Chapter 8



Chapter 8 Love Relationships

Dating and heterosexual relationships

The Ideal Romantic Partner

Romantic relationships

For a sexual partner: both men and women value physical attractiveness, men put more emphasis on looks than do women.

Ideal marriage partner—men and women value honesty, good personality and intelligence

Personal Ads: In ads, women more likely to offer physical attractiveness, and ask for financial security. Men offer security and ask for physical attractiveness

Gay men interested in attractiveness, lesbian less likely to value attractiveness than gay men, or heterosexuals.

Consequences: may contribute to distorted body images/eating disorders; denigrates women by placing more emphasis on superficial characteristics; and hard to control attractiveness so may lower self esteem (can control achievements, but not valued in same way)

Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

Cross-Cultural Research

Cultural Traditions—arranged marriage

Education & good financial prospects—valued by women

Physical Attractiveness—men more likely to value

US, Russia and Japan—women emphasized financial prospects; men emphasize physical attractiveness

Explanations for Gender Differences in Preference Patterns

Evolutionary Psychology-- Passing on genes to next generation

men should prefer young, attractive, healthy-looking women

women should look for commitment

Criticisms

highly speculative

both men and women are highly interested in long-term relationships

Same gender relationships

evolutionary approach argues that gender differences are both large and inevitable; used as justification for women having less power

Social Roles Explanation

social roles and socialization explain preference patterns

culture does have an effect on mate preferences

gender differences in mate preferences are not inevitable

differences in mate preferences between cultures are much larger than the differences in mate preferences between genders

Characteristics of Heterosexual Love Relationships

Gender Comparisons

friendship

liking, commitment, satisfaction

sadness, depression, hurt, loneliness

trust, caring, honesty, respect

strategies for maintaining a romantic relationship

Factors Related to Satisfaction with the Relationship

friendship —both men and women more satisfied with relationship if based on friendship

skill at expressing emotions—when both able to express emotions

Breaking Up

women feel more joy and relief

men & women report similar negative emotions

picking up the signals

ambivalence

coping—blame, distractions

Marriage and Divorce

Average ages for first marriage—25-women; 27-men

½ North Americans married

Marriage rates and ethnicity

Marital Satisfaction

Satisfaction During Various Periods of Marriage

high regard from partner—happiest in marriage when felt valued

change over time—20-24 yrs marriage least satisfied, then starts to improve, children grown

Satisfaction During Various Periods of Marriage

newlyweds

expectations and resentments

changes and satisfaction

Gender Comparisons in Marital Satisfaction

Devotion to marriage partner

Women report more extreme levels of emotion than men do

women more likely to report that marriage did not live up to ideal

women more sensitive to problems in relationship

both men and women happier if married than if not married

Characteristics of Happy Marriages—both feel emotional needs being met

Emotional Stability

Communication skills and understanding,

3. More positive comments, rather than negative comments,

4. Strong Conflict-resolution skills,

5. Trust in the other person,

6. Mutual support,

7. Belief that each spouse has genuine concern about other’s well-being

8. Flexibility,

9. Equal sharing of household tasks,

10. Equal sharing in decision making.

Responsibility and Power in Marriage

Salary and Power—money=power research: the more money husbands earn the more power in decision making and less domestic tasks performed

Wives: when earn more than husband—not equal with financial matters

Three Patterns of Power Distribution

Traditional Marriage—husband more dominant, traditional gender roles

Modern Marriage—wife “junior partner”, say more equal, but man tends to be more powerful wife’s work secondary

Egalitarian Marriage—share power equally, without traditional roles companionship/sharing

Marriage and Women of Color

Divorce

Wives initiate divorce more often than husbands do

Reasons for divorce: physical or emotional abuse; infidelity; drug or alcohol abuse

Cohabitation and Divorce

Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

Cohabitation does not necessarily cause divorce.

Cohabitation: ½ of 1st marriages cohabitated.

Women may see more freedom from traditional roles in marriage. happier than than single people, not as happy as married.

Divorce rates higher, may be due to: Selection effect: attitudes of ind. who cohabit are more accepting of divorce and less commited to marriage than attitudes of non-cohabitors.

Psychological Effects of Divorce

Transitions and separations—make it painful

Stress, depression and anger

Positive feelings-may have been constrained in marriage

Financial Effects of Divorce

A woman's financial situation is usually worse following a divorce, especially if she has children

Many fathers fail to pay child support

Black mothers are even more likely than White mothers to face financial problems

Lesbians and Bisexual Women

Lesbian—psychologically, emotionally and sexually attracted to other women

Sexual Minority—anyone with same gender attraction

Heterosexism—bias against homosexuals

The Psychological Adjustment of Lesbians

homosexuality is not a mental disorder

the average lesbian is as well adjusted as the average heterosexual woman

in some studies, lesbians higher in self-esteem, self-sufficiency, ease of decision making

Likely to report a history with Hate crimes( Depression, Anxiety

Lesbians who accept their lesbian identity have higher self-esteem than those who have not accepted their lesbian identity

Community & Family

Characteristics of Lesbian Relationships

The Beginning of a Relationship

Equality in Lesbian Relationships

Equal decision making more important than equal salary

Housework

Satisfaction similar to heterosexual couples and gay male couples

Relationship Commitment

Psychological Intimacy

Breaking Up

Similar reasons;Same mix of emotions

Fewer factors preventing break up

Less support for relationship

Lack of support after break up

Lesbian Women of Color

Legal status of lesbian relationships

Single Women

Characteristics of Single Women—2000 census—about 23% women over 18 had never married, 27% Canadian

more likely to work outside the home

choosing not to marry

similar to married women in psychological distress, life span

higher than marred women on independence

lower than married women on self-acceptance

Social relationships

Romantic status

People in 1990’s—less likely to use “old maid, spinster”

1970—10% 25-29 yr olds unmarried

2000—39%

Attitudes Toward Single Womena; Singleism

1980’s research—single women perceived to be less sociable, less attractive and less reliable

Single women: substantial %age of adult women, yet little research conducted on this group.

Many single women highly educated and career-oriented—singlehood allows more flexible work hours and geographic mobility

Chose not to marry—did not find ideal partner

Similarities in these areas to married women: in scores on measures of psychological distress; life span; live longer than divorced women. Single women score higher on measures of independence, lower on self-acceptance tests.

Poll--sample of New York heterosexual women, ages 21-40: 34% happily single and dating; 27% happily single and not dating.

30% looking for romantic relationship, 5% described self as “panicking”.

trend in number of women remaining single—“increasing recognition that singlehood can be legitimate, healthy and happy alternative to marriage”

Advantages and Disadvantages of Being Single

Freedom—do what they want

Privacy—be by themselves

Free to be themselves

Self-knowledge

Loneliness

Cultural bias

Create own Social networks

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