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Gift of LifeTable of ContentsClick on the study title or article you’d like to see: Study 1: Making Room for New?LifeArticle 1: A Hard Pill to SwallowStudy 2: HYPERLINK \l "l2" The Church’s Response to AbortionArticle 2: The Dilemmas of a Pro-Life PastorStudy 3: Men as Invisible Partners in Abortion Article 3: Fatherhood AbortedLeader’s GuideMaking Room for New?LifeSeeking God for wisdom in birth- control choices.The birth-control pill has given us the ability to postpone having children until we are well established in our careers, have bought a home, or have fulfilled many of our goals and dreams. But Agnieszka Tennant, in her Christianity Today article “A Hard Pill to Swallow,” questions not only the morality of using the birth control pill, but also the philosophy behind its use.Why is the birth control pill so popular today? Is it possible that the birth control pill can rarely cause a tiny abortion? What are the motives behind postponing family life? What should our heart’s attitude be toward having children? What role does God have in our birth control practices and family size decisions? These are issues we will be discussing in this study.Scripture:Genesis 33:5; 1 Samuel 1:1–2:10; Psalm 113:9; 127:3–5; 139:13–17; Luke 1:5–57Based on:“A Hard Pill to Swallow,” by Agnieszka Tennant, Christianity Today, November 2005, Vol. 49, No. 11, Page 76PART 1Identify the Current Issue449580026035Note to leader: Prior to the class, provide for each person the article “A Hard Pill to Swallow” from Christianity Today magazine (included at the end of this study).Birth control pills have given us the ability to postpone having children until we have established our careers, bought a home, traveled the world, or simply extended our days of carefree youth. Many couples today have children much later in life than past generations did, sometimes waiting until their 30s or 40s to begin their families. While waiting for children can help couples become financially stable and settled in their careers, it can also create difficulties, including infertility, difficult pregnancies, increased risk of Down Syndrome, struggling to fit children into already over-busy lives, caring for aging parents at the same time you are raising infants and toddlers, and less physical energy.Tennant also raises the possibility that birth-control pills may, rarely, cause “tiny” abortions. Tennant calls her readers to be certain they know the facts about the birth-control pill so they can make an informed and godly decision about its use.Discussion starters:[Q]How are families with many children often viewed in our culture? What shapes this perception? How has this viewpoint changed over the past decades? What do you think has brought about this change?[Q]Why has the use of the birth-control pill become so popular? What are the benefits of using the pill? What are some possible or known disadvantages of its use? [Q]What are your beliefs about family planning?[Q]As believers, what role should God have in our decisions about birth control and family size? How would you explain your answer to a couple who had just become Christians?[Q]Is it possible that our culture’s focus on personal fulfillment and materialism have crept into our decisions to postpone family life? Defend your position. [Q]Is it possible to say no to God by using the pill, as Tennant suggests? Is it possible to say yes to God by using the pill, or is birth control necessarily and absolutely outside of God’s will?Part 2Discover the Eternal PrinciplesTeaching point one: Children are a blessing graciously given by God.Read Genesis 33:5 and Psalm 127:3–5. Solomon, known for his wisdom, told us in Psalm 127 that children are a blessing and a reward from God. They are gifts trusted to our care by our Lord, and those who have many children are blessed. Jacob shared Solomon’s perspective on children. Jacob had 12 children that he recognized were blessings God had graciously given to him. In our culture, however, pregnancy is often seen not as a blessing from God but as an inconvenience to be feared, avoided, or discouraged. [Q]Why do you think our culture places so much emphasis on waiting to have children and limiting the number of children we have? [Q]Is the “blessing view” of Solomon or Jacob compatible with our culture’s view? Why or why not?[Q]Are there valid reasons for Christian married couples to postpone having children? What are those reasons? Possible reasons that people might discuss: to prepare for the ministry or calling God has given them (e.g., to complete a degree, to raise funds for missionary service, etc.); to allow for physical healing from illness or accident; to allow time for counseling or strengthening of a troubled marriage; etc. [Q]What joys do children provide that cannot be attained by material gain? [Q]Why did Solomon compare children to arrows? How can we send our children out into the world to accomplish God’s work much as a soldier sends out his arrows? Why would it be a blessing for a soldier to have a quiver full of arrows? How does this relate to children?[Q]If children are a blessing from the Lord, why would the Lord withhold them from couples who long to have children but who struggle with infertility?Note: We may never fully understand the reason for God’s actions, but we know that through trials our faith is matured (James 1:2-4). Teaching point two: Unplanned pregnancies should be accepted as fully as those we wanted and planned. The value of children comes from their being a gift of God. Thus, that value does not diminish in times when the pregnancy was unplanned, unexpected, or unwanted.Read Luke 1:5–57. Mary was a virgin engaged to be married when the angel brought her the news that she was to have a child. When the angel told Mary that she was favored and the Lord was with her, Mary was greatly troubled and frightened as she tried to understand what the angel meant. In her confusion, she asked how it was possible for her to have a child since she was a virgin. The angel reminded her that nothing was impossible with God. Mary had a lot at stake, including her reputation and her future marriage to Joseph, but her beautiful response to God and the angel was, “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said” (Luke 1:38). Mary then sang to the Lord and rejoiced in him, thanking him for blessing her.Zechariah was an old man and Elizabeth was “well along in years” (Luke 1:18) when they heard that they were to have their first baby. The news was so startling that Zechariah had a hard time believing it, even though the angel Gabriel delivered the message! Their son was promised to be a joy and delight to his parents and an answer to Zechariah’s prayers.[Q]Why was the news of pregnancy unexpected for Mary? Why was it unexpected for Elizabeth? How are these situations similar to, and different from, unexpected pregnancies today? [Q]What were Mary’s initial feelings about the news? What did Mary risk losing because of her pregnancy? [Q]What did Mary’s response demonstrate about her faith in God?[Q]How might it feel to receive news of a pregnancy that would totally disrupt the life you had planned? [Q]What is God’s view of an unexpected pregnancy? What can we learn about God’s sovereign plan based on this passage? How might an unexpected pregnancy test our faith? [Q]What challenges might Zechariah and Elizabeth have faced because of Elizabeth’s unexpected pregnancy? What promise did the angel give Zechariah about his son John? What does this tell us about God’s foreknowledge and plan for our children? [Q]Upon what did Mary and Elizabeth focus that helped them accept the news of their pregnancies?[Q]Tennant says that openness to “divine interruption” extends beyond defending embryos to adopting, lobbying workplaces for generous maternity policies, and sharing baby clothes. What are practical ways we can welcome children who are divine interruptions? How can we practically support other parents who face divine interruptions, including unwed mothers? Teaching point three: Children bring both difficulty and joy, but we have biblical encouragement to focus on the joy.Read 1 Samuel 1:1–2:10 and Psalm 113:9 and James 1:2-4, 12. Hannah’s soul ached with her longing to have a child. She poured her heart out to God, and he answered her prayers by giving her a son, Samuel, whom she dedicated to the Lord. Samuel became the last judge of Israel. He called the Israelite people to worship the Lord with a whole heart. God used Samuel to anoint both Saul (1 Samuel 10:1) and David (1 Samuel 16:13) as kings. [Q]How did God use Hannah’s situation to glorify himself? [Q]Hannah’s husband, Elkanah, thought that he should be enough for Hannah, and that she should not mind being unable to have children. How can we be more sensitive to people who are grieving because they are not able to have children? [Q]If you have children, share a time when a child brought you difficulty. Was there any way in which you experienced God through that difficulty?[Q] Share a time when a child brought you great joy. [Q]Given the great difficulty that children can bring, how do we concentrate on the joy?Part 3Apply Your FindingsTennant asks thought-provoking questions about the birth control pill and our attitudes about having children. She challenges us to seek God for wisdom in our choices about birth control and family size, and not simply let our culture or peer pressures lead us. [Q]If the pill does cause abortions, even in a minuscule number of cases, what should be our response to its use? Defend your position.[Q]In her article, Tennant writes, “I believe in … a Christian’s right to use condoms and/or natural family planning (NFP).” But some Christians have argued that there’s no essential difference between those and the pill: you’re still by human means (the use of latex or restraint) blocking conception. Do you see a difference? Why or why not?[Q]What difference does it make whether a couple seeks God for wisdom before making decisions about birth control and family size? Optional ActivityFind out the needs of pregnancy centers in your area, and as a group attempt to meet some of those needs by donating baby items, counseling unwed mothers, or helping to raise money for the organization.— Study prepared by Julie Kloster, speaker, freelance writer, and regular contributor to .Additional -Is Family Planning Okay?