: Although I'm guessing they've not factored in Buford, Wyoming –with a population of ONE resident.  

Ladies, if you're in the market to get hitched, find a short guy. A new study (out of NYU) found short men marry later, make more money while in the relationship, and divorce less than their taller counterparts.  ***MARLAR: Possibly because they can’t see over their spouses’ shoulders to eye other women.  

If you're aiming to live in the present, you'll want to restrict yourself to the last 15 seconds -- because that's how long we perceive the current moment. A group of US researchers say it's not just a split second: instead, our minds seem to blur together what's happening right now with what's happened over that brief period.  ***MARLAR: Like fifteen seconds ago when I began reading this story – oops, too late now!

A recent PPP poll looks at conspiracy theories. 51% of Americans believe that there was a conspiracy in the JFK assassination. 15% believe that the government controls out thoughts through TV. 13% believe that Obama is the anti-Christ, which is just below the number of people who believe that Bigfoot is real (14%). And my personal favorite: 4% of Americans believe that Lizard People control politics.  ***MARLAR: Which is my favorite, because it's the only statistic that actually reveals reality. 

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Frogs on Toadstools”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Brad Stine, “Safe Cars”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, , (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, Katie Snuffleson was still feeling no compassion for her brother Marvy’s head cold – but that’s the furthest thing from her mind, because she’s just learned that Razzleflabbin Island has a magical place in the clouds called Candyland – and the tram has arrived to take her there…

CLOSE: Candyland does sound wonderful – and we’ll see exactly HOW wonderful next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 03/04, 2015

OPEN: And now, , (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear insisted on looking at picnic spot after picnic spot after picnic spot in order to find the perfect place to have an ultimate picnic. Unfortunately, he wasn’t listening to anybody else’s opinions, and everyone else is tired, hungry, and they’ve had enough…

CLOSE: All of this over finding a nice place for a picnic? Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

MOMENT OF DUH

Looking to increase business for your company is usually a good thing... assuming you don’t work for a company of firefighters.

James Karl was a seasonal firefighter during the summer. Being part time help, he only got paid when he actually had a fire to put out. Thinking he might drum up a little extra business for himself, James started a couple of fires in the forest which his unit was called upon to put out. That in itself qualifies him as a moron, but he went one step further. On the days that he set a fire, James would start the fire engine to get it warmed up before the rest of the crew were even called in, making his fellow firemen just a little suspicious.

TOP TEN

TOP 10 OXYMORONS

10. Government Organization

9. Alone Together

8. Dodge Ram

7. Taped Live

6. Plastic Glasses

5. Tight Slacks

4. Pretty Ugly

3. Tax Return

2. Virtual Reality

1. Microsoft Works

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

Police catch a man in his boxer shorts!

FILE #1: Robert Martin made a number of errors in his quest to rob a gas station. First, he ran out of gas before he ever got there, leaving himself stranded on the side of the road in a stolen car. Driving a stolen car to the robbery was his second error. But his third and fatal error was standing by the stolen car and waving to a police car that passed by. The cops ran a quick license check, discovered the car was stolen and arrested him.

FILE #2: Police smashed down the door of a man's flat before realizing they'd raided the wrong address. Paul Forbes was buttering toast in his boxer shorts when officers told him to put his hands up and to get on the floor. Police have apologized. They realized the mistake when they checked his ID. They later arrested another man at a different address.

FILE #3: Abe Lincoln is wanted on suspicion of robbing as many as ten stores. Okay. so it's not really Abe Lincoln, but just a crook disguising himself as the former president. The man, wearing a false beard, wire rimmed sunglasses and a dark overcoat, is using the Lincoln disguise to rob area gas stations and retail stores of hundreds of dollars in a Washington DC suburb. Police say the disguise bears a striking resemblance to the 16th president.

STRANGE LAW: In New York City, "It is disorderly conduct for one man to greet another on the street by placing the end of his thumb against the tip of his nose, at the same time extending and wiggling the fingers of his hand."

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Can a gas leak be considered battery?

As if getting a DUI wasn’t enough, a man arrested for driving under the influence got in a lot more trouble at the police station. Police stopped Jose Cruz on Route 60 in South Charleston for driving with his headlights off. Then, he failed sobriety tests and was arrested. When police were trying to get fingerprints, police say Cruz moved closer to the officer and passed gas. The investigating officer remarked in the criminal complaint that the odor was very strong. Cruz is now charged with battery on a police officer, as well as DUI and obstruction.

