Welcome to Coaching - Leadership That Works



Igniting Transformation Through Coaching

Agenda

Welcome and Introduction to Coaching

Coaching Demonstration

Empowering Questions Brainstorm

Coaching Practice – Empowering Questions

24 Coaching Skills

Three Choices for Listening

Coaching Practice – Listening for Transformation

Empathy Poker – Awareness of Feelings and Needs

Coaching Demo – GROW Model including Requests and Challenges

Coaching Practice – GROW Model

Whole Group Sharing

Appreciations

Becoming a Professional Coach Q&A

Closing

Evaluations

Four Guidelines of the Learning Laboratory

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These guidelines help you get the most out of this coaching program. Step in fully to practicing and playing with the skills, deepening them, taking risks and asking for feedback. Take risks in your practice and play so that you make mistakes and learn from them. Celebrate wildly, both the failures and successes.

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Coaching for Transformation is a dynamic process, beginning and ending with the client. The client brings something to the coaching session and the coach first steps into creating awareness of self, the client and the environment. From this starting place the coach engages with the client, using the foundation of the core beliefs and the coaching skills.

The coaching impacts the client’s presence, awareness, alignment, wisdom, creation and integration. Based on this impact, the client responds to the coach. The coach, with awareness of self, the client and the environment, continues coaching until the client’s desired outcome is realized.

Definitions of Client Outcomes

Presence—ability to be more fully in the moment, no matter what is happening.

Awareness—ability to tune into whatever is present in self, others and the environment.

Alignment—sense of “coming home” to yourself, to notice what is true about yourself at the deepest level. Congruity between the different aspects of the self, including body, mind and emotions.

Wisdom—deep learning, reflections and inner knowing.

Creation—action that arises from coaching. “Making it real” involves planning, action steps and accountability. An act is a creation when the action comes from inner and outer alignment.

Integration—assimilating the wisdom and the learning from the creation. Integration is the process of consciously receiving, savoring and building upon the experience.

Transformational Relationship

In transformational coaching you create an essence-to-essence relationship. You look for and bring out the client’s essence, and at the same time, bring your own essence to the relationship. People transform to the degree that they are seen, understood and recognized for the gifts they have to offer. One powerful way that clients are seen is in the feedback the coach offers about the client’s impact on the coach.

This pioneering model of coaching holds the polarity between pure client focus and commitment to the possibility of a transformational relationship between coach and client. The primary purpose of coaching is to foster opportunities for transformation in the client. The coach simultaneously steps wholeheartedly into both sides of the coaching equation by sharing their own transformation when it will serve the client. Coaches are transformed just by witnessing the powerful shifts in their clients. Naming the impact the client has on the coach can serve as a source of inspiration.

As a coach you want to put 100% attention on the client, with the intention of maximizing opportunities for client growth and transformation. At the same time you can hold the intention that the power of the coaching relationship can also create growth opportunities that transform the coach.

Listening

Listening is a foundational part of the coaching process with three areas of focus. As a coach in training, one of the most important skills you can develop is to become aware of what level of listening you are operating from. Once you are aware, you can shift your listening to best serve your client.

Awareness brought to any listening level deepens the impact of the listening.

The three levels of listening are Self-focused Listening, Client-focused Listening and Transformational Listening.

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Self-focused Listening

Self-focused listening includes listening to your thoughts, body, emotions and intuition. When you bring your awareness to self-focused listening, you often shift from reacting and judgment into the wisdom of the entire body-mind system. This heightens and makes intuition more accessible.

When you cultivate inner awareness and follow your intuition, your coaching is more in tune with what is happening in the moment. You become more effective, and model the practices you want your client to develop. Self awareness nourishes your ability to listen deeply to another.

Self-focused listening ranges from paying attention to transient thoughts about what you’re going to have for dinner to deep awareness of what is happening in the moment.