-A Christian View of the Disabled-Living Up to Your PrinciplesBirth Control for Christians: Making Wise Choices, Jenell Williams Paris (Baker, 2003; ISBN 0801064376)Evangelical Ethics: Issues Facing the Church Today, John Jefferson Davis (P & R Publishing, 2004; ISBN 0875526225)The Mother Dance: How Children Change Your Life, Harriet Lerner (HarperCollins Publishing, 1999; ISBN 006093025X)Ovulation Method: Natural Family Planning, John Billings (Liturgical Press, 1992; ISBN 0814610110)Sexual Ethics: An Evangelical Perspective, Stanley Grenz (Westminster/John Knox, 1997; ISBN 066425750X)ArticleA Hard Pill to SwallowHow the tiny tablet upset my soul.3810000594995By Agnieszka Tennant, for the study, “Making Room for New Life.”Mircette and I became one shortly before my wedding day. In a way, my union with the wallet-sized green box of 28 pills was more complete than the bond I had with my husband. We devoured each other: I swallowed the little tablet daily, and its hormones penetrated the cells of my body.There were unspoken vows in our seemingly side-effect-free union. Come sickness or health, I promised to be faithful to Mircette and take it regularly at the same time every day. In turn, the pill pledged to suppress my ovulations.I could have sex whenever I wanted, without fearing that a pregnancy would impose on my incipient career. We spoke each other’s love languages: Mircette met my needs for adventure and protection—simultaneously; I served as its interactive billboard among my friends. And the wonder drug’s makers got my $20 co-pay each month. Everyone was satisfied!That’s when a more captivating lover began to turn my eye.A Hospitable WombIt was an emotional affair, the first time I cheated on the pill and everything it stood for. One thing led to another; I didn’t really go out looking for a new ideology.Early in my job as an editor at CT, I worked on a piece by a just-married couple, Sam and Bethany Torode, which they later developed into a provocative little book titled Open Embrace: A Protestant Couple Rethinks Contraception (Eerdmans, 2002). It was a personal narrative about how they—somewhat irresponsibly, I thought—had had unprotected sex since their wedding. They were so cute, so Bible times!I had to wonder, though: Did no one tell them that newlyweds are supposed to secure some essentials before risking the intrusion of a baby? Didn’t they want to make love without visualizing cribs? Didn’t they need to get used to one another as husband and wife before succumbing to the asexual roles of sleep-deprived young parents? How would they find time to travel, to secure academic degrees, well-paying jobs, and a mortgage? And would they be able to afford Starbucks?Still, I found the Torodes’ idealism endearing, and I congratulated myself on my ability to edit even articles with which I disagreed. But gradually, my reservations gave way to fascination with the authors’ reckless surrender.The pill and I had just celebrated our first anniversary. Though I flirted with the idea of abandoning birth control and the ideas it encapsulated, I remained faithful to it as I edited the defiant article. I didn’t mind the Torodes’ questioning “the contraceptive mentality” of our society. But I scoffed when they accused the pill of causing really tiny, chemical abortions. They may as well have called me an embryo killer.Science, I thought, was on my side. The way birth control works is by preventing ovulation. No eggs get released; no eggs get fertilized; no babies get made. End of story, no?The thing is, ovulations do sometimes break through. Just ask the regular pill users who are bewildered—almost as much as was the mother of Jesus—at the news of pregnancy. These getaway ova are, of course, hard to track down. In the rare event that pill users do ovulate, they usually don’t notice it. So only a handful of partial studies exist. They find that ovulations happen in between 1 and 5 percent of cycles in which no pills were missed.“It’s possible that an egg might be released and be fertilized in the fallopian tube only to have the embryo arrive at the uterus to find an unfavorable endometrium,” the Christian Medical Association’s William Cutrer and Sandra Glahn recently wrote in The Contraception Guidebook (Zondervan, 2005). “The hostile uterine environment could potentially be incompatible with human life, and the embryo would die.” Yikes! This means that, if I interfere with the embryo’s effort to make its home in the uterus, I have on my hands, as these authors say, “a morally unacceptable situation.”Roman Catholics have always opposed the pill, though most American Catholics do so only in theory. But as this teeny probability of abortion-by-accident gained more attention in the 1990s, some evangelicals joined Catholics in advising couples to ditch the pill.In 1997, Randy Alcorn, founder of Eternal Perspective Ministries, joined the dissenters with his richly documented Does the Birth Control Pill Cause Abortions? Among those disturbed by the pill was also obstetrician Dr. Walter Larimore, whose influential advice can be heard on Focus on the Family radio programs.But for every God-fearing, pro-life physician who opposes the pill, there seem to be at least three who embrace it. They point out that there isn’t enough research and that we’re merely talking about a potential tiny little abortion—and an involuntary one at that. Besides, they say, the very hormones that make the endometrium thin and “hostile” to implantation should also be enough to prevent ovulation in the first place.It’s a red herring, I remember telling the Torodes after doing some reading. Let’s not go there. So their article didn’t.But I did. As I continued to take the little pill daily for another three years, it became harder and harder to swallow. I grew uneasy with the minuscule chance—be it one in a million of millions—that my womb might turn away a cluster of 128 or 256 cells knitted together in the image of God.This sense of discomfort never evolved into an absolute dogma: I still wouldn’t say that taking contraceptives is a sin. But I questioned the assumptions I found underneath my pill popping.What did my daily habit say about my faith in the One who reduced himself first to a cell, then two, then 128, then 256 and more, then to a defenseless baby—and whose door is always open for helpless intruders like me? Could the little pill have stood for more than just a chance to get a fiscally responsible life before opening it up to stinky diapers? Could Mircette have changed not just the hormonal makeup of my cells, but also what cannot be seen under a microscope? Could it have served as one more safety lock on the door not just to my womb, but also to my figure, my marriage, my home, my career, my gym routine?God is in these details.What finally led me to dump the pill four years into our relationship was Duke Divinity School’s spunky moral theologian Amy Laura Hall. Not coincidentally, the first time I met her, she was wiping her adopted toddler’s gook off her blouse.After taking care of that divine mess, she gave a lecture on the eugenics-rooted assumptions that have led Western Christians like me to view children—and even the possibility of their arrival—as an inconvenient interruption. Why, she asked, do we feel the need to perfectly time and fit children into our busy schedules? Is this a Christian instinct?“Only in a small number of cultures do we have the idea that adults should do their work, worship, and entertainment without the presence of children,” she says. In her case, the messenger is the message: She can often be seen scurrying from an airport to a conference to a classroom to a business lunch with a child holding her hand or wrapped around her neck, sometimes with her husband, also a professor, in tow.When I later told Hall that my husband and I had removed the safety lock from the door to my womb in case the Great Lover of Strangers wanted to send any visitors our way, she said that she had a closet full of baby clothes just in case.Ah, baby clothes. Living in the space where human and divine freedoms overlap doesn’t come easy, so my first reaction to her offer was weak-throated: gulp.It’s one thing to get off the pill and another to be actively trying to conceive. Leaving my door unlocked doesn’t necessarily mean that I must stand in the street, asking passersby to come in, right? I believe in free will. And in a Christian’s right to use condoms and/or natural family planning (NFP). For a time that my husband and I will determine, we feel free not to solicit visitors.Even the pope gets that.Since his church members have got this NFP thing together, my husband and I took the Catholic Couple-to-Couple League’s training course. NFP is no longer our grandmothers’ calendar roulette. It can be tricky to master, but when properly applied, it can be 99 percent effective. Let me define “effective.” In addition to bringing husbands and wives closer, NFP is great for planning pregnancy (no, I don’t say this facetiously) as well as for delaying it.But you never know.And in this not knowing, we remain open. Consistent life ethicist that she is, Hall taught me that being pro-life isn’t only about opposing surgical abortion. It’s about opening ourselves to the risk and mess and uncertainty that accompany any God-sent guest we allow into our lives. The least we can do is leave our doors unlocked. Like Rahab did for the spies. Like Mary did for Jesus.For Hall, this openness to divine interruption extends beyond defending embryos to adopting a child, lobbying workplaces to offer generous maternity policies, making sure to work as a professor no more than 40 hours a week, and sharing baby clothes.I want my faith to be as imaginative.When Jesus appears on my doorstep—disguised as a cluster of 128 cells or a single mother who could use some free baby-sitting—he’d better find an open door.—Agnieszka Tennant is senior associate editor of Christianity Today.