Lukaszewski



The Power of a NoteBy Fred BauerPublished in the December 1991 issue of Reader’s DigestA few lines can brighten a day, motivate a co-worker – and sometimes change a life.On my first job as sports editor from the Montpelier (Ohio) Leader Enterprise, I didn’t get a lot of fan mail, so I was intrigued by a letter plopped on my desk one morning. The envelope bore the logo of the closest big-city paper, the Toledo Blade. When I opened it, I read: “Sweet piece of writing on the Tigers. Keep up the good work.” It was signed by Don Wolfe, the sports editor. Because I was a teen-ager (being paid the grand total of 15 cents a column inch), his words couldn’t have been more exhilarating. I kept the letter in my desk drawer until it got rag-eared. Whenever I doubted I had the right stuff to be a writer, I would reread Don’s note and walk on air again. Later, when I got to know him, I learned that Don made a habit of jotting a quick, encouraging word to people in all walks of life. “When I make others feel good about themselves,” he told me, “I feel good too.”Not surprisingly, he had a body of friends as big as nearby Lake Erie. When he died last year at 75, the paper was inundated with calls and letters from people who had been recipients of his spirit-lifting words. Mr. Toledo Blade, as he came to be known, had indeed made them feel good about themselves. Over the years, I’ve tried to emulate Don and other friends who care enough to write uplifting comments, because I think they are on to something important. In a world too often cold and unresponsive, such notes are springs of warmth and reassurance. We all need a boost from time to time, and a few lines of praise have been known to turn around a day; even a life. Why, then, are upbeat note writers in such short supply? My guess is that many who shy away from the practice are too self-conscious. They're afraid they'll be misunder?stood, sound corny or fawning. Also, writing takes time; it's far easier to pick up the phone. The drawback with phone calls, of course, is that they don't last. A note attaches more importance to our well-wishing. It is a matter of record, and our words can be read more than once, savored and treasured. Even though note writing may take longer, some pretty busy people do it, including George Bush. Some say he owes much of his success in politics to his ever-ready pen. How? Throughout his career he has followed up virtually every contact with a cordial response-a compliment, a line of praise or a nod of thanks. His notes go not only to friends and associates, but to casual acquaintances and total strangers - like the surprised person who got a warm, calligraphic back pat for lending Bush an umbrella. Even members of the news me?dia, not normally any President's favorite pen pals, have received solicitous notes from the Command?er-in-Chief. And so have members of their families. One summer day, when Bush invited some of the press corps to Kennebunkport for a barbecue, the young daughter of Jack Gallivan, a director of ABC's "Primetime Live," went swimming in the Bushes' pool and lost her tooth. Noticing Katie Gallivan crying, Bush asked her what had happened. When he heard, he knew from his own children what that meant: no proof under the pillow for the Tooth Fairy! He called an aide to bring him a Presidential note card bearing an etching of his Kennebunkport house. Bush made a small X on the card and wrote: Dear Tooth Fairy – Katie’s tooth came out where the X is. It really did – I promise.-George Bush It fulfilled the best prerequisites for inspirational note writing: it was short on verbiage and long on empathy. And most important, it dried Katie's tears. Another gifted Presidential note writer was Abraham Lincoln. One of his most famous personal letters was a tender condolence to Mrs. Lydia Bixby of Boston, who had lost two sons in battle. "I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should at?tempt to beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming," he wrote. "I pray that our Heavenly 'Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom."Lincoln's wartime letter of loss brings to mind a more recent conflict and some letters of gain. When a New Jersey newspaper urged its subscribers to write to service men and women in Operation Desert Storm, schoolteacher Connie Stanzione accepted the challenge with patriotic fervor. In all, she sent 50 or so letters to anonymous troops. "I told them how proud I was of them and how much I appreciated their sacrifices for the cause of freedom," she recalls. One who wrote back was 30-year-old Army sergeant Kerry Walters, who thanked Connie for her thoughtfulness. She answered him, and so it went. Gradually, as they exchanged let?ters about themselves, they became friends.After they traded photographs, romance blossomed. Their letters were no longer signed "your friend," but "with love" and "fondly." After a $129 phone call, Kerry sent a letter that concluded: "I pray that I've touched your heart like you have touched mine and that you would like to build a family together. Constance, will you marry me?" Connie immediately accepted. Fittingly, their wedding ceremony included an inspirational message about love from one of the most famous letter writers of all time-St. Paul. His first letter to a small, embattled band of Christians in Corinth so challenged and inspired them that it has been treasured and preserved for 2000 years. I Corinthians 13 tells us that love never ends. And that is exactly the power in words of praise.Even top corporate managers, who have mostly affected styles of leadership that can be characterized only as tough, cold and aloof, have begun to learn the lesson, and earn the benefits, of writing notes that lift people up. Former Ford chairman Donald Petersen, who is largely credited for turning the company around in the 1980s, made it a practice to jot positive messages to associates every day. ''I'd just scribble them on a memo pad or the corner of a letter and pass them along," he says. "The most important ten minutes of your day are those you spend doing something to boost the people who work for you." "Too often," he observed, "people we genuinely like have no idea how we feel about them. Too often we think, I haven't said anything critical; why do I have to say something positive? We forget that human beings need positive reinforcement-in fact, we thrive on it!" What does it take to write letters that lift spirits and warm hearts? Only unselfish eyes and a willingness to express our appreciation. The most successful practitioners include what I call the four "S's" of note writing: 1. They are sincere. No one wants their sails filled with smoke. 2. They are usually short. If you can't speak your piece in three sentences, you're probably straining. 3. They are specific. Complimenting a business colleague by telling him "good speech" is one thing; "great story about Warren Buffet's investment strategy,' is another. 4. They are spontaneous. This gives them the freshness and enthu?siasm that will linger in the reader's mind long afterward.It’s difficult to be spontaneous when you have to hunt for letter?writing materials, so I keep paper, envelopes and stamps close at hand, even when I travel. Fancy stationery isn't necessary; it's the thought that counts. So, who around you deserves a note of thanks or approval? A neighbor, your librarian, a relative, your mayor, your mate, a teacher, your doctor? You don't need to be poetic. If you need a reason, look for a milestone, the anniversary of a special event you shared, or a birthday or holiday. For the last 25 years, I've prepared an annual Christmas letter for long-distance friends, and I often add a handwritten word of thanks or congratulations. Acknowledging some success or good fortune that has happened during the year seems particularly appro?priate considering the spirit of the season.Don’t be stinting with your praise. Superlatives like "greatest," "smartest," "prettiest"-they make us all feel good. Even if your plaudits run a little ahead of reality, remember that expectations are often the parents of dreams fulfilled. Today I got a warm, complimentary letter from my old boss and mentor, Norman Vincent Peale. He once told me that the purpose of writing inspirational notes (he is the best three-sentence letter writer I have ever known) is simply "to build others up because there are too many people in the demolition business today." His little note to me was full of uplifting phrases, and it sent me to my typewriter to compose a few overdue letters of my own. I don't know if they will make anybody else's day, but they made mine. As my friend Don Wolfe said, making others feel good about themselves makes me feel good too. ................
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