STONERS
STONERS
THE EFFECTS OF MARIJUANA
WRITTEN BY: JOSEPH S. JANES III
COPYWRITE 2003 BY GOOD TIMES PRODUCTIONS
_______________________________________________________
CAST
(IN ORDER OF APPEARANCE)
SAMUEL RIVERS ------18--- (SAMMY)
KIMBERLY CAMPBELL --40--- (KIM)
THOMAS CAMPBELL ----35--- (TOM)
MATTHEW CAMPBELL ---18--- (MATT)
JASON LUNDEEN ------18--- (JASON)
LORELEI LUNDEEN ----17--- (LORA)
ROXANNE SCOTT ------18--- (ROXI)
MORGAN RYAN --------17--- (MORGAN)
WILLIAM CAMPBELL ---14--- (BILLY)
CASSANDRA MONROE ---17--- (CASSIE)
CANDICE ADAMS ------19--- (CANDY)
KENNETH MURPHY -----21--- (KENNY)
JAMES MURPHY -------18--- (JIMMY)
PAUL CRAWFORD ------20--- (PAUL)
____________________________________________________________________________
{Open with Credits on a black screen. Music fades and we open to a living room where a body is breathing heavy under the covers on the couch. The camera pans over to the front door where a tall boy with blond hair walks in holding a portable CD player. An older man and woman walk by him as he comes in. He gives them a nice smile and shuts the door behind them. He looks around and then mischievously pulls a marijuana pipe from his pocket and a small sandwich bag. He smiles at the sight of it.}
SAMUEL "SAMMY"
What a way to start a morning.
{The door opens and the woman comes and peeks her head inside. He quickly throws the pipe and bag on the sleeping person on the couch.}
KIMBERLY "KIM"
Samuel, do not let Matthew get up too much today. He said he was sick. He didn't go to work today.
SAMMY
Sure thing.
{She shuts the door and he goes over to the couch where the sleeping person is snoring. Sammy picks up the pipe and lights it up. He blows a hit under the covers.}
SAMMY
Hey, Matt, Are you sick?
{The covers move as to say yes}
SAMMY (CONT.)
Too sick to get a little buzz?
{With that a hand and only a hand comes out from under the covers and takes the pipe. A few seconds later smoke comes out from under the covers.}
MATTHEW "MATT" (Under the covers)
I'm never too sick for that.
{He starts to cough and with the covers over his head he gets up and starts to go upstairs. }
SAMMY
Where are you going?
MATT
There is no way that I am going to look like this for the entire day. I am going to take a fuckin' shower. Answer the phone. I'll be out in 15 to 25 minutes.
SAMMY
Okay. I'll just sit here and do nothing.
MATT (O.S.)
The remote is under the couch. I know how much of a fuckin' burden it is for you to get your lazy ass up and hit the buttons on the TV.
SAMMY
Thanks man! Good lookin' out.
{He sits down on the couch and throws the covers to the side. He picks up the pipe and tokes up. He bends over to find the remote and falls off the couch. He sticks his head up to make sure that no body saw him. He gets back on the couch and clicks through the channels. But nothing happens.}
SAMMY (CONT.)
Well, shit. I guess that this is going to be another boring day.
{He hears a knock at the door. He gets up and opens it. Jason Lundeen is standing in the doorway.}
JASON
Hey Samuel, is Matthew here?
SAMMY
Hey Jason, yeah, he's...taking a shower. What brings you by?
JASON
I was sitting in my room next door and I thought that I would come over and see if there was anything I can do around the house considering it's a nice day and all.
SAMMY
I see. Okay, well...
{Sammy lights up a cigarette and lets out the smoke}
SAMMY (CONT.)
...wait and see what Matt says when he gets back down here.
JASON
Do you think that Matthew, Mr. and Mrs. Campbell, or young William would appreciate you smoking that filthy, smelly cancer stick in their house, and filling their lungs with second hand smoke just so they can die a few days, months, or years before their natural life is supposed to end?
{Sammy is getting annoyed by the sound of Jason's voice}
SAMMY
Okay, first off, get the fuck in the house and shut the damn door. And second...Matt's parents are not here. They went to work.
JASON
Then give me a cancer stick, and spark that bowl, baby.
SAMMY
That's what I thought. you and you Eddie Haskel bullshit.
{They walk over to the couch and Jason jumps over the table and lands on the couch.}
SAMMY (CONT.)
Why are you over here?
{They smoke and pass as they talk}
JASON
I was coming over here to talk to Matt. I was wondering if he wanted a job cutting grass for my dad for about 10 bucks an hour.
SAMMY
Prolly not. He had to fake sick today so his mom would think he is staying home from a job that he never actually had in the first place.
JASON
Doesn't his mom make him pay rent? How did he get the money?
SAMMY
He sells weed with his cousin.
JASON
Who is his cousin?
SAMMY
Paul Crawford.
JASON
No wonder. Where is Billy?
SAMMY
I don't know. I just got here like 10 minutes ago and woke Matt up.
JASON
Oh man, I should tell you what happened at my house with Roxi and Morgan Ryan yesterday.
SAMMY
Matt's ex? What happened? A fight?
JASON
Better.
SAMMY
What then?
{As he tells the story, show the action in a flash back type of vision}
JASON (V.O.)
We were all hanging out at my house and playing the PS2. She decides out of nowhere to start tickling Morgan Ryan. Well, in the midst of all their fuckin' around, they must have forgotten that me and Lora were there because they just started to make out with each other right there.
SAMMY (V.O.)
NO WAY!
JASON (V.O.)
I shit you not my friend. So, me and Lora are just shocked, well, okay, she was shocked and I was just thankful that God blessed me with hot girl on girl action in my living room. But, my dumbass of a sister stopped them and they realized that we were there. It turns out that they have been dating since Roxi and Matt broke up and even a little bit during their time.
{Cut and open back to Matt's living room}
SAMMY
You're bullshittin'!
JASON
I figured you would say that and that is why I saved the best part of the story for last.
{Cut back to the flashback.}
SAMMY (V.O.)
Lora went to her room and decided that she had had enough of the gay shit, but not me. We all got stoned and I told them that I liked to watch. We all know that weed makes you horny, but they had not been together for almost a week. Morgan's mom walked in on them going down on each other or something and now Roxi is not allowed there. They not only let me watch...but they let me film it.
{Cut back to Matt's living room.}
SAMMY
HOLY SHIT!
JASON
I filmed them finger fucking, givin' each other tongue lashings, and even...get this...dry humping...naked!
SAMMY
Tell me you brought the tape.
JASON
Oh shit. I didn't, but it's over at the house, want me to go get it?
SAMMY
DUH! Are you retarded or just too mother fuckin' stupid to understand what all men are thinking? YES! Go get it.
MATT (O.S.)
Get what?
{We hear rock music in the back ground as a very handsome and cooly dressed guy emerges on the stairs and slowly walks down them as the camera pans from his feet to his face.}
SAMMY
The porn tape he made yesterday of two chicks fucking each other on his living room floor.
