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The Quick and Dirty Check ListFind four sections of this check list. 1. What women need to watch out for. 2. What a woman in this situation maybe feeling. 3. What friends can do, and watch for in their friend who might be in an abusive situation. 4. Special message to men.Women what to watch out for:Anger Mood swings that flip on a dime, he’ll be sweet and caring one moment, then anger out of no where. Jealously Doesn’t want to hear about times you were not with him in High school for exampleDoesn’t like hearing you and your girl friends getting excited about the latest heart throb actor or singerDoesn’t like other men watching you do things when he is away from you.Irrational Thoughts He thinks you are dead in a ditch because he didn’t see you go to bed the night before, or leave the dorm the next morning.He thinks you are out with other male students.ControllingWanting to know your schedule for your classes, where they are on campus, and what time, sometimes even the professor’s nameNot wanting you to see your other friends (both male and female)Wanting to know who you are talking to on the phone (even if it’s a private phone call with your family back home)How a woman maybe feeling if she see’s any of these warning signs:Like she’s walking on egg shells, not wanting to rock the boat of her boyfriendWorriedAble to put on the “mask” of everything is okMay not ‘see’ that she is an abusive relationshipJumpy/scatteredYou like the time with your girl friends (away from him)You keep secrets from your family about your relationshipFeelings of being tied downFeelings of not being able to make your own decisionsYou have knots in your stomachYou have problems sleepingYou have problems concentrating on your school workYou keep secrets from your friends about your relationshipYou don’t want to go out with your boyfriend, in fear of creating a ‘scene’You wear long sleeves to cover bruises, or lots of make up on your face to cover the bruisesYou feel like you have to report to him all the timeYou feel like you need to ask permission to do anythingYou are nervous around himYou withdraw from friendsYou don’t like it when you hear yelling from anyoneWhat friends can do, and what to watch forWatch for:your friend to withdraw from social gatheringsOr, watch for her to want to hang out with you and the girls a lot longer than other friendsmood changesunexplained bruisesan uneasiness, or jumpiness by herher to ask her boyfriend questions such as “Is okay for me to go and see my friends?”her to not eat as much as beforeher to complain that she’s not sleepingher to complain that her stomach is constantly upsetHow YOU can help:Be open to your friend to share what is going on with herGently ask her if she’s okayLet her know that she’s safe talking to youOffer to take her/or go with her to anywhere she needs (doctor’s, counselor, Residence Manager)Believe herBe positiveThank her for trusting youDevelop a ‘secret’ word that only you and her know about so she can call you if she needs help. And all she has to do is message you with the word and her location.Offer support and ideas on where to go off campus for support (like the YWCA for example), and go with her to these meetingsSpecial message to menThis is a special message to men. It’s a message to them. Please take this to heart. Treating a woman with disrespect, being unkind, or being abusive towards your girl friend will get you no further in life. If you have an anger problem, it’s okay to ask for help. Do your best to not mix alcohol with being angry. This can lead to violent acts towards your girl friend.Maybe you saw things happen in your home such as your Dad belittling your Mum, or calling her names, maybe even hitting her. This is not the right way to interact with your girlfriend. Treating each other with kindness and respect will get you a lot further in your relationships.Join a men’s group to help support you. Become involved in campus life, sports, clubs. Release your energy in a positive way, not by taking it out on your girlfriend.Listen to your girlfriend when she’s upset, support her, and don’t smother her.You don’t have to know where she is every second of the day. She’s a grown woman just you are a grown man. She’s allowed to have the freedom. She can have time on her own, with her girl friends.If you see any of your guy friends treating their girlfriends poorly step in and be the man telling him straight up that he shouldn’t be treating his girlfriend in that way.Keep open in communication with your girl friend. Share what is bothering you with her. Come to a win/win solution for the both of you. Remember always that love shouldn’t hurt. Loving relationships are kind, and respectful.**Disclaimer** this checklist was written by Aime Hutton, who has experienced dating violence while living on a Canadian university campus, her checklist is coming from her own experience and memories.ResourcesFind below some resources for you on more information about dating violence, and websites to get help.Wikipedia resource link: resource link: Women’s Foundation article: numbers and links for women: Link BC: Resource Link: UnSilenced Resource link (with phone numbers and other weblinks) Center for Abuse Awarness: Aime HuttonlefttopAime is an Empowerment Leader; she herself has survived an abusive relationship, and stalking. ?All while living on campus away from home studying full time at a Canadian University. ?She shares openly and honestly her story to students. ?Giving students insights on what the warning signs are for an abusive relationship, the different kinds of abuse, and how to help themselves, or friends who are in abusive relationships.Aime wishes that someone had come to her school to speak on this topic in her first ear. ?Then, maybe then she might not have gotten into the relationship in the first place. ?A relationship that had her walking on egg shells, and in fear for her life.Aime now writes for the?Canadian Center for Abuse Awareness, with her monthly column called "Youth Booth" for the eZine "Abuse Hurts". ?Here she shares raw and sometimes blunt messages that teens and young adults need to hear. ?Topics include dating violence, stalking, bullying, and other empowering themes such as being brave, bold, and being unique.As of January 2013 Aime was appointed the Canadian Teen Ambassador for the?Freedom & Empowerment Teen Campaign, and then in September 2013 she was also appointed the Full Canadian Ambassador for the same campaign. ?It's a global campaign to help those who have been through domestic abuse/dating violence. ?Specifically with the Teen Campaign it's all about education and awareness for the next generation that love shouldn't hurt, love is kind and respectful. ?Her fellow Ambassadors also put her name forward to be awarded the Ambassador of the Year Award for 2013. ................
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