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BIBLICAL SOUL CARE: Discernment and CounselBiblical Discernment: Knowing your People WellKnow well the condition of your flocks, and give attention to your herds. –Proverbs 27:23It has been said by many, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you Care.” Caring for people in Small Groups is:Preventative (James 5:19-20) Intentional (Hebrews 3:12-14) Directive (Hebrews 12:15) Godly Assessment (Proverbs 18:13, 17)“Exegete the person and exegete the Word with equal diligence.”- David Powlison, Illustrative Counseling “The details make both your life and God’s Scripture interesting. The details matter because Jesus finds each one of us in our particulars. And it is noteworthy that, in finding us Jesus never ministers by rote. Because people and circumstances are not clones, there is no boilerplate in his conversations, friendships, or preaching. No distilled formula. No abstract generalizations. No “Just do x” sorts of advice. Because situations and persons come unscriptripted, fluid, and unpredictable, Jesus engages each person and situation in a personalized way. It is no truism to say that Jesus really does meet you where you are. Always. Scripture does the same. No boilerplate. The Holy Spirit makes words personal.”“Ministry, Scripture, and the Spirit speak variously, so be careful how you generalize about sanctification. This is why any two wise, godly friends will speak differently into your life, even addressing the same situation…When two friends say the same thing, or when you say the same thing to every struggler, it is probably a pat answer.”- David Powlison, How Does Sanctification Work?W.A.L.K.WATCHASKLearn to ask questions that lead you to the heart of the issue.“If you really want to understand what is important to a person, find out where he feels needy. Values become desires, desires become demands, and demands get expressed in counseling as ‘needs.’”- Paul TrippLISTENListen to understand where someone is, don’t move to problem solving too quickly.“Don’t go after the obvious too soon.”- Jeremy Lalek“To listen properly, a servant’s attitude and posture is necessary. It requires us to put our whole inner and outer man at another person’s disposal, saying, ‘Your interests, concerns, problems, successes, or failures are more important than mine. I will listen to whatever you have to say as long as it is biblically proper. I will allow you to express yourself fully. I yield myself to you. Let’s focus on what’s most important to you rather than on what is most important to me.” - Wayne Mack, Your Family, God’ WayKNOWAs you care for your people, try to get to the “root issues” and determine the “S.O.S.”Knowing Their S.O.S.SeverityHow difficult is this for you right now?How long has it been going on?Is it getting better or worse ? OwnershipHow have you contributed to this situation? Where have you sought counsel regarding this? Have you listened and implemented the godly counsel? SupportDo you have godly friends? Do they know about this?How have they helped you?Scoring:To find the score, add your severity, ownership, and support scores together. You should then have a score between 3 and 30. The following ranges will help you decide what to do next. Remember, these ranges are guidelines; next steps should be determined by a cases-by-case basis.3-15: Care for in group; consult with your Coach 16-24: Consult with your Coach; possibly refer to Pastoral Counseling 25-30: Refer to Pastor/Elder for formal counseling Case Example:Bill is in your group and you find out his wife caught him looking at pornography. He admits it was not the first time. He sees the problem and knows it is sin. He then tries to minimize the magnitude of the situation and misses an opportunity to fully repent or empathize with his wife’s pain (he’s blame shifting – “if she would only be more intimate with me more frequently I wouldn’t struggle so much”). He has great support from the guys in the group but has been hiding (he has never mentioned this before with them and has been in the group for a year and a half). He just told the group the truth this week. Score:Issue is getting caught looking at porn- Severity?7-8Sees the sin but still minimizes- Ownership?6-7He talks to guys in group but never admitted how bad this was- Support?6-7Total: 19-22Need help? Take your S.O.S. to your Coach to discuss next steps.TARGETING THE HEART. NOT BEHAVIORPsychology may be able to describe the problem, but the Bible provides the solution.Secular counsel targets the BEHAVIOR(Colossians 2:8).Psychology is descriptive. It describes what is doing on at a symptom level. People are sorted into four types of mental illness: disruptive, impulsive, depressive, and anxiety. What’s wrong with that? People see it as a lifelong identity and get no real answers or “cure.”