What Goes on Therapy



What Should I Expect in Psychotherapy?

Will my therapist give me advice?

People sometimes assume that therapists give advice, but this is not how therapy works. Experience shows that advice is rarely helpful, at least not in the long run. Before you came to therapy you probably got a lot of advice. If the advice had really helped, you would not be coming to therapy now. Instead of giving advice, your doctor will help you to make better choices on your own.

What do I do in therapy?

Talk openly about whatever is on your mind without editing or censoring your thoughts. This can be very difficult to do. Some things may seem too unimportant to mention, some things may feel unpleasant or embarrassing, and some things may seem rude or impolite (for example, thoughts and feeling you have about your doctor). Nevertheless, try to talk openly about whatever is on your mind. If you begin to realize that something is preventing you from talking feely and openly, then it is helpful to talk to your doctor about what is getting in the way.

How will this help me?

Sometimes it is hard to see how “just talking” will help, but talking is important. As you talk, you will come to know yourself better and things will become clearer. Studies show that most people benefit from therapy—even people with the most severe problems.

The benefits of therapy are not immediate. At first there may be no obvious connection between what you talking about and how your problems are going to get better. It is like planting a tree. There is no obvious connection between planting seeds and having apples to eat, but if you plant apple seeds and tend to them, eventually there will be apples.

If you start therapy with the idea that you will try it for a session or two just to see what happens, you may be disappointed. That would be like planting seeds, then deciding that planting is unhelpful because there are no apples the next day. Give therapy time to work.

Is therapy like talking to a friend?

It is different in many ways. One difference is that your doctor will not talk much about himself or herself. Friends take turns sharing information, but in therapy you will do most of the talking. Your doctor will learn a great deal about you, but you will not know nearly as much about him or her.

Another difference is that your doctor cannot socialize with you or meet with you outside of your scheduled appointments. S/he cannot accept invitations to lunch, parties, or social events. This has nothing to do with whether your doctor likes you or would enjoy seeing you socially. It is because a therapist cannot have a social relationship with you and also function well as your therapist. In fact, it is considered unethical for therapists to have relationships with patients outside of the therapy relationship.

What if I become angry with my therapist?

When you first start therapy, you should feel that you can talk to your doctor, that s/he is interested in you and able to understand you. If you don’t connect in the beginning, it is probably wiser to choose someone else.

As you continue in therapy, there will almost certainly be times when you are angry with your doctor. This is normal and it helps to be prepared for it. If you feel angry, it is important to tell your doctor how you are feeling. This is not the time to miss appointments or end therapy. It is the time to discuss your feelings, even if that is difficult.

If you have been working comfortably with your doctor and suddenly find yourself feeling angry or wanting to quit, it may mean that therapy has touched on something difficult and important. This is when you may do some of your most important work.

If I am angry, why should I stay in therapy?

Therapy will stir up a lot of strong feelings. As therapy continues, you may have feelings toward your doctor that are similar to feelings you have had toward other important people in your life. This can include hurt, disappointment, frustration, or anger. Talking about these feelings is an important part of your therapy. When you discuss your feelings toward your doctor, you will also be learning about yourself, your reactions to others, and the relationship patterns you create. Eventually you will have more satisfying relationships with other people.

The most important difference between your relationship with your doctor and other relationships is that in therapy you talk about your feelings instead of acting on them. For example, if you are angry with someone else, you might avoid that person. If you are attracted to someone else, you might pursue a romantic relationship. But in therapy you talk about these feelings. This is how therapy works, and this is how you learn about yourself. Any feelings you have are okay. The important thing is to that you talk about them.

Are therapists interested in the unconscious?

You may have heard that therapists are interested in the unconscious. There is nothing mysterious about this. It just means that we do not always understand why we do what we do. A goal of therapy is to help you understand.

For example, there may have been a time when you were angry with someone but didn’t know why. Sometimes this happens when a person reminds you of someone else, but you don’t realize it. You are angry with one person but take it out on another.

In this example, understanding the unconscious would mean little more than remembering why you are angry and recognizing that the two people are different. Sometimes this can take a lot of work. Why is this important? Why should it matter? Because if you take your anger out on the wrong person, you could spoil a relationship you might otherwise enjoy. If, for example, that relationship is with your partner, spouse, or boss, you may be in for a rough time.

Other people may want you to quit

As therapy proceeds, people close to you may discourage you from continuing. This is often an indication that you are changing, and the changes are puzzling and troubling to the people who know you. Sometimes the people closest to you will become convinced that you are getting worse, just when you are starting to get better. It helps to be prepared for this.

You may have trouble keeping appointments

There may be times when you have trouble keeping your appointments. You won’t be able to get away from work, your family will need you at home, and so on. These things will seem completely unrelated to therapy. The strange thing is that they often happen just when therapy starts to touch on things that are difficult. This is when you will do some of your most important work. Don’t judge beforehand how important an appointment will be. Resolve to keep each and every appointment no matter what.

Ending therapy

Ending is an important part of therapy. As you think about ending, things will come up that did not come up before. This is a time to do important work. It is a time to reflect on what you have and have not accomplished, and on what lies ahead. Don’t shortchange yourself by ending therapy without allowing time for discussion. Discuss your decision with your therapist well in advance, so there will be time to talk about it during your appointments.

Ask questions

This handout explains some things that are helpful to know when you start therapy. You may have many more questions. Ask your doctor about anything you don’t understand. Sometimes your doctor may want to explore the thoughts and feelings behind your question instead of just answering it, so the two of you can learn more about how your mind works. But don’t hesitate to ask. Therapy is not something done to you, like a medical procedure. It is a collaboration, and it works best when you are an active and knowledgeable participant.

................
................

In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.

Google Online Preview   Download