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Warning! The following program contains immature subject matter. Immature? Some of it's downright childish. –HaLife

BIBLE VERSE OF THE DAY

He upholds the cause of the oppressed and gives food to the hungry. The LORD sets prisoners free, the LORD gives sight to the blind, the LORD lifts up those who are bowed down, the LORD loves the righteous. The LORD watches over the alien and sustains the fatherless and the widow, but he frustrates the ways of the wicked."  --Psalm 146:7-9

Since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding. --Colossians 1:9

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe. — Proverbs 29:25

HEARTLIGHT DAILY VERSE, PRAYER & THOUGHT

[Jesus said] "The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful." — Matthew 13:22

Thought: All sorts of things can distract us from Kingdom matters. The wear and tear of everyday life can make it hard to keep our spiritual focus. But in an affluent society, our desire for riches, our pursuit of material things, and our selfishness with wealth can entangle us in worry. Worry can stifle our faith. Eventually the fruitfulness of the Gospel is choked out and we lose our spiritual vitality. Our greatest riches are found in Jesus. If he is our priceless treasure and the Kingdom is our highest priority, then we can handle the other things that come our way.

Prayer: Gracious Father, please help me to faithfully use the blessings you have lavishly poured out upon me. Please don't let me be deceived or owned by the things I possess, nor do I want to covet what I do not have. Give me an undivided heart about the matters of your Kingdom. Please bring to life in me the fruitfulness of a heart full of your grace. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.

The Thoughts and Prayers for Today's Verse are written by Phil Ware. You can email questions or comments to phil@.

“BIRTHDAY VERSE” OF THE DAY

The chapter and verse corresponds to the month and the day!

John 10:3 NIV = The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.

TODAY IS SATURDAY – OCTOBER 03, 2015

(NOTE: Some holidays may be duplicated due to various calendars reporting conflicting dates)

WEIRD, WACKY, STRANGE, ZANY, ODD, BIZARRE, QUIRKY, UNUSUAL HOLIDAYS!

THERE ARE ONLY 83 SHOPPING DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS.

Today is TAKE A KID RIDING IN A WHEELBARROW DAY. ***MARLAR: And if placing them at the curb, please remember that children go into the recycling pile.

This is NATIONAL DIVERSITY DAY.  ***MARLAR: One way to be diverse?  Cart your kid around in a wheelbarrow! 

TODAY IS ALSO. . .

Cephalopod Awareness Day

Inter-American Water Day

World Card Making Day

COMING UP NEXT

(Note: Just because holiday is listed here it does not mean we are endorsing it.)

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 04

Blessing of The Animals Day (Blessing of the Pets Day/World Pet Day)

Improve Your Office Day

Kanelbullens Dog

National Taco Day

National Shop in a Bottle Day

Ten-Four Day

Vodka Day

World Animal Day

International Blessings of the Fishing Fleet Day

Change a Light Day

Country Inn Bed & Breakfast Day

Intergeneration Day

International African Diaspora Day

World Communion Day

MONDAY, OCTOBER 05

Child Health Day

Day of Unity

International Day of No Prostitution

Techie’s Day

World Day of Architecture

World Day of Bullying Prevention / Blue Shirt Day

World Habitat Day

World Teachers Day

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 06

Ecological Debt Day

Jackie Mayer Rehab Day

Mad Hatter Day

American Libraries Day

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 07

Balloons Around the World Day

Emergency Nurses Day

National Kale Day

Pet Obesity Awareness Day ***Your cat insisting it only be fed lasagna is a pretty good indicator.

Walk To School Day

You Matter To Me Day

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 08

Alvin C. York Day

Fall Astronomy Day

National Pierogy Day

Universal Music Day

World Octopus Day

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 09

Clergy Appreciation Day

Leif Erikson Day

National Chess Day

National Pro-Life Cupcake Day

World Post Day

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 10

Columbus Day (Observed on 2nd Monday)

International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction

International Newspaper Carrier Day

International Stage Management Day

National Handbag Day

National Kick Butt Day

Native American Day

Naval Academy Day

World Day Against The Death Penalty

World Homeless Day

World Mental Health Day

World Porridge Day

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11

Ada Lovelace Day

General Pulaski Memorial Day

International Day of the Girl

National Face Your Fears Day

National Food Truck Day

Southern Food Heritage Day

Yom Kippur

MONDAY, OCTOBER 12

Columbus Day (Observed)

Day of the Six Billion

Emergency Nurses Day

Free Thought Day

National Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work & School Day

International Top Spinning Day

National Fossil Day

National Take Your Parents To Lunch Day

S.A.V.E. (Stop America’s Violence Everywhere)

Spanish Language Day

Stop Bullying Day

World Arthritis Day

ON THIS DAY

1945: 10-year-old Elvis Presley made his first public appearance in the Mississippi-Alabama Dairy Show talent contest. He placed second singing "Old Shep" and won $5.00.

1952: The TV situation comedy "Our Miss Brooks," for many years a favorite on radio, premiered on CBS with Eve Arden again in the title role. (audio clip)

1955: Two new children’s programs debuted on network television: “Captain Kangaroo” (audio clip) on CBS and “The Mickey Mouse Club” (audio clip) on ABC. Both became hit daytime shows.