“A Hard Pill to Swallow,” by Agnieszka Tennant, Christianity Today,November 2005, Vol. 49, No. 11, Page 76Leader’s GuideThe Church’s Response to AbortionWhy conviction must be balanced with compassion.There are no topics of greater interest to human beings than life and death. Both are at the heart of the debate over abortion. However, even people who are against abortion sometimes find themselves in situations where they contemplate or agree to have an abortion. It may surprise you to learn that one out every five women who end up having an abortion is part of a church body. How should the church approach the issue of abortion in a sexually permissive culture? What responsibility does the church have to those in the body who have had an abortion? Should the church offer alternatives to those contemplating abortion? These are the questions we’ll be asking and discussing in this study based on a Christianity Today article by Frederica Mathewes-Green.Lesson #2Scripture:Genesis 1:26–27; Psalm 139:13–16; Luke 19:1–10; John 8:1–11; 1 Timothy 5:3; James 1:27Based on:“The Dilemmas of a Pro-Life Pastor,” by Frederica Mathewes-Green, Christianity Today, April 1997PART 1Identify the Current Issue449580026035Note to leader: Prior to the class, provide for each person the article “The Dilemmas of a Pro-Life Pastor” from Christianity Today magazine (included at the end of this study).Since 1973, when the landmark case of Roe vs. Wade legalized abortion in the United States, there have been over 46 million abortions performed. That figure increases by about 1.3 million each year. Though statistics help us quantify the issue, they don’t tell us about the individual lives of people who make these decisions. Behind the numbers are real people: women, men, and families that for myriad reasons believe they can’t allow the child to be born. They may feel emotionally trapped, too immature for the responsibility, economically unprepared, unwilling to change their life plans, or simply ignorant that a human life is at stake. Not long ago, an important essay was written by former President Ronald Reagan and later published as a book entitled Abortion and the Conscience of the Nation (The Human Life Foundation, Inc., 1984). Written during his first term in office, the essay clearly argues against abortion but doesn’t stop there. He frames the core issue by saying, “The real question today is not when human life begins, but, what is the value of human life?” That sense of value not only extends to the unborn child but also to those who have chosen to terminate the life of that unborn child. This is a hard idea for some to accept, but one that needs to be examined.Discussion starters:[Q]How would you describe your current stance on abortion? In your view, is there ever a justifiable reason to terminate a pregnancy? If so, under what conditions is it permissible? [Q]Have you known someone personally who has had an abortion or contemplated having one (don’t mention names)? What kind of decision-making process did she go through? How did it affect her emotionally? How did it affect her relationship with her partner? [Q]How would you assess the general attitude toward abortion today in popular culture? How is this similar or different from the general attitude toward abortion by someone who is a committed Christian? [Q]What would you say to a friend who told you she was planning on having an abortion? What key points would you most want to communicate? Which points would you be careful to avoid communicating?PART 2Discover the Eternal PrinciplesTeaching point one: Christians should value life.A key passage for understanding the value God places on human life can be found in Psalm 139. This psalm records David’s praise for God’s sovereignty in his life. He begins by acknowledging that God is omniscient and knows all that happens at any given moment in time. This includes the origin of life—when a person is formed in the womb.Read verses 13–16. Notice in this passage that there is no reference to fetal tissue or other biochemistry terms that depersonalize and devalue the developing life. Instead, it says that God is the one who “knit you together in your mother’s womb,” and as a result of this divine creation, you are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” Another foundational passage for the value of human life is found in Genesis chapter one. Read verses 26–27. Human beings are created in the image and likeness of God. This means that men and women are unlike any other aspect of God’s creation in that they bear qualities similar to those of God himself. Because of this supreme value, God gave them the responsibility to subdue and rule over the lesser creatures of the world. However, the ultimate evidence of our worth comes in Jesus’ death on the cross. Because we are made in God’s image and bear his likeness, we are worth saving from our sin to be reconciled in our relationship with God. [Q]Does God place greater value on Christians than on those who don’t know Christ? What makes Christians distinct from those who haven’t committed their life to Christ? Leader’s Note: God values all his creation but has a special relationship with those who have accepted his son. He also gives us a new point of view about our lives(2 Cor. 5:16–21). In her article, Mathewes-Green cites a disturbing fact: “…of the 4,000 women who go to abortion clinics every day, almost one in five describes herself as a committed believer.”[Q]What is your response to this? What kinds of life situations might lead a committed believer to consider abortion? [Q]What should the church’s attitude be toward women who decide to have or already have had an abortion? Does the church generally accept or reject post-abortion women? [Q]How might the decision to have an abortion affect a woman’s sense of worth over time? How might others both inside and outside the church treat her as a result of her decision? [Q]To what degree should pastors and other church leaders publicly speak out against abortion? How might vocal opposition to abortion make women who have already had an abortion feel? How can a church speak the truth but do so sensitively? Teaching point two: The church should provide alternatives to abortion.The early church saw the care of widows, orphans, and the sick as a natural extension of their commitment to Christ. Read 1 Timothy 5:3 and James 1:27. Before institutional care became popular in the 20th century, Christian groups such as the Salvation Army, Red Cross and others assumed responsibility for societal benevolence. Outside natural disasters, that task has now fallen largely to the local church. If we tallied the number of churches in the United States that speak out against abortion, the number would be sizable. But there would be far fewer of those same churches that are equipped to provide women, their partners, and families practical resources as alternatives to abortion. Many women contemplating abortion would choose life for their child if alternative options were readily available to them. These options might include accurate health-related and adoption information, biblical counsel, financial resources, childcare assistance, employment, and ongoing emotional support. Churches could also partner with pro-life pregnancy centers in the community for these and other services. [Q]Do you agree or disagree that the church should offer practical alternatives to women contemplating abortion? What are the potential pros and cons of such a commitment? Do you think most people in a church congregation would support such a concerted effort of time, money, and manpower? Why or why not? [Q]What might be the positive and negative messages that are communicated to the local community when a church has a visible outreach ministry for pre- and post-abortion women, men, and families? Why might some misinterpret the intended purpose? In her article, Mathewes-Green quotes David Reardon (The Jericho Plan: Breaking Down the Walls Which Prevent Post-Abortion Healing, Acorn Books, 1996) who says, “In God’s ordering of creation, it is only the mother who can nurture her unborn child. All that the rest of us can do, then, is to nurture the mother.”[Q]If you were to put yourself in the shoes of a woman who is contemplating abortion, what do you think would be your most pressing emotional needs? How could those who care about you best meet those emotional needs? Teaching point three: The church should be place of forgiveness and healing for those who have had abortions.Amid the high-pitched emotion that surrounds the abortion debate, many within the church have shown more condemnation and judgment for abortion advocates than compassion. Likewise, high-profile media coverage of some pro-life positions have focused almost exclusively on fighting for the life of the child while seemingly ignoring the needs of the mother. Both reactions may communicate to pre- and post-abortion women that Christians are less than sympathetic toward their plight. Jesus offered a more compassionate approach to sin when the teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought to him a woman caught in adultery. Read John 8:1–11. Instead of condemning the woman for her behavior he offered gentle, compassionate grace. Jesus recognized her behavior as sinful but was willing to offer forgiveness instead of condemnation. In fact, it was people like her, who are lost, that Jesus came to save. Read Luke 19:1–10. Likewise, we can extend grace and compassion to women who have already had an abortion. As they experience grace instead of judgment, they may be able to ask God for forgiveness and also forgive themselves. [Q]Why might it be hard for a woman who chose to abort her child to ask God for forgiveness? Why might self-forgiveness be especially difficult? [Q]How about forgiving others who may have coerced her to have the abortion against her will or given her false information? What would you say to a post-abortion woman about bitterness she may have toward others who encouraged her to have the abortion? [Q]What are some claims Christians might use to justify a harsh or judgmental attitude toward those who have had an abortion? How would you respond to each of these claims? [Q]Try translating the thoughts of the adulteress mentioned in John 8 into words. What might she have been thinking when she saw her accusers leave one by one after threatening to stone her? What might she have thought about Jesus who saved her from certain death? What lesson can we take from this story that can be applied to our relationship with those who have had an abortion? [Q]Does media coverage of the pro-life/pro-choice debate help or hurt the church’s ability to reach out to pre- and post-abortion women? How can the media be used in a positive way to communicate the message of grace? PART 3Apply Your FindingsThe late Francis Schaeffer was arguably one of the most influential Christian thinkers of the latter part of the 20th century, especially as it pertained to the issue of abortion and the intrinsic value of life. His five-part film series and accompanying book by the same title (Whatever Happened to the Human Race, F.H. Revell Co, 1979) awakened many Christians from their slumber on the issue of abortion. Schaeffer was clearly opposed to abortion