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IE – Spring 2020 – Week 5 “Dream Vacation”Read the paragraphs below. Some of the errors have been explained in (brackets), and other errors have not. Can you correct and explain the errors in red?What errors did you make?How can you improve your paragraph?As always, these paragraphs have been proof-read for;Form(proper/single paragraph)Content(detailed/interesting paragraph / Is there anything missing or unnecessary?)Common Errors(capitalization, article use etc.)Starting this week, I will not be proof-reading in as detail as previous weeks. Instead, this week my focus is on “content”. Any errors I find may be highlighted, but not explained. Can you figure out what’s wrong? Week 5 – Emailed Dream Vacation ParagraphYeo Sun-guChoi Seo-yeongShin Min-seoLee Jae-hyeonHong Jung-minPark Jung-whanKwon Dae-youYu Min-ahLee Jeong-ranHan Seong-junLee Sae-ranKim Yoo-jinSong Ha-jeongHeo Su-binLee Seul-giChae So-hyunPark Da-eunDid I miss anyone? Let me know!(X) Very good!My Dream Vacation??????????????? I would like to go Los Angeles with my friends who I met in the high school. We made an amusing plan. We will watch diverse sports games. All of us are passionate about the certain sports. In my case, it is baseball. The rest are interested in basketball, American football, and professional wrestling. Fortunately, all the leagues are on-season at the end of March when we are scheduled to go except for the NFL. We will take an airplane from Incheon International Airport. It takes about 12 hours to get there. There is a time difference between the two cities. We will move to the Line Hotel as soon as we arrived to the Los Angeles International Airport and take a rest to overcome the jet lag. This hotel is well known as filming location of the LaLa Land. From starting to watch the WrestleMania 37, we will watch one sports game per day. Because we can't expect when to revisit this city, we will visit more places. We will go to the Disneyland which is one of the most famous amusement parks in the world. We will also go to the Universal Studios. I really want to purchase the Harry Potter's wand. The Grove Mall is the perfect shopping complexes to purchase souvenirs for my family. We will look around the Korean town last day to see if it is a nice place to live. The estimated cost of this trip is 5 million won per person for staying 10 days and 9 nights. I think it is going to be an amazing trip. ?(X) Good Content – Review errorsI want to go to Europe for a dream vacation. The biggest advantage of Europe is that it is easy to travel to various countries. Among (the) many countries, I would like to go to France the most. The reason is that France's unique relaxed atmosphere is attractive, and has a variety of attractions. I (have) wanted to travel to France since I saw the Youtube channel called Yeorakdeul. In the video, there was a beautiful image of France and a scene of hanging out with free people. watching the video, I wanted to travel with my family. First of all, I will take a pretty picture in front of the Eiffel Tower, a representative monument in Paris. Then, I will eat bread and cake on the grass in front of it. I heard that French bread and cake are fantastic taste that cannot be compared to Korea, so I wonder and looking forward to the taste. I will enjoy the relaxed atmosphere of France while eating food. Also, I will visit the Louvre Museum and see the famous painting Mona Lisa by Leonardo da Vinci. If (When)I actually see the picture that I only saw in a book, it would(will) be more impressive. It takes a lot of travel cost and time to travel France. I will work part-time to earn money during the vacation and travel to France next vacation. Also, I will study language hard to improve most important language skills. It will take a lot of effort to prepare for the trip. However, I can get the most valuable experience from traveling, so traveling is necessary in my life.?(X) Good Content – review errorsThe place I want to visit is Amsterdam,(the Netherlands) Nederland. There are lots of places to visit there like (the) Amsterdam National Art Museum. Therefore, I will stay(in) Amsterdam for about ten days by my-self. During the ten days, I want to travel around, make friends there, and take some break. Also, if I go there by my-self, I think I can relax more and maybe can make local friends more easily. Nederland is the country that I hadn’t visit in Europe, so I choose to visit there this time. I am going to visit there in May, next year to see tulips. I am going to stay at ‘Holiday Inn Express’ because I heard their wifi is fast. Moreover, as I’ve been to this hotel in other countries, I feel more familiar to stay. The most place where I want visit in Amsterdam is Keukenhof, the garden with lots of tulips. As when we can easily come up with tulip in Nederland, I think visiting Keukenhof will be the highlight of my vacation in Nederland. I want to read books, listen to music and take some rest there. I will also visit Museum het Rembrandthuis, Anne Frankhuis, and Rijksmuseum Amsterdam to watch some work of arts. In addition, I will visit (the) Heineken Museum which used to be a beer factory and I want to drink some beer there to taste the local flavor. I am going to ride Korean Air to get there and have some delicious Korean Air’s bibimbap. I look forward to visit Amsterdam, Nederland next year and take some rest.