Movie review: As Good As It Gets - Comcast Business



Movie review:

As Good As It Gets

J.R. Steele

COM 104

Movie review: As Good As It Gets

Concept 1: Buber’s Theory

Buber distinguished that there are three levels of communication: I-It, I-You, and I-Thou communication.

1. I-it communication is when we treat others we come into contact with very impersonally. We treat them almost as if they don’t exist.

Melvin Udall and his waitress Carol began their interactions on an I-it basis. Mr. Udall saw Carol as his waitress who waited on him everyday when he came into the restaurant. In addition, Carol saw Mr. Udall as an obnoxious guy who no one else wanted to wait on and who ordered the same thing everyday. Their interaction was limited based on their communication only about her taking his order as his waitress and his giving his order as the customer.

2. I-You communication is when people interacting actually acknowledge one another as an individual.

In the same example from the movie, Carol begins to get to know Mr. Udall, or Melvin, and asks him personal questions like why he uses plastic cutlery. He responds and sincerely asks her about her son in which she returns the interaction explaining the details of her sons illness, what his name is, goes to her home to see why she’s not at work, and takes her son to the hospital. Furthermore, their relationship grows. Each of them being to distinguish the other as more than just the obnoxious customer or the waitress, but more as individuals with feelings and happenings in their life.

3. I-Thou communication is the rarest. It occurs when people totally accept that they are unique and individual on a much deeper level. We become fully human and open to the other person.

Melvin, after hearing about Carol’s son’s illness goes beyond himself and decides to hire an in-home doctor to come and check out Spencer. Carol has explained to Melvin in the past about her problems with doctors in the emergency room and he decides to help. Afterwards, she tries to thank him in person and in a thank you note for all that he has done for her and her son. He asks her to go one a trip with him and his gay neighbor to Baltimore and she accepts. From that point a relationship begins taking shape into the form of a romantic one slowly progressing throughout the rest of the movie.

Concept 2: The Process of Human Perception

Perception is how we actively make sense of the world by selecting, organizing, and interpreting people, objects, events, and situations we come into contact with in our lives. Perception directly involves three processes: selecting, organizing, and interpreting.

1. Selection is picking out certain things around us that standout to us, that we force ourselves to pay attention to, or that we choose to notice based on ourselves personally and our culture.

Melvin notices his neighbor’s dog. He is potentially forced to notice it because it keeps peeing in his hallway. But since he already has a dislike for dogs, the dog stands out to him as an annoyance.

2. Organization is when we go beyond out selections and start to make sense of them. We do this through constructivism, which is using schemata to organize and interpret our experiences.

There are for schemata we rely on to make sense of our selections:

a. Prototypes are the core representation of what we believe something or someone is. It allows us to place people, things and situations in broad categories.

He believes that dogs are a nuisance, that they are stupid animals, and they somehow relate to their owners.

b. Personal constructs are bipolar dimensions of judgment we use to determine where someone or something fits into out constructs.

Melvin thinks dogs are unintelligent, unnecessary, devious, ugly, and annoying.

c. Stereotypes are generalizations we make about a person or situation and place them into a particular category that generalizes how that type of person or situation will act or play out.

Since the dog’s owner is a homosexual, the dog must be spoiled and respond to his gay owner

d. Scripts are specific behaviors that we have to guide us in how we should act in a particular situation based on our previous experiences, observation of interactions, and social norms.

Melvin goes out of the script when he decides to put the dog down

the garbage chute out of frustrations with the dog.

3. Interpretation is how we explain our perceptions after selecting and organizing in a way that makes sense to us.

Within interpreting experiences and people we come into contact with, we tend to make attributions, or an explanation of why something happens or why someone acts a certain way. They influence the meanings we attach to others and their communication.

Melvin believes that the dog pees on his hallway because it doesn’t like him nor does its owner. Therefore, he hates the dog even more as well as the owner.

Also with making attributions comes errors in every situation. Two most common types are self-serving bias and fundamental attribution error.

a. Self-serving bias is when we take full credit for our successes and blame someone or something else when something goes wrong

b. Fundamental attribution error is when we believe that internal causes are more exaggerated than external causes for people’s behavior and vise versa.

Concept 3: Symbolic Abilities

1. Language defines.

We use symbols to define experiences, people, relationships, situations, feelings, and thoughts.

a. Language shapes perceptions.

When we label someone we define them in a certain way without looking at the other qualities of that person. In addition, we tend to perceive and interact according to how we define people.