but sought to combine firm resolve with compassion. He wrote, “So we who are Christians must, on the one hand, fight with determination and sacrifice for the individuals in society, and on the other, provide loving care of people as individuals.” The individuals he was referring to included all parties involved in the abortion debate, but most importantly women. This loving care should also deliberately extend to the woman’s male partner who often experiences as much grief and remorse about the abortion as the woman. [Q]What approach does your church take toward those who have had abortions? Is there an organized outreach with available resources for those who need them? What would it take to make post-abortion women feel welcome and safe in your church community? [Q]If you were to organize a media campaign to clearly and compassionately communicate your optimal message to women contemplating or having already had an abortion, what would that message say? What media outlets would you choose? How would you follow up with those who contact you for more information? [Q]In what ways could your church create a safe environment for males who have played a part in abortion to grieve, find support, and heal from their loss? How do a male’s issues differ from a female’s following an abortion? What unique issues arise when the male no longer is in a relationship with the woman he got pregnant? [Q]Schaeffer talks about a willingness to “sacrifice for individuals in society.” What types of sacrifices or commitments would you be willing to make for this cause? How would you go about educating the youth of your church or community about the value of life as it relates to the unborn?—Study prepared by Gary A. Gilles, adjunct instructor at Trinity International University, editor of Chicago Caregiver magazine, and freelance writer.Additional -Living Up to Your Principles-The Value of Human Life-BioethicsAborted Women: Silent No More, David C. Reardon (Loyola Press, 1987; ISBN 082940578X)Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion, Theresa Burke (Acorn Books, 2002; ISBN 0964895781)The Healing Choice: Your Guide to Emotional Recovery After an Abortion, Dana Dovitch, Candace De puy (Fireside, 1997; ISBN 0684831961)Hope for the Brokenhearted: Biblical Solutions for Survivors of Abuse and Rape, Todd R. Cook (ACW Press, 2004; ISBN 1932124292)The Jericho Plan: Breaking Down the Walls Which Prevent Post-Abortion Healing, David C. Reardon (Acorn Books, 1996; ISBN 0964895757)Real Choices: Listening to Women; Looking for Alternatives to Abortion, Frederica Mathewes-Green (Conciliar Press, 1997; ISBN 1888212071)A Solitary Sorrow, Teri Reisser, Dr. Paul Reisser (Shaw, 2000; ISBN 0877887748)Tears in a Bottle, Sylvia Bambola (Multnomah, 2001; ISBN 1576738027)ArticleThe Dilemmas of a Pro-Life PastorHow churches should handle the delicate issue of abortion when nearly one-fifth of women who get abortions are sitting in our pews.By Frederica Mathewes-Green, for the study, “The Church’s Response to Abortion”373380031115In his darkened office, Pastor Stan put his head in his hands. It had been a difficult phone call, and Marcia was beginning to cry when he hung up. Usually the baptism of a baby is a joyful part of the Sunday service, but this time Pastor Stan had said no. Marcia was not married, and so he had told her it would have to be a private ceremony. To put her and her baby up in front of everybody just seemed wrong. The church would be practicing make-believe morality. It would mean pretending sin wasn’t wrapped all around this situation.The desk lamp cast a pool of light over his sermon notes. It was not as if he was going to call Marcia to the front and pin a scarlet A on her dress. He wasn’t going to point at her from the pulpit and accuse her of iniquity; the Lord knows, we all have plenty to repent about. But most of the time, the sin is not so public, so visible. You had to draw the line somewhere. Pastor Stan pressed his fingers to his aching temples. He just wished he was sure this was where the line should be drawn.Spiritual Ping-PongWhile there is no lack of voices insisting, “The church should oppose abortion,” Pastor Stan’s dilemma illustrates how complex a situation can be. Marcia’s situation tells only one of the many possible and perplexing stories facing a pastor in an age of sexual revolution. The most bitter fruit is abortion, but there are other branches, good and bad: premarital sex, single parenting, “shotgun” weddings, postabortion grief, adoption counseling, child-care problems, abstinence education, divorce, welfare, and child-support enforcement. It is not just a matter of Pastor Stan being goaded to “do the right thing” on the abortion issue alone.Yet, whatever the church has been doing to combat abortion, the problem persists. Statistics tell a disturbing tale: of the 4,000 women who go into abortion clinics every day, almost one in five describes herself as a committed believer. A 1996 study by the Alan Guttmacher Institute asked women at abortion clinics, “Do you consider yourself a born-again Christian or Evangelical Christian?” Eighteen percent answered yes (31 percent said they were Catholic).How this can happen is all too understandable. “I was totally pro-life, I knew that abortion was horrible,” says Cindy, who underwent the procedure at 18. “But what other people thought was a big thing with my parents, and me, too. So I didn’t do what was in my gut—believe in myself and have the baby.”Church leaders like Pastor Stan play a mental game of Ping-Pong in such situations. Ping: If Marcia is admitted to the place of honor most new moms occupy, it appears to normalize sin. Pong: But if she is shunned, another Cindy, down the line, may conclude that a hidden abortion is better than a public humiliation.Ping: If Pastor Stan makes a point of preaching against abortion it may cause those already crushed by guilt from having had one to feel further alienated and condemned. Pong: Yet, if he doesn’t speak against it, the loudest message his congregation will hear is from outside the church: It’s just a woman’s choice.Ping: So maybe a woman like Marcia should not be treated like other moms but instead held up as a heroine. She braved social disapproval to have this baby. Pong: But then again, maybe social disapproval is not such a bad thing; stigma is the best reinforcer of all sorts of moral behavior, more effective than any law.Ping: A caring church should help women who make mistakes and then take the heroic path of choosing life. Pong: But the church must be wise in charitable outreach, not doling out money to single mothers without personal discipling or accountability. A no-strings handout backfires, teaching men that they don’t have to be financially responsible for their children; teaching unmarried couples that, when the bill comes due for the sexual revolution, someone else will pick up the tab. Whatever the church does to help, it must always support chastity, two-parent families, and uphold the goodness of responsible fatherhood.No wonder Pastor Stan feels confused. Breaking down the complexity of the problem into smaller pieces helps a bit, and four areas naturally emerge: opposing abortion, healing postabortion grief, supporting pregnant women, and resolving the problems of single parenting.Opposing abortionBehind the scenes at pro-life organizations, heads shake over polling results. Year after year, it is clear that the strongest indicator for pro-life sentiment is not race, age, income, or political affiliation; it is church attendance. The more involved a person is in a church, particularly a church that clings to the classic faith, the more likely that person is to oppose abortion.Yet, from the point of view of movement activists, the response of the church has ranged from weak to wimpy. Denominations may have grand anti-abortion statements on the books, but active support for the cause, especially at the local level, seems scant.Brad Mattes, of Life Issues International, observes, “With the issue of slavery, it was when the church got involved that gains were made. If we saw the church mobilized and speaking out against this new civil injustice, we would see history repeat itself.” From the perspective of a pro-life professional, the church is an army in a box, a collection of underdeployed allies.But the pastor sees something else: in this community-based context, abortion is not an issue or a cause, it is a tragic symptom of lives out of control. Whatever the pastor says or does about abortion is part of a larger scenario where pastoral care touches on a host of other issues: marital commitment, sexual morality, use of contraception, child-rearing and adoption, the discipling of young men, the protection of young women. Whatever he says or does must take into account the teen who had an abortion last year and the grandmom who had an illegal abortion decades ago, impressionable girls who see single moms valorized for choosing life, and small children for whom the mere topic could cause nightmares. A random sample of people sitting in church will not completely overlap with people sitting in the hall at a pro-life convention.Still, movement leaders’ frustration is borne out by at least one study. In a master’s degree thesis for Regent University, Molly M. Stone surveyed over a hundred pastors in the South Hampton Roads area of Virginia. About 75 percent described themselves as pro-life, and the majority had counseled women in crisis pregnancies and women grieving past abortions. They agreed that the church should take a stand and that it was not too divisive to address from the pulpit. Yet, while exactly 70.2 percent said the church should support pro-life pregnancy care centers, exactly 70.2 percent said their church did not.But pastors who would like to speak out but don’t know what to say will find many pro-life organizations eager to help. A good place to start is with an annual pro-life Sunday, which the Catholic church observes on the first Sunday of October (“Respect Life Sunday”) and Protestants on the Sunday nearest the anniversary of Roe v. Wade, January 22 (“Sanctity of Life Sunday”).