Examples:

← Noticing your limiting beliefs about what the client is saying

← Staying present with or exploring the meaning of the butterflies in your stomach

← Listening to your intuition telling you to explore your feeling of alarm

← Trusting your desire to share a metaphor

← Noticing that you are triggered, you decide to nurture yourself after coaching

Client-focused Listening

In client-focused listening you narrow your focus so that all your attention is on the other person. Listening to content and word choice helps you get clarity about what is most important to the speaker. But you can also hear what the client is not saying. Pay attention to the nuances of the client’s mannerisms, pace, volume and tone. Conscious, clear, empathic listening fosters self-awareness in, and is affirming for your client.

Examples:

← Hearing the words of the client’s story, and listening for the underlying desires

← Listening for the needs and values at stake when a client appears to be stuck

← Noticing the client’s excitement as the voice gets louder and more energized

← Hearing the change in emotions when the client shifts to new revelations

← Your client repeatedly says he doesn’t want to talk about sadness and you hear in their tone it is not going away by avoiding it. You also hear the underlying desire for relief

Transformational Listening

Transformational listening is hearing all that’s happening within self, client, and the environment, then sensing the meaning, potential movement, and appropriate timing that is required. Hearing the whole symphony, you have a heightened sense of the flow of the coaching conversation and the client’s inner process. You can sense and hear the openings, new possibilities, emerging opportunities and forces that generate change.

Awareness is inherent in transformational listening, which creates an environment that fosters opportunities for profound personal transformation. As a coach, you intuit moments of opening, sense feelings, perceptions, and insights and help clients become aware of what is waiting to be born. There is a dance between your knowing and your client’s knowing.

At the heart of transformational listening is listening for who the client is becoming and what is possible for this client. Holding the client as resourceful and whole is a foundation for transformational listening.

Examples:

← Your client may be talking about something ordinary in their life and you see the bigger picture for them.

← You share an intuition with your client that takes them to an exciting or intriguing realization.

← You and your client begin focusing on the same thing at the same time in an effortless flow that moves into new territory.

← Your client is on a roll and you are following where they are going as a dance in which you both sense creation happening as you go.

Shifting Your Focus of Listening

As a coach, you practice the skill of self-management by noticing your internal conversation, and bring your attention back to client-focused listening. You can hold your attention on all three areas of listening simultaneously, or you can hold your focus on one area, staying continuously aware of what will serve your client. For instance, you may shift through all three areas of focus rapidly when you connect with your intuition. Your intuition may be informed by self-focused awareness, and when you share your intuition you pick up the client’s reaction as you shift to a client focus, and then shift to the focus on transformation as you notice the opening that occurs in the client.

Enhance Your Listening by

← creating trust—reduces resistance

← being curious—cultivates receptivity

← staying in the moment—increases engagement

← reflecting core values—enhances ownership

← allowing for silence—creates space for intuition and feeling

← capturing opportunities—generates proactive behavior

Reflective Listening:

Clarifying, Reflecting Back and Articulating

The process of reflective listening is the cornerstone of coaching. The three critical elements of reflective listening are clarifying, reflecting back and articulating. When we focus on the words, tone and body language, and then reflect back the content and the client’s desires, we build trust. Trust leads to understanding and growth. Reflective listening means hearing and supporting the client’s true self-expression.

As a coach, you listen for what is most important to the client. Reflection leads to deeper understanding of values, beliefs, aspirations, fears and dreams that are the heart of the client’s experience. Reflection can help your client gain clarity.

“I follow you,” “I’m with you” or “I understand,” don’t contribute to connection as much as paraphrasing or summarizing. Instead of saying you understand, show that you understand. Show the speaker that you understand deeply, accurately and non-judgmentally. Even if your reflection isn’t quite accurate, when clients see that you are trying to understand, they experience an energy shift and willingly explore more deeply.

Reflecting might take the form of rephrasing what was just said so that the client can take it in on a deeper level. Pay attention to the particular words which seem to catch the essence of what your client is expressing. You might articulate what you see happening in the client, in the space or in the coaching relationship. Reflecting is not parroting what the client has just said. Parroting is a stalling technique and will not bring greater movement or wisdom to the client.