1960: “The Andy Griffith Show” premiered on CBS-TV. It was about a sheriff and his deputy in a town with no crime. It starred Andy Griffith as Andy, Don Knotts as Barney, Ronny Howard as Opie, Frances Bavier as Aunt Bea, Jim Nabors as Gomer, Anita Corsaut as Helen, George Lindsey as Goober, Howard McNear as Floyd, Hal Smith as Otis, Jack Dodson as Howard, Paul Hartman as Emmett, Betty Lynn as Thelma Lou, and Hope Summers as Clara. It lasted eight seasons and continues today in reruns. ***MARLAR: My favorite episode is when Opie kills a bird with his sling shot. The moment he realizes what he's done, he runs to the bird on the ground and pleads for it to get up and fly away. Probably one of the best acting jobs of any child I've seen - chokes me up every single time... yeah, I'm a wimp... I know... (audio clip)

1961: “The Dick Van Dyke Show” premiered on CBS-TV. ***MARLAR: It's a miracle the show lasted as long as it did with the numerous times Dick Van Dyke kept falling over that foot rest! (audio clip)

1980: Rocker Bruce Springsteen, launching his U.S. tour in Ann Arbor, Michigan, forgot the words to the opening song, "Born to Run."

1991: A burglar who looted a Newark, New Jersey, home left behind an important clue, his 4-year-old daughter. When police arrived they found the child in the house crying for Daddy.

1993: The red dot edged green and yellow to break a three-way season tie in the last dot race at Arlington Stadium in Texas. The Rangers moved into a new ballpark in 1994.

1993: Tammy Faye Bakker married builder Roe Messner in Rancho Mirage, California. According to The National Enquirer, the bride wore a white sheet and carried a plastic bouquet.

1995: A Los Angeles jury found O.J. Simpson not guilty of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown and waiter Ronald Goldman. Some 107 million people watched TV news coverage of the verdict. ***MARLAR: O.J. said he’d be looking for the "real killer" - who he obviously felt would be located on one of the nation's various golf courses.

2001: Buck Weimer in New York was awarded the Ig Nobel Prize, an award by actual Nobel Prize winners for work that cannot or should not be reproduced. Weimer won the scientific award for his invention: underwear with a flatulence filter. He accepted the award, but insisted his invention was a serious medical product.

2003: Roy Horn of "Siegfried & Roy" was in critical condition on his 59th birthday following a tiger attack during a performance. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named Montecore, was debuting in his first show.

TODAY IN CHRISTIAN HISTORY

1692: In Massachusetts, Increase Mather published his "Cases of Conscience Concerning Evil Spirits," which effectively brought an end to the Salem Witch Trials which had begun earlier this year.

1778: Anglican clergyman and hymn writer John Newton wrote in a letter: 'A real conviction of our weakness we cannot learn merely from books or preachers. The providence of God concurs ... in making us acquainted with ourselves.'

1832: Birth of Carolina (aka Lina Sandell) Berg, hymn writer. Known as the "Fanny Crosby of Sweden," her most enduring songs which survive today are: "Day by Day (And With Each Passing Moment)" and "Children of the Heavenly Father."

1875: Hebrew Union College was founded in Cincinnati, Ohio under Jewish auspices. It was the first Jewish college in America to train men for the rabbinate.

1929: The Church of Scotland merged with the United Free Church of Scotland, retaining the name Church of Scotland. Though it maintains an official state connection, its ecclesiastical government is presbyterian (elder-led) in nature.

HOLLYWOOD, SPORTS AND CELEBRITY FIGURE BIRTHDAYS

• singer-actress (Bring it On, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past) Christina Milian 34

• actress (Mary Ingalls on “Little House on the Prairie”) Melissa Sue Anderson 53 (audio clip)

• actress (“Beauty & The Beast”, the Terminator movies) Linda Hamilton 59

• Singer/actress (Grease, Xanadu) Olivia Newton-John is 67 (audio clip)

BEE-BOP BIRTHDAYS

(Music Artist Birthdays From )

1938 : Eddie Cochran

1940 : Alan O'Day

1941 : Chubby Checker; Born Ernest Evans

1945 : Antonio Martinez (Los Bravos)

1950 : Ronnie Laws (Earth, Wind & Fire)

1951 : Lindsey Buckingham (Fleetwood Mac)

1962 : Tommy Lee (Motley Crue)

1969 : Gwen Stefani (No Doubt)

1971 : Kevin Richardson (Backstreet Boys)

1975 : India.Arie

1979 : Nate Wood (The Calling)

1984 : Ashlee Simpson

SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE

WHY DO BIRDS SING?

Why is the sky blue? Why does the sun rise? Why do fools fall in love? We're really getting down to bedrock with this question, which is only two degrees of separation from, "What is life?" Have you noticed that there are few sopranos among the birdies? Singing is generally a guy thing in the feathered set. One reason for it is to stake out territory, which is lot neater than how many other animals accomplish the same thing – peeing all over the place instead of putting up a fence. And, hey, you can't nest alone. Mr. Bird breaks into song when he's on the make. Birds who sing the most usually have marked out territory rich in food. That's what the female birds are looking for: a guy with the goods. They don't care if he can't carry a tune, as long as he can put worms on the table.

Source: EVER WONDER WHY? By Douglas B. Smith

CHRISTIAN ARTIST NEWS

Do you like the Christian Artist News you see below? It's just a tiny sample of the 5-6 pages of material you could be receive every weekday… and it’s FREE! Become one of their subscribers at !

How many guitars does one guitarist need on tour? Kutless member James Mead says he will have five on the bands upcoming tour. They include 2 Les Pauls, Elliott Guitars, and 1 Fender Jazz master.

