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2667000238125The Middle School Social LifeThink fifth grade was a bumpy ride? Welcome to middle school, the roller coaster of puberty, peer pressure, and social insecurity. As their bodies change, so do their social interactions: middle schoolers are constantly seeking to assert themselves socially as they look for affirmation in their newly maturing bodies.So, how does this pan out in middle school? “More drama!” says veteran school counselor Mary Pat McCartney. “Students are definitely more into each other’s business, who likes who, who’s going to do what, making things up about people.” This increased social pressure, which is created as much by the individual student as by his or her peers, makes for a difficult period of ups and downs. “It can be really tough,” observes McCartney.Although catty girls and bullying boys might seem to be the exception rather than the rule, middle school mayhem affects everyone to some degree. Because middle school brings with it the onset of puberty, middle schoolers experience a level of self-doubt, insecurity and confusion that don't occur in the earlier grades. It's this new sense of insecurity that fuels the drive to stand out from all the rest, as adolescents look to feed the need for positive affirmation. The result? Fierce competition.“They’re constantly competing for attention from peers and at home,” says McCartney. “They’re saying ‘notice me!’ ‘Tell me I’m alright’ – they’re seeking reassurance.” Middle schoolers want to be constantly reminded that they are “normal,” even if they suddenly need to wear deodorant or a bra, so they strive to fit in or socially dominate others. In other words, the bigger the drama queen, the more royally insecure the child!Although an adolescent child may make a parent's attention feel unwanted, now is the time for you to stay closer than ever. “Parents need to keep the lines of communication open,” says McCartney, “and that doesn’t mean always talking to your kid. It means listening, and arranging opportunities to have that happen. Just knowing that parents are available gives kids an out to talk if they need to.” Although the difficult road of adolescence is the only route from childhood to maturity, having a parent in the passenger's seat can make all the difference.By Rose 2762250-295275Talking to your Middle School ChildMany children don't realize that they choose their own attitudes and behaviors. They firmly believe someone or something else is responsible for their actions, and their language reveals that belief. Children often use language to blame an adult, a peer, a sibling, or some other external source for their own attitude or behavior. “That teacher bored me to death during sixth period,” they complain, disowning any responsibility for the creation of their own boredom. “My dad made me do it over,” they whine, giving up responsibility for the part they played in creating an inferior product in the first place. “She got me going,” they respond, in an effort to blame a sister for their own outburst of giggling at the dinner table.Does your middle schooler blame others for her actions? Perhaps she says, “The teacher gave me a D” when she should say, “I didn't check my answers and got a D.” Try boosting your child's sense of responsibility by adding these three words to their daily vocabulary: chose, decide, and pick. You can use these words in many ways:“How come you picked your grumpy mood?”“What response did you choose when the problems got tougher?”“How did you decide to act when your coach pulled you out of the game?”Choose, decide, and pick are words you can purposefully fit into your parent talk to put responsibility back on your child's shoulders. “If you choose to leave your video games here, you'll be choosing to have them put on the shelf for a week” communicates to your son that you aren't responsible for whether or not he plays his video games next week. He is. “If you choose to have your chores completed by two o'clock, I'll take you to the mall” helps your daughter see that she is in control of going or not going to the mall.Repetitive use of the words choose, decide, and pick helps children appreciate two sides of the coin: both the power they have over their own lives and the responsibility that comes with it.By Chick ................
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