Here is an example of reflective listening:

Client: I am not creating this chapter for the book the way I had hoped.

Coach (reflecting): So you are not creating this chapter the way you had hoped.

Coach (articulating): I can sense hesitation in your voice as you speak about creating this chapter.

Coach (clarifying): Is it that you are stuck or something else? Can you tell me more?

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← Listen more than you talk

← Clarify, paraphrase or summarize the content

← Reflect back what is personal rather than what is abstract

← Restate not just the facts but the emotions and values

Core Transformational Coaching Skills

Acknowledging – helping clients see, and take in, things they may not see about their strengths.

Example: “You have showed such vulnerability in asking for what you want from your boss.”

Articulating – succinctly describing what is happening in the moment and validating your client’s experience. Articulating can speak to what is happening for the client as well as what is happening in the relationship between coach and client.

Example: Client talks about something they are afraid of. You hear excitement as well, and say “I sense excitement as well as fear.” Follow an articulation with a powerful question.

Asking Empowering Questions – asking open-ended questions to evoke self reflection, clarity, insight and action.

Example: “What is next?” “What is important about this?” “What stands out to you?”

Attuning to Aliveness: Offering a quality of presence, energy and connection while engaging with your client.

Example: Your excitement about speaking your truth to your boyfriend comes through your voice. What is the impact of this level of authenticity?

Brainstorming – generating ideas, expanding new possibilities or developing strategies.

Example: “Sally, let’s come up with all the ways you can have fun at work.” Coach offers ideas along with the client’s ideas.

Challenging – requesting your client stretch beyond their limitations. A challenge is more than a simple request. It pushes people beyond what they think is possible so they stretch their thinking and sometimes results in doing more than they originally thought possible.

Example: “I challenge you to give up doing your life alone.” Your client can accept or deny the challenge, as well as re-negotiate it.

Championing – believing in and encouraging the resourcefulness, and highlighting your client’s desire or ability.

Example: “I have seen you make life-serving decisions before and know you can make this one too.”

Clarifying – articulating needs and values in order to verify understanding. More than repeating the words, clarifying speaks to the deeper message or implication. Clarifying includes articulating, reframing and asking powerful questions.

Example: “I sense you are looking for security and autonomy in this new move.”

Creating Metaphors – using images, stories and pictures that engage the right brain and deepens the learning by reflecting the essence of your client’s situation.

Example: “Jasmine, this difficult conversation you need to have with your sister feels like a stone over your heart.” Or, “What is an image or metaphor which captures the essence of your experience?”

Creating Trust – developing safe space, including the five elements of trust: reliability, acceptance, openness, straightforwardness and caring. When we consistently do what we say, accept others without judgment, openly give and receive feedback, speak our truth and show we care, we build trust.

Example: “Joe, I have watched you give up on yourself in this project over and over. I have also seen you go for what you need and want in the past. How can you create what you need so you can take a stand for what you want in this project?”

Embodying Curiosity – Stepping into the unknown with childlike openness for the sake of exploring what is possible. Instead of responding to the situation as a problem, the coach explores with a beginners mind and resists the temptation to problem solve.

Example: “So you are stuck. What is that like for you?”

Embracing Polarities – naming needs, ideas, experiences, and feelings that appear to be in conflict, and holding them precious, without making one side more important than the other.

Example: “So you want freedom and security. How can you have both?” You may ask your client to first step into the experience of freedom and then into the experience of security and notice the difference in each place.

Deepening Wisdom – creating opportunities for self discovery and insights based on your client’s experiences and intuition .

Example: “It sounds like you learned a lot from the experience. What is the nugget that you most appreciate?”

Engaging Experience – focusing the client on the physical, emotional, sensual elements of the topic rather than “talking about” the topic.

Example: “You are talking about your new collaboration. Will you step into pool of collaboration? What is it like here for you? What does the water of collaboration feel like?”

Exploring the Metaview – helping your client see the big picture or birds-eye view of a situation in order to move out of tunnel vision. You can take your client to the metaview in either space or time.

