Family Court Clinic - York Hills
Child
Development
Checklist
[pic]
Mandatory Information Program
|Age |Typical Characteristics |Separation Issues |How they may show their stress|Suggestion for Parents |
|0-2 years |*Infants are dependent on |*Infants may feel the loss of |*Difficulty toileting or |*Attempt to allow both parents to bond with infant |
| |parents for meeting their |contact with a primary |sleeping | |
| |needs |care-taking parent | |*Meet infant’s needs promptly and consistently |
| | | |*Slower to learn new skills | |
| |*They develop a sense of trust through |*Loss of familiar and | |*Try not to separate the infant from his or her primary caregiver for long periods |
| |having a predictable and consistent |comfortable |*Afraid to leave parent; |of time |
| |caregiver |environment |clingy with | |
| | | |parent |*18 month to 2-year-old children can tolerate longer separations from their primary|
| | | | |caregiver than infants, especially if an older sister or brother will be with them.|
| | | |*General crankiness, |Prepare the child for the separation by explaining what will happen. |
| | | |temper tantrums, crying | |
|2 – 4 years |*Growth of a sense of independence |*May have a sense of |*Regression – returning to |*Reassure child by telling him you love him and cuddle or hug him |
| | |responsibility for the |security blankets, old toys, | |
| |*Are able to keep absent parent in mind to |separation |lapses in toilet training |*Allow some regression |
| |comfort themselves for extended periods | | | |
| | |*Are anxious about basic needs|*Making up fantasy stories |*Keep routines consistent |
| |*Verbal skills develop for expression of |being met – food, shelter, | | |
| |feelings and needs |visitation |*Anxious at bedtime, sleeping |*Explain what is going to happen to the child and role play future events |
| | | |fitfully, waking frequently | |
| | |*May fantasize about parents | |*Child will adapt to longer separations from one parent through frequent visits and|
| | |reconciling |*Fear of being abandoned by |overnights with the other parent |
| | | |both parents | |
| | | | |*Let child help parents with age-appropriate chores |
| | | |*Emotionally needy, seeking | |
| | | |physical contact |*Have parent’s phone numbers on speed dial at both homes. |
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| | | |*More irritable, aggressive, | |
| | | |has temper tantrums | |
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|Age |Typical Characteristics |Separation Issues |How they may show their stress|Suggestion for Parents |
|5 – 8 Years |*Children are developing an increased |*May take responsibility for |*General sadness, feeling |*Try to have each parents spend as much time with the child as possible |
| |awareness of self, evaluating own strengths |the separation and/or |abandoned and rejected | |
| |and weaknesses as compared to others |reconciliation | |*Allow the child to express his or her feelings without judging them |
| | | |*Crying, sobbing | |
| |*Pre-adolescents are working at fitting into|*May cling to fantasies that | |*Help the child understand that the decision to separate had nothing to do with her|
| |the peer level social order |parents will reunite |*Fantasizing about parents | |
| | | |reconciling |*Explain that there will be no reconciliation if this is the case |
| | |*Fear being abandoned and will| | |
| | |long for the absent parent, |*Conflicts of loyalty; feeling|*Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent |
| | |regardless of the quality of |physically torn apart; | |
| | |the previous relationship |problems with impulsive |*Both parents assure the child she is loved and will be cared for by both parents |
| | | |behaviour | |
| | | | | |
| | | |*Sense of loyalty to both | |
| | | |parents can result in need for| |
| | | |fairness and balance | |
|9 – 12 Years |*Children are developing an increased |*Although they see the |*Intense anger at parent |*Parents need to try to remain involved and honest, and to avoid blaming each other|
| |awareness of self, evaluating own strengths |separation as an adult problem|blamed for causing the | |
| |and weaknesses as compared to others |they are often angry about |separation |*Pre-adolescents can spend vacations with either parent |
| | |parent’s inability to work | | |
| |*Pre-adolescents are working at fitting into|through problems |*Physical complaints like |*Children should be allowed to contact the other parent freely |
| |the peer level social order | |stomach aches or | |
| | |*Likely to choose sides | |*Maintain a consistent routine |
| | |against the parent he/she |*Can feel ashamed of what has | |
| | |thinks wanted the separation |happened in the family. Can |*Inform the child of what is happening and what will occur |
| | | |feel different from other | |
| | | |children |*Keep teachers informed of any stress the child is feeling, and get help for school|
| | | | |problems |
| | | |*Can become rude and resentful| |
| | | | |*Give children permission to continue loving both parents |
| | | |*Will often conceal their | |
| | | |feelings | |
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|Age |Typical Characteristics |Separation Issues |How they may show their stress|Suggestion for Parents |
|13 – 18 years |*Teens are solidifying their identity and |*Embarrassment about family |*Withdraw from family life and|*Be consistent about discipline and limits while allowing for normal adolescent |
| |establishing a sense of self in relation to | |spend more time with peers |behaviour |
| |the rules and regulations of society |*Possible de-idealization of | | |
| | |one or both parents |*Feel hurried to become |*Allow more freedom and choices |
| |*It is normal for teens to test limits | |independent | |
| | |*Will place peer needs ahead | |*Find time to be with the teen and be flexible with his/her schedule |
| | |of family and therefore may |*Engage in “trying out” | |
| | |not want to visit with |behaviour such as sexual |*Give teens input about visitation schedule, but don’t burden them with the |
| | |non-custodial parent |acting out, drinking or drug |responsibility of deciding on the visitation schedule |
| | | |experimentation | |
| | | | |*Provide appropriate amount of structure and responsibilities |
| | | |*Worry about their own future | |
| | | |loves and marriage | |
| | | | | |
| | | |*Chronic fatigue and | |
| | | |difficulty concentrating | |
| | | | | |
| | | |*Can be irritable, angry | |
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York Hills Family Mediation
Newmarket Court, 50 Eagle St. W.
905-853-4816
IRC@yorkhills.ca
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