MATT
Your dogs sniffing each other's asses does not count as porn.
JASON
No, I am dead serious Matt. Not only was it two girls, but it was Morgan Ryan and Roxanne Scott.
{Matt gets wide eyed}
MATT
Wait, Roxanne Scott? Roxi? My Roxi?
JASON
Yeah, apparently she has been fucking Morgan since before you two even broke up.
SAMMY
I just realized how bad that could hurt a man's ego. Ouch. To have a woman leave dick for beaver. Damn.
MATT
Shut the fuck up. You go get the tape, and you pack that pipe full and tight. If this tape is for real...I am going to need an awful lot of the shit.
SAMMY
Yes, sir.
{Sammy starts packing the pipe as Jason leaves to go get the tape.}
[Cut and open on the street, outside Matt's house]
{Jason is walking across the yard when he sees William Campbell riding his bike up to the house}
JASON
What are you doing?
WILLIAM "BILLY"
I was coming back from a friends house. Why the fuck do you care?
JASON
I was wondering where you were earlier.
BILLY
Is my mom and dad home or did they leave already?
JASON
They left. I have to go...I'll be back in just a minute.
{Billy gets off the bike and lays it on the ground.}
JASON
You know, there are these things called kick stands that we use to sit the bike up so it doesn't get all fucked up from being left on the ground.
{Billy flips him off as he goes into the house. Jason heads toward the house next door.}
[Cut and open in Matt's living room]
{Billy walks in the door and the guys hide the weed really quick.}
BILLY
It's just me, please return to your idiotic stupidity that you find so exciting in your pitiful non interesting lives.
SAMMY
Thanks
{Sammy pulls the bag of weed out and continues filling the pipe}
BILLY
Oh, you're smoking weed? What a total shocker. That is so different from any other day that it just makes me so god damn proud.
{Billy pretends to wipe a tear from his eye}
BILLY (CONT.)
My little boys are growing up. A pothead would be proud.
SAMMY
We are not potheads!
MATT
He's right. We Perier the term marijuana technicians, thank you.
BILLY
Wow with those two words combined there were seven syllables. Your getting smarter, maybe the weed IS helping your brain function. Now can we say "Al-lu-min-um Foi-l"?
SAMMY AND MATT
SHUT UP!
BILLY
No, seriously. I know it's hard so go slow and sound it out. Pronunciate.
MATT (CONT.)
Don't you have somewhere else to be, someone else to piss off, something?
BILLY
Nope, just you.
{Billy sits down in the chair and grabs the remote control. He presses the buttons and the TV comes on and Sammy is staring at him like he just performed a miracle. Billy gets tired of the staring}
BILLY (CONT.)
Stop looking at me swan!
SAMMY
How did you do that?
BILLY
Do what?
SAMMY
Get the TV to turn on with the remote.
BILLY
That's what it's for, you social reject.
SAMMY
No, I pushed the buttons like 15 minutes ago and it would not turn on.
BILLY
Did you try the power button, moron?
SAMMY
Right. Damn. I am stupid.
BILLY
No shit sherlock, wanna go for double jeopardy where you can really make an ass of yourself?
SAMMY
I don't have to take this. I am going over to Jason's house to smoke this. His sister is nicer to me then you are.
BILLY
She's not nicer, she just has sympathy for the mentally challenged.
SAMMY
Hey fuck you, man.
MATT
Billy! Shut the fuck up!
{Matt grabs the weed and the pipe.}
MATT (CONT.)
Let's go to my room. At least there we can hang out with out being pulled into a web of insults that are a result of, what my parents think is an attention starved act, but is actually, low self-esteem showing it's ugly scarred pathetic little face.
{They get up and head towards the room and Sammy starts laughing at Matt's last comment}
SAMMY
You have a low self-esteem...and your pathetic.
BILLY
Virgin!
SAMMY
HEY!
{They leave the room and Billy is sitting there watching TV. There is a knock at the door and Billy gets up. He walks over and looks out the window. He sees Jason standing there with a video camera. He goes and opens the door.}
BILLY
Hey! There's the garbage truck!
JASON
Yeah, so what?
BILLY
Say "bye bye house."
JASON
Do really find yourself amusing?
BILLY
No. I find you idiots amusing and that is why it's fun to fuck with you. Is your sister home? I need her to copy a CD for me.
{Billy steps aside and lets Jason in the house. He goes back to the chair while Jason shuts the door.}
JASON
Yeah, but she's sleeping. It's still early. I'm surprised I'm up.
BILLY
Me too, but I guess it just gets to a certain point, where you have to get a head start on doing nothing all day or else you start to fall behind.
JASON
Yep. Where's Matt?
{Billy nods and points to the back room without taking his eyes off the TV. Jason makes his way to the back of the house.}
[Cut and open in Matt's bedroom]
{Jason walks into the bedroom and Sammy is messing around with the guitar and Matt is laying on the bed looking at the ceiling. Matt doesn't look up and Sammy puts the guitar down.}
MATT
Did you get it?
JASON
Yeah, I got it, but I want five dollars a piece to let you watch the tape.
{Sammy starts digging in his pocket and is pulling out change}
MATT
I am not paying five bucks to see a tape of someone that I have already fucked and seen naked. I don't care if she is rug munching.
JASON
Pay the bills or you don't see the tape.
SAMMY
I'll pay, but where is the tape. In the camera. Where no one can get it.
MATT
Is that the new camera you just got?
JASON
Yep.
MATT
It's nice. Can I see it.
JASON
Sure, man.
{Hands him the camera. Matt takes the camera and pretends to look at it. He suddenly stops and looks at Jason with a grin}
MATT
Dumb shit!
{Matt takes the tape out of the camera and then goes to the other side of the room. He opens the end of the tape.}
MATT (CONT.)
I'll snap the tape.
JASON
NO! Fine, you don't have to pay.
MATT
That's great, but now I think that you should pay me for the tape back.
JASON
No.
MATT
Alrighty then...
{He starts to stretch the tape}
JASON
FINE! GOD! How much?
MATT
10 bucks.
{Jason gets into his pocket and pulls out two five dollar bills.}
JASON
Here, now give me back the tape.
MATT
Here Sammy, easy money.
{He hands Sammy one of the five dollar bills}
MATT (CONT.)
Okay, this is how it will go, I'll put the tape in the VCR and we will watch it. After we finish the tape I will hit rewind. When it stops, then and only then will you be allowed to take the tape out and keep it.
JASON
What if I take it out before that?
{Matt pulls out a pipe}
MATT
This will not get shared with you and then you have to go home and not return to the stoner circle for one month. No exceptions.
JASON
Geez, I was just curious. I have to run to the bathroom first.
MATT
How many times do I have to tell you, go before you leave the house. You have 3 minutes and it's 7:45 now. GO!
{Jason runs out the door}
MATT
I love to fuck with him.
SAMMY
You're mean, man.