Melvin defines his neighbor Simon as a homosexual. He interacts with Simon based solely on his perception of homosexuals as flaming men who promiscuously parade around with their partners and love being gay. He doesn’t take into consideration that Simon is also an artist, a lonely yet caring individual, etc.

b. Language can totalize.

Totalizing is when a label is used to totally represent who a person is based on a single aspect of their identity.

Simon is a homosexual. Melvin sees Simon as totally represented by his homosexuality. It is the only aspect of Simon’s identity that Melvin focuses on to determine what kind of person Simon is.

c. Language affects relationships.

Symbols used in relationships to define experiences affect how we perceive our relationships whether positive or negative.

Because Melvin thinks only about Simon’s homosexuality in negative ways, he responds negatively to Simon. He throws his dog down a trash shoot, he throws a tantrum when Simon knocks on his door, and uses negative language about homosexuals incorporated into his dialogue to make his point and degrade Simon.

2. Language evaluates.

It is not neutral or objective but loaded with values. Particular words we use shape our perception and those of others.

a. Language reflects and shapes perceptions.

We use certain words to describe people. Positive and negative connotations connected with words give us a different perception of how the words are really used.

When Carol says that Melvin is a crazy person, she is providing the negative connotations of a crazy person like that they are creepy, unpredictable, undesirable, and weird. However, she perceives his craziness as these things, she comes to find out that his craziness is really a good craziness, like crazy for her and willing to do anything to keep her in his company without ulterior motives.

b. Language can be loaded.

Loaded language is words that can strongly influence a certain perception and thus its meaning.

Melvin, when he is introduced Carol to Simon, said Carol the waitress, Simon the fag. Using those words specifically in that context gave both people a strong sense of how they were not only perceived by Melvin, but maybe even by the rest of the population.

c. Language can degrade others.

Using certain dialogue such as hate speech, can hurt people and dehumanize them. The names people are called can seriously influence their self-esteem.

When Melvin describes Simon, he uses words and phrases like pansy ass stool pusher, fudge packer, queer, fag, and a nancy. Saying things like “you’ll be back on your knees in no time” and he’s afraid Simon will “pull the stiff one eye.” When he says these words and phrases when speaking with Simon, Simon’s nonverbal cues show that they make him feel bad and that he is offended but can’t do anything about it because he has low self-esteem. These words dehumanize Simon and turn him into just a label or a name that is degrading and disrespectful.

3. Language organizes perception.

We rely on schemata to classify people, places, events, situations, etc. and then we evaluate our experiences and what they mean to us.

a. Language allows abstract thought.

We use abstract concepts to avoid considering specifics.

When Simon’s friend tells him that he’s broke it is to avoid talking about the specifics of him losing his cleaning lady, his apartment, or that his show didn’t do well. She leaves the door open for his interpretation until the truth really hit him on his own.

b. Language can stereotype.

Stereotyping is making generalizations about certain people or experiences based on general perceptions of some category. In which case, we may not perceive individual differences.

Melvin asked Carol to go on the trip to Baltimore with him because he thought that Simon would try to hit on him because Simon is a homosexual. When they got into the car with Simon in the front seat with Melvin, he pushed his seat all the way up to the steering wheel so his crotch was untouchable. He had a generalized idea about homosexuals and the experience with homosexuals and ignored the possibility that Simon was completely not interested in doing anything of the sort.

4. Language allows hypothetical thought.

Thinking hypothetically means thinking about experiences and ideas that are not part of the present like thinking in past and future.

a. We can think beyond immediate, concrete situations.

We use symbols to represent an idea or memory so we can keep them in mind and reflect on them when needed.

When Simon was talking about his family problems he mentioned that his father gave him a big wad of sweaty money and told him not to ever come back home. That symbol of the big wad of sweaty money related directly to why the three were going to Baltimore in the first place and why Simon dreaded going back to see his parents to ask for money.

b. We can live in three dimensions.

Through hypothetical thought, we can live in more that just the present. We also reflect on our past and future to use in out experiences in the present.

Throughout Melvin’s journey through change he kept saying I just want my old life back. He remembered how everything in his day was planned out down to locking the door five times and avoiding stepping on cracks whenever he walked. That was until Carol entered his life and changed everything. In the end of the movie, he began to resort to his old habits of sidewalk walking when he suddenly realized that it wasn’t going to work if he continued his old ways. Moreover, he changed his ways to make for a better future with another person besides himself.

c. We can foster personal growth.

Thinking hypothetically helps us grow personally because it requires us to remember who we were, appreciate who we are, and strive for an ideal image of who we want to become.

