Dear Ms



Dear Ms. Whomever:

I read on Publishers Marketplace that you are interested in urban fantasy. I thought that you may be interested in my novel The Woes of Edward Allen. I would like to invite you to review the manuscript for my novel and consider representing me.

The Woes of Edward Allen is about Edward Allen, a misanthropic, sarcastic, soon to be college student that was just informed that he has no place to live during school. He and his best friend (

Thanks to Femme Magazine's staff of hair stylists, make-up artists and designers, the thirty-four-year-old married mother of one is transformed into a hip, blonde, fashionable single girl ready to compete head-to-head with twenty-three other husband hungry women. But while the magazine expects Sarah to show what goes on behind the scenes - the cattiness, the desperation, and the ruthless competition between the women - she finds that life with the Stag is not what she expected.

Nice pitch and she gives her hook-that all important sentence or two that spotlights the uniqueness of this story. Chick lit is a tough market. Every story is about women and relationships—with each other or with men. Right away she lets me know how this work will uniquely handle all the traditional chick lit material—the heroine is married with a child but pretending to be single on this reality dating TV show. I'm interested. Even if your work is not Chick Lit, you as the writer still must spotlight the hook that makes your narrative different from every other story ever written. There are no new themes under the sun; only original ways to tell that story. Tell me what is your fresh and original take.

Originally disgusted by the women's mission to land a husband, and their desire to let the entire country watch the events unfold on prime time TV, Sarah finds herself befriending some of the hens (the show's horrific nickname for the women). Even more unexpected, she finds herself becoming a formidable competitor as the women work their feminine wiles to make it through the weekly candle ceremonies. When her time with the Stag starts to become more intimate, the line between work and real life becomes blurred, and Femme Magazine might get more than it bargained for.

She has hooked me with the above paragraph. Now she is simply giving me more details to flesh out the story line. Notice how she still keeps it brief-only highlighting what is important. It's not a long plot summary of the work. I do think she could have combined this paragraph with the one below and made the query stronger, but it is still quite good.

Bachelorette Number One shows us a woman who, by all accounts, has exactly what the women on 'The Stag' are seeking - a good looking successful husband, a happy suburban marriage, and a beautiful little girl. But as she's swept up in the race to romance the Stag, Sarah learns that she has more in common with the women than she'd like to admit. The novel shows with both intelligence and wit, the differences that make all women unique and the similarities that make all women human.

Here Jennifer details the general themes she will explore in the story. This is also nice to have. It shows me that the writer has a bigger picture in mind of what she wants to achieve with her novel.

Although Bachelorette Number One is my first novel, my writing experience ranges from corporate communications to the publication I founded while at Smith College. My exposure to publishing includes attending the Radcliffe Publishing Procedures program after graduation from Smith.

Always include a little bio about yourself. As you notice here, Jennifer has no previous fiction publications, so she kept that part short and sweet (but didn't denigrate or bemoan the fact). The letter is still very professional. She also included some details about her that she thought would be relevant-such as the fact she had attended Radcliffe's Publishing program. She didn't include anything very personal about herself. As a writer, you can. Keep it brief — i.e. currently I am a married and the mother of two. I live in Chicago (or something similar).

I'd be happy to send you a complete copy of the manuscript for your review. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you.

Solid wrap-up. Always thank agents for their time. We have so very little of it; we appreciate knowing that authors respect that.

Regards,

Jennifer L. O'Connell

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