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ComfortAdam came to stay over Easter. He was agitated and distressed. We tried to understand his anguish. We tried to untangle his confusion. We tried to speak to his mental torment. On Good Friday we shared the sacrament of communion. We sat around the coffee table in the living room. Adam was a reluctant participant. He shared his feelings of unworthiness. He alluded to unresolved issues. He spoke of failure, a failure to find answers to the issues that were causing his life to unravel. After eating the bread and drinking the ‘wine’, I sat beside Adam and put my arm around his shoulders. I sensed his rigidity, his awkwardness. Adam struggled with physical closeness. He seemed embarrassed when shown affection. I was desperate to reach Adam, to speak to his pain.Adam said, “I don’t need your comfort.” The words reverberated in my mind. I felt hurt, deflated, confused. His rebuttal left me shaken. I had nowhere to go, no wisdom to offer, no encouraging words to speak. Since Adam’s death I have reflected on his words, turning them over in my mind. “I don’t need your comfort!” “I don’t need your comfort!” “I don’t need your comfort!” They have been the cause of restless moments. I have struggled to dissect their meaning.What was Adam saying? What significance do we attach to his words? What is the underlying sentiment?Did Adam believe he had failed God and was undeserving of His comfort?Did Adam accept that suffering defines the experience of a follower of Jesus and he shouldn’t look to avoid it?Had Adam determined his future and didn’t want his thinking compromised?Was Adam filtering messages that would challenge his understanding of his present dilemma?Was Adam’s feeling of loneliness so acute that he had to shut everyone out?The sacrament of communion is a fellowship meal. It is the gathering of the compromised, the wounded and broken, who seek wholeness and a new beginning. It is restorative, an opportunity to receive. God’s mercy triumphs over every imperfection. Humbly, expectantly, child-like we come. The bread of Life! The cup of suffering! Completeness! Surrender! Father! I accept my life with all its uncertainties and ambiguities. I accept your wisdom. You know my past, my present, and what lies before. You give life and you take life. It is not for us to interfere. Father! Forgive our interference. Father! Forgive Adam’s interference. ................
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