“(Secular Psychologies) are wrong. They are committed to be wrong because every single one is committed to say, in the last analysis, that people are not sinners.” -David Powlison“What happens even in successful “psychotherapy” is the rehabilitation of old gods, not the giving of a new God who is the one living and true God.”- David PowlisonBiblical counsel targets the HEART(Hebrews 4:12). “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.”- Hebrews 4:12The world “describes” the problem, but God’s Word “prescribes” transforming solutions.We have the right assessment (pride/unbelief), the right diagnosis (worshiping or serving something other than God), and the right solutions (targeting the affections of the heart with specific Scripture and heart change).FROM FRUIT TO ROOT ISSUES“The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of his heart his mouth speaks.”- Luke 6:45Ask, “What do you want most?” or, “What would upset you the most if you lost it?” to begin to expose motives. USING HEART REVEALING QUESTIONS“The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out.”- Proverbs 20:5What was the situation and how did you respond?Think about how the situation squeezed the heart. What fruit came out in words and actions?What were you thinking/feeling?What thinking patterns or feelings affected your interpretation of the situation? How did this influence their specific response?What did you want?What desires have become demands? Where did those demands ultimately point to root issues that expose a predominate heart issue?Case ExamplesThe following examples reveal four predominate heart attitudes and will help you get ready to practice drawing out the heart in everyday life.Disruptive DanFruit: Critical and harsh.Trunk: “You irritate me!” “I need to be right.”Root: I want control; I cannot afford to lose respect.Sad SusanFruit: Self-absorbed and withdrawnTrunk: “You wouldn’t understand.” “I feel so alone.”Root: I want comfort; I need affirmation.Boisterous BillFruit: Loud and inappropriate.Trunk: “You need to pay attention to me.” “I am not the problem.”Root: I want self-gratification; I need to be the center of attention. Anxious AnneFruit: Nervous and a people pleaser.Trunk: “You don’t like me.” “I am unlovable.”Root: I want security; I need people to like me. Biblical Counsel: Speaking the Truth in LoveBy being a leader who is:CARINGenough to ASK (proverbs 20:5; Galatians 6:1-2; Hebrews 3:12-13)WISE enough to point to SCRIPTURE (Psalm 19:7-11; Romans 15:14; Eph. 4:15)HUMBLE enough to PRAY (1 Samuel 12:23; Philippians 2:4; 1 Peter 5:6-9).By acknowledging the GOOD and the HARD first; beginning with COMPASSION.“As a general rule, we want to see the good in others and their hard circumstances before we see the bad. That seems wise, and it fits the style of the Apostle Paul’s letters.” - Ed Welch, Side by Side. “As Christians, we are all a combination of saint, sinner, and sufferer (CrossTalk, Mike Emlet). This is not to say that there are portions of us that are saved and portions that are unsaved. There are parts of us that emphasize one aspect of our identity, but all three are necessary for a balanced Christian walk. We must strive to have a well-balanced view of our identity in Jesus. Saint, sinner, sufferer — all three must have their voice, all three must be ministered to, and all three must minister to others.”Josh Squires, Desiring God 11/9/15See the GoodHave you ever pointed out facets of the character of God you see in them? Have you called their attention to evidences of God’s grace working in their life?Acknowledge the Hard CircumstancesThe general reasons people seek counsel (or help) is to: 1) alleviate current suffering and/or 2) prevent future suffering.The general reasons people suffer:The heart of a person (in relation to God, to other people, and to self).The relational circumstances of a person (suffering direct or indirect attack from other’s sin and/or from demonic influence or pressure).The natural circumstances of a person (the ramifications of the curse, suffering in our natural body or under the curse of creation).The General Reasons People SufferJohn Henderson, Equipped to CounselStart with Compassion“From my point of view, it is critical for the biblical counselor to commence the counseling process with compassion for the suffering of those being served no matter what the immediate source of the suffering. There will be time, Lord willing, to address personal responsibility and matters of the heart, but the first hour or two of counseling (depending on the counselee and his or her presenting concerns) is best focused on the gathering of information and expressing compassion for the counselee in light of his or her suffering and pain.”