PHONER PHUN

From here are some of the most awkward wedding moments ever. Here are some stories of the most awkward scenes guests have witnessed at a wedding:

• "When the bride and groom cut the cake and tried to feed each other, the groom actually bit the bride's finger so hard that she bled. He kept eating small bites of cake while her family came up to fix her finger."

• "I was at a wedding where the groom's father threw a tantrum and left halfway through the reception. The groom then got really drunk and cried for a good hour or so."

• "I went to a wedding where the father of the groom made a speech that included statistics on divorce rates."

• "A few extremely rude guests hissed at the buffet-style dinner and walked out 10 minutes after they sat down, claiming they were going to go out to eat. Awkward!"

Do you have a cringe-worthy wedding moment of your own?

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: In the Bible, what is the most frequently used name/description for Jesus?

ANSWER: Son of Man (This appears 82 times in the New Testament alone: 81 times in the Gospels and once in Acts. The name Son of Man first appears in the Old Testament in Daniel 7:13, as a messianic prophecy: "I saw the night visions, and behold, one like the Son of Man came with the clouds of heaven." Son of Man is taken to signify the humanity of Jesus, as opposed to son of God, which refers to His divinity.)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: How much weight in bananas does the average American eat each year?

ANSWER: 24.5 pounds per person.

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. There are 56 officially recognized Native American tribes. (False - there are 556)

2. American green cards aren't really green. (True - the last time American Green cards were actually green was 1964.)

3. The targets in both skeet and trap shooting, commonly called clay pigeons, are actually made from tar and pitch. (True)

4. While almost everyone knows that Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon, few know that he was also the last on the moon. (False - Gene Cernan was the last man on the moon.)

5. A humpback whale's milk is 54 percent fat. (True)

6. When wearing a Kimono Japanese women wear special socks. (True - they sock are called "Tabi". The big toe of the sock is separated from the rest of the toes, like a thumb from a mitten.)

7. Petey, the beloved pit bull of "Our Gang" fame is buried at historic Clara Glen pet cemetery in Linwood, New Jersey. (True)

8. Only one satellite has been ever been destroyed by a meteor. (True - the European Space Agency's Olympus in 1993.)

9. 1691 was the most recent year that could be written both upside-down and rightside-up and appear the same. (False, it was 1961. The next year that this will be possible will be 6009.)

10. It takes forty-eight minutes to cool hot chocolate into a Hershey's Kiss. (False - it takes eighteen minutes)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

SUPER EARTH FOUND WITH SUPER _________ (HUMANS)

More than 50 new alien planets — including a Super Earth with Super Humans has been discovered by the European Southern Observatory (ESO).

The newfound haul of alien planets includes 16 Super Earths, including one in which researchers have spotted more than a dozen Super Humans, who are at least 50 feet tall, according to researchers.

The planet, called HD 85512 b, has captured astronomers’ attention because it orbits at the edge of its star’s habitable zone, suggesting conditions could be ripe for the Super Humans to make a trip to Earth.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him. At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over the lawyer, so he swerved, but he heard a thump anyway. Looking back as he drove on, he didn't see anything. He began to apologize for his behavior to the priest. "I'm sorry, Father. I barely missed that lawyer at the side of the road."

But the priest said, "Don't worry, son. I got him with my door."

JOKE #2

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one-day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."

JOKE #3

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Mike.

When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?"

"My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."

USELESS FACTS

For the past 68 years, Malcolm Darby has worn glasses to correct vision damage caused by the measles he had at age two. Last year, he suffered a massive stroke, which required surgery to remove a blood clot. When the 70-year-old awoke after the procedure, he had near-perfect vision!  ***MARLAR: But then he saw what his wife looked like at age 68 and immediately went blind again.

A survey shows most Americans have fewer close friends than ever.  ***MARLAR: Have they tried Facebook?

FEATURED FUNNIES

Late one night in Washington D.C. a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.

Indignant, the potential victim replied, "You can't do this - I'm a US Congressman!"

"In that case," replied the robber, "give me MY money!"

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

GIVE ME MY C

A Japanese company says people will soon be able to get their daily dose of Vitamin C simply by wearing a T-shirt.

Feeling a little sluggish today? Feeling down in the mouth? Under the weather? No problem... wear a T-shirt! A Japanese company has developed a fiber containing a chemical called pro-vitamin, which turns into Vitamin C on contact with human skin. They've applied the fiber to T-shirts, and these T-shirts have the equivalent vitamin content of two lemons and will be effective after being thrown in the wash 30 times! A company spokesman says the product is aimed at women who are interested in skin care. ***MARLAR: So long as you don’t mind turning orange.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

YESTERDAY AND TOMORROW

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry, two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.