“Sanctity of Life” church bulletin covers, sermon outlines, prayers, and other materials are produced by various pro-life groups. J. Thomas Smith of America 21, for example, provides a “Devotional for Sanctity of Human Life Sunday” for distribution to local churches by pregnancy care centers, with appropriate Scriptures and prayers. Of course, there is a wide array of pro-life materials suitable for congregational use all year round: videos and speakers for adult classes, posters, books for the church library, even pro-life rock songs and T-shirts for the youth group. A church that is ready to make a commitment against abortion does not have to make up everything from scratch.Healing postabortion griefOne of a pastor’s fears is that, if he speaks out against abortion, a postabortion woman in the pew will burst into tears. David Reardon, author of Aborted Women: Silent No More, has written a book for clergy called The Jericho Plan: Breaking Down the Walls Which Prevent Post-Abortion Healing. His aim: to give pastors the training and confidence they need to heal this grief. After all, letting it go unresolved helps no one.Reardon believes that when clergy speak against abortion, they can see a reaction scattering among the members of the congregation: some get steely-eyed (“Who are you to judge me?”), while others look downcast and pained. Neither is the sort of response preachers enjoy. Reardon recommends a plan of empathy, education, repentance, and reconciliation. His approach is notable in that it presumes that men as well as women will bear the marks of postabortion grief; postabortion counseling for men is a growing field.Therapist Anne Speckhard, who helps train pastors in postabortion counseling, thinks that “women really need to hear it was wrong.” Whitewashing the sin, or coaxing the woman to see herself as a helpless victim, may initially seem compassionate, but these approaches ultimately complicate and delay healing. “It’s a fine line on how to do it. Don’t minimize and don’t condemn.”Supporting pregnant womenIf fear of offending postabortion women hinders some clergy from putting pro-life convictions into practice, the fear that there could be more postabortion women in their pews this time next year should goad them.Pregnancy care centers are churches’ best partners in providing help and encouragement to women, and these centers’ services have been steadily upgraded in recent years. The approach has become more polished and more oriented toward loving the pregnant woman and meeting her needs. Pam Stearns, director of the Hope Unlimited Pregnancy Care Center of Paducah, Kentucky, says, “The face of our ministry changed from ‘Truth’ to ‘Truth with love.’ Before, we had pictures of aborted babies in the lobby—we had an aggressive agenda of saving that baby. Now the focus has been enlarged, and our mission is to serve the client. Everything is done to make her feel comfortable, not manipulated.”David Reardon points out that this is, in fact, our calling. He writes: “In God’s ordering of creation, it is only the mother who can nurture her unborn child. All that the rest of us can do, then, is to nurture the mother. To help a child, we must help the child’s mother.”The local pregnancy care center may well see a woman in a local congregation before her pastor does. In a mutually beneficial arrangement, clergy can encourage members of their congregations to pledge money and volunteer time at the local pregnancy center, and include the center in the church’s charitable budget as well. The center, in turn, can present church programs on abstinence, communication between parents and teens, and the pro-life cause in general. When a member of the church is in need, the center can offer material and emotional support.In Maryland, this idea of interdependence between church and pregnancy center is being tried on a larger scale. The Gabriel Project began as a few citywide initiatives in Texas, but in Maryland it will cover the entire state. Participating churches place on their front lawns a sign that reads, “Pregnant? Need Help?” and gives a toll-free number. The message goes on, “The members of this church community see in the birth of each baby a fresh expression of God’s unfailing love. We offer immediate and practical help to any woman faced with a crisis pregnancy.”The number is answered at a central location staffed by pro-life volunteers who are available 24 hours a day. These phone counselors can begin giving encouragement on the spot and are also familiar with the resources and locations of each of the state’s nearly 50 pregnancy care centers. The pregnant woman is referred to her nearest center, where she will be given a pregnancy test and counseling—abstinence counseling if she is not pregnant, and advice regarding practical assistance if she is. The center may decide to refer her to one of the Project Gabriel churches, taking care to honor her faith background. The church could then partner with the center in meeting the woman’s material, emotional, and spiritual needs.Participating churches develop a Project Gabriel Team, involving members as volunteers in a number of ways; when representatives of Project Gabriel make a church presentation, they distribute a card that includes check-off lines for babysitters, mechanics, health-care professionals, donors, drivers, and prayer supporters, as well as “angels” to give friendship and homes for lodging. The Project Gabriel “Question and Answer Resource for Churches” states that “In other areas of the country … the load per church community has averaged two to four clients a year.”The Gabriel Project states that the woman “should be nurtured toward independence from and not dependence on the Gabriel Project church. Once in a while, there will even be a client who is very skilled at manipulating the system in order to take advantage of the generosity of those trying to offer help. Gabriel Project Teams [will receive] … specific guidance on how much help to give.”The problems of single parentingIn Pastor Stan’s dilemma, all these hurdles had already been overcome; Marcia had rejected abortion and had navigated the difficulties of pregnancy. Now she was a young, single mother. What next?For the young, single mom in the maternity ward, three roads diverge: single parenting while supporting herself and the baby, adoption, and marriage to the baby’s father.Single parenting is the road most travel, and of the many hurdles on that road, one of the highest is making ends meet financially. About 15 percent of the centers offer clients job training or placement. On the wall at the Rockville (Md.) Pregnancy Center there hangs a “Point of Light” letter from President Bush recognizing the success of their “Computer Moms” program. A baseline of client responsibility has been set: participants must be regular, punctual, and dressed for the office (a “dress for success” closet makes this easier). In return, clients learn keyboarding and spreadsheet and word-processing software. When a client finishes the course, a temporary agency works with the center to move her into her first job.While such programs are admirable, Pastor Stan feels some regret that it seems necessary to set up more single-parent, working-mom homes. Isn’t there a better alternative? It’s troubling enough that these homes are as common in our churches as they are in the secular world, especially as evidence of the negative effects on children accumulates. While there is still time to make another choice, other choices should be encouraged.Some centers, such as the Care Net chain, are making an effort to improve counseling about adoption. The National Council for Adoption cites a study showing that programs that included a discussion of adoption, compared with those that did not, were seven times more likely to have teens make an adoption plan.Of course, adoption is not the only way, or even the usual way, for a child to grow up in a two-parent family. Reardon’s remark above should be expanded to include the father. God plans a father to be a nurturer as well, a resource that pregnancy centers have often overlooked. Efforts are made to reconcile a girl with her parents, but little has usually been done to encourage marriage to the baby’s father.Of course, some circumstances make the idea of marriage inappropriate. But even without such factors, a counselor encouraging marriage has to combat powerful cultural forces. Today a pregnant woman may not think of marriage as necessary or appealing. Single parenting, when relieved of its economic and social disincentives, can look more attractive than trying to get along with a guy who is less than perfect (that is, most of them).Also working against the client’s inclination to consider marriage are the presumptions that “shotgun” marriages always fail (not so; 50 to 75 percent are still intact ten years later) and that glamorous Murphy Brown single-parenting is fun and risk-free (also, and disastrously, not so). Beyond the damaged lives, policies that encourage new single-parent households feed a cycle that creates more of the same, by reducing the natural penalties for sex outside wedlock, and freeing men from their responsibility for their children.At the Pregnancy Support Center of Groton, Connecticut, director Dorothy Schrage is training her staff to make an intentional effort to promote marriage. “We don’t like it when we end up setting a woman up on welfare,” Schrage says. “It’s not empowering, and it’s not God’s plan. I was married at age 18,” she says. “Teen marriages can work, yes! I am proof of that. In the right circumstances, we need to draw that possibility out.”Schrage finds that, in this case, as with adoption, it helps just to talk about the possibility. “Until you talk about the baby’s father, the client feels like she’s not supposed to.” They have both heard the relentless message that it is her body, her life, her choice, and the man is not supposed to have anything to do with it—not even when she needs his help. “We try to get them communicating, get him to talk about it and take some ownership of the situation. They may have differences, but it’s possible to blend those differences and create something beautiful.”Baptism is for sinnersIn a more perfect society, where marriage, family, and sexual responsibility are generally upheld, where abortion clinics didn’t advertise in the Yellow Pages, Pastor Stan might have found his job easier. In the complex and delicate dilemma of finding a viable pro-life posture in the church while not encouraging sinful behavior, it is difficult to know where to draw the line. After a good night’s sleep, though, Pastor Stan knew he had drawn it in the wrong place with Marcia.A week later, Marcia stood with him before the congregation with her baby in her arms. “We want to baptize this baby today, and affirm Marcia for choosing life,” Pastor Stan said. “She understands that her actions were wrong. She knows that they were not pleasing to God, and she is repentant. And now, putting the past behind, we want to walk alongside her.”Looking out at his congregation he could see many whom he had counseled, who had come to repentance for various misdeeds. In no case had the person been obligated to stand up in front of the congregation and make such a public acknowledgment. Marcia represented in a painfully explicit way the cycle of sin and repentance, and the good news of forgiveness.The bent to sin reigns in every heart, thought Pastor Stan, as he looked at the sleeping baby in her arms. Even that one, hard as it is to believe. But there is enough forgiveness to cover it all.