MATT
Yeah, well...
SAMMY
So what happens if this tape is for real?
MATT
Nothing really, I am just gonna be held responsible for turning Roxanne Scott into a raging hormonal lesbian. It actually doesn't matter. I have been seeing someone for the past two weeks, but we've only talked about making it official.
SAMMY
Have you slept with them, yet, cuz Roxi seems to be out having fun, you should too.
MATT
Naw, just kissed.
SAMMY
Tongue or no tongue?
MATT
Little tongue, more of a wet lips type of kiss.
SAMMY
OOOOO, sexy, do I know her?
MATT
Yeah, it's Jason's sister.
SAMMY
Lorelei?
MATT
It's Lora, and yes. We have been hanging out late at night. We just watch movies, no big deal.
SAMMY
How did it start?
MATT
It was about two weeks ago and...
{Go into flashback mode}
[Cut and open at Matt's house.]
{Matt is outside smoking weed on the front porch listening to the quiet sounds of a radio. Lorelei walks up to him.}
LORELEI "LORA"
Hey Matt.
{Matt gives her a little wave}
MATT
What are you doing out this late?
LORA
Couldn't sleep. I decided to go for a walk.
MATT
I see. Do your parents care that you're out?
LORA
No, they said that I am almost 18, I don't have to have a curfew.
MATT
Oh, well, you're welcome to pull up a seat, I guess.
LORA
Thanks.
{She sits in the chair next to Matt.}
LORA (CONT.)
So... I heard that you and Roxi broke up today.
MATT
A month ago actually, but yeah, she decided that she wanted to date around and not be tied down. She said that she was tired of sleeping with the same person over and over again and wanted to see what else was out there or some shit like that.
LORA
I don't have that problem.
MATT
{Playfully} You slut. I figured you for innocent.
LORA
I am...I'm a virgin. I never had the right opportunity for a sexual experience, yet, but I want it to be perfect. I want to have the perfect music and the perfect mood, and the perfect guy, and...
MATT
You have really put some thought into it. Do you think you need to be in love with this person or be married or what?
LORA
No, not IN love, but I have to care about the person a lot, and I have to have known them for at least 2 years.
MATT
And what did you mean by perfect music?
LORA
I always thought that the perfect song would be "Your Body Is A Wonderland" by John Meyer.
MATT
I like that song too. Roxi was always like "Shut the fuck up and just get it over with. I want to have an orgasm before I go home so I don't have to worry about the hassle of masturbating."
LORA
Yeah, it takes a lot out of you.
{Matt gives her a weird look}
LORA (CONT.)
What? You didn't think I knew anything about masturbation? I am a master of it. All girls do it.
MATT
Really?
LORA
Yeah, all of them. If they say they don't or never have...they are liars.
MATT
Yeah well, I have to be a master of it as well.
LORA
Why, didn't Roxi satisfy you?
MATT
Not really. I have never once had an orgasm from another female. Not during sex anyway. I have only been with Roxanne. I mean, she has been my girlfriend for 2 years. I lost it two weeks after we got together and she was a virgin too.
LORA
I always wanted to lose my virginity with another virgin, but I decided recently that maybe it wouldn't be too bad to lose it with someone who only was with one other person.
{She gives him a flirtatious look and Matt realizes her hint and smiles back}
MATT
How recently?
LORA
Very. Like last minute or two recently.
MATT
I see, you are such a naughty girl.
LORA
Like I said, I have to like them and I have to know them for at least 2 years. We've known each other for at least 15. AND I've liked you since you threw dirt at me when we were 6 and 7.
{Matt smiles and leans in and they kiss.}
[Cut and open back in the bedroom]
MATT
And she came inside and we watched a movie. We have been doing it almost every night for the past two weeks.
{Jason steps into the doorway with an angry look on his face}
JASON
My little sister, Matt?
MATT
Calm down, man. I have only kissed her.
JASON
No, touchy, no boobie?
MATT
Just Kissy.
JASON
That's it?
MATT
I swear. I would never disrespect her. I really like her.
JASON
Matt, I don't know about this.
MATT
I was going to talk to you before I ask her out.
JASON
So you are serious about it?
MATT
I am dead serious about it. I won't do it if you don't want me to.
{Jason thinks about it and then sighs}
JASON
But if you hurt my little sister, man...
MATT
You can kick me in the nuts as hard as you want and I will not stop you or try to block.
JASON
Deal.
{They shake on it.}
SAMMY
Hey!
{Sammy holds up the pipe}
SAMMY (CONT.)
Wanna get baked?
JASON
What about the tape?
MATT
We have to wait for Billy to leave. I don't want him seeing those two, he sees them around and he has a big mouth.
JASON
Okay...let's get toked up, then.
{Show them getting stoned while music plays in the back ground. The song fades and a different song comes on in the back ground as they all sit and lay around and talk.}
SAMMY
...So your name goes through 25 different government computers a day and they have taps on every phone line. We have no privacy and no names. They are out to get us all.
JASON
No, man, that isn't what's going on. They are just trying to stop the illegal activity.
MATT
Yeah, they're like...trying to make the world a better place.
SAMMY
No. They are trying to control us. If they have us under control then there is no possible way that they will lose theirs. See, the government is afraid of Anarchy. And therefore they will try hard to prevent us from rebelling. That means by any means necessary
MATT
Sammy, I think you are paranoid. I don't think they care what we do.
SAMMY
Then how do you explain all the TV shows and shit that have hidden messages teaching us from a young age what it's like. It's subliminal messaging, man. They are trying to get into our heads.
JASON
Give an example, if you don't mind.
SAMMY
Scooby-Doo.
MATT
What! Don't go there. You know Scooby-Doo kicks ass. It's like the best show on television.
SAMMY
I agree, but they are trying to show us how bad the effects of marijuana are. Say they make you hungry and then you eat all the time. They show you that all of them are on acid cuz they are talking to a dog and they think the dog is talking back to them.
MATT
It's a cartoon.
SAMMY
Yes, but at a young age, you think it's true. Then you start talking to dogs and you get locked up and then the government will brain wash you while you're in the nut house and then you will be a slave to "The Man." Just like Sesame Street. Same rules apply.
JASON
Okay, besides Burt and Ernie being Gay, please tell me what the fuck is wrong with Sesame Street?
SAMMY
I'll tell you what the fuck is wrong with Sesame Street. They show you that it's okay to judge. They see this dude named Oscar. He is green so it appeals to kids, but they walk by and make fun of him. They call him a grouch. That's just mean. When the kids get older they're going to see a homeless man and call him names. That is how the government gets rid of homeless people.
MATT
Sammy, you have lost it, dude. That just made no fuckin' sense at all.
SAMMY
Fine, what about the Smurfs?
JASON
What about the fuckin' smurfs, Sambo?
SAMMY
They have a group of thousands of little blue men and one female. They are saying that it's okay to gang bang. It also shows incest is okay.
MATT
Papa Smurf?