Simon was once a great artist and had many people he thought were his friends until one day he was beaten and robbed. When he hit his breaking point, he tells Melvin he is losing his apartment, he has to beg his parents for money, he doesn’t want to paint anymore and that the life he was trying for is over and the life he had is gone. Upon that rock bottom, he decided to go to his parents and ask for money. He had a miraculous revival with Carol and suddenly he was ready to strive for better things. When he looked back, he finally decided that everything happens for the best.

5. Language allows self-reflection.

According to Mead, there are 2 aspects of the self. There is the I, which acts impulsively to inner wants and needs regardless of social norms, and me, which is socially conscious and monitors and moderates the I’s impulses. The me ca. help self-reflection on the I’s actions to control the present and consider the future of its actions.

a. Self-reflection allows us to monitor communication.

When we self-reflect, we look back at our actions and their effects in order to adjust and monitor ourselves for future interactions.

When Melvin and Carol had dinner, Melvin said some pretty harmful things to Carol about his intentions for asking her to come along. She rebelled and ignored Melvin the rest of the trip. During that time, Melvin had a chance to reflect on his actions. When Carol told him she didn’t want to see him anymore because he made her feel bad about being herself, he realized the effects of his actions. In return her adjusted his tactics and decided to pay her a surprise visit and tell her how he really felt. Her response was desirable, so he continued to monitor himself.

b. Self-reflection allows us to manage our image.

When we reflect on ourselves from social perspectives, we can change and limit communication so that we appear a certain way to others.

Melvin considered himself a great writer with sharp vocabulary and a creative mind. He was also very self-absorbed with his OCD and his own personal life. From a social perspective, people thought of him as the devil. He was a grouchy, mean-spirited, hateful man and people cheered when he was kicked out of the restaurant. It wasn’t until Simon’s accident that other people and things were introduced into Melvin’s self-absorbed life that he realized another side of him—a more likable, kind, genuine side.

Concept 4: Forms of Non-Listening

1. Pseudo listening is basically pretending to listen. It is when we present ourselves as attentive but out minds are somewhere else. We engage in pseudo listening often because we don’t want to hurt someone by totally not trying to listen when he/she is sharing experiences.

Melvin engages in pseudo listening when Carol is trying to read him parts of the thank you note she wrote him. He is pretending he is interested. He doesn’t want to hurt her because she is sharing something that is important to her so he is agreeing but he isn’t really listening..

2. Monopolizing is constantly focusing and redirecting communication on ourselves instead of listening to the speaker. One tactic of monopolizing is conversation rerouting, which is when we shift the topic back to ourselves. Another tactic is interrupting to divert attention back to ourselves or topics that interest us. The monopolizor tends to dominate the communication and shuts out others.

Melvin is a major monopolizor. His biggest moment was when Simon, Carol, and him were in the car and Carol was trying to get the scoop on why Simon didn’t want to go see his parents. Simon began talking about his problems with his family. Immediately once Melvin sees that Carol is interested in Simon’s story, he barges into the conversation and starts talking about his sad story with his father that used to hit him on the hands if he made a mistake on the piano. Carol urges Simon to continue with his story, but Simon is closed up and has trouble continuing.

3. Selective listening involves focusing on only a specific part or parts of communication. We censor our parts of communication that don’t interest us and only listen to parts that do interest us. We can also engage in selective listening when we reject communication that makes us uncomfortable.

Simon’s friend sat him down to discuss his situation after his assault and burglary. She was trying to tell him that he was broke. Simon was totally rejecting everything that she said because it made him uncomfortable and he was more concerned with his dog not responding to him.

4. Defensive listening is when we perceive personal attacks, criticism, or hostility in communication when really its not. We assume others don’t like, trust, or respect us and use that as fuel to listen always on the defense no matter what the tone of the conversation.

Simon’s art dealer, Frank, was trying to get Melvin to stop treating Simon with such disrespect and to take care of his dog while he was ill. Melvin perceived that Frank was personally attacking him when really he was just trying to help out a friend. Whenever Frank and Melvin spoke, Melvin was always on the defense trying to manipulate the conversation.

5. Ambushing is purposely listening carefully in order to attack the speaker. It is used intentionally to gather ammunition to strike an attack on the speaker.

Simon explains to Melvin that his life is a wreck and that he “feels so damn sorry for himself that its difficult to breathe.” Melvin responds that he was only trying to give him a boost, that is after he tells him that he’ll be back on his knees in no time, and Simon responds attackingly “lucky you, you’re here for rock bottom you absolute horror of a human being.”

6. Literal listening is listening only for means of content and ignoring the relationship level of meaning. In other words, we ignore the sensitivity and connection with the other person and only listen for the basic of what they are communicating or what exactly is coming out of their mouth. We don’t make the effort to understand how he/she feels or endorse them as people.

