13 Reasons Why - headspace

13 Reasons Why

Discussion guide for parents

13 Reasons Why is a fictional drama

series that tackles tough real-life issues

experienced by teens and young people,

including sexual assault, substance

abuse, bullying, suicide, gun violence

and more.

This Netflix series focuses on high

school student, Clay Jensen and

the aftermath following his friend

Hannah Baker¡¯s death by suicide after

experiencing a series of painful events

involving school friends, leading to a

downward spiral of her mental health

and sense of self. Filmed in a candid

and often explicit manner, the series

takes a look at the issues faced by

young people today.

Important points to remember:

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Some people may be

distressed by some of the

themes in the series, while

others are not. This will depend

on individual life experiences

and current circumstances. It

is important to be respectful of

other people¡¯s experiences.

headspace and Netflix have

collaborated to develop the following

information that may be helpful for

viewers of the show and the wider

community. It can be helpful to use

the show as an opportunity to talk

with your young person about topics

that may otherwise go unspoken.

The information below aims to

assist parents engage in healthy

conversations about some of the

issues addressed in 13 Reasons Why.

It also includes some suggestions for

how to respond to these appropriately

and spur productive discussions

around these themes.

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Remember, this is TV,

dramatized for viewer

engagement, designed

to entertain. This season

endeavors to present

challenging issues in

a meaningful way, to

acknowledge the experiences

young people may go through.

The characters may not be

realistic representations for

every viewer.

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Unfortunately, the themes

explored in this series are far

too common among young

people. You may not be

aware if your young person

or their peers have had

experiences similar to those

of the characters in the series.

Having open conversations

can help to know when further

support is necessary, but there

are also other signs to look out

for (covered below). It can help

to keep this in mind in the days

and weeks during and after

your young person is exposed

to the show (through peers or

by watching).

Tips for discussing the show safely:

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Do some research and get

informed about the show - try to

watch it if you can

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Try to have discussions about

the show when all people are

feeling calm

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Consider if it is age appropriate

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Talk about your reasons

for concern

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Understand their desire to

watch the series. Understanding

their point of view doesn¡¯t

mean agreeing with them

but it may help to keep the

conversation going

1.

If you and your young person decide to watch the

series, it might be useful to consider some of the

following:

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Find out what content is coming

up at

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Take breaks and do soothing

things between episodes (for

example; go for a walk, share a

meal with someone, do some

exercise, spend time

with friends)

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Identify what episodes or themes

are likely to be more difficult.

Then, agree on whether to skip

this part, or write a list of things

that are likely to help. These are

likely to be the same things that

help a person uses to cope in

other stressful situations

Ensure they watch with a support

person or watch it together

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Know where to go for

professional support if this

becomes necessary and support

them to get professional care.

There is a list of professional

support options below

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Model good self care behaviours

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Remember to keep checking in

with them

Questions to help start the conversation:

2.

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Do you think the characters in the

show are behaving in ways that

are similar to people you know?

How so? How are they different?

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What do you think about what

happened in this episode?

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Did parts of the story make you

think about how people who are

struggling do not show the full

picture of what they are dealing

with to others?

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What did you learn about [choose

a specific character] situation

from this episode?

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What would you do if you knew a

friend was considering harming

themselves or others?

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Who would you go to if you were

experiencing any of the situations

these teens went through?

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Does anything you¡¯ve watched

in the series change your

perspective on something you¡¯ve

experienced yourself?

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What part of the show do you

relate to the most?

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Do you know someone who has

been sexually assaulted?

Have you ever felt the way that

Hannah, Clay or any of the other

characters feel?

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Have you experienced anything

like the characters in the show?

Have you ever wanted to tell

someone about bullying or harm

that was happening to someone

you know but worried that it

was tattling?

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Do you think the adults did

anything particularly helpful or

unhelpful? What was helpful

about what they did? Or, what

could they have done differently?

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How do you know when to offer

compassion/support/empathy

and when to set

clear boundaries?

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Do you know anyone that might

be in trouble or need help?

Tough but important topics are raised in 13 Reasons Why. Here are some tips

for talking about these issues:

Suicide

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The show examines how different

people process Hannah¡¯s death.

When talking to young people

about how Hannah¡¯s suicide is

depicted in Season 2 it is

important to reiterate that death

is final. The person who has died

is not able to know what happens

after. Although they can be ¡®held in

heart and mind¡¯ by loved ones, they

are not able to communicate after

their death.

Remember suicide is a complex

issue with many contributing

factors, including individual

personality characteristics,

coping styles, life history

of experiences, current

circumstances, support networks,

and mental health difficulties.

Don¡¯t focus on the method of the

suicide. Avoid talking graphically

or in detail about how a person has

suicided. Detailed descriptions of

the death can be overwhelming

and distressing, and may increase

the risk of imitation by vulnerable

young people. Keep the focus

on how to manage the emotions

brought up by the suicide and

away from details of how someone

has suicided.

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A close and trusting relationship

with adults increases the chance a

young person will seek help during

tough times. Strategies to improve

the relationship between key

adults and young people will help

reduce the risk of suicide.

