Emotional Sobriety And Food – "… to be able to Twelfth ...



Step Three “Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him.”Set aside prayer: God please enable me to set aside everything I think I know for an open mind and a new experience. Help me see the Truth about the failure of my life run on self-will and my decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God.Instructions: read and highlight: BB pages 58-63Step 3 in the 12 & 12 (can also look at NA 12 & 12 and OA 12 & 12)Below are 2 ways to conceptualize this step:PrincipleTheme/SolutionActionDefectResult Faith (Keystone)Let HimGod-DependencePractice WillingnessSelf-relianceSelf SufficiencySerenityA new relationship that begins the “turning” from self to God.PurposeProcessExperienceResultPromiseDecide on a relationship with GodIdentify the relationship you need to have with GodMake a decision to have this relationship, which makes it happen.Begin to act as if it has been establishedI will comprehend the word serenity and I will know peaceStep 3 consists of: A decisionWe try to determine what constitutes our will and our lives. (Action)We seek an understanding of God by placing our will and our life in His care. (Solution)We reveal our problem which is our defect of character: selfishness and self-seekingThird Step Prayer"God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!" (p. 63 BB) God, Take my will and my life. Guide me in my recovery. Show me how to live. AMEN (the step on p. 59 BB)Understanding the words of the step:Made: to arrive at (a choice, decision, conclusion) after thoughtDecision: a making up of one’s mind; the result of making up one’s mind. Turn: to alter the course; to cause to change one’s actions, beliefs, aims, etc. turnover to hand over; transfer.Will: an intension, command or request; moral strength or energy; determination; disposition towards others, to dominate so as to control the actions of. WILL =THINKINGLives: the period of time from birth to present; the aggregation of one’s actions, thoughts, activities, etc., one’s existence; a specified period or aspect of one’s existence; a way or manner of existence. MY LIFE = MY ACTIONSGod: seen as the omnipotent (having unlimited power or authority, all powerful)creator and ruler of the universe.Understand: past form of understood: to seize the meaning of; to form a reasoned judgment concerning something; to interpret, attribute, a specified meaning to.Serenity Prayer God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,The courage to change the things I can,And the wisdom to know the difference.There are 3 requirements in doing Step 3:We become convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success.We must stop playing God.We let God direct our lives: He knows better than we do.Step 3 identifies the problem: unrestrained self-will. “… selfishness and self-centered is the root of our problem. Our fears cause us to care only about our own needs and to sympathize only with our own suffering. We disregard the needs and the suffering of others and they react. Even when other people hurt us and we think that we have done nothing wrong, we will always find that we have placed ourselves in the situation that hurt us.” Step 3 solution: God: We cannot get rid of our self-will using our self-will. We have to have God’s help and surrender our will and our life over to the care of God, as we understand God.As an alcoholic, you must get rid of selfishness or face death. There is no way of getting rid of selfishness without God. You must have God’s help.Third step promises:When you stop playing God and let God direct your life, amazing things will happen:God will direct your life and give you what you need.You will become less selfish and genuinely care for others.You will be interested in making a positive contribution to life.You will feel power flow in.You will enjoy peace of mind.You will face life successfully.You will begin to Spiritually Awaken.You will begin to lose your fear.You will become a different person.Step 3 seems to require more of us than the first 2 steps. In this step, we take affirmative action as a result of the developing awareness we have gained from working the first 2 steps. We are now asked to turn ourselves over to a Higher Power with total abandon. It is in these first 3 steps that we set the foundation for working all of the steps and for achieving the peace and security we are looking for.When we turn our lives over to the care of god as we understand Him, one of two things will happen:If we are living in the first 3 steps in our lives and in all things, we are living maturely and responsibly, and then our Higher Power will work things out for us.If we aren’t living in the first 3 steps in our lives, our Higher Power will allow us to feel the consequences of our actions, so we can learn from them and then act mature and responsible.The 12 Steps on BB pp 59 & 60 are simply an outline. They are not the directions laid out in the BB for the program of action.BB pp 60:a)That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives, (I can’t) (Step 1)b)That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (He can) (Step 2)c)That God could and would if He were sought. (A decision to allow this to happen by following the Program of Action) (Step 2)Time TableBB pp 60: Being convinced we were at Step three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him.BB pp 63 – we were now at Step three.