Criteria for a Successful Essay
Criteria for a Successful Essay
Title of essay: How democratic was Britain by 1911?
Essay Grade: 18/25
|Candidate Introduction |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
|By 1911 Britain had now established herself as a more |provided a recognisable introductory | y | Needs to define Democracy. |
|democratic country but it is debatable how democratic she |paragraph? | | |
|was. During the end of the 19th C many reforms had been made| | | |
|to extend the franchise and giving the right to vote to more | | | |
|citizens. Such as by 1884, 2 in 3 men in England and Wales | | | |
|could vote, however there was still a vast majority of the | | | |
|population who had no rights at all, such as the women, who | | | |
|did not receive equal voting terms till 1928. | | | |
| |shown understanding of what the question is | y | |
| |asking them to do? | | |
| |put the question in context? | | |
| |Including, if appropriate |y | |
| |- dates | | |
| |- definitions | | |
| |identified a range of factors to be | Y | Could mention improving position of women in regards to law. |
| |addressed? | | |
| |been able to provide a link to the |Y | |
| |development section/main part of essay? | | |
| |written the introduction in an interesting | y | |
| |way? | | |
|Candidate Development Paragraph 1 |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
| Whatever can be said on how democratic Britain was by 1911,|written a clear topic sentence? |y | |
|one thing is sure and that is Britain made significant steps | | | |
|forward to democracy. One reform made was the 1853 reform | | | |
|which saw the electorate marginly increased to 652,000 voters| | | |
|and in Scotland 60,000 voters. The franchise was extended in| | | |
|the boroughs and countries, with owners of property worth £10| | | |
|or more in the boroughs being allowed to vote. In the | | | |
|counties it was owners owning property worth £2 pound or more| | | |
|per annual rent, and they were given the right to vote. | | | |
|There was also a fairer system in the constituencies, with | | | |
|658 more MPs made available because of this reform. | | | |
|Constituencies were also made fairer as MPs were | | | |
|redistributed to give a fairer representation, as 56 towns | | | |
|with a population of less than 2000 lost both their MPs and | | | |
|these were given to constituencies with a thriving population| | | |
|which needed to be represented. All of these reforms made | | | |
|for a more democratic Britain. | | | |
| |explained the link between the factor & the |y | |
| |question set? | | |
| |included evidence/examples/detail to support | | |
| |argument |y | |
| |shown awareness of historical debate | | Desirable but not essential as this is advanced higher skill. |
| |e.g. some historians believe that … |N | |
| |OR quotation | | |
| |used language of analysis e.g. however, on | | Descriptive, does not mention weakness of these acts. |
| |the other hand |N | |
| |provided a link to next factor/paragraph? | | |
| | |Y | |
|Candidate Development Paragraph 2 |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
|There was also the reform of 1867 which saw the electorate |written a clear topic sentence? | Y | |
|soaring to approximately 2.5 million. The franchise was | | | |
|again extended to boroughs with all householders paying 1 | | | |
|years residence rate given the right to vote, and all lodgers| | | |
|who stayed in accommodation worth £10 or more were given the | | | |
|vote. There was also several reforms made in the countries | | | |
|which gave equal right to those who occupied land worth £5 re| | | |
|more, with the number of people being allowed to vote | | | |
|increasing all the time. There was also significantly more | | | |
|MPs available to represent the people and 8 more MPs were | | | |
|given to countries like Scotland who needed MPs to get their | | | |
|concerns worries to be heard. | | | |
| | | | |
| | | | |
| |explained the link between the new factor & | | |
| |the question set? |Y | |
| |included evidence/examples/detail to support | | |
| |argument |Y | |
| |shown awareness of historical debate | | |
| |e.g. some historians believe that … OR |N | |
| |quotation | | |
| |used language of analysis e.g. however, on | N | |
| |the other hand | | |
| |provided a link to next factor/paragraph? |Y | |
|Candidate Development Paragraph 3 |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
| Another leap in democracy which made Britain more democratic|written a clear topic sentence? | Y | |
|by 1911 was the secret Ballot Act of 1872. This ensured | | | |
|voters were not intimated into voting for that land lords | | | |
|MPs, giving a fairer system and a better representation of | | | |
|the people and who they wanted to represent them and their | | | |
|needs. However corruption was not completely wiped out till| | | |
|1883 with the Corruption and Illegal Act passed which ensured| | | |
|that anyone who was intimidating or corrupting the system of | | | |
|democracy was given a hefty fine or even imprisonment. It | | | |
|even stamped out corruption within groups of MPs as they | | | |
|could be excluded and banished from being able to represent | | | |
