Cindi-Hood



Cindi-Hood

This story is about a young “balla” named Bonafide. Now, for those readers who are not familiar with the term “balla,” it is simply a person who excels at the game of basketball. The term is mainly coined in the street circuit sector of basketball. There is a unique jargon for the street circuit that you, the reader, will have to understand before proceeding with the remainder of this story. The terms ”playa” and “shot caller” are synonyms for the term “balla.” An onlooker may describe a “balla” as having “mad skills,” “mad handles,” or “mad hops.” Having “mad skills” simply means that the playa has a superb grasp on all the fundamentals of basketball. When a balla is described, as having “mad handles” the playa is excellent at dribbling and the playa with “mad hops” is capable of jumping extremely high. Now that you have a better understanding of the jargon we can continue with the story of Bonafide.

Bonafide was the youngest of four boys. All of his elder brothers were famous street ballas. Bonafide’s goal in life was to become an incredible balla just like his older brothers, but there was a slight problem. Bonafide, well how can I put this gently? Bonafied was vertically challenged. All of his brothers were at least 6’8;” however Bonafied measured in at a mere 5’1.” Bonafide always wanted to play ball with his older brothers, but they refused to let him join them on the court due to his lack of height. Whenever Bonafide tried to play his brothers would say things like, “The midget league is held during the Special Olympics,” and “If you are shorter than your girl, you are not allowed to ball with the men.” Bonafide could have had a self-pity party after hearing these comments. He could have easily decided to never pick up a basketball again and could have tried being an athlete in a different way, such as becoming the finest horse jockey in the hood. However, Bonafide’s dream was to be a street balla, and he refused to try anything else. Bonafide used the negative comments of his brothers, as the fuel for his fire, to transform him into the best playa this side of the Mississippi.

Bonafide always had a basketball in his hands. He practiced dribbling and passing. He practiced lay-ups, foul shots, jump shots and the coveted 3-point shot. He also practiced a skill that the majority of street ballas ignored, the all-important skill of defense. Bonafide would have to be careful where he practiced because if his brothers saw him they would ridicule him and then take his ball away. Now Bonafide did not have much money so he could not afford to keep on buying basketballs. Bonafide had to become extremely wily with his practice time in hopes to avoid his brothers.

One cool, overcast day, Bonafide’s brothers entered into a 3 on 3 street ball tournament. The tournament regulations required each team to have a team manger. Bonafide’s brothers forced him to be their manager. “You have always wanted to play basketball with us and now you have your chance to be part of the team,” they said in a cunning fashion. The team manager’s responsibilities were simply to keep the statistics for the team and make sure the team knows when and where their games are going to be played. However, Bonafide’s brothers took advantage of his new position. They made him wash their uniforms, dirty socks, underwear and worst of all he had to wash their sweaty jock straps. After the game, when his brothers were celebrating yet another victory, he was imprisoned in the grimy laundry room. When his brothers got home they always went to Bonafide’s room and told him of all the “fly honeys[1]” they met while they were partying. Then they would ax[2] Bonafide, “How are the ladies in the laundry room?” The brothers would then flee from Bonafide’s room in a cackle of laughter.

Even though Bonafide suffered through all this ridicule and had to endure the disgusting job of team manager, he continued to practice basketball. Bonafide would say to himself, “I will have my shot at the street circuit one day soon. I have to be prepared for my opportunity.” These are simple words, yet these words were the minuscule spark that kept the fire in his heart from burning out.

One morning Bonafide was awakened by the sound of his brothers arguing. He went into the living room to see what all the commotion was about. Apparently, his brothers were fighting over who would get to marry Chehotatang[3]. I am sure you are thinking that this behavior is not out of the ordinary, considering the fact guys continuously fight over women. However, Chehotatang was no ordinary woman. Chehotang was the head cheerleader of the street circuit and she was the flyest honey in the whole bowl. Bonafide axed his brothers, “What makes you think that Chehotatang would marry any of you guys?” Bonafide was astonished when his brothers explained to him that Chehotatang was hosting a 1 on 1 street-balling tournament and the winner of the tournament gets to marry Chehotatang. Bonafide, like his brothers, had an intense desire to be Chehotatang’s man. He axed his brothers, “Is the tournament open to any balla?”

His brothers replied, “Yea the tournament is open for anyone, but you better not be thinking about signing up for the tournament. You have jock straps and uniforms to wash and even if you did play you would get schooled [4]so badly that our own mama would disown you.” This really was not an insult considering the fact that the boy’s mama had ran off with a pimp named Squeaky nearly 10 years ago. However, the mere idea of your mama dissing[5] you is insulting, so Bonafide was engulfed with anger.

Bonafide was disheartened and he went up to his room. He was upset about his brother’s insults, but he was extremely troubled by the thought that one of his brothers would get to marry the woman of his dreams. While Bonafide was pouting in his room there was a knock on his door. Bonafide gave the visitor permission to enter and to his utter astonishment Tom Jones stood in his doorway.

“What’s new Pussy Cat?” Tom said.

Out of shock and amazement of Tom’s presence, Bonafide instinctively replied, ”Wo-oooo-oooh.”

Bonafide then ecstatically shouted, “ Tom Jones! What are you doing here?”

“Well Bonafide” Tom replied, “I am your guardian angel. I have been sent here to help you with your current predicament.”

Bonafide explained to Tom about the tournament. He told Tom that he knew he could win both the tournament and the lady of his desires, but he was not allowed to participate in the tournament. Tom replied,” I know you have the mad skills to win this tournament. As your guardian angel I can provide you with the equipment that you need to participate in the tournament. Bonafide, tell me what you need and it will be yours.”