SAMMY
Yeah man, the way I see it, once a kid learns about sex and watches this show...he is gonna realize that if Papa Smurf has so many kids, then he has to be fuckin' that bitch too. Since she also calls him Papa Smurf then they think it's okay to have sex with your own relatives. That's how it all got started in Alabama. I blame the Smurfs.
JASON
I wonder what the answer would be if he screamed "Whose yo daddy?"
{They laugh}
MATT
She could tell the truth..."you big papa smurf."
{They laugh harder}
SAMMY
Yeah, I would love to fuck that little blue whore.
{Matt and Jason are staring at Sammy for a moment of silence. Sammy looks over at Jason and mouths "what". Jason shakes his head in disbelief}
JASON
You're stupid, shut up.
{Jason takes a hit off the pipe and all three lean back and sigh}
SAMMY
You're right...she's prolly too loose anyway.
[Cut and open in the living room]
{Billy is on the phone with someone that appears to be a girl}
BILLY
You wanna come over here and hang out?...No, my parents are at work until 6 and then it takes them an hour to get home...Yeah, we can watch movies or something...My brother and his dumbass friends...No, they prolly won't. They're too stoned to do anything like that...What? You do?...Yeah, of course I smoke weed. Who doesn't?...Okay, I'll see you in a few hours...yeah, I'm pretty fuckin'...uh...baked...Okay, later.
{He hangs up the phone}
BILLY (CONT.)
Shit.
{Billy walks to Matt's room and knocks on the door}
MATT (O.S.)
Go away!
JASON (O.S.)
We don't want any!
SAMMY (O.S.)
Unless it's food!
BILLY
I have Doritos!
{The door suddenly flies open and Billy goes inside}
SAMMY
I don't see any Doritos. Let's cut his head off!
BILLY
Shut up, I need my brother, not you.
MATT
What do you want, now?
BILLY
Can I talk to you in private, I need your help with something.
MATT
YOU need MY help? I'm just a stupid stoner, I can't do shit right, remember?
BILLY
No, man, truce. It's important...PLEASE?
[Cut and open to the living room.]
{Matt is slouched on the couch and Billy is sitting in the chair. Billy is extremely excited and shaking his foot like an impatient person}
MATT
So what's the problem, dude?
BILLY
Look, there is this girl that I like and she is into stuff that I'm not. I want to impress her so...
MATT
My advice is wear a condom!
{He starts to get up, but Billy grabs his arm and pushes him back down onto the couch}
BILLY
No, you idiot, this is something I need your help with.
MATT
I'm not incestuous, nor am I gay, what kind of porn have you been watchin'? Sesame Street? Smurfs?
BILLY
NO!
{Billy stops and stares at Matt}
BILLY (CONT.)
Sesame Street? Smurfs?
MATT
Nevermind. Continue.
BILLY
Right, yeah, okay...uh...It's nothing sexual, but I hope it gets to that...someday, but right now...don't interupt, just listen...I like this girl named Cassandra...I mean, Cassie, and I just found out that she smokes marijuana.
MATT
You don't smoke weed.
BILLY
I know, but I told her I did, I told her I had some, and I told her that I was stoned. I never ask you for anything and I know I am mean to you a lot, but I have til 11:30 to learn how to make a girl want to kiss me, then learn how to kiss, and get stoned.
MATT
I don't know, you might not be able to handle the effects of marijuana.
BILLY
Please Matthew.
MATT
Fine. Come in the bedroom. I'll have the guys help. I'm gonna go get Lora. The shit we do for the opposite sex.
{He laughs}
BILLY
Why get Lora?
MATT
She could help you learn how to push a girls buttons, and if that doesn't work, you can always find the G-spot.
BILLY
What's that?
MATT
A myth. No man knows where that damn thing is. If we did, I don't think women would complain so god damn much.
BILLY
Oh...I have a lot to learn.
{Matt grabs his over shirt and puts it on.}
MATT
You have time...keep watchin' Sesame Street, Sammy says they teach you this shit. I think this week they show you what a clitoris is.
{He walks out the door chuckling}
[Cut and open at Jason's house]
{Old rock plays in the BG while the camera focuses on eggs being cracked into a skillet of grease, bacon being cooked, toast popping out of the toaster, and other various breakfast foods being cooked. Camera pulls back and you see a skinny blond girl dancing to the music in boxers and a spaghetti strap belly shirt and cooking. She seems to be a fairly good dancer. Matt walks in and watches her for a minute. She dances over to the fridge and gets out two eggs. She dances back over to the skillet and sees Matt. She is startled and drops one egg.}
LORA
Dammit Matthew!
{She throws the other egg at him and it splatters on his over shirt.}
MATT
HEY! LORA!
LORA
Oh shit, sorry.
{She giggles and turns off the radio}
LORA (CONT.)
Take it off and I'll go soak it in the washer.
{Matt takes it off and hands it to her. She eyes his upper body in the skin tight white T-shirt like a child eyes candy. She shakes her head and walks to the back.}
LORA (CONT. O.S.)
So, what do you want this early. It's 8:30 in the morning. Had to come see me, did ya?
{Hear the washer go on and she comes back into the kitchen}
MATT
Well, I have two reasons to be here. One, your brother knows about our late nights and has agreed to let us date...
{She gets excited and squeals a high pitched squeal}
MATT (CONT.)
...AS LONG...as long as I am a gentleman.
LORA
YAY!
{She jumps up and he grabs her. She wraps her legs around his waist and they kiss repeatedly. (pecks) He sets her down. She runs over to the skillet. She suddenly looks as if she remembered something}
LORA
Oh shit, the egg!
MATT
I'll get it.
LORA
Thanks, baby, but what was the other reason you're here?
{Matt grabs a towel and cleans up the egg from the floor.}
MATT
It's Billy, he needs our help.
LORA
Sure anything.
{He throws the towel on the counter}
MATT
Can you come over?
LORA
Yeah, let me finish this and then I'll get dressed and be right over. Thirty minutes at the most...Okay?
MATT
Kay.
{He gives her a quick peck on the cheek and leaves the kitchen.}
MATT (O.S.)
Don't forget about my shirt!
{She smiles and then hears the front door open and shut. She sighs and goes back to cooking}
[Cut and open in Matt's room]
{Camera is focused on Lora only}
LORA
Billy, How are you ever gonna learn if you don't do what I tell you?
{Camera pans out to show the three guys starring intently at Lora and Billy. Billy is starring at her like she has just come back from the dead}
BILLY
But you are not my girlfriend! I can't kiss you.
SAMMY
Pucker up and close your eyes, man!
BILLY
Like I'm gonna take advise from a virgin. Matt, I can't do it.
JASON
Why not?
BILLY
She is dating my brother, that's why!
MATT
It's okay, Billy. I won't be mad at you.
BILLY
Are you sure?
MATT
Just fuckin' do it!
BILLY
Alright.