(X) Good Content – review errorsMy dream vacation spot is Santorini, Greece. The reason why I chose this place is not only because it is close to the Mediterranean, but also because it has the most beautiful scenery in the world, and it is the place where I want to go with my future wife as my honeymoon destination. Santorini is located in Greece at the end of the Balkan Peninsula south of Europe and is a tourist destination with European culture and Mediterranean characteristics. Based on this background, Santorini's blue sea and white houses along cliffs make you feel as fresh as an ion drink. (!!! Ion drink?? Is this Konglish? Hmmm) First, To go to Santorini, a small Mediterranean island, we have to take two flights via Moscow to Athens. In addition, Tickets cost about 1 million won per person. Santorini is an island with superb scenery and distinctive places. First of all, Ia Village, where you can see Santorini's most beautiful scenery, offers a touch of sunset with one of the most famous travel courses along with the observatory. Second, Camari Beach is a black sand beach created by volcanic eruptions, providing tourists with unconventional views. Finally, the Goulas Castle is one of the world's top three sunset areas along with Kota Kinabalu and Fiji Island. Additionally, the experience of experiencing the blue sea through scuba diving and touring Santorini Island with a yacht is a typical activity. As previously explained, I will travel to Santorini, Greece, one of the most beautiful island in the world, for two weeks with my wife.(X) Very Good!My Dream VacationAh, Estonia, the only place I would like to visit, for I think that only Estonia is worth time and money. Then, why Estonia? Well, it’s a bit complicated, but I can tell you that the idea of visiting Estonia excites me. Asking “When?” would be better since I haven’t thought about visiting other places than Estonia, and Estonia (is) actually is two countries: Summer Estonia, which is full of hope, and Winter Estonia, which is full of bleakness. Therefore, I would visit Estonia in the summer, probably in the mid-2020s, because one of my acquaintances who visited Estonia a few years ago in the winter said that there was nothing to do. However, visiting Estonia in the mid-2020s might render one of my plans unrealizable: buying an English translation of Estonian national epic, Kalevipoeg. That book is sold in the Estonian Literary Museum, and I predict that the book will be out of stock sooner than later, so that plan is at risk. Thus, my current plan is going to Tallinn by air through Helsinki, visit Arvo P?rt Center (since there’s no Erkki-Sven Tüür Center), and visit whatever national parks and other natural sites in northern Estonia for a week or so. As I have absolutely no idea about public transport and road conditions in Estonia, it feels meaningless to make a plan; none of my trips went as planned. I just want to roam the untouched nature of Estonia all by myself without any plan, miles away from where I spend my life; it would be ten times more refreshing than sipping coffee watching Eiffel Tower. (X) Good Content – Review errorsMy Dream VacationIf I have a chance, I would like to go Hanoi, Vietnam, because Hanoi is known for its warm weather, and the food, especially rice noodle(s). Hanoi is famous for St. Joseph's Cathedral, Badin Square, and Halong Bay. Among these, I would like to try (the) cave boat tour in Halong Bay. In Hanoi, weather in summer is so humid and hot, so I would like to go there from November to December, because in winter, Hanoi is cool, so I think the winter is the best time to travel there. When I have the chance, I would like to go there with my friend, Seong-woo, who has same major with me. This is because he travelled a lot, so I believe that he has a lot of (travel experience) knowledge regarding travel. The accommodation in Hanoi is cheaper than Korea, it can be known in the fact that 5 star hotel is at an affordable price of around 57.59 dollars per night. I also like to have a swimming pool in my room and would like to have room with ocean-view, so 5-star hotel would fit my request. However, my only concern for this travel would be traffic problems. For example, I heard that if I want to go to Halong bay from Hanoi, it takes about two hours by car, so I have to spend a lot of time on my transport. In my plan, I would like to stay for three nights, and will be travelling there by plane, and the price from Korea to Hanoi is not that expensive, so I can afford it. I think that in this trip, I would have a happy and interesting trip to Hanoi. (X) Good Content – Review errorsMy Dream Vacation?My dream travel destination is the United States. I've wanted to go to America since high school. This is because I started dreaming of traveling abroad in high school and thought the U.S. was the biggest and most foreign country among many countries, and I wanted to go to Disney Land and Disney World in the U.S. as I started