“Being convinced” and “now” are time tables. You must be convinced of A, B and C above in order to move on to and do Step 3.Lead in pagesRead all of the BB pp 61. Read the first paragraph (What usually happens?”) with your name in the place of “he” “him” “himself” It shows how much of self you were wrapped up in.Read all of BB pp 62. Selfish? In self?Self is old ideas, emotions and attitudes.BB pp 27 – Dr. Jung talks about old ideas, emotions and attitudes. Being “in self.”Third Step promises BB pp 63:1When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, I we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.We were reborn. Old self=old ideas, emotions and attitudes reborn into new self = new ideas, emotions and attitudes.BB pp 567: In the first few chapters a number of sudden revolutionary changes are described. Through it was not our intention to create such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover they must acquire an immediate and overwhelming “God-consciousness” followed at once by a vast change in feeling and outlook.Clear cut direction for step 3 on BB pp 631st direction: 2nd pp, line 8: we thought well before taking this step2nd direction: 3rd pp line 1: we found it desirable to take3rd direction: 3rd pp line 4: “the wording was quite optional.Have group make their own third step prayer. Third Step decision: I have to ask myself is this what I want:God = director, 1=action (play the role He assigns… not the role I assign myself)God = Principal, I = agent (for God)God = Father, I = his kidGod = Employer, I = His employeeWillingness = foundation (pp 12), belief = cornerstone (pp 47), Keystone= step 3PrayerBB pp 61 – Pray the prayer on pp 67 without reservation.Notice the prayer is an open prayer. There is no “amen.”Afterthought Step 3 is NOT a conclusion of the mind like steps 1 & 2. Step 3 is a decision of the heart. This decision manifests by doing steps 4-9 in a timely manner, followed by steps 10, 11 and 12.The time table for Step 4 is “at once.” Thought our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and to be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us.You must at once start on Step 4 while you are still enthusiastic about doing so. If you wait, you will run the risk of losing that enthusiasm.AA BB quotesOriginal Manuscript “how it works”Chapter Five HOW IT WORKS Rarely have we see person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest. Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -then you are ready to follow directions. At some of these you may balk. You may think you can find an easier, softer way. We doubt if you can. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely. Remember that you are dealing with alcohol - cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much for you. But there is One who has all power That One is God. You must find Him now! Half measures will avail you nothing. You stand at the turning point. Throw yourself under His protection and care with complete abandon.Explain Self-Will vs. God’s Will Testi.e. dishonesty, resentment, honesty, purity, unselfishness, loveSep 3: read the ABC on pp 60: I can’t , God can, Step 3 is a decision to all this to happen by following the 12 step program of action.Read pp 61: discussRead pp 62: emphasize the much used word, “self”Define self in terms of “old ideas, emotions and attitudes.” Revisit pp 27 and explain that this description by Dr. Jung is a definition of self as old ideas, emotions and attitudes.Third step promises: read top pp of 63Parallel “reborn” with our old self = old ideas, emotions and attitudes, (pp 27)27:4 alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. With many individuals1,2 the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description.”Parallel “reborn” with top pp on p 567.Point out the 3 “clear cut directions for Step 31st direction: 2nd pp, line 8: we thought well before taking this step2nd direction: 3rd pp line 1: we found it desirable to take3rd direction: 3rd pp line 4: “the wording was quite optional.Go through the prayer sentence by sentence, and describe what that sentence means to them.Say prayer. Comment but do not explain absence of “amen.”Afterthought: Step 3 is not simply a conclusion of the mind, like steps 1 and 2. But it is a sincere decision manifests by doing steps 4-9 in a timely manner, followed by steps 10, 11, and 12.Step 3:(optional) Pg. 60-63, paragraph 2…(a) That we were alcoholics and could not…Pg. 63, paragraph 2…We were now at Step Three…Explain Self-Will vs. God’s Will Testi.e. dishonesty, resentment, honesty, purity, unselfishness, loveStep 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. (13:1) At the hospital I was separated from alcohol for the last time. Treatment seemed wise, for I showed signs of delirium tremens. (13:2) There I humbly offered myself to God, as I then understood Him, to do with me as He would. I placed myself unreservedly under His care and direction. I admitted for the first time that of myself I was nothing; that without Him I was lost. I ruthlessly faced my sins and became willing to have my new-found Friend take them away, root and branch. I have not had a drink since. (44:4) If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human resources, as marshaled by the will, were not sufficient; they failed utterly. (53:2) When we became alcoholics, crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be? (53:3) Arrived at this point, we were squarely confronted with the question of faith. We couldn't duck the issue. Some of us had already walked far over the Bridge of Reason toward the desired shore of faith. The outlines and the promise of the New Land had brought luster to tired eyes and fresh courage to flagging spirits. Friendly hands had stretched out in welcome. We were grateful that Reason had brought us so far. But somehow, we couldn't quite step ashore. Perhaps we had been leaning too heavily on Reason that last mile and we did not like to lose our support. (53:4) That was