Example: “Terry, imagine you are flying above this situation, like a hawk, and can see all the pieces. What do you see?”

Establishing Accountability – creating structures to verify the action plan is on track or to remind clients to actively live their values, vision or goals.

Example: “What will you do? When will you do it? How will I know?”

Holding the Focus – paying attention to your client’s desires and what matters most.

Example: “Let’s go back to the relationship with yourself. How does this new awareness of integrity change your relationship with yourself?” or “You have said you want more clarity out of this session. How clear are you now?”

Holding Silence – knowing when to be quiet in order for your client to look internally. Pausing in this way allows space for both coach’s and client’s intuition

Example: “………………………………………………………………………..…”

Holding Client’s Agenda – Identifying what your client wants Listening for what matters to your client, both in the big picture of their lives and in the moment.

Example: “Sam, I know you want to look at how to manage your time, and what is most important about that? How will managing your time affect your life?”

Interrupting – cutting through storytelling or reporting to focus on what your client already knows in order to capture the essence of what’s expressed. Interrupting is done in service of getting back to exploring what matters most.

Example: “Tessa stop. What is the essence of what you are saying? What is important about it?”

Intuiting – trusting your inner knowing and expressing your gut reactions.

Example: “I have a sense (hunch, intuition) that there is a black veil over this whole situation. How does that resonate with you?”

Moving into Action – co-creating or requesting movement toward goals that are aligned with your client’s values, vision, and desires. This could include brainstorming all the possible ways a client can create forward movement.

Example: “What can you do this week to make this real?”

Offering an Inquiry –. asking powerful questions that help people explore new learning and insights more deeply over time. An inquiry focuses on learning and awareness, not action.

Example: “Joanne, what is love to you?”

Planning – eliciting direction, goals and the action plan to monitor progress.

Example: “Fred, what is the first step in making this goal happen?”

Reflecting Empathically – listening and reflecting feelings, needs, values or vision. Hearing the deepest motivation by focusing on what your client wants at the core.

Example: “Zoe, are you excited because you’ve been longing for mutuality and partnership?”

Reflecting the Essence – mirroring back what was said, sometimes verbatim and sometimes with fewer words. To move your client toward deeper wisdom, the coach fully receives what was said, and reflects back not just the words, but the energy. Reflecting often creates an energetic shift in the client.

Example: Jen says she’s tired of being so nice and wants people to listen to her. Coach listens, takes in her longing, then reflects back: “Jen, you want to express yourself more freely and you want to be heard.”

Re-framing – sharing a new perspective that opens up broader possibilities.

Example: “I know this seems like a dead end to you. How might this be the next step toward your dream?”

Requesting – asking for a specific action without being attached to the outcome. Client responds with yes, no, or counter-offer. Requests begin with “will you?”

Example: “Denny, will you spend 20 minutes a day being with the most powerful part of yourself?”

Self-Managing – Putting attention on your client without getting caught in your own internal reactions. Following your intuition without judging, giving advice, or holding back.

Example: Your client comes with a crisis in their relationship. It is the same crisis you are facing in your own relationship. As coach, you notice you are -triggered, and promise to take time for yourself after the session. Then you step into curious client-focused listening.

Separating Distinctions – identifying when two or more concepts are collapsed together and helping your client to separate them.

Example: “Steve, I see you have your fee in this job collapsed with your worth as a person. Let’s pull those apart and look at them individually.”

Setting Goals – setting intentions for desired outcomes that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time bound and communicated.

Example: “What will you create and how will that look when it is complete?”

Using Natural Openings: Watching for obvious opportunities that arise for self-awareness, learning, new directions, transformation, or action.

Example: “What is the easy way?” ”What is the opening that is right in front of you?”

Visioning – exploring the big picture and creating a visual picture of what is wanting to come into being. You take your client into the experience of the vision before asking what they see.

Example: “Mary, take away all the limits and imagine you are successful beyond your wildest dreams. What do you see?”

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