FADE IN:



Peanuts are for Monkeys

By Yair Packer

FADE IN:

INT. BAR - NIGHT

Some 10 people sitting at tables. 5 people at the bar. Fred, the barman puts down the phone. He walks over to Rick and Linda who sit at the bar drinking and eating peanuts.

FRED

That was Junkuro. He's on his way. Something to do with our lottery ticket.

LINDA

You and Junkuro hold a lottery ticket together ?

FRED

Yeah. Had it for 3 years. 4589321. (beat) We never won anything.

RICK

Says Who?

FRED

Junkuro.

LINDA

Ha.

RICK

(to Linda)

Come on Linda. Junkuro wouldn't cheat Fred here. They've been best friends

for years.

FRED

I know.

RICK

Know what? That Junkuro wouldn't cheat you or that you two are friends?

FRED

Both I guess.

Linda laughs.

LINDA

Rick doesn't believe in friendship unless there's fucking something in it for him.

RICK

True. (beat) Have my reasons.

LINDA

(to Fred)

How much did he say you won?

FRED

He didn't say much. Just that he's coming over to talk about the ticket.

LINDA

There's nothing to talk about unless you've won.

RICK

It won't be less than a thousand dollars.

FRED

I don't know if we won anything.

RICK

So why should he tell you he's coming over ? He knows you're here.

It's your fucking bar.

A man at a table raises his hand to Fred. Fred goes to him. .Rick eats the peanuts.

LINDA

Rick salt is not good for your blood pressure.

RICK

They're not that salty. (beat) The old ones were much better. Fred probably

has a new supplier.

LINDA

Told Fred he was going to get lucky this week. I had this dream where there

were a lot of zeroes above his head.

RICK

Like the Saint?

LINDA

What Saint ?

RICK

The TV series.

LINDA

He had only one and it was a circle not a zero.

RICK

So how the fuck do you know that what Fred had over his head were

zeroes and not circles? Like the Olympic?

LINDA

The circles in the Olympic are linked. Fred's zeroes were one on top of

the other. (beat) There were four or five of them.

RICK

Four is 10,000 dollars.

Fred comes back.

RICK (CONT'D)

Fred listen. The peanuts are no good. Almost no salt.

Fred takes one and licks it.

FRED

Enough.

Rick takes another peanut and touches the surface. He hands it to Fred.

RICK

Here. Feel it. It's almost smooth and it shouldn't be. Told you no salt.

Fred takes the peanut and touches it.

FRED

I can feel the salt.

LINDA

Fred's fingers are more sensitive than yours Rick.

RICK

They are not. (beat) I played the piano.

LINDA

So?

RICK

You got to have sensitive fingers for the piano.

LINDA

Bullshit. Who told you that?

RICK

Mrs. Bernard. The piano teacher.

FRED

But she has been dead for at least 20 years.

LINDA

18. I just finished high school. Mrs. Bernard was supposed to play at

the ceremony.

FRED

Had one lesson. (beat) She said I did not have the touch.

RICK

(to Linda)

See? Told you. Fred doesn't have sensitive fingers.

Rick takes a peanut and licks it.

RICK (CONT'D)

This one is just right.

FRED

You approve?

LINDA

You expect Fred to lick every goddamn peanut that Mr. Solomon sells

him.

FRED

Old Solomon is retied . It's his son now. Al. (beat) Another round of

beer Rick?

RICK

Al's old Solomon son ?

FRED

Adopted. (beat) He's OK.

RICK

Junkuro's OK. Al's OK. Do you know anyone who's not OK Fred?

FRED

Don't think so.

LINDA

(to Rick)

He trusts people. That's good.

Junkuro walks in. He walks over to Rick and Linda. Sits next to them.

JUNKURO

Hi folks. Give me double whisky Frederick.

RICK

Frederick?

FRED

That's my whole name Rick.

RICK

(to Junkuro)

How come you call him by his full name Junkuro ?

JUNKURO

Guess school days.

(to Fred)

How about that whiskey?

RICK

Don't know anyone who calls Fred by his full name.

JUNKURO

His mom does.

FRED

No she doesn't. She calls me Freddie.

RICK

See.

LINDA

Does it really matter Rick?

RICK

Anyone who calls his friend by his full name can't be his friend.

JUNKURO

Suit yourself Rick. (beat) Give me the whiskey Fred.

FRED

Sure.

(to Rick and Linda)

What for you?

LINDA

Beer.

RICK

Nothing. I'm driving.

Fred goes away.

RICK (CONT'D)

(to Junkuro)

How you been Junkuro ?