When Carol is explaining to Melvin the extent of her son’s illness, Melvin is only listening for the actual content of what she is saying, that is, why her son is sick. He doesn’t connect with her on the relationship level that she is a mother in desperate need of some medical help for her son and the level of tiredness she endures with dealing with her son’s illness.

Concept 5: Obstacles to Effective Communication of Emotions

1. Reasons we may not express emotions

We can identify four common reasons why people don’t communication their emotions.

a. Social expectations

What we feel and how we express it are significantly influenced by the culture and social group we associate with. Gender socialization is particularly important in shaping of feelings and how they are expressed in society. For instance men are expected to be emotionless unless they show anger or something else related to having power. Women, on the other hand, are taught to suppress feelings of anger and other negative emotions because they are supposed to be caring and supportive at all times.

Men are considered to act emotionlessly. Melvin shows no emotion in his interactions with people unless it is anger or disappointment. When he is in the psychiatrists office, he expresses his anger with how his life is changing and he cant control it. In the restaurant when Carol wasn’t at work, he was frustrated and disappointed and lashed out at the waitress calling her “elephant girl.”

Women are considered to act solely on emotions. They are expected to show compassion and empathy. Carol, throughout the movie, is a caring mother who is concerned with her son’s health at all times. Even when she meets Simon, she asks him if he’s ok and wants to know how he’s feeling and even pulls over the car to give her full attention to Simon when he tells his story about his family.

b. Vulnerability

We don’t want to give others information that may change the way they perceive us. Often we do this in order to protect ourselves in the thought that others could use our vulnerability against us. Furthermore, to protect ourselves we may not engage in expressing any feelings both verbally and nonverbally.

Melvin is a hard-headed man with a smart mouth. He is a respected writer and absorbed in his own life. Once Carol tries to crack him open, he refrains using phrases like that was an overstatement. He was constantly trying to protect his image of himself that he almost lost Carol because he was such a hard shell.

c. Protecting others

We may choose not to express emotions because we fear we might hurt or upset others. There is some good and some bad in this choice. Choosing not to express emotions in some situations can be constructive and generous. However, it is not healthy to consistently hold in your emotions especially if such feeling affect relationships directly or your own health.

When Simon was in the hospital, Frank and another one of Simon’s friends came to visit. When they came in the room, both of them tried to suppress their initial reactions to Simon’s state but neither one of them could help but shudder at the sight of him. It was the expressions that he needed to see in order to know just how bad it was. He even said he was going to look in the mirror that day and wanted to see their reactions to judge how bad it was. Obviously, their emotions spoke loud and clear. Had they not shown any emotion, Simon would’ve likely been devastated when he looked for himself. In this case, it is showing emotions that was the good choice.

2. The Ineffective Expression of Emotions

Sometimes in expressing emotions, we realize we have these feelings, and we try to express them, but we blow it. There are some reasons why or how this can happen.

a. Speaking in generalities

Some expressions are so general and abstract that they don’t clearly communicate what the speaker truly feels. Also, a limited emotional vocabulary can restrict how much and how clearly we communicate with others.

When Carol and Melvin are at the restaurant and she sees him for the first time since he changed, she starts to say you look sexy but instead says you look great. She is being general about how she really feels about how he looks. Really, she meant that he looks outstanding and sexy and just like someone she would want to be with. However, she didn’t want to give him the wrong idea or jeopardize her vulnerability.

b. Not owning feelings

Basically, we don’t take personal responsibility for our feelings. A great example of not owning your feelings is when we speak in you-language, in which someone else is the source of your feelings. Owning you feelings involved reversing the you-language to I-language.

After the trip to Baltimore went sour between Carol and Melvin, Melvin wanted to take her home. She pulled him aside on the street and told him “I don’t think I want to know you anymore—all you do is make me feel bad about myself.” She was engaging in you-language saying that he was the reason she was feeling bad about herself. Later that night when she called him, she reversed what she had said and took responsibility for her own feelings. She said “What I said on the street was a bad thing to say. It made me sick to my stomach and it was a bad thing to say.”

c. Counterfeit emotional language

Which is, we use language that seems to express emotions but doesn’t actually describe what we are feeling. Also, when we use feeling words but actually are expressing thoughts is another form of counterfeit emotional language.

Melvin says to Carol “I feel better sitting outside your apartment on the curb than any other place I can think of or imagine.” This statement is an example of counterfeit emotional language because it is implying some kind of emotion but isn’t actually describing what he is feeling. He is implying that he loves being near her but there is no concrete expression of his emotion.

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