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Young people experience a lot

of changes between the ages of

12-25, and particularly between

14-18. This includes biological,

social and psychological changes

that significantly impact how they

handle tough times. Young people

may have times when they are

less able to handle difficulty,

and require additional support,

particularly from family and friends.

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It can be hard for young people

to share if they are experiencing

thoughts about suicide. Things to

look out for that indicate you should

be more proactive in providing

support are: increasing isolation,

hopelessness, withdrawal,

avoidance. Self harm, increased life

stressors (e.g. bullying, relationship

breakdown, exam stress), an

increase in unpredictable behaviour

(e.g. outbursts, increased risky

sexual or drug and alcohol

behaviour) may also be signs that a

young person needs support.

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If you are concerned your young

person may be experiencing

suicidal thinking, it is important

to start a conversation.

Some things to consider when

approaching the conversation:

? Be prepared, and do some

research

? Find the right time. This might

be when you¡¯re both feeling calm

and safe.

? It is ok to ask directly if they have

been thinking about suicide.

Research shows that doing this

in a safe and respectful way

does not increase the likelihood

that they will carry out suicidal

behaviour. You might choose to

be specific about what you have

seen that gives you concern.

? Really try to hear them out and

understand their experience.

Although it may be difficult, it

is important to try to remain

calm and composed if your

young person tells you they are

experiencing suicidal thinking.

This is likely to help them to feel

in control.

? Try to understand whether you

both feel like you are able to keep

safe until seeking professional

support. Keeping safe might

include; making sure they¡¯re

not alone, developing a list of

things that are particularly hard

and staying away from them,

or developing a list of things

that are helpful and trying to

do them. If this feels possible

together, continue to check in

until professional support is

accessed. This should be as

soon as possible. If you do not

feel that you¡¯re able to keep

safe, seek immediate support.

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It is OK to be upset if your

young person discloses suicidal

thinking. It can be really hard to

understand, but it can be useful to

try to use it as an opportunity to

connect with them.

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After someone dies by suicide,

loved ones can feel guilty or look

to find people to blame. Whilst this

can feel like a natural response, it

is inconsistent with the knowledge

that suicide is complex, and there is

no one reason for a suicide.

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Looking at suicide in retrospect

seems more straightforward

than it is. There are times when

some people can show a lot of

the recognised signs, yet remain

safe and connected. Other times

people do not show any outward or

obvious signs, yet they are in such

isolation and distress they suicide,

which results in shock and despair.

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It can be incredibly difficult to

recognize early warning signs,

or to predict when someone is

really struggling. That¡¯s why it¡¯s

important to regularly check in

with people and to develop close

relationships and support networks,

as it can help reduce the risk of

suicidal thinking taking over.

3.

Grief

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Grief happens after experiencing

loss. There are many types of loss,

such as a loss of a relationship

through break-up, a family unit

through separation, virginity or

sexual freedom; loss of social

standing; loss of a friendship group

through bullying or rumours, or the

loss of a loved one.

The grief that happens after loss

is different for everyone. It can be

different in duration and intensity.

Commonly it is incredibly painful.

There are many ways a person can

experience grief:

? How you feel: shock, disbelief,

numbness, pain, intense

sadness, anger, resentment,

regret, guilt, abandonment,

anxiety or worry

? What you think: Thinking about

all of the details of the loss,

imagining a different future

or past, having flashbacks or

re-experiencing episodes,

thinking that things don¡¯t matter

any more, or you don¡¯t care,

having trouble concentrating or

remembering things.

? What you do: Some people find

themselves doing a lot to keep

busy, while others stop doing a

lot of the things they normally do.

4.

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If you notice the things above

happening for someone you¡¯re

caring for, there are a number of

things you can do to support them:

? Let them know that grieving is

OK, and it¡¯s OK to be sad.

? Try to help them name and

understand the feelings

they¡¯re experiencing.

? Listen to their concerns and try

to understand what it is about

their experience of grief that is

causing them distress.

? Try to keep things as ¡®normal¡¯

as possible in the home. Grief

can bring up feelings of being

unsafe or insecure, so

anything that promotes safety

can help. Sometimes these are

routine activities.

? Support your young person to

maintain their participation in

school or work or study.

? Help them to look after

themselves in key areas, such as:

good sleep habits, eating well,

staying active, staying connected

to family and friends, keeping

up hobbies that are important to

them, reducing alcohol and other

drug use, and working with them

to find new ways to handle

tough times.

? Regularly check in with them.

If it appears they don¡¯t feel

comfortable with you, support

them to talk with someone

you trust.

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If the impact of grief includes the

following, it might be time to

reach out:

? Ongoing major sleep troubles

? Ongoing withdrawal from

school or study, or major

academic troubles.

? Hopelessness about the future

? Relationship troubles or conflict

with friends and family

? Doing things out of character;

such as increased or more

unpredictable use of alcohol and

other drugs, or sexual behaviour.

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Regularly checking in with

your young person can help to

know what they might need to

get through this tough time.

Supporting them to keep up

¡®normal¡¯ living can be important.

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