to like characters such as Disney and Pixar. (Long Sentence!) Also, I want to go to Grand Canyon(,) and feel the vast nature, and I want to go shopping at a huge outlet in America, because there are many things which cannot be seen in Korea, it will be fun. For so many reasons, I always dream to go to America, but if I could go to one of the many places, I would go to Disney World. Disney World is located in Orlando, where many theme(parks] lands are gathered. I will go everywhere in Disney World. I will buy cute goods and stay at Disney Resort to spend my time efficiently. I will go on a trip to America with my older sister for about a month. It is because I have been to Shanghai and Vietnam with my sister and I think it (she) (we get along well) suits me well. Also, my sister has already traveled to the U.S. twice, so I think it can be more comfortable to travel. It seems like a lot of money will be needed to travel to America for a month. I think I should prepare enough 10 million won. I think I should save money through part-time jobs and savings. I want to go to America before graduating from university, but now I don't know when I can go because of the coronavirus. I hope the day comes when I can go to America as soon as possible.?(X) Good Content – Review errorsMy Dream Vacation??? ? ? ?I would like to go to Hawaii for my dream vacation. The reason why I choose Hawaii is because many people who went there, told me that It is a must-visit place before I die. Also, it is a special place where I wanted to visit for my honeymoon! There are three attractions I want to go (to) when I visit Hawaii. First attraction is Waikiki beach, it is famous for (as)the number one spot in Hawaii, and this beautiful beach is said to be like heaven. The first thing I want to do in Waikiki beach is learn surfboarding because learning in a clear and beautiful sea would be a special experience! (The) Second attraction I would like to visit is (the) Cheese Cake Factory, this place is so famous that it has to be lined up for 2 hours to get into the store. The reason why I particularly wanted to go here is because(it sounds/looks delicious?) it is a epicures admitted restaurant for its taste. The last attraction I would like to visit is State Parks. As I usually like to go climbing, It will be a unique experience to climb while looking at beautiful scenery. In addition to going to these attractions, I would love to go to all the other famous places, so if I go to Hawaii, I am going to stay at least one month. In conclusion, traveling to Hawaii will cost a lot of money, so before I visit, I will work hard and go on a trip with the person I love most as a reward, and it is no doubt that it will be my best vacation!(X) Good content – review errors My Dream VacationThis is story about my dream vacation. I want to go Austria to celebrate my graduation when I am twenty-four. The reason is that I read a comic book about (a) honeymoon in Austria and it was very impressive. The book is called “Na-rae’s new marriage Journey”. (the) Author said, she felt a lot thing while watching the beautiful scenery and people living in Austria. So I thought, “How nice would it if I take a break watching the peaceful nature and have time to think about my future after graduation?” (Use reported speech)The place I want to visit is?Hallstatt. Comic book said that this place is most famous in Austria. There are lakes in front, Alps in back, and cute houses on the mountain. It's not fancy like other city, but I think just sitting at the table in a wooden house will make me feel comfortable and happy. In addition, this city is a model for “Arendel”, the country of the film “Frozen”. Because I really enjoyed the movie, I want to take pictures and videos when I go here. And I really want to go on this trip with my mom. Although my family often has (often) traveled together, I have never been to abroad only(alone) with my mom. I love (her)mom so much that I want to spend time with her before I become independent. To make this happen, I'm saving money that I have earned during interning at the company. In 2021, when I graduate, I will make this dream a reality!!(X) paragraph form – write in a single paragraph / sentence fragments verb tenseMy Dream VacationI really want to go to Nice in France. I went to Nice in 2018, and it was a place that I remembered (as a) beautiful place and gave me some relief (word choice – relief from pain?). There are so many famous attractions, like Nice Beach, Place Massena, and Cours Saleya. Nice Beach is one of the most famous beaches in Europe. Place Massena is one of the many squares in Europe, but the floor (tiles are) like a chessboard was impressive to me. And Cours Saleya is a flea market. It is a great place to see a many things, like flowers, fruits, and antiques. When I was in Nice, I didn’t do any special activities. I just took a rest in Nice. So I will go to Nice again, when I saved money for a vacation. But it (I) needs a lot of money, because I have to book flights, hotels, and eat some foods. I think between summer and autumn is the best time to go to Nice. And I want to go there with my best friends for a month. Because my friends know