{He closes his eyes and puckers his lips. Lora leans in and kisses him on the mouth. Suddenly Matt grabs Billy by the shoulders and pushes him back on the bed like he is strangling him. Billy is scared and doesn't fight back}
MATT
YOU KISSED MY GIRL YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU!
BILLY
I'm sorry! Matt, I'm sorry!
{Matt stops shaking him and smiles}
MATT
Just fuckin' wit ya!
{Everyone laughs except Billy, who is almost crying. Matt gets up and lets Billy sit up.}
LORA
That was mean. Aww, poor baby.
{She hugs Billy}
LORA (CONT.)
So who is this girl anyway?
BILLY
Cassie Monroe.
SAMMY
No shit?
MATT
You know her?
SAMMY
Yeah, she is at the house all the time with my sister.
MATT
You're sister is 19. What is a 14 year old doing hanging out with a19 girl year old?
SAMMY
She's 17, almost 18. She just moved here this summer. She isn't a virgin, so this kid had better get with the program if he is going to be with an older woman.
MATT
17! Jesus Christ! Okay, you have to learn a lot in the next two hours kiddo.
BILLY
Oh man. Okay. Lora, can I ask you a question?
LORA
Sure.
BILLY
Where's the G-Spot?
{Lora looks shocked and Sammy and Jason laugh. Matt quickly jumps in}
MATT
Woah! Woah! That is none of your business! Where are you learning this stuff?
BILLY
From you...
MATT
My porno mags...you aren't supposed to read those.
{Matt looks at everyone and smiles nervously}
MATT (CONT.)
Kids say the damnedest things don't they?
{Billy is annoyed by his brother and shakes his head. He looks at Lora}
BILLY
Well, SOMEONE told me that the way to get a girl to like you is to find the G-Spot.
LORA
Well, SOMEONE misinformed you. That is only something that certain people say to make them feel better about their performance, or LACK OF, in the bedroom.
{She gives Matt a glare}
SAMMY and JASON
BURN!
MATT
Shut up!
BILLY
What does that mean?
MATT
Never mind, we're getting off track...off the subject of me and back to the sexual matters at hand.
{A punk rock song comes on as we see them trying to give Billy pointers on how to kiss and make out. Show a video with a porn title on and Matt puts it into the VCR. He pulls out a pointer and is pointing to different things on the screen. Billy is taking notes. Show them in the kitchen and Matt and Lora are using oranges to show Billy how to touch breasts. They get rid of those and Matt pulls out a condom as Lora grabs a banana from the counter. She holds the banana as Matt puts the condom on it. Billy takes notes. The music stops and show them in the room.}
MATT
Okay. You writing all this down?
BILLY
Yeah.
MATT
Now comes the stoner lesson. Fire up a bowl Sammy!
{A different rock song comes on and show in fast forward motion all of them smoking weed and showing Billy how to inhale. With each new scene, Billy looks higher and higher. He coughs, they cough, he laughs, they laugh. The music fades and we go back to regular speed. Billy starts laughing and then just falls over.}
[Cut and open to a door being opened to reveal Cassandra Monroe]
CASSANDRA "CASSIE"
Hello, Is Billy here?
MATT
Yeah, he's in my room, we were just tokin' up. You wanna join...sorry, what was your name?
{They walk into the bedroom and everyone is scattered around stoned off their asses.}
CASSIE
Cassie.
MATT
Well Cassie, I'm Billy's brother Matt, and...
{He points out everyone}
MATT (CONT.)
You know Sammy, he's Melani's brother, this is my girlfriend, Lora, and her brother, Jason...and you know Billy. Have a seat. We just refilled the pipe.
CASSIE
Cool. I brought some of my own.
{She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a baggie. A condom falls out and she quickly picks it up. The guys laugh.}
CASSIE
Oopsie. Sorry, mom makes me carry them. She says "better safe then sorry" whatever that means.
MATT
Okay, well, I'm gettin' stoned.
{Cassie looks over at Billy}
CASSIE
You haven't said anything since I walked in the door.
{Billy stares blankly at the wall and then stares blankly at her}
BILLY
Huh?
{They all laugh}
MATT
You'll have to excuse him...he's a light weight.
CASSIE
Oh.
{Matt puts the pipe to his mouth and when he flicks the lighter we hear music in the back ground. They all smoke and chat, but all we hear is stoner music. The music fades and so does the scene.}
[Cut and open in the room]
{Everyone is sitting around. Matt is playing with the electric guitar.}
BILLY
Let's have a water balloon fight.
SAMMY
No. I just wanna veg.
{About 30 seconds go by of silence.}
BILLY
I know! Let's have a water balloon fight!
EVERYONE
Good idea.
{Cut and open in the yard}
{Everyone is wearing shorts and a shirt. They have a water balloon fight while a rock song plays in the back ground. At the end, Matt gets out the hose and sprays everyone. They all run inside.}
{Cut and open in the garage}
JASON
What do you guys wanna do now?
[Cut and open back in Matt's room]
{The room is smokey. They are all dressed in dry clothes and we go around to each of them as they take a hit and ask stupid questions to each other and get no responses.}
MATT
If the police arrest a mime, do they still give him the right to remain silent?
{Matt passes the pipe to Billy. Billy takes a hit and then lets it out. He picks up a bottle of soda and looks at the label}
BILLY
What happened to the first 6 "ups" before they decided on 7?
CASSIE
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
SAMMY
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
LORA
I don't know, but why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing people is wrong?
JASON
How do the "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?
{Matt is laughing when it gets back to him}
MATT
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
BILLY
Why do black olives come in cans, but green olives come in jars?
CASSIE
Why don't they make "B" batteries?
SAMMY
Why do they put braille on drive through bank machines? Blind people can't drive! The government is...
LORA
Sammy, don't pull this shit, now! I am in a good mood.
SAMMY
What's up your ass?
JASON
I can answer this one...She wants to go into the Army!
SAMMY
NO! You wanna be one of them?
LORA
Well if that's the way you see it, yeah, I am.
JASON
She looks at American Pride, like it's a religion.
LORA
It is like a religion! I believe in the flag, just like someone believes in Jesus.
MATT
I believe in God, but I am not going to worship the flag. Now, I am not going into religion too much because I haven't exactly found one, but doesn't it say on money..."In God We Trust"?
LORA
Yeah, so?
MATT
Well, if the country believes in God, does that mean the bible version of God or "GOD" in general?
LORA
The Christian God.
MATT
That is a bible God. Okay, so, doesn't it say cast down all idols?
LORA
I believe so...
MATT
Wouldn't that make the United States flag an idol if we worship it and send our respect to it?
LORA
No. I don't believe that would qualify.
CASSIE
I don't believe in God, but I don't worship a flag either.
MATT
I also believe that war in also a sin. Weather you are protecting yourselves or not.
LORA
I wanna see you explain this one!
MATT
In the bible, Ezekiel chapter 25 verse 17, I do believe, says "And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious rebukes; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I shall lay my vengeance upon them."
LORA
So what?