Sandi Patty this week announced plans for her upcoming “Forever Grateful: The Farewell Tour”. The long time Christian artist is also working on new album to be titled Forever Grateful. Sandi's final tour will commence in February 2016 and will reach 90+ cities across the globe, including 20 signature holiday tour dates, special events, surprise guests and major symphony shows.



Tobymac is gearing up for his This Is Not a Test tour and fellow DC Talk member Kevin Max will be part of the show, although not in person. TobyMac said Kevin recently stopped by the studio to shoot a special guest video for the tour. 

Third Day's Mac Powell was in enemy territory this week. The Atlanta resident was watching the Atlanta falcons take on the Dallas Cowboys at a Mexican Restaurant in Ft. Worth over the weekend. Mac tweeted: "Everybody's wearing Cowboys gear. I ain't saying a word."

Tenth Avenue North's Jeff Owens joined thousands of others around world in watching for the blood moon over the weekend. But Jeff's picture of the moon fell a little short. He posted a completely black picture on Instagram with the words: Here's my picture of the Super Blood Moon tonight!! Guess I'll try again in 2033.



More Redneck Ingenuity from David Crowder. This time the Crowder front man is out with a redneck shower head. It's a Mountain Dew bottle with holes poked in the bottom and screwed to the shower water pipe.



Jamie Grace was trying to make space on her phone by deleting photos this week and she noticed a trend: 80% of them selfies by her sister and her friends.

The moon eclipse wasn't the only eclipse this week. There was also a partial Bart eclipse. Mercyme's Bart Millard says it was glorious. Check out pictures of the Bart eclipse…



Danny Gokey may have to copywrite his hairdo. A follower of the Christian artist shared: Is it weird that I asked for "The Danny Gokey" for my latest haircut? 



The Afters Josh Havens was in mourning this week. He shared a picture of the broken neck of his guitar with the text: My poor Gibson acoustic guitar...this is what American Air did to my baby. Sad sad day. 

WEIRD & WACKY

|Repent! Undercover New Hampshire cops nab cell ban violators    photo |

|CONCORD, N.H. (AP) — Michelle Tetreault's daughter didn't know what "repent" meant when she spotted a man with a sign around his neck warning "Repent! The |

|end is near!" But she's plenty sorry now that her mom is facing a $124 traffic ticket for using her cellphone to snap a picture of the... |

|Philly police say suspect got manicure, robbed nail salon  |

|PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Police are seeking a robbery suspect with nice nails. They say a man got a manicure at a nail salon on West Rockland Street in |

|Philadelphia on Sunday and then robbed the place at gunpoint. Surveillance video shows the suspect grabbing money from one worker and then taking... |

|Chicago Botanic Garden's 2nd corpse flower is blooming  |

|GLENCOE, Ill. (AP) — A suburban Chicago garden with a disappointing rainforest plant that refused to bloom now has a new star attraction. The Chicago |

|Botanic Garden announced Tuesday that a second corpse flower is not only on display in its semi-tropical greenhouse, but it is blooming. Garden... |

|Cow goes rogue in central NY, eludes capture for months  |

|NEW HARTFORD, N.Y. (AP) — Police hope a farm device used to feed cattle will help corral a cow that has been on the loose for months in a central New York |

|town. Officers in New Hartford have put feed in a headlock feeder and placed the device along a road outside Utica where the rogue cow has... |

|Florida couple invites strangers to crash their wedding  |

|FORT MYERS, Fla. (AP) — Inspired by the popular movie "Wedding Crashers", a Florida couple is actually asking strangers to crash their wedding next month. |

|Lee County sheriff's deputy Paul Johnson and Shelly Osterhout say the more the merrier. They're hosting the Oct. 10 wedding at an outdoor... |

|Groups hope to save tree grown from seeds taken on Apollo 14  |

|BOISE, Idaho (AP) — Boise, Idaho, residents are trying to save a tree that was grown from seeds taken aboard the Apollo 14 mission to the moon. The Idaho |

|Statesman reports () the loblolly pine planted in 1977 on Lowell Elementary School's campus is dehydrated and infected... |

|Mistaken text message leads to love for St. Louis couple  |

|ST. LOUIS (AP) — A married St. Louis couple is sharing their unlikely love story about three years after the mistaken text message that forged their |

|relationship. HASH(0x141db20) Upon their second meeting two days later, they each arrived at a Kirkwood coffee shop at different times and... |

|Titanic's last lunch menu, from Money Boat, goes for $88,000    photo |

|NEW YORK (AP) — The Titanic's last lunch menu, saved by a first-class passenger who climbed aboard a lifeboat whose crew was said to have been bribed to row|

|away instead of rescue more people, sold at auction for $88,000 on Wednesday. The online New York auctioneer Lion Heart Autographs... |

|Woman to remove screen built to block view of neighbor  |

|THETFORD, Vt. (AP) — A former Vermont gubernatorial candidate is taking down a 60-foot by 24-foot screen she built to block her view of her neighbor's home.|

|HASH(0x14106f0) Dwyer has said one of her horses was startled by a child on the neighbor's driveway, prompting her to plant trees to... |

|Rescued horses chow down on 22 tons of donated carrots  |

|BEND, Ore. (AP) — Carrots might no longer tempt horses at one Oregon rescue ranch — because they've been munching on tons of them for days. HASH(0x13d4fb0) |

|Equine Outreach operator Joan Steelhammer was offered the vegetables Friday after they were deemed unfit for human consumption. She... |

|Dispensaries offer free marijuana to California fire victims  |

|MIDDLETON, Calif. (AP) — Medical marijuana dispensaries in Northern California are offering up to $200 in free cannabis per patient affected by a hugely |

|destructive wildfire. HASH(0x13fdce0) Patients eligible for the products must have a medical marijuana prescription and home addresses in... |