One of these days is YESTERDAY with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. All the money in the world cannot bring back Yesterday. We cannot undo a single act we performed; we cannot erase a single word we said---Yesterday is gone......

The other day we should not worry about is TOMORROW with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control. Tomorrow's sun will rise, either in splendor or behind a mask of clouds, but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in Tomorrow, for it is yet unborn....

This leaves only one day---TODAY! Anybody can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of those two awful eternities---YESTERDAY and TOMORROW---that we break down.

It is not the experience of today that drives people mad; it is remorse or bitterness for something which happened Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring.

--Wayne Eads

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

FEARING THE WORST

READ: Galatians 6:2-10

Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. —Galatians 6:2

When I learned I needed chemotherapy, my biggest fear was losing my hair. I knew this was a vain thought and should have been a minor concern, but I rationalized that it was okay to grieve what the Bible calls a woman’s glory (1 Cor. 11:15).

I knew, however, that the loss I was grieving was not my glory but my identity. My hair, which reached to my knees, was so much a part of who I was that I was afraid of losing myself when I lost it. In the past I’d had nightmares about having my hair cut. What would happen when it was really gone? I feared the worst.

But the worst never happened. I had my hair cut short—a little anxiety but no nightmares. And then it fell out—some sadness, but no despondency.

Several weeks later my dear friend Marge said to me, “Julie, I can’t tell you how often I have grieved the loss of your hair. It’s so much a part of you.”

Suddenly I realized that Marge was fulfilling the command of Galatians 6:2, “Bear one another’s burdens.” She was coming alongside me with prayers and empathy to ease my burden.

Satan wants to defeat us with heavy burdens, but fellow believers by their love and support can minimize the suffering he causes. —Julie Ackerman Link

Thank You, heavenly Father, for a family of believers

who carry our burdens when we are weak. Thank You for

those who truly “weep with those who weep.” Amen.

Bearing one another’s burden helps make the burden bearable.

LEFTOVERS

EYE 2 EYE

You know that feeling of excitement you get when you see an attractive person across a crowded room, and they look right back at you? Scientists decided to do a little research on that feeling.

"Their eyes met across the crowded room." Lines like that are more than just a staple of romance novels along with swoons and handsome heroes. Scientists at University College London say those furtive glances stimulate activity in a part of the brain linked to rewards. A neurologist said, "What we've shown is that when we make eye contact with an attractive person, the brain area that predicts rewards starts firing." ***MARLAR: This also explains why I see so many people crying around me.  Same part of the brain.

LIFE... LIVE IT

SMILE - BECAUSE ANGRY PEOPLE DIE YOUNG.

A fascinating study from Germany reveals that cynical, hostile folks are five times more likely to go to their graves before the age of 50 than even-tempered people are. The study showed that it wasn't necessarily the "hurry-hurry, type-A" people who suffered from high blood pressure and heart disease, it was the angry people.  ***MARLAR: Boy, that kinda ticks you off, doesn’t it?

JUST FOR FUN

WEIRD DOG PRODUCTS

Remember the good old days when you would just strap a leash on Fido and go for a walk in the park? Leashes are so yesterday.

o THE DOGGIE BAG PUPPY PURSE -- Carry it by the handles or fling the straps around your shoulder or even waist, it enables the dog lover to go out and about with a little furry friend literally by their side. The idea is unlikely to appeal to traditionalists who believe dogs should be walked not carried, but in today's consumer society pet accessories have become big business.  Cost: $70- $90

o THE POOPSADAISY -- The Poopsadaisy is a bag that straps to your dog's neck giving you a place to store its poop while out for a walk. When "Buddy" decides to take a dump, you pick it up with a plastic "doggie bag", tie it off, and store it in the Poopsadaisy. In other words, "You dump it, you haul it."  Cost: varies.

o THE DOG-POWERED SCOOTER -- The human is in total control of the speed and direction of the scooter because the dog is harnessed inside of the frame and subject to its steering and braking force. This also simplifies the animal's "choices" and reduces the level of "training" required of the animal. Simply harness the dog and clip them into the frame and off you go.

o THE K9 KALMER -- This is the only anti-barking device on the market that does not use pain or irritation to alter a dog's behavior. What makes the device unique is that it uses proprietary ultrasonic musical compositions -- songs that are inaudible to humans to calm anxious pets.

o THE SNACKSHOTZ TREAT LAUNCHER -- This high-tech slingshot will launch Discos treats up to 12 feet.  Of course, you could always throw them further than that, but then where would the techie-fun be?