JUNKURO

OK. Nothing new.

RICK

Did you meet good luck today?

JUNKURO

Like what?

Fred comes back. He puts whisky in front of Junkuro and beer in front of Linda.

FRED

What's new Junkuro?

Junkuro drinks the whisky and takes peanuts. He eats them.

RICK

How's the salt Junkuro?

JUNKURO

What?

LINDA

Rick says Old Solomon's peanuts had more salt.

JUNKURO

Sure. Salt’s cheaper than peanuts and adds to weight. Solomon cheated.

You get a lot of salt and less peanuts in a pound. No salt is a better deal.

RICK

Knew there was a reason.

Junkuro drinks the whisky.

JUNKURO

Fred?

FRED

Yeah.

JUNKURO

Let's talk.

He points to a distant table.

FRED

Sure

RICK

Secrets Junkuro?

JUNKURO

Privacy.

LINDA

Fred can't leave the bar. (beat) Suppose someone wants something in a hurry?

FRED

Like what?

Linda and Rick look at each other.

RICK

Suppose a guy just buried his mother and he wants to drown her memory

in a drink.

FRED

God rest her soul. How old was she ?

RICK

Don't know. Does it matter ?

FRED

If she was very old than the guy is not so young. So he has wife and kids.

Let him go home and drink there.

LINDA

You'll lose his business.

JUNKURO

How come you two care so much about Fred's leaving the bar for two minutes.

LINDA

We're friends. (beat) True friends.

RICK

Anything that can be said in two minutes isn't that important.

Fred comes out of the bar. He walks to a distant table.

Junkuro takes the bowl of peanuts and his drink. He joins Fred.

RICK (CONT'D)

He had no business taking the peanuts with him.

LINDA

You didn't like them.

RICK

Still.

Rick puts his head down and presses his ear to the bar.

LINDA

You OK ?

RICK

Shh. Trying to listen to what they're saying. (beat). Old Indian trick.

LINDA

Stupid. It works only in movies.

RICK

Shh.

Fred and Junkuro sit.

FRED

Well. What is it Junkuro?

JUNKURO

Well (beat) You've been to the Zoo?

FRED

What zoo?

JUNKURO

The Zoo on Golden Heights.

FRED

Oh. The small one.

JUNKURO

I work there.

FRED

Yeah. You mow the lawns and stuff.

JUNKURO

Gardener.

FRED

Yeah. Sure. (beat) So?

JUNKURO

The lottery was two days ago. You remember the number of our ticket?

FRED

4589321

JUNKURO

4589321? You sure?

FRED

Positive. I even got it written down somewhere. (he gets up) I'll get it.

JUNKURO

Sit down Fred. It was 4589321.

FRED

Was?

JUNKURO

It won a 1000 dollar.

FRED

We had to get lucky sometime. (beat) It came just in time.

JUNKURO

I'm afraid it's not that simple Fred.

Fred gets up and goes to the bar. He pours himself a drink, Rick looks at him.

FRED

Shut up Rick.

(to Linda) You too.

Fred goes back to his chair. He sits and drinks.

FRED (CONT'D)

I'm listening.

JUNKURO

I don't know how to say that.

(beat)

You know the big ape Bomba?

FRED

The one with the red ass?

JUNKURO

Yeah. Well I was mowing the grass next to his cage when I remembered that

the lottery was the day before and they had the numbers in the paper. So I pulled

the paper out of my pocket to look at the numbers. I see that 489321 won 1000

dollars. Only I wasn't sure if the 1 in our ticket was before the 2 or after so I had

to check.

Fred nods. Junkuro eats peanuts.

JUNKURO (CONT'D)

Rick was right you know. Not enough salt.

FRED

The ticket Junkuro. The ticket.

JUNKURO

I have the paper in one hand and the ticket in the other hand when this Bomba

reaches out and grabs the ticket. Before I could do anything he puts it in his

mouth and eats it. The goddamn ticket with the whole number. He didn't even

chew.

Fred looks at him.

FRED

Hi did what?

JUNKURO

You heard me. He ate it.

FRED

He could've eaten the paper?

JUNKURO

(laughs)

Maybe he didn't like the news.

FRED

And you did nothing? You watched him eat it and did nothing? Why didn't you

call the guard?

JUNKURO

It was gone I tell you.

FRED

Why did you hold it so close to the cage?

JUNKURO

I didn't think...

FRED

We had a 1000 dollars lottery ticket and a fucking monkey had it for lunch just

because you didn't think.

JUNKURO

Bomba isn't a monkey. He's an ape.