HEALTH & FITNESS

|Low-nicotine cigarettes cut use, dependence, study finds    photo |

|A new study might help the push for regulations to limit nicotine in cigarettes. Smokers who switched to special low-nicotine ones wound up smoking less and|

|were more likely to try to quit, researchers found. The study only lasted six weeks, and researchers call the evidence preliminary. But they... |

|England, Wales ban smoking in cars with children inside  |

|LONDON (AP) — Smokers who light up in vehicles with children inside will face fines in England and Wales as anti-smoking measures are expanded to protect |

|young people from the dangers of second-hand smoke. The ban went into effect Thursday but police are not expected to issue a rash of fines... |

|Rare Q fever outbreak reported in American medical tourists    photo |

|NEW YORK (AP) — Five Americans came down with an unusual illness after traveling to Germany for a controversial treatment involving injections with sheep |

|cells, health officials reported Wednesday. The treatment is not permitted in the United States. The five New York residents received the... |

|In New Hampshire, substance abuse at center of 2016 campaign    photo |

|MANCHESTER, N.H. (AP) — Sitting among hospital leaders, law enforcement and recovering addicts in New Hampshire's largest city Wednesday, Jeb Bush heard a |

|sobering statistic: In the past 30 days, 102 people overdosed on drugs in Manchester alone. Ten died. "It is all over the place, it is... |

|UN: HIV patients should start treatment immediately    photo |

|LONDON (AP) — The World Health Organization has revised its HIV guidelines to recommend that anyone who tests positive for the virus that causes AIDS should|

|be treated immediately. That guidance fits with what is already recommended in many developed nations, including the United States. The... |

|New NYC Legionnaires' disease outbreak kills 1, sickens 12  |

|NEW YORK (AP) — A new Legionnaires' disease cluster discovered in the Bronx has killed one person and sickened 12 others just a month after the largest |

|outbreak of the disease in New York City history, health officials said Wednesday. The new cluster is centered in the Morris Park... |

|House Republicans advance bill to undo health law    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — House Republicans advanced legislation Tuesday to dismantle President Barack Obama's health law that could actually reach the president's |

|desk. The House GOP has voted more than 50 times to repeal all or parts of the health law. Almost all the bills died in the Senate. But... |

|Gene test finds which breast cancer patients can skip chemo    photo |

|Many women with early-stage breast cancer can skip chemotherapy without hurting their odds of beating the disease — good news from a major study that shows |

|the value of a gene-activity test to gauge each patient's risk. The test accurately identified a group of women whose cancers are so... |

|Nonprofits seek Supreme Court review of contraceptives case    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — Religion, birth control and President Barack Obama's health care overhaul are about to collide at the Supreme Court yet again. |

|Faith-affiliated charities, colleges and hospitals that oppose some or all contraception as immoral are battling the administration over rules that... |

|Study: Breast cancer detection not better with computer aid  |

|CHICAGO (AP) — Computer-assisted detection used in most U.S. mammograms adds no benefit to breast cancer screening while substantially increasing costs, a |

|large study suggests. Some previous research said computer technology could serve almost as a second set of eyes for doctors. The... |

|EPA sets limit for toxic pollutants released into waterways    photo |

|WASHINGTON (AP) — The Environmental Protection Agency on Wednesday imposed new standards for mercury, lead and other toxic pollutants that are discharged |

|into the nation's rivers and streams from steam electric power plants. If exposed at high levels, the pollutants can cause neurological... |

NEWS KICKERS

(None on the weekends)

NEW NEWS KICKERS…

NEWS KICKER EVERGREENS…

WONDER WOMAN

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE… “Space Vacuum Bags”

DAILY COMEDY CLIP

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD TODAY’S EPISODE... Thor Ramsey, “Hair and Fitness”

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – WEEKDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD MONDAY’S EPISODE

OPEN: And now, , (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! Last time, all of the jungle animals, not being able to figure out what to do with their day, decided to leave the decision up to a new animal… a small lion. And because lions are known as “the king of the jungle” they left the decision up to the little lion as to what to do… and he wanted lunch!

CLOSE: I know it’s good to be the king, and the animals think that they need a king to make decisions, but it doesn’t look as if the little lion has much of an idea on what to do with his royal position! Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

AS THE JUNGLE TURNS – SATURDAY/SUNDAY VERSION

CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE EPISODE FOR THE WEEKEND OF OCTOBER 03/04, 2015

OPEN: And now, , (Show Name), and (Station Call Letters) bring you As the Jungle Turns! When last we left the jungle, Gruffy Bear insisted on looking at picnic spot after picnic spot after picnic spot in order to find the perfect place to have an ultimate picnic. Unfortunately, he wasn’t listening to anybody else’s opinions, and everyone else is tired, hungry, and they’ve had enough…

CLOSE: All of this over finding a nice place for a picnic? Find out what happens next time, As the Jungle Turns!

***You may simulcast “As the Jungle Turns” on the Internet stream of your live broadcast only. Any other Internet use of As the Jungle Turns in whole or part including podcasting of your live broadcast is a violation of copyright law. Thank you for your cooperation on this vitally important issue. If you have any questions, please e-mail us.

MOMENT OF DUH

In what should be an unnecessary law, it is illegal in Florida to feed alligators.

