Family Court Clinic - York Hills



Child

Development

Checklist

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Mandatory Information Program

|Age |Typical Characteristics |Separation Issues |How they may show their stress|Suggestion for Parents |

|0-2 years |*Infants are dependent on |*Infants may feel the loss of |*Difficulty toileting or |*Attempt to allow both parents to bond with infant |

| |parents for meeting their |contact with a primary |sleeping | |

| |needs |care-taking parent | |*Meet infant’s needs promptly and consistently |

| | | |*Slower to learn new skills | |

| |*They develop a sense of trust through |*Loss of familiar and | |*Try not to separate the infant from his or her primary caregiver for long periods |

| |having a predictable and consistent |comfortable |*Afraid to leave parent; |of time |

| |caregiver |environment |clingy with | |

| | | |parent |*18 month to 2-year-old children can tolerate longer separations from their primary|

| | | | |caregiver than infants, especially if an older sister or brother will be with them.|

| | | |*General crankiness, |Prepare the child for the separation by explaining what will happen. |

| | | |temper tantrums, crying | |

|2 – 4 years |*Growth of a sense of independence |*May have a sense of |*Regression – returning to |*Reassure child by telling him you love him and cuddle or hug him |

| | |responsibility for the |security blankets, old toys, | |

| |*Are able to keep absent parent in mind to |separation |lapses in toilet training |*Allow some regression |

| |comfort themselves for extended periods | | | |

| | |*Are anxious about basic needs|*Making up fantasy stories |*Keep routines consistent |

| |*Verbal skills develop for expression of |being met – food, shelter, | | |

| |feelings and needs |visitation |*Anxious at bedtime, sleeping |*Explain what is going to happen to the child and role play future events |

| | | |fitfully, waking frequently | |

| | |*May fantasize about parents | |*Child will adapt to longer separations from one parent through frequent visits and|

| | |reconciling |*Fear of being abandoned by |overnights with the other parent |

| | | |both parents | |

| | | | |*Let child help parents with age-appropriate chores |

| | | |*Emotionally needy, seeking | |

| | | |physical contact |*Have parent’s phone numbers on speed dial at both homes. |

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| | | |*More irritable, aggressive, | |

| | | |has temper tantrums | |

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|Age |Typical Characteristics |Separation Issues |How they may show their stress|Suggestion for Parents |

|5 – 8 Years |*Children are developing an increased |*May take responsibility for |*General sadness, feeling |*Try to have each parents spend as much time with the child as possible |

| |awareness of self, evaluating own strengths |the separation and/or |abandoned and rejected | |

| |and weaknesses as compared to others |reconciliation | |*Allow the child to express his or her feelings without judging them |

| | | |*Crying, sobbing | |

| |*Pre-adolescents are working at fitting into|*May cling to fantasies that | |*Help the child understand that the decision to separate had nothing to do with her|

| |the peer level social order |parents will reunite |*Fantasizing about parents | |

| | | |reconciling |*Explain that there will be no reconciliation if this is the case |

| | |*Fear being abandoned and will| | |

| | |long for the absent parent, |*Conflicts of loyalty; feeling|*Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent |

| | |regardless of the quality of |physically torn apart; | |

| | |the previous relationship |problems with impulsive |*Both parents assure the child she is loved and will be cared for by both parents |

| | | |behaviour | |

| | | | | |

| | | |*Sense of loyalty to both | |

| | | |parents can result in need for| |

| | | |fairness and balance | |

|9 – 12 Years |*Children are developing an increased |*Although they see the |*Intense anger at parent |*Parents need to try to remain involved and honest, and to avoid blaming each other|

| |awareness of self, evaluating own strengths |separation as an adult problem|blamed for causing the | |

| |and weaknesses as compared to others |they are often angry about |separation |*Pre-adolescents can spend vacations with either parent |

| | |parent’s inability to work | | |

| |*Pre-adolescents are working at fitting into|through problems |*Physical complaints like |*Children should be allowed to contact the other parent freely |

| |the peer level social order | |stomach aches or | |

| | |*Likely to choose sides | |*Maintain a consistent routine |

| | |against the parent he/she |*Can feel ashamed of what has | |

| | |thinks wanted the separation |happened in the family. Can |*Inform the child of what is happening and what will occur |

| | | |feel different from other | |

| | | |children |*Keep teachers informed of any stress the child is feeling, and get help for school|

| | | | |problems |

| | | |*Can become rude and resentful| |

| | | | |*Give children permission to continue loving both parents |

| | | |*Will often conceal their | |

| | | |feelings | |

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|Age |Typical Characteristics |Separation Issues |How they may show their stress|Suggestion for Parents |

|13 – 18 years |*Teens are solidifying their identity and |*Embarrassment about family |*Withdraw from family life and|*Be consistent about discipline and limits while allowing for normal adolescent |

| |establishing a sense of self in relation to | |spend more time with peers |behaviour |

| |the rules and regulations of society |*Possible de-idealization of | | |

| | |one or both parents |*Feel hurried to become |*Allow more freedom and choices |

| |*It is normal for teens to test limits | |independent | |

| | |*Will place peer needs ahead | |*Find time to be with the teen and be flexible with his/her schedule |

| | |of family and therefore may |*Engage in “trying out” | |

| | |not want to visit with |behaviour such as sexual |*Give teens input about visitation schedule, but don’t burden them with the |

| | |non-custodial parent |acting out, drinking or drug |responsibility of deciding on the visitation schedule |

| | | |experimentation | |

| | | | |*Provide appropriate amount of structure and responsibilities |

| | | |*Worry about their own future | |

| | | |loves and marriage | |

| | | | | |

| | | |*Chronic fatigue and | |

| | | |difficulty concentrating | |

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| | | |*Can be irritable, angry | |

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York Hills Family Mediation

Newmarket Court, 50 Eagle St. W.

905-853-4816

IRC@yorkhills.ca

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