“I need some new kicks, [6] a uniform that my brothers can not recognize me in, and a jock strap that fits me, because my brother’s extra jock straps are too big for me. I also need an alias to go by so my brothers will not discover who I really am.” Tom waved his hands in a peculiar fashion. Then miraculously a new pair of Jordan’s, a fly pair of Nike shorts, a Nike shirt, a du rag, and a gold colored jock strap, that was Bonafide’s size, instantly appeared.

Tom then said, ”Bonafide, for the rest of the night you will go by the name, Cindi-Hood.” Bonafide was ecstatic about his new possessions, since they would be the tickets that would allow him to enter into Chehotatang’s love. He gave Tom a hug and began to run down the stairs. Tom yelled at Cindi-Hood, “Where are you going?”

“To the tournament!”

“Well, how are you going to get there?”

Bonafide replied, “I am going to run!”

“Now what kind of respect will Chehotatang give to a playa who arrives to the tournament on foot?” Tom asked.

“Well, she probably wont give me that much respect, but I do not have a car so I have to run.”

Tom threw a pair of keys to Cindi-Hood and said, “The vehicle parked out front is yours. You get to keep all of the items that I have given you. Good luck with the tournament and I will see you at your wedding.” After Tom had said this, he vanished.

Cindi-Hood ran outside to see his new wheels. Parked on the curb was a jet black, 2002 Cadillac Escalade, with leather interior. The car was fully equipped with a state of the art sound system, undercarriage lighting, tinted windows, 20 inch dubs[7], and of course a crown shaped air freshener. Cindi-Hood was thrilled with his phat [8]new ride. He got into the car, turned up the radio and started driving towards the courts.

Chehotatang was checking out the ballas, but she was not extremely impressed by any of them. About this time Cindi-Hood rolled up to the courts in his new Escalade. Playas and honies immediately surrounded his vehicle. Cindi-Hood jumped out of his car and began making his way through the crowds towards the courts. The ballas and honies were saying things like, “That playa is short, but he sure does have style.”

Chehotatang was also impressed by the style of Cindi-Hood. She asked one of her friends, “Who is that short balla who skirted up to the curb on 20’s?”

“He says his name is Cindi-Hood, but no one knows where he came from.”

“Cindi-Hood. That is a fly name for a styling playa.” Chehotatang said. “I just hope he has mad skills, because I sure would like to marry him.”

Cindi-Hood’s years of practice had finally paid off. He had to play 4 matches, which in 3 of his matches he had to play one of his brothers. His speed, excellent shooting and incredible defense made up for his lack of size. Cindi-Hood would steal the ball from his competitors as soon as the started to dribble. His quickness and defense were so immaculate that none of his competitors even scored nonetheless defeated him.

Cindi-Hood won the tournament and he began to celebrate. He was about to go introduce himself to his bride to be, when he noticed that his brothers were on their way back home. He realized that he would have to beat them back to the crib,[9] because they would beat him down if they discovered he had left the house. Cindi-Hood ran to the bathroom and changed into his regular clothes. He then sprinted through the courts and the crowd and jumped into the Escalade. He then started the engine and took off to his home. Bonafide did not realize that when he was getting into his vehicle he had accidentally dropped the golden jock strap.

Chehotatang was devastated about Cindi-Hood’s quick departure. She could not believe that her perfect man ran off and she had no way of finding him. Just then one of her friends brought her the golden jock strap. Chehotatang became even more upset when she saw the size of the jock strap. But then, a beautiful smile came across her face and she said, “The jock strap will lead me to my man. My man, is the only balla who could possibly fit into this jock strap. I will go around to all of the ballas and the one who fits into the jock strap is my Cindi-Hood!”

Chehotatang went from house to house trying to find Cindi-Hood. Unfortunately, none of the playas could fit into the jock strap. There was only one house left in the entire hood and Chehotatang knew that if Cindi-Hood did not live here she would never see him again. She apprehensively knocked on the door. Bonafide’s three brothers answered the door. Chehotatang came into the house and patiently waited while Bonafide’s brothers tried to wear the jock strap. None of them could fit into the junior sized jock strap. Chehotatang was almost in tears when she asked the brothers “Does anyone else live here?”

The brothers answered, “Yeah, our little brother Bonafide lives her, but he is not the man that you desire.”

Chehotatang convinced them to bring Bonafide to her, just so she can check him out for herself. Bonafide came down and she axed him to try on the golden jock strap. Bonafide went into the bathroom to try on the jock strap. Obviously, it was a perfect fit and Chehotatang was thrilled that she had finally found her man. She told Bonafide to get his ride and take her to the courthouse, because she wanted to marry him immediately. Bonafide went and got his keys and began walking out the door. He stopped, turned towards his brothers and said, “I guess you guys now realize that size does not matter on or off the court.”

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[1] Fly honey-a term for a beautiful girl.

[2] ax-means ask

[3] Chehotatang- this name is pronounced “SHE-HOT-A-TANG”

[4] Schooled-this term literally means that the balla was “taking to school” This basically means that the balla was beaten so badly that his opponent had to re-teach him the game.

[5] diss or dissing-If someone is dissing you he or she is insulting you.

[6] Kicks-A term for shoes.

[7] Dubs-A term form fancy wheels. The number 20 means that the wheels are 20 inches, which is the largest therefore the coolest wheels that a person can purchase.

[8] Phat-The term literally means pretty hot and tempting. An example of this in a sentence: That Michael Putnam, he sure is phat.

[9] Crib-A term for house.

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