—Frederica Mathewes-Green is a columnist for Religion News Service. Her commentaries can be heard on National Public Radio. She is author of Facing East: A Pilgrim’s Journey into the Mysteries of Orthodoxy, published by Harper San Francisco.“The Dilemmas of a Pro-Life Pastor,” by Frederica Mathewes-Green, Christianity Today, April 1997Leader’s GuideMen as Invisible Partners in Abortion How abortion affects male identity and the need for healing.Mention the word abortion and immediately two thoughts come to mind: the unborn child and the mother. But the often forgotten party in abortion is the man who helped conceive the child. He may not get support or encouragement to talk about his part in the abortion. In fact, he may never share with anyone that he is the father of a child he will never know. What does a man experience after the abortion of his child? Is there remorse for supporting his partner’s decision or for pushing her into having an abortion against her will? What if he was against the abortion but was powerless to stop his partner from ending the pregnancy? How is his masculinity affected? Does he suffer any consequences in his relationship with God? How can he heal from these wounds? These are the questions we’ll be discussing in this study based on an article by Guy Condon in Christianity Today.Lesson #3Scripture:Genesis 1:26–27; 3:16; Psalm 32:3–4; 51:1–4; Acts 3:19; 12:25; 15:37Based on:“Fatherhood Aborted,” by Guy Condon, Christianity Today, December 1996PART 1Identify the Current Issue442912526670Note to leader: Prior to the class, provide for each person the article “Fatherhood Aborted” from Christianity Today magazine (included at the end of this study).Each year, there are approximately 1.3 million abortions performed in the United States. The final decision of whether an abortion is performed rests with the mother. Legally, the father does not have the right to stop the abortion. So, if the abortion is performed, the father’s part is limited to one of five roles. He might: 1) encourage or support the woman’s decision to have the abortion; 2) pressure her to abort; 3) abandon her to make the decision alone; 4) unsuccessfully oppose the abortion; or 5) not be told or involved at all. But all of these roles have the capacity to leave the man feeling empty, wounded, and burdened with a lifetime of regret. To bring it closer to home, in one year, almost a quarter of a million women who had abortions identified themselves as evangelicals or born-again Christians, as stated in Guy Condon’s article. A Christian male whose partner has an abortion is resigned to the same five roles mentioned above. But the consequences for the Christian male are more significant. Condon states that abortion has a profoundly negative impact on male believers that he calls a form of spiritual emasculation. A non-Christian may feel regret, but a Christian has the added burden of knowing that the decision to end the child’s life was wrong, regardless of how it was justified at the time. Read Psalm 51:1–4. That gnawing reminder can have many consequences. Discussion starters:[Q]Do you personally know any men who have gone through the abortion experience (don’t mention names)? What kinds of issues did this person deal with related to recovering from the abortion? Did the relationship with his partner continue or was it broken off? What was the reaction of friends and family if the abortion became known? [Q]In what percentage of abortions do you think the man is an integral part of the decision-making process? What decision do you think most of those men who are involved prefer? Why? [Q]In what percentage of abortions do you think the man looks back on the abortion with profound regret? What kinds of action do you think he would have liked to take to effect a different outcome? [Q]What types of emotional consequences might a Christian man suffer as a result of supporting his partner in having an abortion? How would this affect his relationship with God? His relationship with his female partner? His relationship with future or existing children?PART 2Discover the Eternal PrinciplesTeaching point one: Abortion has a profound effect on a man’s masculinity.In many ways the consequences of the loss of a child from abortion are different for men than for women. Condon states that abortion “short-circuits the God-given progression of his developing identity as a man, as a husband, and as a father … and [he may] bear the consequences of the broken image of his masculine being thereafter.” The image referred to here is that of being made in God’s image. Read Genesis 1:26–27. Notice that God creates all human beings in his image, but then it says he also created them male and female. This implies a distinction between men and women. As part of that image of God, men have been given the responsibility of leadership and protection for their partner and children. Read Genesis 3:16. The man’s role of protector and leader is often turned upside down when an abortion takes place. Not only did he fail to keep the pregnancy from occurring in the first place, but he also was unable to protect his child from being killed. This often creates great identity confusion for the man. This confusion may show itself through outbursts of anger, withdrawal, depression, or the development of addictive behaviors that dull or distract him from the pain, among other symptoms. But all of these have one common thread among men following an abortion: they often keep the abortion a secret and suffer in silence. They may find it difficult to admit to themselves and others the extent of their hurt, guilt, or regret, and withdraw from those closest to them. This is compounded by the blame directed at many men from family, friends, or even church staff, believing that the man is ultimately responsible for the abortion. The result of keeping all of this pain locked up inside further emasculates him and undermines his ability to heal. After David murdered Bathsheba’s husband, he wrote in Psalm 32, “When I kept silent [about my sin], my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer” (vv. 3–4). [Q]Condon states that men are growing up in a “condom culture that has separated the sex act from procreation and responsibility.” Can you think of concrete examples of this mentality of separation in males you know or from advertising or other media depictions of masculinity? How do these examples differ from God’s image of man as leader and protector? [Q]What would you say to a male teen or young adult who has a cavalier attitude about expressing his sexuality with no concern for the potential consequences of his actions? How would your response be different if that teen or young adult was a Christian? [Q]Why do you think it is so difficult for the majority of men to be open and expressive about their inner lives? What societal factors and stereotypes reinforce the image of the strong male who can handle anything? What could be done for today’s male youth to counter those societal illusions? [Q]Why does expressing our feelings to someone tend to lighten the burden we feel over matters like abortion? Could this communication process of externalizing our emotion be part of the way God created us? What are other benefits of telling someone your sins? Does it relate somehow to being created in God’s image? Teaching point two: Men need to go through a healing process following an abortion. For a man to begin healing from the effects of an abortion, he must first admit to himself that he is hurting and needs help. From there, relief from the agony that many post-abortion fathers experience is the same for them as it was for King David—confession. When men bring their sin into the light of truth, they find the “times of refreshing” that come from knowing they are forgiven (Acts 3:19). Then forgiveness must be extended to others (partner, family members, medical personnel who performed the abortion, etc.), and finally to oneself. Forgiving oneself may be the most challenging task of all. Those in church leadership positions can also be of great help to men by removing the stigma of blame often associated with abortion. Men need to know they can talk about their emotions freely in a safe environment before they will come forward. The church is the ideal place to provide that type of safety. [Q]Of churches that do provide any type of formal post-abortion ministry, most focus on women. Why do you think the man’s experience in abortion has been largely ignored? Who has the more powerful voice to make the larger culture aware of men’s needs on this issue: men or women? [Q]If you were a man in need of help to heal from the effects of an abortion, where would you turn? Would someone in the leadership of your church be among the first three people you would contact for help? Why or why not? [Q]In his article, Condon quotes post-abortion counselor Warren Williams as saying, “The unspoken rule [in churches] is that an abortion would be preferable to carrying an unwanted pregnancy to term.” What do you think he means by this? Why is the church perceived by many, especially men, as being unconcerned or even antagonistic toward those involved with abortion? Teaching point three: Mature men in the church can model healthy masculinity for younger males recovering from abortion. Patrick Morely, chairman and CEO of the men’s ministry Man in the Mirror, says, “We have not been effective in making disciples, especially among men, and therefore we are failing significantly to achieve one of our central missions.” In the Bible, the word for disciple literally means pupil or learner. For a man’s healing from abortion to be most effective, he should ideally receive counsel from a mature man who can help him understand and deal with his grief and shame from the male perspective. This type of mentoring was modeled by numerous figures in the