me well and they have similar perspective. I was at a hotel last time, but if I go my friends, I want to stay a house from Airbnb. But sometimes, I want to travel alone, because I want to solve my complicated problems. (such as?)Lastly, I think Nice is the perfect place for me. (X) – verb tense / sentence fragment / Where will you fly to (start)? Where will go from there? My Dream Vacation ? ? ? I would like to go to New Zealand. Actually, I have been there (went) with my family a few years ago, and we had a good memory(-ies) from there. (Where did you go?) New Zealand is well known for its fresh air, nice weather and an incredible natural environment. So, I want to rent a big camper van and travel with my family even including my dog. Unfortunately, we haven’t been to the south island, which is Te Waipounamu before. They (There are) also have so many activities. Among them, I would like to try the Nevis Swing, which is the world’s biggest swing, and they have a Kawarau Bridge Bungy. This is the world’s first and most famous of leaps, and both activities are located at Queenstown. Unlike Korea’s season, from November to January is the best season to visit New Zealand. Thus, I would like to go in December and enjoy warm Christmas without freezing weather. They have the most beautiful lakes in (on) the south island. The Lake Tekapo is one of the famous lakes. It is situated by the Church of the Good Shepherd, and it is also noted for its huge amount of lupine. Furthermore, it is literally a good(great) place to see(go) stargazing. Moreover, many films were filmed all around New Zealand like?King Kong, The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit and The Chronicles of Narnia.?Although they were not filmed in Te Waipounamu, I would love to visit if I have a chance. In conclusion, I hope we can go very soon.(X) Content – what else can you do there? When is the best time to go???? I would like to go (to Santorini, Greece) Greece santorini on my dream vacation. Santorini, Greece, is famous for its white alleys (buildings?) and blue-roofed churches. Overall, the village is set in white and blue tones. Travelers here wait for evening to see the sunset of Ia. There are many people who come along the Aegean Sea to see the sunset. I really want to see impressive sunset of the Ia. When I was in middle school, I watched (saw) Santorini while watching TV. I admired the wonderful scenery of Santorini and decided to go there. If I go there, I will live in Santorini for about a month. I want to rent a small room there and write an essay. (about what?) I will not be afraid to go to the sea often, and approach the villagers. Because I need to experience many things. I wish I could go there age around thirty, when I'm very tired of my work, and find stability. In order to do that, I think I would better leave (go)alone. If I am going to be away for a month or longer, I think going alone would be easier to live on. I want to build up the courage to take more chances through this trip because it is a trip that I leave at the most unstable time.(meaning unclear? What is unstable about your life during this time?) That's why leaving (going) alone will be more helpful to myself. But if I live there, I might have to spend all the money I saved until I turned 30. Perhaps more money is needed. Combining airfare, rent and living expenses will require quite a lot of money. Even so, I'm fine. If I saved money, it would(I would be able to go…) be to go on this trip. I feel it's (will be)worth it. For this trip and for the future, I will do what i want harder and study harder.??(X) Overall, good content“My dream vacation”Hongkong is the city that I want to go as (on my) dream vacation. First, I like to see the night view when I travel. Although Shanghai is the best dream destination (for its night scenery) according to the conditions, it was inconvenient. English was not as useful as I thought. I have already been to Hong Kong twice, but it is so good that I choose to go there again.?I hope that I set out on a journey on favorite holiday for me. Such as a day before a new year, Christmas, or my birthday when(which) is July 21st?. Therefore, it would be in Summer or Winter. I love Christmas and my birthday, and I can watch a firework wherever I will be in the day before new year.?When I travel alone, I can do or choose whatever I want. However, it is less funny than travelling with my friends. That is why I will travel with them for a few days and the rest alone.?If I go to Hongkong in summer, I will stay in Harbour Grand Kowloon hotel which was in (the) film “The Thieves”. I have been there in winter, so I could not use a swimming pool. While I stay in there, I will swim all day for 2 or 3 days. After I enjoyed swimming, I will be on way to Stanley bay. There has a delicious pizza pub, so I relish eating pizza with (while) watching (the) oceans. Also, I will just walk around there. The other day(On the next day), I am going to go Disneyland. It is the smallest Disneyland in the world, so I can ride all of (the) attractions. I can even ride a rollercoaster more than 10 times, and it will make me happy. At(On) this day, I hope I go there with my friends more than one. The more, the better. Victoria park has (the most / a ) fantastic city view. For this reason, I will go there assuming that the weather is good. I just wrote this without thinking any budgets, but I will be there one day, and do everything I want to do.