CURIOSITY



HOW TO SAY SOMETHING NEGATIVE IN A POSITIVE MANNERBy Cecilia Nedder Bethoney, JDCRC-1NR, FSO-PA Fl. 1205, USCGAAUXLAMS Instructor Cadre Plank HolderUSCG Leadership Competency - Leading Others: Effective CommunicationsA 3 year old gave me a reality check. Developing a positive communication style doesn’t just happen. It takes a conscious effort, work and practice. You have to discipline yourself to look at each new situation and ask yourself “since I can choose to react in any way I want, what is the most positive stance I can take? Do we hear what we are saying? Are we communicating in a positive or negative manner?How did a 3 year old make me aware? She repeated several times, a statement that I used when I corrected her. I have always thought that I had a positive attitude: What I did not realize was that my communication style did not always come across in that manner. I did not realize how some of my statements sounded.In today’s society we are bombarded with negativisms: television, advertisements, politicians, business practices, etc. We as Auxiliarists do not have to be active participants in that type of culture. The only purpose achieved is that it demotivates our members and causes them to respond in kind. We are better than that.So what can we do? First recognize that most communication problems are the result of not listening, really hearing, what the other person has to say; and/or inserting personalities and emotions into the discussions. Once that happens positive communication can rarely happen. Once you are aware of what to avoid, you must then think about how you can use positive wording to put forth your point of view.Let’s look at some examples: I will first give you the negative statement (neg), think about how you can make it positive. I will also give you an example of how it can be changed (chg). There are no right or wrong answers: How you change the statement will depend on your background, your experiences (what has worked for you) and the situation.1.Neg. This is all messed up. You really blew it this time.Chg. Let’s not make the same mistake twice. What can we learn from this?2.Neg. Things are going from bad to worse. Why can’t any of you ever correct your mistakes?Chg. Let’s get to work and find a way to do this. We can turn this around.3.Neg. This program is garbage. They never give us anything we can use.Chg. Let’s see how we can fix this so we can use it.4.Neg. That was stupid.Chg. I do not understand what you are trying to achieve.5.Neg. You are a liar.Chg. Our facts do not agree.6.Neg. I hate you.Chg. This makes me angry.The above demonstrates how the use of certain words in a statement can soften or totally change a situation: being positive helps to keep our members motivation up. However, there are other things we must also be aware of: 1. Try not to tell a person how they feel or are acting: For example if you say, ”you are getting irritated now” or if you say “your being unreasonable”, what do you think the response will be? Probably in a defensive manner “I AM NOT”;2. Avoid negative words;3. Do not talk about your feelings. Keep the focus on the facts.4. Focus on what you can do and not on what is out of your control. As leaders we should not criticize what cannot be changed. We can offer ways to work around the change or work within it.5. Use the word “LET’s as much as possible. It shows we will be working together to resolve the issue.Let’s go over what has happened.Let’s get together and talk about thisLet’s see what we can do to resolve this situation.Let’s hear how you think this situation can be resolved.Let’s discuss how we can insure that this will not happen again.We are not as positive as we think we are. Developing a positive viewpoint is an uphill battle. It needs development, a conscious effort, practice and work. Ask for feedback, get help (reference books, mentor, etc.). When you have a situation play back in your mind how you will address the situation in the most positive manner. Most importantly you need to practice, in advance, what you are going to say when certain situations happen. This is not easy. To be a good communicator requires awareness, discipline, thought and practice.We have all seen how communications can sometimes give a meaning that is not intended. I will leave you with some humorous headlines from Newspaper columns (unknown references):“Drunk gets nine months in Violin case”“Miners’ refuse to work after death”“Stolen painting found by tree”“Red tape holding up bridges”“Hospitals are sued by seven foot doctors”Good, Meaningful Communications is one of Leaderships greatest challenges. ................
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