Old and New Testaments. Moses, for example, spent time grooming Joshua to lead the people into the Promised Land. New Testament mentors most notably include Jesus, Paul, and Barnabas. Jesus, of course, mentored the 12 men who were his constant companions and carried on his ministry after his ascension. Paul called Timothy his spiritual son. Barnabas devoted himself to John Mark (Acts 12:25; 15:37). Hurting men need accountability to other men to help them express their emotion, be honest, and break through the guilt that often accompanies abortion. This accountability also allows men to experience God’s forgiveness through human relationships. Post-abortion men need someone strong enough to be honest with them without passing judgment on them. In time, these hurting men can recover their masculinity as God intended it and become effective leaders in both their family and the church. [Q]If you could hand pick a mature Christian man to mentor a man recovering from an abortion, for what core qualities would you look? What attitudes would the man recovering from the abortion need in order to get the most benefit from this mentoring relationship? [Q]What aspects of Jesus’ life stand out as examples of discipleship over the three years that he constantly taught the disciples through word and action? How did the disciples typically respond to Jesus’ teachings? [Q]Do you agree or disagree with the statement that a man recovering from abortion is best served by another man who is more mature? Could a mature woman provide the same accountability and mentoring for a man? Why or why not? [Q]Does a mentoring relationship as described above sound appealing to you, regardless of your gender or situation? If so, why? If not, explain. PART 3Apply Your FindingsAlthough males are not legally able to stop an abortion, studies have shown that the attitudes of a husband or male partner to a pregnancy can strongly influence a woman’s abortion decision. In David Reardon’s book Aborted Women: Silent No More (Loyola University Press, 1987), he cites research that shows that over 80 percent of women would choose not to go through with an abortion if she had sufficient practical and emotional support from her partner. Church leaders can also work together with organizations such as crisis pregnancy centers or other men’s discipleship programs to point hurting men in the right direction and raise the level of post-abortion recovery for men in the church. [Q]In what ways could your church become more open to helping men recover from abortion by providing resources, a safe place to talk, and help in finding a mentor? [Q]If you could organize an adult education class on the biblical view of masculinity, what would be three key points you would emphasize? What societal influences would you cite as the most destructive to males seeking to develop healthy masculinity? How might women play a significant role in helping to build a healthy masculinity in their male partners? [Q]Imagine that you are a male pastor and want to reach out to men in the community who are looking for a place to heal from abortion. How would you begin to make contact with these men and create an inviting atmosphere where they would feel safe? [Q]How might you match up older, mature men in your church with younger men seeking guidance, perspective, and healing for their life issues? —Study prepared by Gary A. Gilles, adjunct instructor at Trinity International University, editor of Chicago Caregiver magazine, and freelance writer.Additional -Living Up to Your Principles-The Value of Human Life-BioethicsAbortion & Healing: A Cry to Be Whole, Fr. Michael T. Mannion (Sheed & Ward, 1996; ISBN 0934134359)Detrimental Effects of Abortion: An Annotated Bibliography with Commentary,Thomas W. Strahan (Acorn Books, 2001; ISBN 0964895706)Fatherhood Aborted, David Hazard, Guy Condon (Tyndale House, 2001; ISBN 0842354239)Forbidden Grief: The Unspoken Pain of Abortion, Theresa Burke and David Reardon (Acorn Books, 2002; ISBN: 0964895781) Forgiven: Finding Peace in the Aftermath of Abortion, Christina Ryan Claypool(New Creation Ministries, 2004; ISBN 0788021125)Healing a Father’s Heart, Linda Cochrane and Kathy Jones (Baker Books, 1996; ISBN 0801057221)Men and Abortion, C. T. Coyle (Essence Publishing, 1999; ISBN 1894169875)ArticleFatherhood AbortedThe hidden trauma of men and abortion and what the church can do about it.By Guy Condon, for the study, “Men as Invisible Partners in Abortion ”381000060960Ryan thought that “it would make everyone miserable” if his girlfriend kept the baby. When Tammy had the abortion, they both felt relieved, but broke up right away.Ryan was devastated. “I can’t get Tammy and the baby out of my mind,” he lamented. “I see babies everywhere, and they all seem to look at me like they know what I did wrong. I see little boys with their parents, and it hurts so much. I just want to crawl in a hole and die.” He admits that he encouraged Tammy to get the abortion because he cared about “what other people thought.” For Ryan, the other people included his Christian parents, the kids at the Christian school where he coached basketball, and the people at his church.In a similar situation, Richard was in high school, growing up in a Christian home, and serious about wanting to follow the Lord. He knew it was wrong to have sex with his girlfriend and, in fact, the couple said prayers of repentance together after it happened. Since they only had sex once, neither of them thought she would get pregnant. But she did. He found out from his girlfriend’s mother that she was planning to have an abortion, and the couple soon broke up. But for Richard, it took 15 years and becoming the father of three more children to comprehend the reality of that event. “It wasn’t a problem that was aborted, it was my child. I wanted to be a good father, but even before I had begun, I had failed my first son.”As someone in his late twenties, Chris was hopeful about his relationship with Elise. They were going to church together and involved with a career group Bible study. “We even studied The Celebration of Discipline together, and I was trying to take the lead spiritually.” They never planned it, but sex just seemed to happen. They had come back to Chris’s apartment after an invigorating bike ride, and one thing led to another. Since they were never intending to commit the unchristian act of having sex as an unmarried couple, neither used birth control. They were sitting in the waiting room at the abortion clinic when Chris made a last attempt at talking her out of it. “Let’s just go! You don’t have to do this. I want to get serious.” But Elise didn’t want a pregnancy to be the reason for getting married. They broke up, and Chris spent years hating himself for what happened.While their names have been changed to protect confidentiality, their stories are real. But are these unusual instances? Recent statistics say no. In one year, almost a quarter of a million women getting abortions identified themselves as evangelical or born-again Christians. With simple logic, it is easy to see the probability of a similar number of Christian men who gave assent to, or encouraged, the abortion of the children they fathered. What’s more, the number keeps increasing. So what does this mean for the next generation of male Christian leaders?It is having a profoundly negative impact on believers, according to Warren Williams, who has counseled 65 post-abortive fathers. He describes it as a form of “spiritual emasculation.” Williams finds that a Christian guy knows in his heart “that he’s cashed out the life of one of his children. He knows that—without the grace of God—killing a child requires the death penalty, a life for a life.” The man has trouble repenting, because he doesn’t know who to talk to. Therefore, he is always looking over his shoulder, afraid of God’s wrath. “When things happen to him after the abortion, he tends to see God as getting even by condemning him to fail forever.” One post-abortive father acknowledged that “more than a child is aborted; a man’s maleness is aborted.”Young men in a condom cultureInitially, arguments against abortion focused on the injustice and violence done to unborn children. A growing body of evidence then showed that abortion put women at risk of serious physical, emotional, and spiritual harm, and so the abortion protest was expanded to include the need to protect women. Yet so far, little attention has gone to the men, who invisibly share the responsibility of problem pregnancies. But looking more closely at the male factor may well provide some clues for resolving one of the most pressing moral crises of our time.A discussion of how abortion affects men necessarily begins with male sexuality. Young men are growing up in a condom culture that has separated the sex act from procreation and responsibility. For many, sex has become a kind of sport or rite of passage, something that must be accomplished to prove their masculinity.Sixteen-year-old boys nowadays often fear that others will think they are gay if they haven’t had sex. There is pressure to perform sexually that is reinforced by the examples of promiscuous sports and rock stars, the media, and their peers.Whether it’s NBA basketball star “Magic” Johnson, who is HIV-positive resulting from heterosexual promiscuity, or the cozy, non-consequential sex depicted on the TV series Friends, the underlying message is the same: “Everyone who’s cool is doing it.” The horrendous threat of sexually transmitted diseases seems less consequential than the threat of being perceived as a pounding the confusion over masculine identity, an astonishing number of young men are growing up without the benefit of a loving father. According to recent projections, 40 percent of children today will live in homes that lack fathers altogether at some point during their childhood. Meanwhile, an array of dysfunctions further reduce the possibilities for boys to grow up with the blessings of love and discipline from fathers.Legalized abortion aggravates this generational crisis in masculinity. When a young man agrees with or forces an abortion, he is facilitating the killing of his child. While he may feel initial relief, because the abortion spares him the obligations of marriage and fatherhood, he does unspeakable damage to himself.The abortion, not to mention fornication, short-circuits the God-given progression of his developing identity as a man, as a husband, and as a father. Apart from redemption through Jesus Christ, he will bear the