DG - My Love, Don’t Cross That River

POV

Community Engagement & Education

DISCUSSION GUIDE

My Love, Don't Cross That River

A Film by Jin Mo-young

pov

LETTER FROM THE FILMMAKER

In 2012, I watched a Korean TV documentary called Grey-Haired Lovers about a couple. There were five 30-minute episodes, and it was a big shock to me that the couple had been able to have such a loving life together for so long. The TV documentary was really beautiful and well made, but I was sure there was something more to their story. So, I visited the couple the very next day and started to look for the "secret" of their love.

They were already famous because of the TV documentary and their colorful dress. I aimed to focus on just their story in the moment. Their lifestyle, which maybe looks unique to foreign audiences, comes through in small moments.

I stayed with them as a friend, and after a few months we became so close that I thought of them as my parents and they also treated me as they would their own son. They are old, and their everyday life is a routine, like that of any other old folks living in the countryside. But I never made them do something for the film--I just looked, waited and shot.

They showed me that great love is like a great mountain, made of billions of specks of tiny dust. It can never collapse or be destroyed and stays always as it is.

Many traditional Koreans believe in the idea of an afterlife, and

Kang Gye-Yeol is one of them. Every human gets sick and dies,

and people fall into despair. Whether or not I believe in that af-

terlife, whether it exists or not, it was really impressive to watch

as she truly prepared not only for the death of her husband but

also for eternal love and life with him. She has no doubt about it at all.

When I started shooting, I just wanted to find out the secret of

Director Jin Mo-young. Photo courtesy Film Movement

their love. But, as time went on, I could see many more facets to

their lives, and, I guess because of this, audiences enjoyed the film from their own varied viewpoints--married or not mar-

ried, male or female, young or old, as a son or daughter, mother or father and so on. To all of them, this couple proved that

eternal love still exists in this world.

Jin Mo-young Filmmaker, My Love, Don't Cross That River

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My Love, Don't Cross That River

TABLE OF CONTENTS

2 Letter from the Filmmaker 4 Introduction 5 Potential Partners 5 Key Issues 5 Using This Guide 6 Selected People Featured

in My Love, Don't Cross That River 7 General Discussion Questions 8 Discussion Prompts 11 Taking Action 12 Resources 13 How to Buy the Film

CREDITS

Writer Faith Rogow, PhD Insighters Educational Consulting

Guide Producers, POV Eliza Licht Vice President, Content Strategy and Engagement, POV Alice Quinlan Manager, Community Engagement and Education, POV Ione Barrows Associate, Community Engagement and Education, POV

Design: Rafael Jim?nez Copy Editor: Natalie Danford

Thanks to those who reviewed this guide: Jin Mo-young Director, My Love, Don't Cross That River

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My Love, Don't Cross That River

INTRODUCTION 89-year-old Kang Gye-Yeol and 98-year-old Jo Byeong-Man live in a rural riverside home in Gangwon Province, South Korea. They have been together for 76 years and have raised six children, yet they maintain a playful relationship that makes them seem like newlyweds. Now, as their aging bodies struggle with daily chores and illness, Jo and Kang must face the reality of their aging romance and the knowledge that joy inevitably will be counterbalanced by sorrow. My Love, Don't Cross that River captures the fleeting moments of their twilight days.

Jo Byeong-man, Kang Kye-yeol. Photo courtesy Film Movement

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My Love, Don't Cross That River

POTENTIAL PARTNERS

KEY ISSUES

My Love, Don't Cross That River is well suited for use in a variety of settings and is especially recommended for use with:

? Your local PBS station

? Groups that have discussed previous PBS and POV films relating to love, aging and end-of-life issues or Korean culture, including The Self-Made Man, Sweet Old Song, Seven Songs for a Long Life, Tea Time and First Person Plural.

