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Activity: what does good listening look like? Step 1Take some time to read through the handout, provided with this worksheet, on active listening skills (5 minutes).Step 2In pairs, one person takes the role of the listener and the other takes the role of the speaker.The speaker should spend one minute describing the journey they took to get to this event.The listener should deliberately NOT follow any of the advice on active listening, with no verbal or non-verbal encouragement, no eye contact, closed body language and using blocks to listening, such as comparing, derailing etc.After one minute, the listener should ask the speaker how they felt while they were talking (1 minute). Repeat the activity, but this time the speaker should spend one minute describing the best meal they have had recently. The listener should now try hard to actively listen, using as many of the tips in the handout as possible.After one minute, have another discussion about how both the speaker and the listener felt. How can you ensure that, during your District conversations, active listening is encouraged? (2 minutes)Handout: what does active listening look like?Active listening is listening carefully and accurately when another person is speaking to us. It is much more difficult, and takes more effort and energy, than many of us realise.Non-verbal listening skills include:Adequate eye contact, which doesn’t mean staring hard at another person! Gently shift your gaze from the person’s face to another body part (such as a gesturing hand or tapping foot) and then back to the face. Occasionally move your gaze away from the person, but not for long periods of time. Be natural.Non-verbal prompts, such as a nodding head, appropriate facial gestures and strategic silences. Silence, whilst sometimes uncomfortable, can allow someone space to reflect on what has been said or how they feel.Encouraging body language, for instance unfolded arms, shows openness and receptivity. Relax your own body and try to sit facing the speaker, leaning forward slightly without invading their personal space.Verbal listening skills include:Encouraging: “Tell me more...”Acknowledging: “I see...”Checking: “Am I right thinking you said...?”Clarifying: “I’m not sure I understand...”Affirming: “I appreciate you being open with me...”Empathy: “I understand why you are worried...”Open-ended questions: “How do you feel about that?”Reflecting: “You look happy about that!”Summarising: “It seems there are several things concerning you...”Things to avoid:Talking about yourself.Changing the subject or ‘derailing’, e.g. making a joke.Advising, diagnosing, criticising, being right, having the last word.Thinking ahead about (or rehearsing) what you will say next.Ignoring or denying the speaker’s feelings.Pretending you understand if you don’t, paring (“In my experience...”).Mind-reading, looking for hidden meanings and second-guessing.Handout: what does a good conversation look like?In the interests of a broad, inclusive, respectful conversation, you may want to remind those who participate in the District conversations of the following: A good conversation is:Not about striving for disagreement or agreement but striving for empathy.Helped by a commitment from all involved to actively engaging in other people’s worlds and their thoughts. Aided by thinking about what other people feel. While listening to someone, ask yourself questions such as ‘How would I feel in that situation?’, ‘What would I have done?’ ‘How does that person think, what is her world view?’ rather than, ‘How can I counter that argument?’Something that requires respect to others on all sides. Point scoring and name calling can have no place in a listening process. Words need to be chosen carefully to avoid offence.Something else to consider:In every conversation you face a critical choice – to suspend or defend your own position – your own embedded patterns of seeing, thinking and feeling. If you choose to defend your position then there’s a good chance you could have a stimulating, skilful discussion and debate. However, bearing in mind that we are seeking to learn from one another – rather than arguing until one side gains a victory – a better choice is to suspend your own position and leave yourself open to hearing what others have to say. This can lead to reflective dialogue and a generative discussion.centerbottom ................
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