- John Henderson, Equipped to Counsel By assessing the root issue (Proverbs 20:5)Exegete the person and exegete the Word with equal diligence.”- David PowlisonGeneral principle: We don’t have to talk about every sin we witness or suspect. Just deal with one at a time (Proverbs 10:12; 1 Peter 4:8).Remember the four types of people you are likely to encounter in your small group?Questions they are AskingDan: Is God just? Is God fair? Bill: Is God enough? Is He sufficient? Susan: Does God care? Is He good?Anne: an I trust God? Does He havemy back? Is He sovereign? By pointing to specific scriptures (Hebrews 4:12; Psalm 19:7-11)God’s Word is like a two-edged sword. It’s also like a mirror that exposes everything. Once we have the right biblical diagnosis, we can be very specific with where to go in the Scriptures to bring conviction and hope. “Connect one bit of Scripture to one bit of life. Always ask two questions of yourself and others: What is your current struggle? What about God in Christ connects to this?”-David Powlison, Speaking the Truth in Love: Counsel in Community Paradoxical GrowthDan: Submit and yield to God. Bill: Pray for more of God. Increasedesire for more pleasure in Him.Susan: Lament to and hope in God.Anne: Fear God. Learn to worship and trust Him.The Right Approach to Your People“And we encourage you, brothers, admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.”- 1 Thessalonians 5:14Check your Heart.It’s about a _BLEND_ _______, not balance (John 1:14).It’s about _CONVICTION__ _____, not condemnation (Proverbs 28:13).It’s about _HOPE__ ______, not shame (1 Peter 1:13-18).“It is almost always unhelpful to give advice to someone who is troubled unless the troubled asks. Advice is what we would do in another’s situation, even though we might never have been in that situation. It typically sounds teacher like, and it bypasses compassion. It is rarely personal. So, hold back your advice unless it is requested.”-Ed Welch, Caring for One Another Know the Risks and Root Issues _WHEN____ do I approach? (Consider the S.O.S.)Severity often drives urgency, but ownership should dictate our efforts, and support should set the pace for our plans. __HOW do I approach? (Consider the fruit)Fruit gives us hints on how to approach and support.__WHERE do I go in Scripture? (Consider the root)Using the fruit-to-root diagnostic will make the difference between hitting the target and hitting the bull’s eye. DEVELOP A CARE PLAN“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”- Proverbs 15:22Remember the following Rules of Confidentiality before you talk to others about the person you are caring for.RULES OF RMED CONSENT2.NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS3.CIRCLE OF TRUSTED ADVISORS ONLY4.ABSOLUTE DISCRETION, NOT ABSOLUTE CONFIDENTIALITY By Consulting Your Leader Get WISE COUNSELCoaches or pastors might be more experienced and objective in helping you see the group member accurately.Get CONFIRMATION.Agreement in prayer and discernment of level of need and root issues is very helpful.Get CLARITYon next steps.Often we can get stuck on knowing if our next move is wise or best. The consultation allows you to come up with a clear and practical plan of action.By Giving Heart Targeting HomeworkCONSIDERthe root issue before assigning homework.Remember that using the fruit to root diagnostic helps clarify what homework assignment will address the root issue best.ASSESStheir ownership by reviewing assignments with them.It helps assess how motivated and teachable the person seeking care really is.REASSESS S.O.S. based on the assignment given and adjust care plan.Did the completion of the assignment change your sense of severity or ownership?By Following Up and Through Give them CLEAR EXPECTATIONSand a timetable.Give them a date to get things back to you and commit to following up with them.Call, email, or text to ENCOURAGEthem.Ask how they are doing, pray with them, and/or give them Scripture or another resource.If needed, MAKE SURE the baton is passed to the right level of care.You are not done until they are clearly in the hands of a coach or pastor. ................
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