? Groups focused on any of the issues listed in the "Key Issues" section

? Senior centers and gerontology specialists

? Faith-based organizations and institutions

? Cultural, art and historical organizations, institutions and museums

? Civic, fraternal and community groups

? High school students, youth groups and clubs

? Academic departments and student groups at colleges, universities and high schools

? Community organizations with a mission to promote education and learning, such as local libraries

My Love, Don't Cross That River is an excellent tool for outreach and will be of special interest to people looking to explore the following topics:

? aging ? cultural studies ? death and dying ? end-of-life care ? gerontology ? grief ? Korea ? marriage ? tradition and rituals ? romance

USING THIS GUIDE

This guide is an invitation to dialogue. It is based on a belief in the power of human connection, designed for people who want to use My Love, Don't Cross That River to engage family, friends, classmates, colleagues and communities. In contrast to initiatives that foster debates in which participants try to convince others that they are right, this document envisions conversations undertaken in a spirit of openness in which people try to understand one another and expand their thinking by sharing viewpoints and listening actively.

The discussion prompts are intentionally crafted to help a wide range of audiences think more deeply about the issues in the film. Rather than attempting to address them all, choose one or two that best meet your needs and interests. And be sure to leave time to consider taking action. Planning next steps can help people leave the room feeling energized and optimistic, even in instances when conversations have been difficult.

For more detailed event planning and facilitation tips, visit engage

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My Love, Don't Cross That River

SELECT PEOPLE

Selected People Featured in My Love, Don't Cross That River

Jo Byeong-Man, who is 98, and his wife, Kang Gye-Yeol, who is 89, are known as the "100-year old lovebirds." They have lived together since 1938, after Jo was hired by Kang's parents to work in their small smith shop in Gangwon Province, South Korea. Kang's parents allowed them to get married when she was only 14, so they could use him as free labor. Jo viewed this as a good opportunity, as he had lost his parents at an early age and had no place to live. However, the couple only became intimate three years into their marriage. To this day, Kang expresses her gratitude to her husband for bucking the societal norms of the time. Together, Jo and Kang had 12 children, but six were lost to disease and war.

Jo and Kang. Photo courtesy Film Movement

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GENERAL DISCUSSION QUESTIONS

Immediately after the film, you may want to give people a few quiet moments to reflect on what they have seen or pose a general question (examples below) and give people some time to themselves to jot down or think about their answers before opening the discussion:

? If a friend asked you what this film was about, what would you say?

? If you could ask Jo, Kang or their children a single question, what would you ask?

? If you could ask the filmmaker a question, what would you want to know?

? What did you learn from this film? What insights did it provide?

? Describe a moment or scene in the film that you found particularly disturbing or moving. What was it about that scene that was especially compelling for you?

Jo and Kang build snowmen of each other. Photo courtesy Film Movement

At the end of your discussion, to help people synthesize what they've experienced and move the focus from dialogue to action steps, you may want to choose one of these questions

? What did you learn from this film that you wish everyone knew? What would change if everyone knew it?

? If you could require one person (or one group) to view this film, who would it be? What would you hope their main takeaway would be?

? Complete this sentence: I am inspired by this film (or discussion) to __________.

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DISCUSSION PROMPTS

Love Story

How do you think Kang or Jo would respond to this question: What's the secret to a great marriage?

Do Jo and Kang fit your definition of "soul mates"? What sorts of things do they do or say (or avoid doing or saying) that signals their love for each other?

To what do you attribute their extraordinary affection and mutual respect? Is it just luck or that their personalities mesh, or do you also see cultural factors that might have contributed to the health and longevity of their relationship?

Did you see anything familiar in the film? How did Kang and Jo's life compare to your own? How did the film compare with Hollywood love stories you've seen?

Jo and Kang. Photo courtesy Film Movement

Married when she was 14, Kang recalls, "He wouldn't make a move on me even after we were married... I'll forever be grateful he waited for me." Did Jo's initial patience contribute to the ultimate longevity of their relationship? How?

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