MATT
What that means is that we are not to retaliate against any wrong doing to us, we are to let it go and put it in God's hands to take care of him slash herself.
BILLY
Good point.
LORA
So war is a sin?
MATT
Yeah.
LORA
Well, you did make a strong point, but I am going to have to stick with my ideas on this subject and so will everyone else in this room.
MATT
Everyone has to figure out what they are going to do now because I have to go to Paul's. I have to be there by 1:30 because he goes to work at 2:30. If anyone wants anything...let me know now.
{They all write something down and hand it too him.}
MATT
I'll be back by 2:15 so please, do not fuck up my house. I'll be back. He kisses Lora and leaves.}
SAMMY
Did he just leave us alone in his house?
JASON
Yeah, I think he wants us to misbehave.
[Cut and open in Matt's mom's room]
{The guys are going through Matt's mom's underwear drawer}
LORA
You guys are sick. I'm going back over to the house to get a shower and change. Billy and Cassie are in Billy's room.}
[Cut and Open at Paul's house-living room]
{Matt walks into the house and Candice Adams is sitting on the couch watching TV}
MATT
Hey, is Paul here?
CANDICE "CANDY"
He is in his room.
{Matt heads back there, but Candy stops him}
CANDY
He's back there with two big guys. He's doing a deal and I don't think he would like you to bother him, right now.
MATT
Candy, right?
{She nods}
CANDY
And who are you?
MATT
I went to school with you for 4 years...I sat next to you in home room...I used to do your homework for you...you were the one person I ever cheated on my girlfriend with at Kevin Mink's party after graduation. We only made out, before you passed out, but anyway, why are you here?
CANDY
I'm Paul's girlfriend.
MATT
I see...so you won't be here long?
{He laughs, but she is offended. Before she can comment, Paul comes out of the room and he is followed by Kenneth Murphy and James Murphy.}
KENNETH "KENNY"
So we got a deal?
PAUL
No. I am not gonna quit dealing because you are losing profit!
JAMES "JIMMY"
Paul, do you really wanna fuck with us?
KENNY
Yeah, man, we will not hesitate to kick your ass.
MATT
Kenny.
{Kenny looks at him with a mean look}
KENNY
What do you want, Campbell?
MATT
Get the fuck out of my Aunt's house!
KENNY
This has nothing to do with you so shut the fuck up.
MATT
No, get the fuck out of my Aunt's house or I'll get physical.
{Matt steps up and gets in his face.}
MATT (CONT.)
Just give me a reason, man.
{He looks at Paul and winks. Paul is ready}
KENNY
You want a reason? How's this...
{Paul grabs Kenny and Matt grabs Jimmy and they spin them around and give them wedges. The hold them by their underpants and throw them out the door. Matt shuts the door and they lock it.}
PAUL
Thanks for the help.
{They both start laughing and they go and sit down on the couch.}
PAUL
Those guys fuckin' piss me off.
MATT
Me too. Why were they here anyway?
PAUL
They were not getting as much business as me and they wanted me to quit.
MATT
The cops couldn't get you to quit, oh well.
CANDY
You guys are in the way...I'm in the middle of Days Of Our Lives!
PAUL
Sorry, babe. Let's go back into the room.
{They go back into Paul's room and sit on the bed}
PAUL
So...how much...
{Matt interrupts him}
MATT
How the fuck did you get Candice Adams in your house?
{Paul grins and points to his crotch}
MATT
Oh...drunk at a party?
{Paul looks down at the floor ashamed like}
PAUL
Yeah.
MATT
She's like the hottest girl in town, man.
PAUL
I know, but man, I seriously wanna have sex so what the fuck did you come here for? A refill?
MATT
Yeah.
PAUL
3 40's and a half a pound...got it.
MATT
Five.
PAUL
Excuse me?
MATT
I need Five 40's and a half a pound.
PAUL
I know you'll sell the half pound, but what are the 5 40's for?
MATT
Personal recreational usage only.
PAUL
I know, but you usually get 3. One for Sammy, one for Jason, and one for yourself.
MATT
I know, but Billy has a new girlfriend and she wants a 40 and I got Billy stoned today for the first time to impress this girl and now he just wants to smoke and smoke and smoke and...
PAUL
I get the picture.
{Paul hands him a briefcase}
PAUL (CONT.)
Here, take it and get the fuck out. I am gonna fuck and go to work. I'll stop by the house when I get off.
MATT
I hope you mean get off from work.
PAUL
Fuck you.
{They laugh and give hand shakes. Matt walks out and goes to the front door}
MATT
Paul told me to send in his super hot sex slave and since I only see you here, you'll have to do until she gets back.
{Candy fake smiles and flips him off.}
CANDY
Fuck you!
MATT
I've gotten that reaction a lot today so no...FUCK YOU!
[Matt flips her off with both hands and walks out the door. Cut and open at the doorway of Matt's kitchen]
{We hear 'Ol time rock n' roll in the back ground and Sammy slides across the floor and then he is followed by Jason and they listen to the song and dance around the house like idiots. Matt walks in and the music and the boys stop.}
MATT
No, please continue.
{They watch him as he walks to his room. The door shuts and the boys and the music continue}
[Cut and open at Lora's house]
{Lora is on the phone}
LORA
Yeah...you guys can come over. We are going to be at Matt's house...They are? Okay...Well...he might be okay with having his new girlfriend and his old one there...we'll just tell her and then decide...okay...I'll be over at Matt's house, it's right next door...No, the other one...yeah...okay...bye Roxi.
{She hangs up}
[Cut and Open to Billy's bedroom]
{Billy and Cassie are making out and Cassie stops. She pulls out the condom and Billy looks at her confused.}
BILLY
Hold On? I don't know what...to...do...
{He grabs papers from the desk and is frantically searching}
BILLY
Uh oh! Does this go on the oranges or bananas?
CASSIE
I guess this would be your first time...I will make it easier on you..I will do all the work.
{He smiles and they start kissing again. They fall back on the bed}
[Cut and open in Matt's bedroom]
{Matt is sitting on his bed when Billy opens the door. His shirt is torn, his hair is a mess, he has a glazed look in his eyes, and his pants are unbuttoned and unzipped. Matt looks at him.}
MATT
So I take it, you've become a man.
BILLY
In less then a minute.
{Billy smiles and falls over. Cassie comes into the room}
MATT
Less then a minute?
CASSIE
He really was a virgin.
{Matt laughs and Cassie drags Billy out of the room. Lora comes in.}
MATT
Hey what time is it?
LORA
2:45. We have to talk.
MATT
About?
LORA
{Shuts and locks the door} Sex.
MATT
I have had enough on that subject for one day.
LORA
I meant sex, me, and you.
MATT
Uh oh. Jason is in the other room with Sammy.
LORA
They're passed out on the living room couch.
[Cut to the living room where Sammy is crouched over Jason and they are asleep.]
[Cut back to the bed room]
MATT
Oh, well, go ahead. Talk.
LORA
I have been waiting for the right time, the right place, the right music.