However, the law is on the books because of people like 25-year-old Danielle Rivera, of Palm Bay. Rivera told investigators that she was trying to feed an alligator when it bit her hand instead of the food. She said she did not realize it could propel itself out of the water. Luckily, Danielle still has her hand and officers decided not to charge her with a second-degree misdemeanor, seeing as how she likely learned her lesson about feeding alligators the hard way.

TOP TEN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR KID’S SCHOOL IS TOO CROWDED

10. Kid comes home happy saying, "I got to ride inside the bus today!"

9. Principal sends warning: “He's not skipping class enough.”

8. Teacher needs a U-Haul to bring home the book reports.

7. Losing 60 to 70 kids on class trip is considered "successful."

6. School play is "The Ten Commandments"--there are enough kids to play all 100,000 Hebrews.

5. Class photo taken using government weather satellite.

4. The teacher calls out, "Gus Van Rauschenbach" and 17 kids say, "Here."

3. Last Spring's school bake sale brought in one and a quarter million.

2. There's a waiting list to get beat up by the school bully.

1. The kids actually outnumber the rats.

THE FILES OF LAW & DISORDER

A murderer has been through six mistrials for the same offense!

FILE #1: Prosecutors and six Tampa-area juries have found Oscar Ray Bolin to be a vicious murderer, but in August, the state Supreme Court ruled, for the sixth time, that he's entitled to a new trial, because damaging testimony from his ex-wife ought not to have been used against him. The court said Bolin had not waived his privilege not to have his wife's words used against him. But reality says otherwise. He wrote police a six-page letter saying, "If there's thing that you really want know about, then you'll haft ask Cheryl Jo (his ex-wife), cause she knew just about everthin’ I was ever a part of (and) she knew bout all 3 of these homocide which I'm charged with". ***MARLAR: Sounds like he's guilty of murdering the English language too.

FILE #2: Security guards at a local mall in Colma, California called the cops to report a burglary. When the cops pulled up they noticed two men outside the mall using a coat hanger to try to get into a locked car. When they pulled up to investigate, the officers discovered that it was none other than two really incompetent thieves, who had returned to their getaway car with all their loot only to discover they'd locked themselves out. They've now been locked up.

FLE #3: A farmer in Poland had a lot of roosters but not a lot of hens. Knowing that he could get more money selling hens, he decided to make the roosters into hens. He died the hen's feathers using wood stain and then used a hair drier to poof the feathers to make the roosters look like hens. He then proceeded to try to sell them at a market, but he didn't fool anyone, especially the police. The farmer now faces up to eight years in jail.

STRANGE LAW: In Montana it is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime.

THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS

Yes, drunkenness is really stupid.

Here's the story of Dave Anthony. A friend was tearing down a house in Kent, Washington, so Anthony came over in his 4x4 GMC pickup to help. First, Anthony knocked down the garage -- by ramming it with his truck. He was helped along by an 18-pack of beer which, he said, he was drinking "before, during and after" what happened next: "I just got a wild hair," he said, and decided to drive his truck onto the roof. But the already partly-collapsed structure couldn't handle it, and started to buckle. A local towing company brought the truck down safely, and then hauled his truck off to an impound yard when he couldn’t pay the $695 bill.  ***MARLAR: That’s when he stopped laughing – and everyone else began.

PHONER PHUN

Laws that should exist, but don’t?  Let’s make a list!

BIBLE BRAIN BUSTER!

QUESTION: What is the name of the prophet who said that Paul would be arrested in Jerusalem?

ANSWER: Agabus (Acts 21:10,11)

QUESTION IMPOSSIBLE

QUESTION: In 2008, instead of finding a cat, when a Casper, Wyoming police officer was called to a house what did he find?

ANSWER: A mountain lion (cougar).  The officer was originally called to shoo off a bothersome “kitty cat” – only to find once arriving that the cat weighed 80 to 90 pounds and was no ordinary cat, but was a mountain lion!

TRUE OR FALSE

Pay attention! If our next player doesn’t answer all ten T/F questions correctly we start all over from question #1! First person to answer question #10 correctly is our winner!

1. An eerie statistic: the movie "The Sixth Sense" was rented out by 666 million people in the year 2000.  (False – it was only 80 million, but that was enough to make it the year’s top rated DVD and VHS title.)

2. The Australian box-jellyfish has seven eyes. (False – it has eight eyes.)

3. To produce a dozen eggs, a hen has to eat about fourteen pounds of feed. (False – it’s closer to four pounds of feed.)

4. Actor Richard Gere was considered to play the role of John McClane in the movie Die Hard.  (True - Bruce Willis played the part instead.)

5. The Hebrews use to eat flamingo tongue which was considered a delicacy. (False – but the Romans did!)

6. The fat that comes from sheep, which is called tallow, can also be used to produce soap and candles. (True.)

7. One of the most dangerous insects in the world is the common housefly. (True - they carry and transmit more diseases than any other animal in the world.)

8. 84% of a raw apple is water. (True.)

9. Outside London, Liverpool is the most filmed British city.  (True - it was used to film more than 140 films in 2002 alone.)

10. The dog with the largest ears in the world is a Basset Hound.  (True – the dog’s name is Mr. Jeffries. The dog's ears are 11.5 inches longs, and are insured for $47,800.)

TABLOID MATCH GAME

You have to match the blank in the tabloid headline with the word or phrase that has been removed!

GIANT AFRICAN _______ INVADE MIAMI (SNAILS)

MIAMI – Giant snails have invading homes in Miami, destroying houses and… killing dozens of residents!

