Responding to 13 Reasons Why - Constant Contact

[Pages:2]Responding to 13 Reasons Why

Suggestions for Parents and Educators

Fads seem to come and go more frequently these days. Pok?mon Go! The ice bucket challenge! Creepy clowns! No doubt, we are a nation that moves quickly from one distraction to another. Some of our crazes are perfectly safe; they're trivial but fun ways to pass time. (Was the dress white and gold, or blue and black?) But others seem to come with risk involved. The salt and ice challenge, for example, can lead to serious burns that need medical care.

We as parents, educators and mental health professionals must know that our country is now in the throes of a new phenomenon, and one that may bring extreme risk to some of our youth. This new rage is the recentlyreleased, wildly popular Netflix series 13 Reasons Why, a show that follows a high school girl, Hannah, who commits suicide but leaves behind 13 cassette tapes describing her reasons for killing herself and the people she blames for her choice.

Some adolescents and adults who have seen the show enjoy it. Those viewers often make the point that Hannah's tale reminds us all that our actions matter. When we mistreat others, there can be serious, hurtful and lasting consequences. Kindness counts, and as Hannah herself makes clear, no one cared enough about her to notice her pain and intervene. These factors have led to some educators, even in the St. Louis area, recommending or actually assigning their students to watch the show, sometimes as young as in sixth grade.

Others who viewed the show, including many mental health professionals, have come away with significant concerns. The content is very graphic, painful, and can be triggering for youth and adults who have experienced similar issues. The show is rated TV-MA, for Mature Audiences only, and carries graphic content warnings.

A few specific concerns that parents and educators should know:

Our kids are watching this show, and sending its most graphic images over Snapchat and Instagram. Even an adolescent who is not allowed by parents to watch the show will likely learn the details of its content and see its most explicit scenes.

13 Reasons Why is the story of a successful adolescent revenge fantasy, where the revenge is a girl's suicide. Hannah, however, continues as a lead character in every episode, seemingly sticking around and witnessing her revenge. The show never makes clear the truth ? that after suicide, one is truly and forever gone.

The show graphically depicts two brutal rape scenes in addition to Hannah's suicide death. The suicide scene is shown on screen so explicitly that it has been described as a "how-to for suicide."

The show is presented almost as a mystery. Whodunit? Who will be the next person revealed as a cause for the death, and what bad deeds did they do? Of course, there is no mystery here. Whodunit? Hannah did. No one else is responsible for her choice. Suicide survivors ? the friends and family left behind ? never deserve to be blamed for a loved one's suicide.

 Mental health and mental illness are never presented as factors within the show. In real life, most individuals who complete suicide have significant mental health concerns, such as depression, substance abuse, and trauma. Treatment is available for these problems and treatment works.

Suicide among adolescents is contagious, meaning that one suicide can contribute to another person's choice to attempt suicide. Expert researchers have long noted that, when suicide is glamorized or romanticized, youth are more likely to attempt it themselves. National hotlines are already noticing an increase in emergency calls related to the show.

How parents can talk with their teens about 13 Reasons Why:

Be educated about the show. Watch it for yourself and decide if you will allow your children to view it. If you allow the show, watch it together and discuss it afterward. As the parent, you have the right to decide if certain graphic scenes are inappropriate for your teen and to skip through them.

Ask open-ended questions and really listen to your child's responses. Questions like, "What did you think of that?" and "What would you do in that situation?" can get the conversation started.

Remind your child that this show is fantasy. In real life, death is permanent. No one gets to stick around and watch how their own death affects others.

Reinforce with your teen that suicide is NEVER the right choice. There is always another way out of any problem. Repeat to them that they can always come to you, a school counselor, or another trusted adult if they are having thoughts of suicide or self-harm. Unlike the counselor in the show, most school counselors can be counted on to care, listen and help.

Share with your child what to do if they are ever concerned about a friend's safety. The risk of suicide can never be kept a secret; it is always better to lose a friendship than to lose a friend. True friends get help for their friends when it's needed, by telling an adult who can intervene.

Know the warning signs of suicide risk: depression, social withdrawal, making suicide threats or statements to friends or online, writing a suicide plan or letter of goodbye, researching methods of suicide, seeking access to firearms, pills or other methods, writing or drawing about suicide, giving away prized possessions, self-harm (sometimes called cutting), and increased substance use. When you see signs of mental health problems, substance abuse, or suicide red flags in your child, don't wait. Immediately contact your child's physician or a counselor for assessment. Take your child to the emergency room if you feel there is an imminent risk.

Lastly, in 13 Reasons Why, all adults are represented poorly. It takes a tragedy for some of the parents to begin to pay closer attention to their relationships with their children. We, in real life, do not have to wait for a tragedy to occur. We can continue to spend time, one-to-one, with each of our children on a regular basis. Talk, share, laugh, and express your love for them. The relationship between you and your children is one of the critically important protective factors against suicide.

If you are concerned about your child or another loved one, help is available. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-275-TALK (8255), speak to your physician, or

contact West County Psychological Associates. WCPA provides mental health therapy for students and adults of all ages, as well as presentations on suicide prevention for school groups.

West County Psychological Associates St. Louis, Missouri (314) 275-8599

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