English 9



Contemporary Essay: Defining Personal Priorities

Self-Guided Workshop

Already you know that we treat writing as an extensive process in this class. We’ve already workshopped the ideas and organization of your essay. Now it is time to fine-tune your voice and your sentence fluency. These aspects are important because they give your paper personality and flow. Likewise, one of your goals is to engage your reader; therefore, it is very important that your writing style is effective!

Directions: Using the first draft of your essay that you brought to class today, complete the following workshop steps. Write in the space above your sentences and in the margins. If you run out of room, you can also write on a separate sheet of paper.

Step One: Show, Don’t Tell

• Find a couple places in your essay where you are just “telling” information to your reader. Then, revamp the section to “show” this information. In order to “show” you need to include sensory details (sight, sound, taste, touch, smell), descriptive adjectives (describing words), or figurative language (similes, metaphors, personification, hyperbole, symbolism).

Example:

Original: My mom makes me feel proud of my accomplishments. (TELLS)

New: My face flushes and I glow with pride when my mom congratulates me on a job well done. (SHOWS)

Step Two: Revamping Repetitive Sentence Beginnings

1. On a separate sheet of paper, make a list of the first two words of EACH sentence in your paper. This will be a long list!

2. Once you have your list, look to see if there are words that appear frequently. If you use a particular word more than 3 times to begin a sentence, you know that you need to do some revamping. Rewrite a couple of the sentences that start the same way. You still want to convey your ideas but in a fresh, new way.

Example:

Original: I am very interested in a career as a lawyer because I have always enjoyed debating and arguing my points. I have watched my sister compete in a Mock Trial Debate, which got me interested in debating. I almost always agree with my sister when it comes to debating hot topics, so I’ve had to resort to arguing with my friends. Notice that all of my sentences start with the word I. Therefore, I need to rewrite them so that they begin with different words.

New: Arguing about controversial topics has always been intriguing me, and because of this I am very interested in a career as a lawyer. My interest began when I watched my sister compete in a Mock Trial Debate. Since my sister and I almost always agree when it comes to debating hot topics, I’ve had to resort to arguing with my friends.

Step Three: Sentence Length

1. Draw the following table on the top your essay somewhere:

|S |M |L |T |

| | | | |

2. Count the number of words in each sentence. If a sentence is 8 words or less, it is a short sentence. Tally in a mark in the “S” column of your table for each short sentence. If a sentence is between 9 & 18 words, it is a medium sentence. Tally a mark in the “M” column of you table for each medium sentence. If a sentence is more than 18 words, it is a long sentence. Tally a mark in the “L” column for each long sentence.

3. Count all the sentences you have in your essay. Record this number in the “T” column of your table.

4. You should have more medium and long sentences than short sentences. Consider combining some of the shorter sentences to create a complex/compound sentence. Consider developing some of the shorter sentences by adding information. Remember, periodic sentences (a short sentence here and there) is okay from time to time. Short, power sentences can pack a mean punch sometimes.

5. How many total sentences are there in your essay? For this essay, anywhere between 30 & 40 sentences is appropriate.

Step Four: Improving Word Choice

• Read through your paper carefully. While reading, look for words that are not very interesting or words that you have used too much. Replace those words with stronger choices. Replacing “blah” words with more powerful synonyms is a simple revision that automatically makes your writing more interesting. Use words that are specific. Likewise, take some risks! I want to see you implement creative words into your vocabulary. Use the Word Choice – Intensity & Specificity handout while you work on this step. You may also use a thesaurus or dictionary. This is also a good time to check for any “you” statements in your essay.

Example:

Original: In middle school, I was a good student. (BLAH)

New: In middle school, I was a conscientious student.

Step Five: MLA Formatting

• Is the heading, page #, & title of your essay formatted like the sample below? If not, be sure to set it up this way when you type your final draft! Also, be sure to double space the final draft!

Step Six: Show Your Work

• When you finish steps 1-3, raise your hand to indicate to your teacher that you have completed your work. Your teacher will look at your work. If you’ve completed all the steps, your teacher will stamp your paper. You will earn formative credit for your work during class today. If you do not finish all the steps, but you’ve worked hard the entire period, you can still earn your stamp for the day. In this case, show the work that you have completed. Then, you will need to finish the rest of the steps as homework. If you are not on task all period, you will not earn your stamp. I expect you to work hard!

Final Drafts are due Monday, March 14th. The essay should be typed, double-spaced, and should adhere to the 1 inch margin specification from MLA. Bring all essay planning guides, pyramids, thesis umbrellas, and rough drafts with you to submit with your final draft!

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