MATT
What about the right guy?
LORA
I've had him. What I'm saying is when you're in love with someone, it's perfect no matter what.
MATT
Excuse me?
LORA
I can't help falling in love with you.
{Punk rock comes on and she runs across the room and they start kissing, removing clothing, and rubbing. The song fades as they fall on his bed.}
[Cut and open in the living room and focus on the guys the way they were sleeping before and then pull back to see Roxanne Scott sitting in the chair watching them. She pulls out a can of shaving cream and smiles.]
[Cut and open in Matt's bedroom]
{Matt and Lora are laying on Matt's bed. They are both sweaty. Matt has no shirt on and neither does Lora, but she is covered by the covers. They are cuddling.}
LORA
Oh my God! That was amazing.
MATT
Really?
LORA
Yeah, it was like everything went black and then the orgasm hit and my sight exploded in colors. There is no logical explanation for Roxi to become a lesbian if she got to do this whenever she wants.
MATT
Maybe I just couldn't satisfy her.
LORA
Impossible. You could turn a lesbian straight.
MATT
I didn't think of it that way. So when are you planning on going into the Army?
LORA
When I'm like, 30 and I hit a mid-life crisis.
MATT
Why do you like me so much?
LORA
Well, you treat me good, you are fun to be with, you're extremely smart, you'll drop everything to help someone in need, you actually have personality, you're very sexy good looking guy, and you give me multiple orgasms. Why do you like me?
MATT
{Jokingly} You're ass is like...KA-POWIE, baby.
{She playfully slaps him and they laugh. He rolls over and kisses her.}
MATT (CONT.)
I like you because you're the whole package.
{He kisses her again and there is a knock at his door.}
LORA
Uh oh.
MATT
Whose there?
JASON and SAMMY (O.S.)
US!
MATT
Shit. Get in the closet and get dressed. I'll take care of them.
{She nods and grabs her clothes. She climbs into the closet and Matt puts pants on. He has no belt on and they are not buttoned. He has to hold his pants to keep them from falling off as he walks over and opens the door to see Sammy and Jason's faces covered in shaving cream.}
MATT
Well, that's an improvement.
JASON
Fuck you.
SAMMY
Wait, you didn't do this?
MATT
I have been taking a nap. I fell asleep.
SAMMY
What about Billy and Cassie.
MATT
Also sleeping.
ROXANNE "ROXI"
{Steps up behind them} I did it.
JASON
Hey Roxi. How are you. We're pissed at you now, but we'll be back after we clean up.
{They walk away and Roxi comes into Matt's room and he shuts the door.}
MATT
How did you get in my house?
ROXI
{Holds up a key} You gave me a key.
MATT
{Takes it.} Thanks. What the fuck are you doing here, Roxi?
ROXI
Matthew Campbell, don't talk to me like that. I am a woman.
MATT
You're a dyke. Get the hell out of my house.
ROXI
I just came to tell you that I have been seeing someone new.
MATT
Let me guess. Short, with hair, small build, and no dick. The same person you licking while you were with me.
ROXI
I didn't know you knew about it. Sorry.
MATT
Why are you telling me now, today, no wait, better question...why the fuck would I give a shit?
ROXI
I just figured that I would tell you. I was walking to Jason's house last night and I saw that you and Lora...
MATT
Me and Lora? I see now. You saw that I was hanging out with another girl and thought that you must not have made me miserable enough because I am dating. You were going to come over here and not only tell me that I made you a muff diver, but that you cheated on me with a girl. Right?
ROXI
I miss you.
MATT
What?
ROXI
I miss you.
[Show a quick glimpse of Lora in the closet dressed and listening.]
MATT
Sorry, Roxi. I'm not going to do this with you.
ROXI
No, I came over to tell you that I'm glad that you are dating because I was a bitch to you when we broke up. When I say I miss you, I meant I miss hanging out with you. We should be friends, Matthew.
MATT
I agree. We SHOULD be friends...
ROXI
But?
MATT
I turned you into a lesbian. That is not something I want to be reminded of all the time.
ROXI
You what? No you didn't. If anything...you turned me straight.
{Sammy and Jason suddenly fall through the bedroom door.}
SAMMY
Sorry, we were just listening to the conversation.
JASON
Please, ignore us and continue.
{Matt, still holding his pants up, sits down on the bed.}
MATT
You two...never mind, just shut up. What do you mean I turned you straight.
ROXI
I moved here 3 years ago, but when I lived in New York, I only was with women. From the age of 12 to 15. You were the first and only boy I dated. I thought that there was something wrong the whole time I was with you, but I couldn't leave you when I wanted to...the sex was too good. I was with you for a whole year when I just wanted a girl.
MATT
Oh...I feel like an asshole.
SAMMY
As you should.
MATT
Shut up. I'll make my bullshit up to you.
{Matt holds his pants and walks over to the dresser and picks up the porno tape. He walks over to Roxi and hands her the tape.}
MATT (CONT.)
Here.
JASON
NO!
SAMMY
Matt, not until WE see it.
JASON
Matt, I'm begging you not to.
MATT
It's not right to keep it.
ROXI
What's this.
MATT
It's the tape you and Morgan let Jason make.
ROXI
I never let Jason make a tape of that.
MATT
He said that you guys were making out on his living room floor and you guys got stoned and you let him film you having sex with each other.
ROXI
No. We were at Jason's house yesterday and we were in the basement doing laundry while his mom was out and we ended up fooling around, but I never gave him permission to film it. I didn't even know he was in there.
JASON
I was on the ceiling beams.
{Roxi opens the tape and snaps it. She then sets it down and stomps on it. She picks it up and catches it on fire and throws it out the window. Jason looks at the ground.}
MATT
You illegally taped a sex act?
JASON
Sorry.
ROXI
I should kill you, but I'm in a good mood.
MATT
Did you make any copies?
JASON
No, I swear on my sister's life.
MATT
Okay. So we're cool?
ROXI
Yeah. {She leans in to give him a hug.}
MATT
Gotta hold my pants up.
ROXI
Right.
{Sammy picks up something from Matt's floor.}
ROXI (CONT.)
I'm glad we got that out of the way.
MATT
Me too. {Smiles}
SAMMY
Hey Matt, here.
{Sammy throws the object at Matt and Matt grabs it with both hands and his pants fall down. They all stare.}
JASON
Oh my God, you know, you should take the condom off when you're done.
ROXI
Look, how cute...he gift wrapped it.
{Matt quickly pulls up his pants.}
MATT
Screw you guys. Get out.
{Everyone leaves and he shuts the door. He reaches down his pants to take the condom off, but snaps it and falls down. Cut to a picture of his closed door and hear him scream.}
[Cut and open on a clock. (4:19 pm switches to 4:20 pm) Cut and Open in the living room]
{Matt, Lora, Sammy, Roxi, and Jason are sitting in a circle. They are smoking weed.}
ROXI
What time do your parents get home?
MATT
Not until 10:15 tonight. They have church.