Miami authorities are struggling to wipe out an invasion of Giant African Snails that are munching on plants, destroying houses and attacking humans.  Last week, a pair of sisters tipped off officials to the slimy creatures, which can grow up to 10 inches long by 4 inches wide, and lay roughly 120,000 eggs a year. “I had never seen anything like it,” says one frightened resident. “ We are under attack!”

Originating in East Africa, the snails are highly destructive and usually illegal in the US. The current snail infestation and attack may be related to a smuggling case last year in which a Florida man was accused of flying in the snails for an African religious ritual. For now, state employees are going house-by-house and bagging the mollusks by gloved hand. So far they’ve found about 50,000 of them, which will be placed in freezers for a “humane death,” one official says.

THE WAY TOO EARLY IN THE MORNING TO UNDERSTAND THE PUNCHLINE EVEN AFTER TWO CUPS OF COFFEE JOKE OF THE DAY 

JOKE #1

Some friars were behind in their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise the funds.  Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair.

He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.  They ignored him. He asked his mother to go ask the friars to get out of business.  They ignored her.  So, the rival florist hired Hugh Mac Taggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close.  Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so. The Moral of the Story:  Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars!

JOKE #2

Nick lives in a subdivision that branches off the main highway. He drives a Corvette, and thinks the only two speeds are "STOP" and "FULL SPEED."



One day, when he was late for work, he comes tearing out the road from his house, tops the little hill before getting to the main road, and sees a police car blocking the road. He slams on the brakes and comes to a screeching halt about 6 inches from the police car.

The policeman, who had often seen him driving fast, walked up and said, "Mister, I've been waiting for you all morning..."



Nick replied "Well gosh, I got here as fast as I could!"

JOKE #3

Walt was driving a rig in a long line of tractor-trailers when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. Astounded that he alone was caught, he asked, "Out of all these trucks that were going just as fast as I was, why did you pull me over?"



"Have you ever gone fishing?" the officer asked.



"Yes," Walt replied.



"Well, have you ever caught all the fish in the pond?"

USELESS FACTS

Surveys in Britain and America both found that most people today are still children at 30. "Adulthood" was defined as completing your education, leaving home and becoming financially independent. Only 46 percent of men today have done all three by age 30, compared with 65 percent in 1960. Dr. Elisa Ferri of Britain's Economic and Social Research Council said, "The delay in reaching adulthood is more and more pronounced."  ***MARLAR: Most women would tell you that men are still children at age 50.

A woman vacationing in Marblehead, Ohio got more than she planned for when a falling fish smashed the windshield of her car. Authorities say an eagle flying above Leighann Niles' car dropped its catch on the windshield. Niles said the impact felt like a brick hitting her car, but she wasn't hurt in the incident. ***MARLAR: And now you know the origin of Angry Birds. (And to think I was upset at birds “doodying” on my windshield.)

FEATURED FUNNIES

After a very long and boring sermon the parishioners filed out of the church saying nothing to the preacher. Towards the end of the line was a thoughtful person who always commented on the sermons. "Pastor, today your sermon reminded me of the peace and love of God."

The pastor was thrilled. "Nobody has ever said anything like that about my preaching before. Tell me why."

"Because it endured forever."

IT MUST BE TRUE BECAUSE I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO!

HE ALMOST LOST HIS HEAD OVER IT

A man has almost lost his head in a car accident - and all he has to do now is replace his headrest! 

Yanni Torres of Miami will have to get a new head-rest for the driver's seat of his car, but he considers himself lucky because he almost needed a new head to go with it! Yanni was driving right behind a big rig carrying large sheets of iron when one of the sheets flew off and crashed right through his windshield! He instinctively ducked which is the only thing that saved his life. The sheet sliced off the head rest and slammed into the backseat where his 2-year-old daughter usually sits. What's really weird is she had wanted to go on the trip but Yanni says for some reason he just didn't want to take her. ***What amazes me about this is that some people will chalk this up to "coincidence" rather than seeing it for what it truly was... an episode where God placed his hand of protection over a father and daughter.

INSPIRATIONAL INSPIRATION

SPECIAL THOUGHTS

The only survivor of a shipwreck washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stung with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried.

Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Paul wrote, ". . .I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Philippians 4:12). Paul had confidence that good would come out of everything (Romans 8:28), so he learned to be thankful, not bitter, even when he was suffering.

Who knows? Remember next time your little hut is burning to the ground it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.

DRIVE TIME DEVOTIONAL

GET TO KNOW JESUS

Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. —2 Peter 3:18

In his book The Call, Os Guinness tells a story about Arthur Burns, chairman of the US Federal Reserve Board during the 1970s. Burns, who was Jewish, became part of a Bible study held at the White House at that time. One day, those in the group listened in surprise as Burns prayed, "O God, may the day come when all Jews will come to know Jesus." But an even bigger surprise came when he prayed for the time "when all Christians will come to know Jesus."

Burns hit on a profound truth we all need to wrestle with. Even if we claim the name of Jesus Christ, it may not be evident to others that we really know Him. Do we have a personal relationship with Him? If so, are we striving, praying, and working to know Jesus more intimately each day?

Peter, a man who knew Jesus well, said that "the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord" will bring us multiplied "grace and peace" (2 Peter 1:2). Knowing Jesus gives us "all things that pertain to life and godliness" (v.3). And knowledge of Jesus will help us develop character traits that show the world that we are connected to Him (vv.5-8).

Can you and I honestly say, "I know Jesus better today than I did yesterday"? —Dave Branon

No knowledge gained through arduous quest

Has made my heart so free

As this great fact of time and space—

That Jesus died for me! —D. De Haan

The better you know Jesus in your heart, the more the world will see Jesus in your life.

