Real



Real

American

Hero

Biographical Information

● Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

● Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

● When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is Courage?" Chuck Norris received an "A+" for writing only the words "Chuck Norris" and promptly turning in the paper.

● Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

● At birth, Chuck Norris came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.

Chuck Qualities

● Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

● The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

● If at first you don't succeed, you're obviously not Chuck Norris.

● A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for disabled people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be disabled if you park there.

● Chuck Norris has a word for a person he puts into a coma; that word is "lucky".

● There are two kinds of people in this world: People who are Chuck Norris, and people who are going to die.

● Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.

● Chuck Norris once tried to play baseball. When it was his turn to hit, he left the bat behind and decided he would roundhouse kick it. The pitcher threw the fastest pitch he could, but the ball blew up half way to the plate out of fear.

Fun Facts

● Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

● Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

● When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

● Chuck Norris sleeps with a night-light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

● Pi is not infinite. It stops when Chuck Norris tells it to.

● There is no theory of evolution; just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

● There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Accomplishments

● Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

● When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

● Chuck Norris owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

● Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away

● Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.



Submitted by Brian from North Carolina State University

My name is Brian and I'm a first year RA at NC State University. When I'm not officiating for my floor's weekly curling contest on the breezeway, I can be found wandering around campus working on my business degree in operations. In my free time (what's that?) I can usually be found playing Ultimate football or watching Scrubs or Third Watch. During the summer I trade residents for rescue tubes as I manage a local pool and coach a swim team.

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