consequences of the broken image of his masculine being thereafter.The essential meaning God gives to chastity, the commitment of marriage, and the commitment of fatherhood are obvious from God’s commands to the people of Israel. For example, he commanded that his chosen people be identified by circumcision. That is, God set Israelite men apart from the Gentiles with a physical mark on the most personal and uniquely masculine parts of their bodies. This represented their covenant with God. A Hebrew “youth who lacked judgment” and went to have sex with a foreign woman could not hide from her his identification as a man who belonged to God and the shame that would come with violating God’s command.Along the same lines, if an Israelite community became aware that a man had committed adultery, it was commanded he be put to death, along with his partner. So the circumcision would also warn the foreign woman against the potential consequences of having sex with this man.Then, finally, when an Israelite sacrificed any of his children to a foreign idol, he was cut off from the people of God, and God’s people were commanded again to put him to death.While promiscuity and abortion are not punishable by death under civil law today, they still violate God’s law—and still provoke severe consequences for those involved.The church’s “unspoken rule”But how did abortion become commonplace in the Christian community? As with the Titanic, the cause of the tragedy lies somewhere below the surface.Williams points out that “there’s no permission granted in the church for pregnancy outside of marriage.” If the pregnancy continues, everyone at church finds out the unmarried couple has had sex. The pregnant 18-year-old sets a bad example for the younger girls in the church. Parents would rather not have Ryan, as an unwed father, coach basketball for their boys, who will continue to look up to him as a role model. “The unspoken rule,” Williams says, “is that an abortion would be preferable to carrying an unwanted pregnancy to term.”But don’t evangelicals also support abstinence before marriage? Not very well, says Sam Branham, an area director with Young Life, a Christian youth outreach to teenagers. “Kids who grow up in the church really don’t hear the truth about sex in a way that lets them process it” and develop convictions strong enough to withstand the social pressures they will inevitably face.Unless a church has a full-time youth pastor, many will struggle with a scarcity of mature adults who feel qualified to teach kids about sexual sin and virtue. But the world aggressively takes over where churches leave off. According to the Center for Population Options, a typical teenager annually sees nearly 14,000 sexual encounters in the media.Culture as a whole is defining personal worth and identity according to sexual attractiveness and performance. It is hard to resist without some straight talk from Christian adults. There is a special need for men who are willing to “invest their time in teenage guys,” says Branham. “They’re dying to have a relationship with caring adults” who can provide a godly role model for manhood, especially where the father is physically or emotionally absent from the home.Branham says that “if a person is empty inside, he will use sex to try and fill that void” or to build his self-esteem. In one survey, two-thirds of the teenage respondents agreed that having sex enhances a boy’s reputation.Yet a young man’s confidence in his masculine identity only deteriorates if a crisis pregnancy and abortion occur. According to Williams, after an abortion, many men struggle with an inherent fear of women and an inability to bond emotionally. “Even if he does get married,” Williams says, “there will be problems with honesty and expressing his true feelings.” Especially if he attempted to prevent a previous partner from aborting their child, he wants to protect himself from the pain of this happening again. If he wanted the abortion, he feels unworthy and wants to protect his new partner from becoming emotionally involved with him.He may experience sexual dysfunction, from impotency to a compulsive desire for illicit sexual encounters. He may struggle with unjustified fits of rage that culminate in verbal or physical violence. Reasonable discussions can escalate suddenly, especially if a subject symbolizes the circumstances surrounding the abortion. It may be outrage toward a doctor who reminds him of the abortionist or anger toward a woman who wants him to love her when he feels he can’t. He may feel intense anger or jealousy toward other men who are enjoying their fatherhood. Or he may struggle with an inability to follow through on commitments in his work or even to hold a job. Some men may even feel driven to get involved in pro-life activism as a way of seeking atonement for aborting their children.These patterns are no guarantee that a man is struggling with a past abortion. But asking about the possibility, when suspected, may lead to a release for the person who has been longing to talk about it with a mature listener.The crooked made straightSo how does a local church make straight what has become so crooked? Here are some specific suggestions:1. Sponsor a youth program series specifically for young men that deals with sexual sin and virtue in a biblical context. The leader should encourage an open discussion about the temptations, fears, and pressures that teens are facing regarding their personal and sexual development. There should also be an opportunity for one-on-one interaction between the leader and teens who need to talk privately about their situation. Focus on the Family and Josh McDowell Ministries offer helpful materials for programs like this.2. Sponsor a Bible study and life-application series for adult single and married men that encourages sexual purity in behavior and thought. This could include discussions that range from how to avoid pornography while on a business trip to how to foster virtuous interaction with women, both inside and outside marriage, according to Jesus’ example. Promise Keepers is an excellent resource for programs and materials.3. Encourage pastors to speak out clearly against fornication, adultery, and abortion, while communicating a message of compassion with specific directions for those who want to repent of these sins. Pastors should emphasize the responsibility that men bear for crisis pregnancy and abortion, while breaking the myth that these are mainly secular problems.4. Find out about the nearest crisis-pregnancy center and the services they can offer your church, how to refer an unmarried couple faced with a crisis pregnancy, and how to do an effective abstinence presentation among your teens. Many centers will provide experienced abstinence speakers. You can also find out how the church can become involved in the ministry of the local crisis-pregnancy center. (Contact Care Net for information on the crisis-pregnancy center nearest you.)5. Encourage a male leader to seek training and the materials necessary to lead a post-abortion Bible study and peer-support group. Once this leader is ready, your church could publicize the symptoms of post-abortion syndrome among men and invite men within the community to take part in the Bible study. The invitation could be announced among area churches and even through local newspapers. (Care Net provides an annual training conference for leaders of men’s post-abortion Bible studies, as well as a Bible-study curriculum. Fathers and Brothers Ministry also provides helpful materials and training.)The healing process for the father of an aborted child begins with the realization that he is the father of the child who is now dead, and that he is responsible for what has happened. The realization needs to occur regardless of how long ago the abortion happened, whether he was a Christian at the time, or whether he encouraged the abortion. The next step is to experience grief for the loss of the unborn child and grief over his sins that led to an unplanned pregnancy and abortion. The next stage for the post-abortive father is to study the Scriptures that focus on God’s mercy through Jesus Christ, to seek the help of a mature Christian, and to pray in specific terms for God’s forgiveness. Next, he needs to come to a better understanding of God’s definition of manliness and the virtues of commitment, sacrifice, provision, protection, and unselfish intimacy. He should consciously begin to practice these virtues toward his wife and children, if he has them, and toward others within his sphere of influence. It is recommended that those seeking forgiveness and healing from a past abortion do so with the help of a mature lay leader or professional Christian counselor.As long as promiscuity and abortion within the church are ignored or remain a secret, they will continue to spread like an ebola virus through the body of Christ. Nevertheless, repentance and speaking the truth about these sins will eradicate the disease and bring healing through Christ to those already exposed. Reaching out to men before and after abortion is not only an essential ministry for strengthening the body of Christ, it offers a powerful opportunity for evangelism among those who long for healing in their broken lives.Brad was a sophomore in medical school and thought he had all the answers. To him, his wife’s pregnancy at this stage was just a blob. They were not believers at the time he encouraged her to have the abortion, but the grief that followed is what caused him to seek God.Now, 15 years later, he tells the story, clearing his throat when he gets to the part when he says how grateful he is that God has forgiven him. It was the relentless gnawing inside, “a pain of the heart,” a near breakup in his marriage, and a series of nightmares that led Brad to a point of desperation. Brad and his wife found help through a local church community, and specifically through a support group and Bible study for fathers of aborted children. He and his family are now active leaders in their church, and Brad is involved in a campus ministry that promotes abstinence and includes a crisis-pregnancy outreach. Brad says, “This whole experience has taught me that there’s a God who cares for me and loves me and forgave the worst thing that a man could do.”—Guy Condon is president of Care Net, an affiliation of more than 400 crisis-pregnancy centers.“Fatherhood Aborted,” by Guy Condon, Christianity Today, December 1996 ................
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