FRED

How do I know?

JUNKURO

Well it says there on the cage " Bomba the ape... "

FRED

Why would a monkey have our ticket for lunch?

JUNKURO

I just told you.

FRED

Even if I take your word that this Bomba ate a lottery ticket how do I know

it was 4589321 ? Maybe it was your personal ticket?

JUNKURO

What personal ticket? (beat) I never bought a personal ticket.

FRED

Why is that?

JUNKURO

I never had any luck.

FRED

But the monkey was lucky.

JUNKURO

No he wasn't. He could have cashed it.

FRED

You playing dumb with me Junkuro? Because if you're I'll kill you.

JUNKURO

I wouldn't invent such a story. If you don't believe me...

FRED

You bet your fucking life I don't believe you and I'll prove that you are liar.

Fred gets up and goes to Rick and Linda.

FRED (CONT'D)

Linda I want you to be an ape in the zoo.

LINDA

What?

FRED

Linda ape you Tarzan

FRED (CONT'D)

For a few minutes only. (beat) I want to show something to Junkuro.

RICK

Told you.

FRED

Will you Linda?

LINDA

OK.

RICK

How about me? I can be the guard or a visitor.

FRED

No. You stay right where you are.

Fred takes Linda to the table. She sits and looks at Junkuro in question. Junkuro shrugs. Fred collects a few chairs and makes a circle. He goes to Linda.

FRED (CONT'D)

Come on Linda. Get into the circle and be an ape.

Linda gets into the circle of chair. Fred goes to the bar and comes back with two paper napkins' one white and the other red. He takes out a pen and writes something on each napkin. He gives the napkins to Junkuro.

FRED (CONT'D)

The white napkin is the ticket and the red one is the paper.

JUNKURO

What kind of a game is it Fred?

FRED

Linda is this monkey.

JUNKURO

The ape Bomba ?

FRED

Yeah. (beat) Linda is in a cage like Bomba. Now show me how close to the

cage were you when Bomba grabbed the ticket.

FRED (CONT’D)

(to Linda)

When Junkuro gets close to your cage try to grab the white napkin. OK?

LINDA

Sure.

FRED

Go Junkuro. Take the napkins. Remember White - ticket, Red - paper.

Junkuro takes the white napkin in his left hand and the red in his right hand. He walks close to the circle of chairs and starts to circle it.

FRED (CONT'D)

Hold it Junkuro.

Junkuro stops.

FRED (CONT'D)

No one in his right mind walks that close to a monkey cage unless he wants to

have his head removed. Move 10 inches to the left.

Junkuro moves a little to the left. He starts to walk. Linda tries to reach his left hand but can't. It's too far. Junkuro switches napkins. Now Linda grabs the white napkin.

FRED (CONT'D)

OK. Thank you Linda.

Linda gets out of the " cage " and goes to the bar. Fred takes the red napkin from Junkuro's left hand. Rick applauds.

FRED (CONT'D)

(to Junkuro)

I have just found out your price for friendship. A 1000 dollars. Get out.

JUNKURO

I remembered that I had the ticket in my right hand so I switched napkins.

FRED

Come on Junkuro. You had the ticket in your wallet in the right back pocket.

So you reached for it with the right hand and took out the ticket with your left

hand. It was much easier for Bomba to grab the paper. Now get out. (beat)

I also don't believe that we had 4589321 for three years and never won anything.

JUNKURO

You can't prove anything Frederick.

FRED

Don't need to. Stay the hell out of my life and my bar.

Junkuro walks out. Fred arranges the chairs.

RICK

(to Linda)

What was it ?

LINDA

Price of friendship.

RICK

The ticket?

LINDA

Yeah. It won a 1000 dollars.

RICK

Three zeroes.

LINDA

Three zeroes and one in front.

RICK

So Fred won 500 dollars.

LINDA

He did and he didn't collect. Junkuro said a monkey ate it.

RICK

Come on. Monkeys don't eat paper.

LINDA

Maybe it was an ape or something.

RICK

Fred didn't buy that story did he?

LINDA

Don't think so.

RICK

Junkuro must have thought that Fred was stupid.

Fred comes back with the bowl of peanuts. He puts it away behind the bar.

FRED

I'm going to call Al Solomon.

RICK

Right. Tell him about the salt on them peanuts. He can't fool you.

FRED

I am asking him to bring almonds with plenty of salt. Peanuts are for

monkeys.

FADE OUT.

................
................

In order to avoid copyright disputes, this page is only a partial summary.

Google Online Preview   Download