natural, but let us think a little more closely. Without knowing it, had we not been brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we not believe in our own reasoning? Did we not have confidence in our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all the time! (55:5) In this book you will read the experience of a man who thought he was an atheist. His story is so interesting that some of it should be told now. His change of heart was dramatic, convincing, and moving. (56:2) One night, when confined in a hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had known a spiritual experience. Our friend's gorge rose as he bitterly cried out: "If there is a God, He certainly hasn't done anything for me!" But later, alone in his room, he asked himself this question: "Is it possible that all the religious people I have known are wrong?" While pondering the answer he felt as though he lived in hell. Then, like a thunderbolt, a great thought came. It crowded out all else: (56:3) "Who are you to say there is no God?" (56:4) This man recounts that he tumbled out of bed to his knees. In a few seconds he was overwhelmed by a conviction of the Presence of God. It poured over and through him with the certainty and majesty of a great tide at flood. The barriers he had built through the years were swept away. He stood in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. He had stepped from bridge to shore. For the first time, he lived in conscious companionship with his Creator. (56:5) Thus was our friend's cornerstone fixed in place. No later vicissitude has shaken it. His alcoholic problem was taken away. That very night, years ago, it disappeared. (57:0) Save for a few brief moments of temptation the thought of drink has never returned; and at such times a great revulsion has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he would. God had restored his sanity. (57:1) What is this but a miracle of healing? Yet its elements are simple. Circumstances made him willing to believe. He humbly offered himself to his Maker -then he knew. (57:2) Even so has God restored us all to our right minds. To this man, the revelation was sudden. Some of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have honestly sought Him. (57:3) When we drew near to Him He disclosed Himself to us! [60:3] Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.(Step 1 = I can’t!)(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism. (Step 2 = God can!)(c) That God could and would if He were sought. (I think I will let Him)[60:4]Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him. Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?[60:3 – 61:0]The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in collision with some thing or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each per-son is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean, egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.[61:1] What usually happens? The show doesn’t come off very well. He begins to think life doesn’t treat him right. He decides to exert himself more. He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry, indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things he wants? And do not his actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?[61:2] Our actor is self-centered—ego-centric, as people like to call it nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic3 who has lost all and is locked up. What-ever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity?[62:1] Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Some-times they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.[62:2] So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.So it's saying that the ONLY thing that we have going for us, which is self-will and self-knowledge, or MY life run on MY will, is the VERY THING that will lead us back to drinking (at best) or progressive misery as time passes (at worst). Let me repeat that. So it's saying that the ONLY thing that we have going for us, which is self-will, or MY life run on MY will, is the VERY THING that leads us back to drinking and/or progressive misery. If we are trying to make ourselves "un-self-centered", we are STILL being self-centered. A self-will problem cannot overcome self-will, a sick mind cannot heal a sick mind, we cannot USE the problem to SOLVE the problem. That gets rid of any hope we have of not pursuing this Higher Power stuff. Now what? Since Step One says that we are powerless over alcohol, what we need is the Power with a capital "P". And since our lives are unmanageable (especially our mental/emotional/spiritual life, whether we are drinking or not), what we need is a new Manager with a capital "M". Because anything at all that God has in mind for me is better than anything at all that I will EVER have in mind for me! So the AA program ultimately asks us to make TWO surrenders, not just one. We need to surrender to our drinking alcohol (we do this in Step One), but we also need to surrender to our self-will (or "my life run on my will", and we do THIS in Step Three). Unfortunately, many members of AA only make the first surrender and inevitably do not experience all the freedom, joy and serenity that the AA way of life promises. Because of not surrendering their self-will, they are often miserable and/or go back to drinking. Then at the bottom of page 62, the authors tell us what we have to do in order to rid ourselves of selfishness: [62:3] This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn’t work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom. For those who do not know, the keystone is the supporting stone for the ENTIRE structure, so the Third Step decision is the supporting