JASON
Your dad goes to church.
SAMMY
Mrs. Campbell makes him.
ALL
Oh {Nod}
SAMMY
I bet, that if you were a cop, you could get away with so much when having sex.
LORA
Like what?
SAMMY
You get a personal set of hand-cuffs.
ROXI
Or you get a night stick.
JASON
What would that be used for?
ROXI
I'm a lesbian...there are only so many places I can put a night stick and have it feel good.
EVERYONE
Oh....OH!
SAMMY
I would prolly be like..."Spread em," then perform a strip search.
JASON
Why strip search, you could do a cavity search.
EVERYONE
JASON!
JASON
What? What'd I say. At least he has his own personal probe...
MATT
Yeah, I'm all into having a female ride me, but if she starts going to fast I could write her out a ticket.
{Everyone laughs.}
LORA
Would you give me a ticket?
MATT
I might let you off with a warning.
LORA
I really should be punished if I break the law.
MATT
I might give you community service.
JASON
If she got a ticket for fucking too fast would you really want her to serve the whole community?
{Everyone laughs again}
LORA
I'm not like that...I'd make them pay.
MATT
Me too.
{Thomas Campbell walks into the room and everyone just stares at him. Matt is holding the pipe and he is just staring at his dad.}
THOMAS "TOM"
Matthew, I can't believe this.
{He walks over and sits down next to his son.}
MATT
Dad, I'm sorry, I...
TOM
You should be sorry.
{He takes it from his hand}
TOM (CONT.)
You pass it to the left, not the right.
{He takes a hit.}
MATT
Cool.
[Cut and open in Billy's room]
{Billy wakes up and sees that Cassie is right next to him. He quietly gets up and walks into the living room. He sees his dad smoking weed with everyone and sits down.}
JASON
I bet that Billy agrees with me.
BILLY
What?
JASON
Is hockey a good sport for women?
BILLY
No, their too fragile.
JASON
You don't think that it could possibly be beneficial to them and their boyfriends?
BILLY
How?
JASON
Well, if they have PMS then they get paid to beat the shit out of someone. That's the female benefit. The male benefit is when she loses all her teeth playing the game then her boyfriend gets the best head of his life.
BILLY
Okay, the idiot has spoken, can anyone else see the problem with what he just said? {No one moves} Oh god...pass that this way.
{They hand him the pipe and he takes a hit.}
[Cut and Open in the living room an hour later]
{Billy is stoned off his ass again}
BILLY
Best head of his life...I get it.
{Morgan Ryan knocks and walks in. Roxi gets up and walks over and they kiss. Morgan whispers something in Roxi's ear and Roxi gets excited and they run out the door.}
MATT
Women.
BILLY
Lesbians.
MATT
Women.
BILLY
Okay fine...Lesbians.
MATT
Exactly.
BILLY
Dumbfuck.
{Paul knocks on the door and comes in.}
PAUL
Damn, who are these people?
MATT
People who need to start going home soon. It's 9:45.
SAMMY
Can I crash at your house, Jas?
JASON
Yeah, but no masturbating to my TLC poster again. It doesn't need tape to stick to the wall anymore.
SAMMY
Deal.
{They get up and walk out the door. Sammy comes back in.}
SAMMY (CONT.)
Catch ya tomorrow, bro.
MATT
Definitely. Wake me up.
{Sammy gives him a thumbs up sign and shuts the door.}
MATT
He really needs to get laid. That virgin is just getting weird.
LORA
I agree. I don't have that problem anymore.
MATT
I'm gonna have to cancel our little movie date tonight.
LORA
Worn out?
MATT
A little, but mostly it's because I am gonna talk to Paulie.
LORA
That's cool. We back on for tomorrow night?
MATT
We'll see. How do I know you're gonna buy the cow when you get the milk for free. {He smiles and they kiss}
LORA
Bye
MATT
Buh-bye.
{Lora walks out the door.}
PAUL
Long night?
MATT
Same ol' same ol'. {Looks at Billy who is falling out of his chair.} You better...dickweed, wake up...you better get Cassie out of the house.
BILLY
Right. {He gets up, takes 3 steps, and falls down.}
TOM
I'm gonna go upstairs and get ready for bed. I have work tomorrow.
MATT
Night Dad.
PAUL
Outside?
MATT
Sure.
{They get up and walk outside as Kim comes inside.}
KIM
Night, Matthew. You feel better?
MATT
I'm fine, Mom. I love you, good night.
KIM
Hi Paul. Matty, bring the trash in before you go to bed, is Paulie staying here tonight.
PAUL
No, I have to get home, I have work tomorrow, Aunt Kim. Thanks though.
{She goes inside and they sit on the porch.}
MATT
I feel like the luckiest man in the world.
PAUL
Why?
MATT
The whole day I was worried that I had turned my ex into a lesbo, but the whole time, I was the one she made an exception for.
PAUL
Roxi?
MATT
Yeah.
PAUL
How did you find out that she was a lesbian?
MATT
Jason made a video tape of her having sex, but Roxi told me and I gave her the tape.
PAUL
What did she do with it?
MATT
She destroyed it.
PAUL
Those two idiots gonna try to get the tape?
MATT
Yep.
PAUL
{Stands up} I gotta get goin'.
MATT
Later. {He starts to go inside}
PAUL
Hey, Matt, I'm not one to give advice, but I heard you and Billy were playing nice today. Try to keep it that way more.
MATT
I'll try. I'll be by tomorrow...same time.
PAUL
Night.
{Matt goes inside and shuts the door. Paul walks down the driveway. The front light goes off and Jason and Sammy sneak over and get the video tape from the ground.}
[Cut and open to a clock that reads (11:13pm). The phone rings and Matt answers it.}
MATT
Hello?
JASON (O.S.)
Hey Matt. I just wanted to give you a chance to check this porno out of Roxi.
MATT
I knew you would take it and fix it.
JASON
Just had to cut out about 2 minutes of the beginning, but it works.
MATT
You go ahead and watch it. I'm not really into porn and definitely lesbian porn. It's degrading to women, disgusting in general, and against all my morals.
{Matt hangs up the phone and goes over to his dresser and opens up the drawer. He pulls out a tape.}
MATT (CONT.)
Just the way I like it.
{He gets a marker out and labels it "Roxi and Morgan Fuck Video" then he puts it away and lays down in bed. He shuts the light off and goes to sleep.}
[Cut and open at Jason's house.]
{Jason and Sammy put the tape in and animal's having sex from a documentary comes on.}
JASON
Matthew Campbell.
SAMMY
No video?
JASON
{Reaches for the light switch.} Nope, good night. {Switches it off}
{A few seconds go by and we hear a pounding sound and we hear someone moan "T-Boz" and the sigh.}
JASON (CONT.)
Samuel Rivers! What did I say about masturbating to my TLC poster?
SAMMY
It was falling off the wall.
[Cut to out takes]
[ C R E D I T S R O L L ]
[FADE OUT]
THE END
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