LEFTOVERS

HOME SCHOOL DISCRIMINATION

Imagine walking into a J.C. Penny store to find a shirt that is emblazoned with the words "Home Skooled" - with "schooled" being purposely misspelled.  Would it offend you? It would if you home school your children... and that's exactly what has happened.

T-shirts with the words ``Home Skooled'' (with the word "Schooled" being purposely misspelled) were pulled from J.C. Penney stores recently because of customer complaints.  Some customers said the T-shirt demeaned home-schooling and threatened to boycott the company. Tim Lyons, a spokesman for J.C. Penney, said he did not know how many of the T-shirts had appeared in stores. ``It wasn't our intent to sell an item that is offensive,'' Lyons said. Upset home-schoolers and other customers called and e-mailed the retailer's customer service centers to complain.  In response, a notice was sent to J.C. Penney stores advising them to remove the T-shirts. According to a study by the Education Department, about 850,000 of the United States' 50 million schoolchildren are being taught at home. ***MARLAR: Now if it said "Govmint Skooled", at least there would be some accuracy to it!

LIFE... LIVE IT

This may come as a surprise, but chewing gum is actually good for heartburn.

Chewing gum works in the same acid-neutralizing way by soothing the esophagus and washing acid back down to the stomach. You can also try sucking on hard candies, which ups your spit production, creating a natural barrier to stomach acids. But don't chew on mint -- it is one of several spices that can irritate the gastric lining and can be troublesome for heartburn sufferers, cautions the National Heartburn Alliance.

JUST FOR FUN

THE SKY IS FALLING


What do you keep admonishing to your kids? "Don’t hit your little sister"? "Clean up your room"? or "Quit playing that video game"?

…24 year old Ryan Neuhaus’ mother keeps telling him to "Take Better Care of that Car" and now he’s out of luck. The Florida man had just changed the oil in his 1995 Mercury Cougar and was told that his car needed "a lot of work" done to it when a single-engine plane fell from the sky and crushed his car. Neither Pilot Souheil Seddik nor Neuhaus were seriously injured when the Cessna 150 landed on the Mercury Cougar. ***MARLAR: Both men will now be doing commercials for Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. “You got your Cesna in my Cougar!” “You got your Cougar in my Cesna!”

FUN LIST

TOP FIVE SIGNS THE LIBRARIAN IS A LITTLE OFF HER ROCKER

o Hands out exploding book marks

o Likes to scream, then shoosh herself

o Files the "C" authors between the A's and B's

o She claims to have a book allergy

o Ask her a question and she'll let you choose the answer in fiction or non-fiction

MORE SHOW PREP STUFF...

OH DEER!

A manager at a Georgia grocery store received an unusual call from the customer service desk. Michael Grant, co-manager of a Kroger supermarket was faced with the task of dealing with a deer that walked into the store. A confused eight-point buck deer wandered from the woods and entered the store through the supermarket's automatic sliding glass doors. The frightened animal pawed at the produce counter, spilling ears of corn and lettuce on the floor, and then moved to the delicatessen, where it leaped a counter. Two women employees had to take refuge inside the deli's walk-in cooler. Grant and five customers eventually grabbed the deer by the antlers and wrestled him to the ground until Animal Control officers could arrive. ***MARLAR: Later it was discovered that the deer was simply needing change for a “buck.”

TOTALLY OUTRAGEOUS!

(Mondays Only)

OTHER STUFF I WANT TO CRAM INTO TODAY’S PREP

October is clergy appreciation month! Our pastors and their families work hard and sacrifice their time and energy. They need to know how much we appreciate them. Focus on the Family has made resources available to help us say thank you. To learn how you can recognize your church leaders, find a planning guide, or just to read the history of Clergy appreciation month go to for a complete list of resources to help encourage your pastor.



Want a simple way to be happier? Every morning send a friend, family member or co-worker an email to say thanks for something. There’s tons of research showing that over time, this alone — one silly email a day — can make you happier. (From Shawn Achor’s “The Happiness Advantage”)

Would you ever consider moving to a war-torn country hostile to Christianity to share the message of Jesus? According to Mission Network News, that’s what one Vision Beyond Borders-supported missionary has been doing for the last 17 or so years. While Burma’s civil war has externally displaced over 2 million people and killed another half million, the unnamed missionary is striving to bring hope. The missionary has started several children homes, and not just as a safe haven for young war victims. but also to help these children find a lasting hope through the message of the Bible.



AND I LEAVE YOU WITH THIS THOUGHT

"Success always occurs in private; failure in full view."  --Anonymous

THE WAY WE WORK

(Updated as it comes available. The Way WE Work is written by Mark Elfstrand from in Chicago.)

It Can’t Be This Hard

Today is September 21st. Peace Day. More on that in a moment. But to answer the famous question, “Can’t we all just get along?” The answer is no.

Take this recent story headline from Associated Press: “Burger King to McDonalds: Let’s make a McWhopper.” Full page ads in various newspapers carried the message. A one day truce it was called. For the betterment of mankind, of course.

Burger King was attempting to get a cooperative effort with the “Golden Arches” folk to build a unique combination of a Whopper and a Big Mac. But only for a day. Peace Day.

As the AP story goes, “Burger King is tying the publicity stunt to a nonprofit called Peace One Day, which says it promotes Peace Day. The United Nations created the International Day of Peace in 1981 to coincide with its annual opening session in September. It then designated September 21 as the annual ‘day of non-violence and cease-fire’ in 2001.”