|the people for 7 years. | | | |
| |explained the link between the new factor & | | |
| |the question set? |Y | |
| |included evidence/examples/detail to support | | |
| |argument |Y | |
| |shown awareness of historical debate | | |
| |e.g. some historians believe that … |N | |
| |OR quotation | | |
| |used language of analysis e.g. however, on | | First time essay highlights analytical point. |
| |the other hand |Y | |
| |provided a link to next factor/paragraph? | Y | |
|Candidate Development Paragraph 4 |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
|Moreover there were the reforms passed in 1884 which ensured |written a clear topic sentence? |N | Unsure of 1884 reform act and redistribution of seats. |
|the people were better represented as the distinctions | | | |
|between boroughs and countries were abandoned and they were | | | |
|given equal rights to vote. This increased the electorate | | | |
|considerably. | | | |
| |explained the link between the new factor & | |Only partly |
| |the question set? |Y | |
| |included evidence/examples/detail to support | | |
| |argument |N | |
| |shown awareness of historical debate | | |
| |e.g. some historians believe that … OR |N | |
| |quotation | | |
| |used language of analysis e.g. however, on | | |
| |the other hand |N | |
| |provided a link to next factor/paragraph? | N | |
|Candidate Development Paragraph 5 |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
|Finally there was also the Parliament Act in 1911 which |written a clear topic sentence? |Y | |
|decreased the House of Lords powers on passing legislation. | | | |
|The Liberals had seen the House of Lords as a “… doormat…”, | | | |
|as they had listened to the conservatives and had prevented | | | |
|Bills being passed as it did not suit them, even though it | | | |
|would better of the peopled. The liberal leader Lloyd George| | | |
|had been furious at the Lords actions, as they were house | | | |
|elected by hereditary means and not by the people and they | | | |
|prevented his 1909 “peoples budget” from being passed. This | | | |
|budget was to improve social reforms however it also taxed | | | |
|the better off. When the Parliament Act was passed and the | | | |
|Lords could not longer prevent Bills being passed, Britain | | | |
|was one step closer to democracy. | | | |
| |explained the link between the new factor & | | Only partially. |
| |the question set? |Y | |
| |included evidence/examples/detail to support | | However fails to mention payment of MP’s and reduction of time between general |
| |argument |Y |elections from 7 to 5 years. |
| |shown awareness of historical debate | | |
| |e.g. some historians believe that … OR | | |
| |quotation |N | |
| |used language of analysis e.g. however, on | | |
| |the other hand |Y | |
| |provided a link to next factor/paragraph? |Y | |
|Candidate Development Paragraph 6 |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
|However Britain was still not completely democratic by |written a clear topic sentence? |Y | |
|1911 as there was still was a vast majority of people | | | |
|without the right to vote, for instance women were | | | |
|completely excluded from any rights to vote till 1930. | | | |
|Women were seen by men as to weak and sensitive to e | | | |
|involved in politics and were completely cast off not | | | |
|given any rights even though there was ½ of the population| | | |
|not represented. There were also problems such as MPs | | | |
|representing universities such as London, a waste of | | | |
|representation of the people as there wasn’t a sufficient | | | |
|amount of people in universities to represent as in 1911 | | | |
|only the middle classes and higher authorities had the | | | |
|privilege of higher academia. | | | |
| | | | |
| |explained the link between the new factor & the | | |
| |question set? |Y | |
| |included evidence/examples/detail to support | | Ideas there, perhaps no time to develop evidence? |
| |argument |N | |
| |shown awareness of historical debate | | |
| |e.g. some historians believe that … OR |N | |
| |quotation | | |
| |used language of analysis e.g. however, on the | | |
| |other hand |Y | |
| |provided a link to next factor/paragraph? | | |
| | |Y | |
|Candidate Conclusion |Success Criteria |Y/N |Teacher Comments/Targets/Suggestions |
| |Has the candidate … | | |
|In conclusion, Britain was very democratic by 1911 as many |provided a recognisable concluding paragraph?|Y | |
|reforms such as the 1853 and 1867 reforms so the electorate | | | |
|staggerlyingly increasing giving many more people the right | | | |
|to vote and be represented. However, there was still an | | | |
|increasingly large number of the population who had no rights| | | |
|at all such as women, so Britain was still a long way away | | | |
|from being a completely democratic country. | | | |
| |summarised the main factors/argument | |Superficial arguments. |
| |effectively? |N | |
| |made a supported judgement regarding the most| | |
| |significant factor(s) |N | |
| |a final sentence directly answering question | | |
| |set using wording of question? |Y | |
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