FUN LIST

FIVE STEPS TO A HEALTHY DIET

A.  List your ten favorite foods.

B.  List your five favorite beverages.

C.  List all green vegetables that look like marsh grass, fur balls, or little trees.

D.  List water.

E.  Avoid A & B; eat only C; drink only D.

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...

POWER OF THE INTERNET


A woman in Boston was chatting with a man from Wisconsin when she told him that she was trying to kill herself. Jeff Erlanger only knew the woman from the Internet and thought that the message was a hoax, but he called local police, then Boston police, but he only knew the woman's first name, her AOL screen name, and city. With no more information, police were unable to help so he called AOL who will release a member's name and address in an emergency. Minutes later, police arrived at the woman's home to find her with fresh cuts on her wrists. She was taken to Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center for treatment.

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

What’s better than scoring touchdowns in the NFL? For former NFL great Warrick Dunn it is scoring life changing moments for deserving people. According to the web site Urban Intellectuals, Warrick Dunn Charities successfully provided their 139th home to a single mom. Dunn has dedicated his post NFL career to making a difference in the lives of families by helping them achieve the goal of home ownership



As Pope Francis visited the Northeast last week — some people were cashing in on the demand for papal merchandise. You can now buy anything ranging from a set of commemorative wine glasses to a a 10-inch, plush doll in the pope's likeness. Philadelphia-based vending services company Aramark set up a pop-up shop in the city in partnership with the World Meeting of Families. The shop, opened to sell official pope merchandise, sold over 2,000 dolls, most of them in the last 2 weeks since the store opened.



Coffee shops are making a difference in Kiev. According to Mission Network News, coffee shop counselors in the country are meeting with vulnerable women they’ve met online. According to LIFE International officials, “At our last count 1 to 2 unborn babies were being saved every week.” Officials say: “They text, they chat, they build that relationship online, and then they meet with them at coffee shops around the city.” When coffee shop counselors and the troubled women meet up, talk eventually turns to Christ. Over a cup of coffee, pregnant women don’t just find answers for today: they find hope for eternity.



AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kick-boxing. –Emo Phillips

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

It Can’t Be This Hard

Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.

Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.

Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.

As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”

Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!

Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.

At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.

One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.

Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”

The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.

And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.

For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.

I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.

Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)

Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.

P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.

That’s The Way WE Work.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit . Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

  

SEPTEMBER 25, 2015…

 

99 Homes (opening in select cities)--Andrew Garfield is a single Dad and gets chased out of his home because of non-payment. In order to get money, he is hired by a real estate man (Michael Shannon) who doesn't care how he gets the money owed. Sad situations. Also in the cast is Laura Dern. “99 Homes” is rated R. No rating.

 

Hotel Transylvania 2---In this animated comedy, the story continues from the first film where a hotel was run for monsters to come and relax. Count Dracula has a daughter and she married and now has a son, the Count’s grandson. Who does the child resemble, the Count (with fangs) or the humans (no fangs). With others monsters about to help (and scare) the Count tries to baby-sit in his dubious way. Adam Sandler is the voice of the Count. “Hotel Transylvania 2” is rated PG. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

Mississippi Grind---Anything to earn money, that is what happens to Ryan Reynolds and Ben Mendelsohn when they have to gamble on a  modern day Mississippi riverboat to get funds. Win some, lose a lot. “Mississippi Grind” is rated R. No rating.

 

Stonewall (opening in select cities)---This Stonewall refers to the riots  of 1969 around the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village. Those were unsettling times (something like today) and concern gay rights. The film stars Jeremy Irvine and is directed by Roland Emmerich. “Stonewall” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Intern---Robert DeNiro is retired and wants to do something interesting, so he applies for a job as a business “intern,” to learn the ropes. Robert dresses in a suit, tie, manners and doesn't look the part of your usual intern, namely casual clothing. Enter Anne Hathaway who heads a fashion business and is looking for assistance. When the two meet, well, you can guess the surprise in this tongue-in-cheek comedy about ages. “The Intern” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…

 

The Walk is a harrowing film starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt as French street performer Philippe Petit who walked between the Twin Trade Towers on a wire (tightrope).

 

OCTOBER 02, 2015…

 

Freeheld  (opening in select cities) Julianne Moore and Ellen Page is about a romance between a  woman and a younger woman and what happens when one is ill.

 

Legend has Emily Browning and Tom Hardy married, though he is a criminal.

 

The Martian stars Matt Damon as a man thought dead and left behind on Mars. Except he is alive.

 

*Sicario starring Emily Blunt is now opening Oct. 2

 

# # # # #

 

WARNING: Don't believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, , or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at .

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