Call it a noble act. Call it promotional gimmickry. Ronald McDonald is not interested in such peace efforts. Ronald may smile at the kids, but not at the competition. Their CEO Steve Easterbrook in responding with a “no way” message, belittled the effort of burger war peace compared to “the real pain and suffering of war.” He then added, “P.S., simple phone call will do next time.” Put that in your Whopper and chew on it for a while. C’mon, man!

Well, I’m in a different kind of battle with the fast food giants. One that pleads for simple, friendly customer service and the basics in operating a restaurant. Allow me to share several examples.

At the McDonald’s I frequently stop at on my way home when my wife is out, most employees give me no welcome greeting. When I pick up my food, no “thank you.” At the Wendy’s near my office, the ketchup containers have been empty twice during the lunch hours I visited. And they were out of napkins. Hello…it’s lunch time. At Culver’s drive through, my last three meals came with no napkins. And the latest: on Friday night, my wife had a hankering for KFC grilled chicken. It was during the dinner hours but none was available. They were cooking it. Instead of serving it.

One of my favorites on this list happened a week or so ago taking our granddaughter to IKEA. They served up chicken fingers which yearned for barbecue sauce. Except…there wasn’t any. Inquiring at the counter I was told they’ve been out for a few days. My problem solving went into gear and I suggested that since a Meijer grocery story was two blocks away, maybe they could simply go and buy some until their shipment arrived so as not to disappoint customers. The young woman thought that was a good idea.

Aside from the expected reaction that “Mark, fast food isn’t very good for you anyway” I wish to affirm two companies who seem to get it right the majority of the time. One is Chick Fil A. Their folks go out of their way to make sure I have what I need. And the tireless service motto that they own is, “My pleasure.”

The second high energy, high service minded company is In-N-Out Burger. Mainly located in California, they are a fan favorite and outperform their competitors in serving up burgers and fries. They also are the ones who imprint Bible verse references on their cups and fry containers.

And so it begs the question…how can these two companies do it right so consistently? I believe it is based on a passion for the customer. Yes, you have to have food that people enjoy. All of the fast food companies lay claim to that. But not all can lay claim to placing such emphasis on customer care.

For the record, my father managed several different Perkins restaurants during my growing up years. I worked in all but one. At peak times, customer care can be a real challenge. If it’s your mission, however, you finesse it as needed.

I believe most people want to be treated well. They enjoy being respected when spending their hard earned money for a meal. They respond to people who care.

Jesus of Nazareth advised us this way, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” (Luke 7:12 NASB)

Do this, Ronald McDonald, and everyone will enjoy a happy meal.

P.S.: My apologies to any franchise owners or managers who want their employees to serve better.

That’s The Way WE Work.

THE TICKET Movie Reviews with MARIE ASNER

Marie Asner has been reviewing films for over 30 years. Her outlets include radio, print and Internet. For more in-depth movie reviews of the following films, visit . Ratings from 1 (Low) to 5 (High).

  

SEPTEMBER 30, 2015…

 

The Walk---Be prepared for vertigo as Joseph Gordon-Levitt portrays tightrope walker, Philippe Petit, who in 1974 walked a tightrope between the Twin Trade Towers in New York City. This was not OK’d by anyone, he just did it. Nerves of steel doesn't begin to say it all.  Also in the cast are Ben Kingsley and Charlotte Le Bon. “The Walk” is rated PG 13. Rating of 3.

 

OCTOBER 02, 2015…

 

Freeheld---This film is based on a real situation in which two women partners face a health crisis. Julianne Moore  is Laurel (a police officer)  and Ellen Page is Stacie. Laurel is diagnosed with cancer and the legal battle begins as they discover just what health and other benefits they have. “Freeheld” is rated R. No rating.

 

The Martian--The movie is adapted from the novel by Andy Weir about an expedition to Mars, in which, in a crisis, one person is left behind, presumably dead.  He (Matt Damon) is not dead and struggles to survive and tries to notify Earth he is there. Those on Earth who want to help include Jessica Chastain, Sebastian Stan, Kate Mara and Kristen Wiig. Try this for survival.  “The Martian” is rated R. Rating of 3 for science fiction fans.

 

Sicario---Emily Blunt (“Edge of Tomorrow”) takes on another action role as one of the leaders of an elite anti-drug group who also works with a Mexican military (Benicio Del Toro) .It is a game of who do you trust and the stakes are high, especially where tunnels are concerned.  It is especially difficult when you are a woman in this crime chase. Also in the cast is Josh Brolin. “Sicario” is rated R. Rating of 3 for fans.

 

OCTOBER 09, 2015…

 

Knock Knock is a thriller starring Keanu Reeves about a man involved with two women.

 

*Pan and this film is finally opening.  It is a twist on the story of Peter Pan, Captain Hook and Tinkerbell. Stars Hugh Jackman.

 

Steve Jobs is about the man behind such electronics as Mackintosh and stars Michael Fassbinder as Jobs.

 

The Final Girls is a horror film about seeing a dead relative in a movie. Stars Taissa Farmiga.

 

# # # # #

 

WARNING: Don't believe anything you read on the Internet or email (including stuff you read here) unless you can confirm it with another source, and/or it is consistent with what you already know to be true. The opinions in this publication are not necessarily those of Darren Marlar, Marlar House Entertainment, , or any company or organization affiliated with aforementioned. (Regardless of how stupid you may think those opinions are. So there - nyah!)

Darren Marlar credits all non-original material to the author whenever possible. All other material is original, used with permission, or author unknown. We welcome all comments, questions, and suggestions. Darren can be reached via his website at .

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