Assertiveness Worksheet for ...



Assertiveness Worksheet for: __________________________________________ Date: ____________________

|Pattern |Passive |Assertive |Aggressive |Passive-Aggressive |

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|Behaviors | | | | |

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|Impacts | | | | |

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Cognitions = thoughts; Emotions = feelings; Behavior = what you do; Impacts = how your choices work out for your life.

Passive - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Assertive - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Aggressive

Passive: Being passive means that you put others’ needs before your own, it may lead you to feeling unsatisfied, left out of the decision-making process or angry because your needs aren’t being met. What’s good about being passive is that it lets you avoid conflict and avoid the responsibility of making choices that are good for you and then standing behind them.

Aggressive: Aggressive means that you put your needs ahead of others and may not show respect for the rights of others. Because being aggressive means that you “push ahead of others in line,” you may feel that you are getting what you want but may be alienating or frustrating to others (they may resent you or not want support you). What’s good about being aggressive is that it may help you feel satisfied by getting what you want, but at a cost.

Assertive: Assertive means standing up for your rights while still respecting the rights of others. While it does not guarantee that you will get what you need, being assertive increases the chances of you getting what you need from the world without leaving others angry with you. The good thing about being assertive is that you may get what you need (most of the time) and help others get what they need (most of the time).

Passive-Aggressive: Passive-Aggressive is a way of being angry and feeling that you are doing something about it, without openly exposing your anger to others. While is gives you a way to vent your anger, it may keep you stuck in a pattern that never really resolves things with others. Unlike being passive, this let’s others know how you feel but may also make them not want to work with you (because passive aggressive is seen as being “sneaky”). The good thing about being passive-aggressive is that it may keep you from engaging in open conflict with others, even though it may also prevent you from getting what you want.

About being assertive: Assertiveness is a goal – trying to balance your rights and the rights of others – so you’re probably not going to do it perfectly. Like when you first learned to ride a bicycle, it looks cool when you see someone else doing it but it’s kind of hard to learn and you make take a few spills along the way. Persistence pays off – you may be working on “finding your balance” (becoming assertive) for some time. Don’t be discouraged if it seems hard – especially in the relationships that are most important to you. Being successful at being assertive is closely tied to your self-esteem, so one way that you can help yourself become more assertive is by learning to take better care of yourself and learning to love and respect yourself.

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“Life is hard – arm yourself with good information - be clear about what you want - remember we are here to help”

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