(X) not a single paragraph / How long will you be there? How much do you need? How will you get there?My Dream Vacation?I want to go to Jeju Island with my friends. In fact, this was planned for the last winter vacation. However, since the trip was canceled due to the corona virus, this is definitely a place to visit if we have the opportunity. Although it is not overseas and we can go there anytime, but I am desperate for this trip. We will stay at a guest house near Jeju Airport. We will visit the sea. If it were (In) summer, we could (will)swim in the sea, but I and my friends won't go on a trip in the summer because we don't like hot weather. We will probably only see the winter sea, but that alone will be very enjoyable. The next day, we will go to the Osulloc Tea Museum. There are various menus (There is a diverse menu) such as tea and desserts, and we can (will) have tea time as a tea-related class. We all love tea, so going here will be a very valuable (tasty? Delicisous? Enjoyable?) experience. After that we will visit the 'Bunker of Light'. 'Bunker of Light' It is a media art museum, where art works can be realized with dozens of beam projectors and speakers. Currently, there is an exhibition reproducing Van Gogh's work as media art, which continues until October. If we go to Jeju Island during summer vacation, we can see the exhibition, but if not, we will have to wait for another exhibition. But I like media arts like Refik Anadol, so just visiting here will be a memorable experience.We will, of course, go around various tourist attractions and enjoy Jeju Island to the fullest. However, the most important thing is that WE will enjoy the trip together, and the most memorable thing will be us. This is still a dream, but I am waiting for the day when it will become a reality. Then it will be my best vacation.(X) Overall good content“My Dream Vacation”????? My dream vacation has always been a trip to Los Angeles. Especially, I would(especially) like to visit Disneyland (in) LA. I grew up watching so many Disney animations and still am a fan of many Disney films. The reason I want to visit Disneyland in LA is because it is the first Disneyland made and is the only Disneyland that Walt Disney actually directed(designed) . Activities that I want to do there is watching parade and fireworks. Also, there are many other places to visit in LA besides Disneyland, such as Santa Monica Beach, Hollywood Walk of Fame, Beverly Hills, and Dodgers Stadium. Dodgers Stadium tour is another thing I want to do. For Koreans, (the) LA Dodgers is familiar as a team that Park Chan-ho and Ryu Hyun-jin played. As a sports business majoring student, I would love to visit the top MLB club. The climate in LA is warm all year round. but it's better to go around April to May when it rains less. I usually do not mind traveling alone or traveling with other people. However, since I plan to visit (a) theme park, it would be more fun to go with friends than to go alone. My dream vacation is going to cost me a lot because first, I want my travel (trip) to take more than 2 weeks. Also, flight(s) ticket costs a lot. And lastly, prices are high in LA. So, I need to be financially prepared to go on my dream vacation. (Despite that it is still my dream vacation.) That is why it is still my dream vacation.Where will you stay? Food ? How long will you be there? How much do you think you will need? When is the best time of year to visit?My Dream Vacation?My dream vacation is to go to Rome (in,) Italy. Rome is famous for its stunning and overwhelming historical ruins and arts. It has been around six months since I have wanted to visit Rome. I took a course named “Understanding of Western Art” last semester, where I learnt about arts and sculptures of Italy, France, and other countries nearby. Until then, I had almost no interest in paintings but while taking that course, I got very fascinated by the pieces. I want to visit the Vatican museum and (the) Sistine Chapel where you can find (I will see) famous pieces including ‘The Creation of Adam’ and ‘Last Judgment’ by Michelangelo, and Raphael Rooms. Since Rome is a popular city to visit, I would prefer to visit Rome around September when there are fewer peaks. In order to do this, I can will only visit there once I graduate from university, or when I take a leave of absence. If possible, I want to take my friend best Min-seo with me, since she also is interested in arts and museums. I have also thought about traveling by myself, but I am worried because it feels unsafe as I have only traveled with my family members before, (so I am) and am inexperienced. It would be quite troublesome to completely take care of myself, but I would look forward to traveling together with Min-seo so that we can spend more time between us, and it would be more relieving to care for each other as well.? ................
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