Step for the rest of the Steps. Now this decision is starting to sound important. The Big Book just stated that we need to let God become our Director, so we need to be doing what we think our Higher Power would have us do. In other words, we need to be staying in the moment, being directed by unselfishness and love, and doing the next right thing. It also says that we need to move in the direction of being God's agent, and since an agent is given the power to represent the Principal, we are deciding to start acting in a way that would represent our Highest Power. It then mentions being God's children, and if we are all God's children, we need to start acting as if we are ALL equal brothers or sisters. So you can see that this paragraph says a lot, and actually contains the essence of what the Third Step decision is all about. The book continues and this next paragraph contains the Third Step Promises. 63:1 When we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, I we kept close to Him and performed His work well. Established on such a footing we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or the hereafter. We were reborn.63:2 We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our Maker, as we understood Him: “God, I offer myself to Thee—to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!’’ We thought well before taking this step making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon ourselves utterly to Him.63:3 We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea, voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning, though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a very great one, was felt at once.70: 4-71:0 In this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.100:1 Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress. If you persist, remark-able things will happen. When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God’s hands were better than anything we could have planned. Follow the dictates of a Higher Power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world, no matter what your present circumstances!158:1 Next day found the prospect more receptive. He had been thinking it over. "Maybe you're right, " he said. "God ought to be able to do anything. " Then he added, "He sure didn't do much for me when I was trying to fight this booze racket alone. " This is the Third Step question:"Do you now decide to take the actions necessary to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand Him?" Please answer yes or no. Thank you. Taking Step 3: God, I offer myself to thee, to do with me as Thou wilt, relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better due Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy Love, and Thy Way Of Life. May I do Thy will always. When you can sincerely say this prayer, you have taken Step 3. Summary of Step ThreeThere is an old proverb from India which illustrates the point of the Third Step well. Two men were walking down an unpaved road, they were barefoot. The road was covered with small rocks which hurt their bare feet when they stepped on them. One of the men said to the other, “This journey would be much easier on our feet if this road was paved with leather.” The wiser of the two men replied,“Yes, this is true, but we could get the same effect by wearing a pair of shoes.” Alcoholics and addicts wish to pave the road with leather so they don’t need to wear shoes. The Twelve Steps are designed to become our shoes. The Steps help us change to fit into the world as it is, rather than continuing to try to get the world to change so we can be happy.The following joke illustrates the rest of Step Three:Question: Three bullfrogs are sitting on a log. One bullfrog makes a decision to jump in the pond. How many are left?Answer: Three. The bullfrog only made a decision, he hasn't done anything yet.The way we implement the decision we made in Step Three is to complete Steps Four through Nine.We have now completed all the information that the "Big Book" authors provide for Step Three. What follows has been called "The Step Three Parable" because it captures what we think is the essence of the Third Step: A drunk is staggering along the street and he meets God. "God, I can't do this anymore," he says. "Please, please, will you give me sobriety?" God says, "Sobriety isn't free, how much money do you have?" The drunk reaches into his pocket. "Fifty bucks." "I'll take it," says God, "you're sober." The man stands up straight, drunk no more. It feels pretty good. "Yeah but, God?" "Yes?" "I know I gave you my money willingly. But, you see, I need to get gas for my car." God says, "You have a car?" "Well, yes." "You didn't tell me that. I'll take the car." "But..." God interrupts and says, "I'll take the car. It's part of the price for your sobriety." "But how will I get to work?" "You have a job? I'll take the job, too." "But God, how will I pay my mortgage?" "Mortgage? You have a house? I'll take that too." "But God, my family. How will I take care of them if You have my house and my job?" God says to him gently and lovingly: "In order to keep your sobriety; you must give Me these things. But I will let you drive My car, as long as you remember it's MY car. You can have the job, but remember you're working it for ME. It's My house but I will let you live in it. And as for the family, they are MY family but I will trust you to take care of them." Even though we have taken a considerable amount of time on the first three Steps, all we have done is make decisions. Now we are going to begin to take some specific actions that will carry us the rest of the way to God. ................
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